But neither thing happened.
In fact, the last thing I expected happened.
Helena continued to look up at me, her face shifting to form an expression I wasn’t sure I’d seen from her in a long time. She looked concerned for something, although what it was, I couldn’t exactly say. She seemed worried as she gazed up at me, her body shifting so that she could bring herself to her feet.
“Diana…” she said as she maneuvered to her knees. “What happened to you? Are you all right? Were you wounded?”
My sadness turned to confusion at her unexpected shift in demeanor and the words she’d spoken. I didn’t think I was wounded, but I suppose somewhere along the way I may have been shot with an arrow or been cut on a sword just lying on the ground and hadn’t noticed.
I glanced down, and saw for the first time just how much of a mess I was. I was filthy with mud and blood covered every inch of my arms from the elbows down, and even more caked my clothing, scattered in dark splotches. As Helena was getting to her feet, a slow and careful process after she had been laying for so long, I tried to find answers that would help her understand my appearance.
Instead, I simply stood there voicelessly mouthing words, too exhausted and shell-shocked to find them.
“Oh, Artie,” Helena said as she took a step forward, placing a hand on my shoulder. “What happened?”
“I…” I started to say, finally finding my words. “I… I… was with James…”
Helena opened her mouth but then closed it quickly as she looked away, her eyes narrow and her mouth turned downward.
“I…” I started again, the emptiness inside of me refilling with memories and visions of the past few hours. “I was helping the wounded. So many died, Helena. For what? For what?? It was so senseless. All so senseless. But I think… I think I can do it now.”
Helena looked back at me, raising a hand to her mouth. “Do what, Artie?”
“What you asked me weeks ago,” I said, trying to steel myself for my answer. “Pull the trigger when it matters.”
I was trembling now, unable to hold myself upright any longer, and I wasn’t certain if my instability was the result of simple fatigue or if shock was settling in. All I wanted was to fall to the ground, crumple into a heap, and cry.
But Helena was not going to let that happen. Within heartbeats, she had me wrapped in a strong and supportive hug, her hand pressing my head against her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Artie,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”
“How, Helena…” I spurted, squeezing her so tightly I might have hurt her. “How do you do it? Live with it?
Her next words were spoken around what I could only guess were actual tears, another unexpected but welcome reaction from her. “I don’t know, Artie,” she said tenderly. “I don’t know. We just … do. We… focus on the better things, I… guess.”
The way she spoke suggested the only person she was trying to convince was herself, but as empathy returned to her voice, what few tears I’d shed had all but dried up as Helena and I stood wrapped up in a hug. I found myself suddenly too happy to cry, as I knew in that moment that I had found a way to break through Helena’s shell of self-damnation. I hadn’t expected or ever hoped that it would take something like the events of the day to snap her from it, but I would take it.
Helena was a caring and compassionate individual in better times; it was easy to see. She was just like my mom, which made it easy to see why Jacob had fallen in love with her, but Helena cared almost too deeply sometimes, and carried within her an anger that didn’t always mix well with pessimism. It’s what made her different from Jacob. Whereas Jacob would simply wrap himself in a cocoon of self-denial and doubt, Helena went on a rampage.
I’d almost thought recovering Jacob was the only way to break the spell over her, but after today, I was convinced I could help her. I knew that she wasn’t healed completely, but I was certainly going to exploit the progress she’s made while I could. All the sadness and emptiness I’d felt over the battle was gone now, replaced instead with hope, will, and a determination that I could fix all this.
I pulled away from Helena and brushed what was left of my tears from my cheeks, and she did the same. The two of us looked at each other, and I couldn’t help but chuckle, and again, Helena joined in. We laughed and coughed around drying tears, enjoying the moment while we could. I was alive, Helena was alive, and something of an understanding had come between us.
Helena was still chuckling as she pressed her hands against her cheeks, and shook her head from side to side as though in disbelief. “I’m so sorry, Artie. Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I think so,” I admitted. “Thank you. It means a lot that you were so quick to comfort me, more than you know.”
Helena bit her lip and looked away. “I guess… I guess I just realized how much you mean to me, Artie. When I saw you like this… I was terrified of what might have happened to you. I’m so glad you’re okay. I couldn’t bear to lose you too.”
I smiled, continuing to hold onto her shoulder more for physical support now than anything else. “I don’t want anything to happen to you either, Helena. I hope you understand that.”
“I do,” she said with nod, her mouth shifting into a smirk. “This is what friends are for, isn’t it?”
“It’s more than that, Helena,” I said, pulling her in for another quick hug. “This is what family is for. I need it, you need it, and Jacob needs it more than any of us.”
She patted my back and pulled away, offering me a supportive smile. “Thanks.”
I rubbed her arm comfortingly and took hold of it so I that I could lead her away from Alex, who continued to sleep atop his sniper rifle, snoring softly as he recuperated from the day’s endeavors. He’d be fine, and while Helena and I needed our rest as well, it seemed better to find our sleeping gear and take the entire night off in comfort rather than plunk down beside him. I knew that I, for one, would sleep soundly because, although I was exhausted beyond description, I could rest easily knowing that I was now certain of my role in all this.
It felt right that Helena and I had been able to comfort one another. After everything we’d been through, it was obvious that we were bound together. Whether it was because of our shared love for Jacob, or simply because we’d found the friend in the other again, I was just glad to have her back. John was a perfectly good companion in his own charmingly unique way, but there was something comforting about having her with me.
I’d always wanted a sister.
***
The battle had continued well into the night, persisting long after Helena and I finally found our haphazardly gathered gear that had been dragged up the hill by noncombatants assigned to the legion and left near all the other gear inside their hastily created fort. I was operating on autopilot, barely able to move, but Helena scrambled into our cart and tore through our supplies to find her tent, seemingly as fresh and clearheaded as she’d been this morning.
I could have questioned her impressive stamina as I waited impatiently for her to find the tent and sleeping gear, but didn’t. I was too tired, and was distracted when she finally threw down a pair of sleeping bags, which I collected off the ground as she leapt off the cart with the tent in her arms.
She grabbed me underneath my arm and helped me stand, gently nudging me forward as she guided us to where we normally made camp within the expansive legion encampment. It was still being constructed in this late hour by legionnaires who had returned from the battlefield, while others continued to fight miles away. I wasn’t sure if the fighting would last through the night, or if they would just decide to stop and pick up again in the morning, but my part in it was certainly over.
Helena and I found our spot, already cleared neatly by legionnaires who knew our habits by now. I sat on the ground and cleaned the blood and mud from my skin while Helena went to work pitching the tent. She was done in seconds, and I immediately crawled inside to s
pread out my bedroll and sleeping bag. Finished with my bedding, I reached into a bag I’d brought along and pulled out a fresh change of clothes and quickly donned them, tossing the soiled clothing outside before squeezing myself into my sleeping bag. Helena came in a moment later and carefully laid out her gear, changed her clothes as well, and plopped herself down on top of her own sleeping bag.
I immediately found myself comforted. She and I had been roommates for a few months while Jacob had been under the orb’s influence, and I’d enjoyed the company more than I’d ever told her. I’d missed her presence since he’d left and was glad to have her back.
I rolled onto my side so I could face her, finding her on her back and staring up at the ceiling. She didn’t seem in the least bit sleepy, even though I could barely keep my eyes open, but I managed to reach out a hand and squeeze her arm. She looked at me and offered me a small smile.
I returned it. “I’m glad you’re here, Helena,” I said. “With everything going on outside, I could really use the company tonight.”
She reached over her stomach with her free hand and patted my own. “Me too, Artie.”
I let go of her arm and tightened my mouth in appreciation, but didn’t look away from her. I was tired, ready to simply wink out of reality as sleep took over, but I couldn’t miss this opportunity to finally dig deeper into the mystery that was Helena’s recovery. I still couldn’t get over it, no one really could, and as this was the most amicable the two of us had been since Jacob’s exile. I had to take advantage of the opportunity.
“Helena,” I said, and waited until she caught my eye, “listen, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you have to tell me what happened right before Jacob left.”
“Artie…”
“No, Helena, I’m worried about you. All we know is what James told us – that Jacob gave you some kind of serum from Merlin – but nobody has any idea what that means. What did it do to you? I know you might not totally understand either, but you can’t keep it to yourself forever.”
She stared at me, unblinking, and didn’t answer.
“Helena?” I pressed, demanding my answers.
Finally, she blinked her eyes, but still she didn’t speak. Instead, she leaned away from me and rummaged for something in her pack. I watched in interest, wondering what she was looking for, but then she turned over again, shifting this time so that she lay on her side facing me. In her right hand was a dagger, not a big one like John’s or one of Roman origin, but a sharp and dangerous looking one all the same.
I looked at it with wide eyes. “What are you…”
“I didn’t want to say anything,” Helena said, glancing up at me, “because I was scared that by showing you, that it would turn out to be real.”
“I don’t understand.”
She shook her head slowly and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to believe it, but I wasn’t sure I could to tell anyone but Jacob once I found him, but now… now I think I want to show you more than anything in the world.”
“Show me what?” I asked, confused at her nonsense explanation.
What could possibly have her so spooked?
She opened her eyes and looked at me very seriously. “Do you believe in magic, Diana?”
“Of course not,” I answered quickly, the odd route our conversation had taken giving me the strength to carry on for a few more minutes.
“Even after everything we’ve seen and been through?”
“Of course,” I said. “Just because we don’t understand the orb or this Merlin character doesn’t immediately mean we’re dealing with magic.”
Helena pursed her lips and nodded, but then she lifted her knife and pressed it to her forearm. “Then how do you explain this?” She asked, as she cut into her arm and pulled the knife toward her wrist.
Blood started to gush from the wound, and I was too dumbfounded to react or do much more than stare at her arm in horror. I wanted to scream, but was too tired, wanted to clamp down on the wound and save her life, but couldn’t find the energy to do so. Helena, for her part, was as calm as she’d been a minute ago, barely even reacting to what I thought must have been an extremely painful wound.
Blood started to drip from her arm, but Helena dropped her dagger and moved her hand to catch the pooling blood. It seemed like a fruitless gesture, as surely she’d nicked her radial artery, but then the blood seemed to simply dry up and stop. Helena reached with her bloody hand and found a piece of cloth and dragged it across her forearm, and my eyes widened in amazement as her forearm was wiped dry, revealing nothing but a long, pink scar that while quite visible now, seemed the kind of blemish that would eventually fade with time.
Where Helena had cut herself, there was basically nothing.
I looked up into her eyes, and I found her on the verge of tears again as she in turn couldn’t take her own eyes off of her arm. I glanced back down at the pink scar and remnants of smeared blood.
Which was when I must have fainted, because that was the last thing I remembered of that night.
***
When I finally awoke, I had no idea how long I’d been out, but the bright sunshine from beyond the tent confirmed that it was well past dawn. I struggled up into a sitting position, yawning and stretching my arms high over my head as I pulled myself upright, surprised to realize that I felt quite refreshed. Yesterday had been one of the most taxing days of my life, and I would have expected to have slept for days after the ordeal – which I suppose could have been the reality of the situation as it was possible that I’d slept for well over twenty four hours.
I closed my eyes and stretched my neck left, then right, and opened them again, catching sight of Helena beside me, still asleep. I smiled at the sight of her, Jacob’s jokes about how heavy of a sleeper having been confirmed to me months ago when we’d bunked together. At least she didn’t snore, which had come as a welcome surprise, as I couldn’t stand noise when trying to sleep.
The morning – or afternoon – seemed quite peaceful within our tent, the sounds of movement outside distant and contained, not hectic as it had been during the battle. I took comfort in that, knowing that the lack of excitement outside meant we were safe and that the battle had either been taken far away or was over completely.
But my serenity was broken by the sound of my stomach grumbling violently, churning loudly like the base of a waterfall for the short moment that it lasted. My first thought was that it may have wakened Helena, but then I realized the silliness of such a thought and smiled. Still, I glanced at her to confirm she remained asleep, which she was, but then she shifted a bit in her sleep causing her arm to reveal itself, and the memory of what she’d done returned.
The scar was still there, long and pink along her forearm, but it appeared improbably fainter. It didn’t seem possible that it could have faded as much as it had in so short a time, but neither did the fact that it had healed instantaneously. I leaned in close to Helena’s arm as it lay by her side, but couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary – besides what I’d witnessed last night.
I shuddered as the image sprang to my mind again, and in a panic, I scrambled away from Helena. I exited the tent and sealed it closed behind, the motion jittery and imprecise, and stumbled backward, away from it as quickly as I could, but not wanting to avert my eyes. I scrambled, having no idea where I was going, and paid for my lack of attentiveness when I slammed into something hard, solid, and unmovable.
I fell to the ground in a heap, but then curled myself into a ball to protect myself should whatever I’d hit fall on me, but when I looked up and opened my eyes, all I saw was Jeanne Bordeaux standing there like a boulder, as though he’d barely even felt me run into him at all. He looked down with worried eyes and offered me his hand, which I took immediately, allowing him to lift me up.
I brushed myself off and looked up into his handsome face and gentle eyes.
“Are you all right, Diana?” He asked, still holding my hand, his other clutching a stea
ming mug.
“I…” I started, trying to force myself to not glance back at my tent. Finally, I composed myself and nodded as confidently as I could manage. “I’m fine, Jeanne. Thanks.”
“You are welcome,” he replied, but then gestured at my tent with his cup. “Did Helena stay with you last night?”
“Helena?” I asked, momentarily confused. “Oh, yes, she did actually.”
He let out a long breath as his shoulders relaxed. “Bon. No one knew what happened to her last night when we found Alex alone in the field. We knew you were in your tent, but didn’t know she was there too.” He glanced at the tent again, but quickly looked back down at me. “How is she?”
I hugged myself and nodded repeatedly as I answered. “I think she’s better, Jeanne. We talked a bit and I think she’s coming around.”
I thought to tell him about what Helena had shown me, but then remembered how scared she’d seemed. I didn’t think she wanted me telling anyone else quite yet, and I had to respect that.
Not that I understood enough of what I’d seen to explain it, anyway.
Jeanne nodded his head. “That is good. She’s been through too much.”
“I know,” I agreed, and I drew strength from my progress with Helena and James yesterday to confront Jeanne on his feelings about staying with the group. “But what about you? How are you doing?”
He took a quick sip from his mug before answering, cringing at what he’d tasted inside. Lowering his mug gently, he looked at it as he spoke.
“I still desire to leave, Diana,” he finally said. “We have already traveled further into Gaul than I’d hoped before having an opportunity to join Madrina. We’d agreed to meet a month ago, and I fear it may already be too late.”
“Jeanne, you know she’s with Titus,” I said. “You know he’ll keep her safe until you’re together again.”
“I understand, but having her under Titus’ care is no substitute for being with her myself. Madrina is my wife, Diana. Our separation has been very difficult.”
Praetorian Series [4] All Roads Lead to Rome Page 16
