by Brenda Novak
She felt his breath as he laughed. “We can make up for lost time,” he said and went back to work.
“Wow, you really... You really know what you’re doing.” Her words came out in a whisper. She couldn’t seem to talk any louder. She was struggling just to breathe. She tried to grip the sides of the pool table but couldn’t reach them, so she clenched her hands in his hair.
“That’s it,” he said. “Show me you like it. You’re making me so hard.”
“I do like it. I don’t think I’ve ever liked anything this much.”
He slid his hands under her to give him better access. “Then you’re in for a treat.”
“Oh, God,” she moaned as the suction of his mouth caused every nerve to hum with anticipation.
When her legs began to tremble, she felt his strong hands squeeze her ass, encouraging her to succumb to the pleasure he was giving her—and it wasn’t more than a few seconds before one of the most powerful climaxes she’d ever experienced made her whole body jerk.
“One down. Many more to go,” he said with satisfaction. “Now, let’s go up to my bed.”
19
Yes, this was what he needed, Hudson decided. A woman. Ellie in particular. He’d thought of her so often since that night in September. Hard to believe he had her back, and that she was once again naked beneath him. Although sex wouldn’t change what he’d learned, at least he couldn’t think about anything else right now. He was too consumed with desire. With touching her smooth, soft skin. With the small bump that proved she had his baby inside her. With hearing the little sighs that told him she was enjoying his body as much as he was enjoying hers. With the thrust of her tongue against his and, especially, the exquisite sensation of pressing inside a woman for the first time without wearing a condom. It was all so visceral and present that nothing else could get through.
Until it was over. Then, as he lay spent in her arms, everything he’d been hoping to avoid—the words the private investigator had spoken—scraped through his mind like barbed wire.
Shit. He closed his eyes in an attempt to shut out the memory. He wouldn’t accept that version of events. He’d make up something else, a far more pleasing scenario, like the one he’d so often daydreamed about as a kid, in which some evil man stole him away from loving parents with whom he’d eventually be reunited. But as Ellie’s fingers caressed his cheek, soothing him almost as if he were a child, he felt such an upwelling of emotion—and he was just drunk and exhausted enough that he didn’t have anything left to battle it.
“Hudson?” she murmured.
Hearing the confusion in her voice, he blinked quickly, trying to staunch the tears that were dripping onto her breast.
He didn’t answer. He hoped she’d assume the wetness was merely perspiration. But when another teardrop fell, and then another, he felt her kiss his forehead. “Are you okay?”
The concern in her voice was as soothing as her touch. She was so damn soft and kind. But the gratitude he felt to have her with him in this moment only put him at more of a disadvantage. He wasn’t okay. He should never have hired a private investigator, should never have searched for his parents.
He opened his mouth to say something flippant and careless, anything to throw her off the track of what he was really feeling. But to his horror, more tears came instead.
Holding him tighter, she kissed his temple and smoothed back his hair until all the tears were gone and he was too tired to even apologize before drifting off to sleep.
* * *
Ellie listened to Hudson’s steady breathing. She was blown away by what had just happened, never saw it coming. Hudson wouldn’t even tell her what was wrong, which was why she’d been so shocked when those tears began to fall. Then he’d tensed, trying so hard to reel in his emotions that the opposite had occurred, and those few tears had acted like a crack in a dam that had suddenly given way.
At least he finally seemed calm. She was glad she’d come to bed with him, if only for the companionship and peace it had brought him. But the fact that his state of mind mattered so much to her indicated something she didn’t care to face. She tried to tell herself it was natural to be concerned about the father of her child, but she’d had tears rolling down her own cheeks the entire time he’d been crying. She’d known that if this was happening to such a strong man, he had to be torn up inside, and she couldn’t stand the thought of him feeling so much pain.
Earlier, when she’d questioned him about what was wrong, he’d admitted that it had to do with his childhood. Had one of his foster mothers or fathers died? Had he learned why he was abandoned? Or who’d abandoned him? What?
She was getting in too deep. She needed to go to her own room so they could try to start over in the morning.
Assuming he’d be grateful to forget tonight had ever happened, she inched away from him toward the edge of the mattress. But he must’ve felt the movement, because he woke up and slipped an arm around her waist to anchor her to his side. Whatever had hurt him still lurked under the surface, and he didn’t want to be alone.
Turning so she could put her arms around him again, she kissed his lips, his cheeks, his forehead. “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered and knew she’d given him the reassurance and comfort he needed when she felt him relax a few seconds later.
What was he dealing with? He had so much—success, physical beauty, talent, money—and yet he seemed listless, empty, even broken. Despite everything he’d achieved, he hadn’t outdistanced his early tragedy, his abandonment. She wanted to give the boy inside him the love he needed, but she couldn’t do that without loving the man, too. And then how would she protect her own heart? Did she dare ignore caution and let go? Give him what she was holding back in the hope that he might one day be able to care for her in return?
God, that was a risk. But when he woke up a few hours later and rolled on top of her, this time for a slow, sweet encounter during which they didn’t even speak, she knew she didn’t have much of a choice.
* * *
Although Hudson had slept soundly, he felt a measure of reluctance when it was time to get up. Last night probably hadn’t been what Ellie was expecting. Certainly nothing like that had ever happened to him before. He wasn’t even sure how it had happened. One minute he was feeling the power of a strong sexual release; the next he couldn’t staunch the tears clogging his throat and burning his eyes.
He wished he could forget breaking down, pretend it never happened. But Ellie was no longer someone who’d get up and leave and he’d never see again. She was the mother of his child, would be part of his life for the next eighteen to twenty years. He had no choice except to acknowledge his weakness and apologize for it.
Shifting onto his side, he propped his arm under his head. He was just planning what he needed to say when he realized her eyes were already open and she was looking at him. “Sorry about last night,” he said. “I don’t know what got into me.”
She slid her hands, clasped in a prayer-like position, under her cheek. “So you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. Like I said, I don’t know what got into me. I promised you a good time, and then I ruined it. I feel terrible.”
“Men have emotions, too, Hudson. Sometimes it’s better to express what you’re feeling instead of keeping it bottled up. Relieves the pressure.”
Hot embarrassment burned through him. “Not when you’re trying to make love.”
“We were done.”
“What a way to end it, huh?” He attempted a laugh, but she didn’t even crack a smile.
“It was no big deal. I’d rather you be real.”
“Well, I, for one, could live with a little less reality,” he joked.
She continued to study him. “Do you want to tell me why you were so upset?”
“Definitely not. Are you going to push me to talk about
it, anyway?”
“No.”
“Good, because I’m not sure I can explain.” It wasn’t only what he’d learned from the PI; it was the accumulation of so many things—all the hurt he’d experienced over his life, especially in his early years. Why it had come pouring out last night wasn’t clear, but he suspected it had something to do with the fact that Ellie was the first person who’d be somewhat permanent in his life. Since she was carrying his child, she couldn’t decide he was too much trouble and walk away, at least not as easily as his foster parents had.
“Then we’ll let it go,” she said.
“Thanks. I’ll try to make it up to you.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” She rolled away from him, dragging the sheet with her as she got out of bed.
“Where’re you going?” he asked when she headed for the hallway instead of the bathroom.
“I need a shower after last night.”
“Last night was good—before I blew it.”
“It was all good.”
“You liked what we did in the game room.”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“Does that mean you’ll be back for more?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“You’re not committing?” he called out, since she was now out of the room.
“No, and I’m sure you aren’t, either.”
“I can’t, Ellie. I’m not cut out for that.”
No answer.
“Ellie?”
“I’m going to make omelets for breakfast, if you want one,” she called back.
“Definitely, I’ll take one.” He started to look for his phone. He hadn’t bothered to plug it in last night, so it had to be in his pocket. When he found it, he’d just begun to text the PI, to tell him he’d made a decision, when the doorbell rang.
For a second, Hudson wondered who could’ve gotten through the security gate. Then he realized it was almost noon—plenty of time for Bruiser to have driven over from LA. The gardeners or Maggie must’ve let him in, because Hudson hadn’t heard the intercom.
Before going downstairs, he took a second to finish his text. Don’t continue to pursue the lead we talked about. If that’s the truth, I don’t want to know it. As a matter of fact, he wished he could unknow what he’d already been told. It was too late for that, but maybe he could stop what he’d started before it got any worse.
* * *
Ellie could feel Bruiser sizing her up the whole time she cooked breakfast. She’d worn the only shirt she had with a high collar—she hadn’t packed a turtleneck, hadn’t expected she’d need to cover her neck—but she was afraid he could still see the red mark Hudson had left, and it made her self-conscious. She didn’t want to come off like the average groupie; for one thing, she wasn’t, and for another, she knew that wouldn’t impress anyone. Bruiser was trying to figure out who she really was and whether her presence in his friend’s life would be positive.
“Those were delicious,” he said when she’d finally managed—after ten eggs and quite a bit of ham, cheese, spinach and onions—to fill him up. She’d never seen a more massive man. Not in real life, anyway.
She smiled as she started to clean the kitchen. “Thanks.”
“Do you think you’re going to like it out here?”
“In California? Don’t know, to be honest,” she said. “I haven’t seen much of Silver Springs. But I’m trying to keep an open mind.”
Hudson made no comment as he gathered up the dirty plates and brought them over to the sink. He’d mentioned that Maggie, the housekeeper, would be stocking the pantry and the fridge today, but he’d also admitted that he preferred cleaning up after himself—at least dishes and that sort of thing.
“It isn’t as humid in California, so you’ll be pleasantly surprised come summer,” Bruiser said.
Ellie took the knives and forks Hudson had gone back to retrieve and rinsed them off before loading them in the dishwasher. “That’s what I hear.”
Bruiser finished his milk. “Bugs in California are a lot smaller, too.”
“Another plus,” she said.
He let Hudson take his empty glass. “So you’ll be having the baby in June?”
Ellie glanced over at Hudson. He hadn’t mentioned that Bruiser was one of the two people who knew about the baby, hadn’t even told her this person was coming over. She’d gotten out of the shower to learn they had company. “I’m due on the tenth.”
He looked her up and down. “You’re a tiny thing.”
Ellie didn’t know how to react to that comment. Almost anyone would be tiny next to him. “Considering I’m five months into the pregnancy, I won’t stay this way for long.”
“There’s nothing like having a baby.”
“Bruiser and his wife have a little girl named Brianne,” Hudson cut in. “Cutest kid ever. They’re head over heels—” he grinned as he jerked his head toward Bruiser “—as you can see by that dreamy expression.”
They talked about Brianne for a few minutes and what it was like to be a father. Bruiser said Ellie had to meet his wife, Jacqueline. Then Hudson brought up the team. Apparently there were some changes taking place in management and rumors swirling about player trades. The two men were so engrossed in who might go where next season that Ellie finished loading the dishes without contributing to that part of the conversation. She figured they’d probably like some time alone—if only to be able to talk freely about her—so she started to excuse herself.
Just then, Hudson received a phone call.
“It’s Aaron. I’m going to take it. Give me a few minutes,” he said and stepped out of the kitchen.
Ellie could hear the drone of Hudson’s voice as he walked away and wondered if everything was okay. He’d told her about Aaron and what the boy had so recently dealt with; she knew he was worried the chemo wouldn’t be successful. Undoubtedly that had contributed, to some degree, to what had occurred last night. But there was something else going on, something Hudson wouldn’t talk about.
“So you met Hudson at a club,” Bruiser said when Hudson was gone.
Ellie hung up the dish towel she’d used to dry her hands. She could hardly excuse herself now. She needed to stay and entertain Bruiser until Hudson returned. “Yeah. Kind of ironic, since I don’t usually frequent those places.”
“Hudson told me you’re a scientist.”
“I am. Or I was—before I quit my job. I’ll go back to immunology after the baby.”
“You must be a little frightened of the future, given your situation and the fact that you don’t know Hudson very well.”
She was frightened. She hadn’t anticipated her life taking such a drastic turn. The unknown, what might happen, worried her, but she was more concerned that every time she looked at Hudson it felt as if the floor was falling out from under her—and that sensation only seemed to be getting more pronounced. Hudson had apologized for breaking down last night, but holding him like that, feeling his pain and helping to soothe it, had made her feel closer to him than she’d thought possible.
She was falling in love with the unattainable.
“I’m tentatively hopeful.” She was attempting to throw Bruiser off the scent of what was really going on in her heart and mind, but he was more intuitive than she’d expected.
“He’s a good man, Ellie. One of the best.”
“Thanks for the reassurance.”
He gave her a look that said “Not so fast.” “There is one thing...”
At the solemnity of his words, she took a deep breath to prepare herself. “And that is...”
“He struggles with trust. He had so many foster parents give up on him, send him back. He can’t believe anyone will stick it out through the rough patches.”
She’d read about his childhoo
d, knew from last night that the rejection had left a lifelong impact. “Are you trying to tell me it would be a waste of time to...to hope for a meaningful connection with him?”
“I’m trying to tell you it won’t be easy, but it’d be worth the effort,” he replied with a wink.
Surprised that he’d taken her into his confidence so quickly, she moved closer. She was interested in learning more about Hudson’s demons—those newspaper articles hadn’t divulged nearly enough, and last night had whetted her curiosity—but Hudson walked back into the room at that moment, and Bruiser acted as if they’d been engaged only in small talk.
“How’s Aaron?” he asked.
“Fine,” Hudson replied. “They have a new kid at the school who’s acting out. Aaron thinks I might be able to reach him. I said I’d head over.”
“To New Horizons?”
“Yeah. I told him I’d bring you with me.”
Bruiser got to his feet. “Let’s go.”
Hudson turned to Ellie.
“Don’t worry about me.” She raised both hands for emphasis. “I’m going to get settled in, maybe go into town to explore.”
“Great. Keys to the Porsche are upstairs on my dresser.”
“Thanks,” she said, but she had no plans to drive his car.
* * *
Hudson ended up spending much longer at the school than he’d intended. The boy who was “acting out” threatened to kill himself, so Hudson had contacted Aiyana, who’d called in one of the psychologists under contract with the school. By the time the psychologist reassured them that the new student would be okay, off-season weight training for the New Horizons football team was about to start, and once the boys knew Bruiser was in town, they were begging Hudson to bring him.
The students loved interacting with Bruiser. He spent more time wrestling and play-fighting with them than he did spotting with the weights, but so many of the students needed the attention, especially from a man as well-adjusted and easy to love as Bruiser.
Bruiser talked Hudson into going to the field afterward to throw a football with the guys who were the most reluctant to see them leave.
