Everyone around me thinks they have a say in my life. Dakota demands attention, the girls think they know what’s best for me. Let’s not even begin to wonder what Peter is doing. In the check-out line, I happen to turn and notice Dakota’s about to say something. Before the words slip out of his mouth, I start, “Dakota, back off. I know you think you’re protecting me from him, but Peter’s harmless and I can take care of myself.”
My bug’s loaded to its full capacity, and it causes me to laugh at the mess. Bags are piled high in the trunk, backseat, and even in the front floorboard. Slamming the hatch and moving up toward the driver’s door, I hear Dakota from behind, “I’ll follow you home, and then come over.”
I slouch against my car, watching as he moves across the parking lot. Every woman in this lot is parting the sea for this man to walk by. It’s as if they’ve never seen someone like him before, and it floors me. I stand here, in this moment, and process him and his behavior. I’m not one who believes in love at first sight, or even lust. Maybe it is lust, since all I do is dream about him throughout the day and night. His touch sends me into another world. It’s not even the electric current that wakens my senses; it’s the mixture of pleasure and comfort. Something I’ve never felt before, and it scares me to my core.
Kelsey and Leah think he hung the moon, but it comes down to ulterior motives with them. Pushing it all to the back of my mind, I jump when I hear, “I know you’re thinking of what I can do to you, but you got food in the car, woman. Let’s go, it’s hot as crap out here.” With a shake of my head, I let it roll, knowing that if I retaliate, it’ll egg him on.
A quick look into the rearview mirror, and I see he’s steadily following me. How have my days turned out like this, him embedded in every move I make? No matter where I am, he’s right in front of me. It’s proven that I’m not doing that well of a job hiding from him. Apparently, I need to work on that skill, and the one to avoid Peter at all costs.
The sad thing is, Peter and I spent so much time together he knows every move I’d make. He knows my routine and knows where and what we’ll be doing tomorrow night. Observing the interaction between the two guys today is proof that I need to keep Peter at bay. Dakota has displayed an even temperament since I’ve met him, but what I witnessed today was a temper ready to burst.
Peter will be gone in a few days, once that happens, life will go back to normal. No more exes, and then I’ll find a way to detour around Dakota. It’s what has to happen, as I know I’m not ready to let someone else in. Just think, I was on the verge of thinking that I was ready. Now I know that if Dakota gets close and breaks my heart, it will only shatter what’s left of my soul. Now I have to fight it as if it’s my last breath.
My heart was taken all those years ago, and when Peter left, he never returned it. When my mother died, that took a piece of me, then my father. The final part was on layaway, with a no refund policy. How will I ever love again? How can you love someone with your whole heart when you don’t even have a whole one left? There’s an organ inside my chest that beats; it pumps the blood throughout my body, but it’s dead. No amount of therapy, CPR, or love will bring it back to life.
CHAPTER TWELVE
RUNNING AROUND like a chicken with my head cut off, I forgot how much work went into this. Kelsey and Leah have been instructed to arrive early, as I still have prepping to complete. Dakota finally took the hint that I needed space and granted my wish. Stereo cranked, hips swaying to the vibes throughout the house, peeling, slicing, and tossing, it’s all a means to occupy me until they arrive.
I have the feeling I forgot something, and I double check the list. All the food seems to be squared away, the tables are decorated and set up, but there’s something I am forgetting. I’m sure I’ll find out sooner rather than later. With a few minutes to spare, I need a break.
With a cold glass of water in hand, I sit in the sunroom and take in the surroundings. My nerves are working overtime, as everyone has agreed to come. I’ve invited a few of my father’s friends; it’s as much their tradition as mine. I prop my feet up on the table before me and rest my head on the back of the seat. Just as I close my eyes, a knock on the screen door startles me. I open and close my eyes again. Maybe if I ignore this person, they’ll go away. All I’m asking for is a moment, a moment to myself before I have to be her again. My wishes aren’t granted as the door creaks open and closed.
“May I sit?”
“Help yourself, but hush.”
“Got something on your mind? I’ll listen if you’re up to talking.”
“What part of hush don’t you understand?
“All of it. I know that face, you need to let it out.” Dakota thinks he wants me to spill what’s in my head. Perhaps I’ll tell him. Surely he’ll understand why I’m the way I am. Everyone tells me how closed off I am, how I never want to let anyone in. They’re not wrong on that. I like playing it safe these days. I like knowing what’s next in my playbook. If I write the plays, I won’t get any surprises. If I decide to hand it over and let someone else write it, how will I understand the next play? I closed that book a while ago and I don’t see it opening again.
Dakota seems so relaxed and patient. At this moment, the desire to cancel and curl up under the blankets overwhelms me. I am not ready to celebrate one of my favorite holidays without my father, or Peter, by my side. Well, not so much Peter, since he’s an ass. “Can I give you the short version? Will that make you happy, Dakota?”
“It’s a start. You need to stop holding everything in. It’s not healthy.”
“Do you want anything before we start?” I chuckle, knowing my story is not short—a brief history lesson in the life of Isabel Nichols, not going to happen.
“I’ll manage, stop stalling."
“Ugh … Fine … I don’t even know why I need to tell you this. We’ve only known each other a short time, but I sense I can share this with you. Not like I do with Kelsey or anyone else.”
Shifting to make himself comfortable, he leans back and pulls me to his side. Giving in, I lean into him and relax, allowing the side of my body to mold against his.
“Peter and I dated for two years before he proposed to me. I was still living here until Peter proposed on Fourth of July two years ago. After that, I moved in with him to plan our fancy wedding.” I take a moment before continuing, as this next part seems to be the hardest to relive. “Things were right, up until Dad was diagnosed and started to decline. He explained his diagnosis, but I remember sitting there next to him, confused. Nothing mattered, most days I was in denial. I knew the outcome, but it still didn’t matter. I put life on hold—my friends, Peter, even work, were different. With no other family around to support you, the life that you’ll be given after, it’s lonely. He hung the stars by the moon I prayed to each night.” Taking a moment, my eyes pinch together as I fight the tears back. “Peter was ready to move our wedding up. In the end it was pushed out. Things were hectic and I couldn’t focus on school, him, doctors, and a wedding. It was one of the hardest things at the time that I’ve done. My dreams of being walked down the aisle, and handed over to the other person that held my heart, gone. That was when it all changed. I witnessed it before my eyes. Peter couldn’t look at me the same, he didn’t understand my reasons. It went into the file as we chose to never speak of it until the time was right. The perfect dress that I’d found in Charleston hangs in the back of a closet; it hasn’t been touched since. The next week, I moved home and haven’t left. That’s when Peter started dropping hints of Dallas, and the resentment set in more. He knew I couldn’t leave, but I never would have held him back. Over the next few months, we fought about everything. It didn’t matter how small or big, it ended with a battle. Three months later, my father passed, and Peter walked out on me. He took the job in Dallas and hasn’t looked back since.” Wiping the tears away as I relive it all in my heart, I glance up.
Dakota is staring off toward the water, and I’m not sure when he started to ca
ress my bare skin lightly. It’s at this moment that I allow myself to accept him. Will I be able to recognize him later? That’s a question I’m not ready to answer.
“I’m sorry, Izzie.” It’s a whisper. No accent, no motive, just, I’m sorry.
“Thanks, I’m still working on it.”
“As to be expected. That was a lot to go through within a short time. I’d never have left you when you needed me the most. He’s a coward for not taking care of you.”
“I don’t look at him as a coward, though. It was bound to happen, just shitty timing. I’ve figured that much out. See, Dakota, I lost two people on the same day—one I was expecting, the other I was blindsided by. The whole time I was grieving, I was torn over which one to grieve for more. They both left me in pieces. Did you know that your heart can shatter into a million tiny pieces twice within twenty-four hours? If not, I’m proof it happens.”
“Is this why you’re working on the place? Are you still searching for who you are?”
“In a way yes; I inherited my childhood home, and it’s time to make it mine.”
“You know, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing an excellent job. It’s fitting, and everyone will see it today.”
His facial expression is hard to read; it’s one of the many things I’ve figured out about him. Dakota pushes me like no one else ever has, but in the end, he’ll break my heart. That’s one thing I refuse to allow.
“Hope that helps. That’s the short version since I have guests arriving soon.”
Dakota turns to me, placing his finger under my chin in order for me to look up. “Thank you for sharing with me. I hope you know how precious you are, and how grateful I am for you sharing this. I know that wasn’t easy. I promise to never hurt you. What Peter did, I can’t imagine walking out on you. No job would’ve been worth that. I like you, Izzie, and I’ve had feelings for you from the first moment you stretched out of that cute bug of yours. I’ll prove it to you.” He finishes with a kiss pressed to my forehead.
We sit for a little while longer, no words, no stolen kisses or glances, just us taking each other in.
“Excuse me for a moment, I need to freshen up before the guests start arriving. Help yourself to a drink or something.” I brace myself up against the doorframe, turning to take his in profile. My chest restricts like it’s caught in a vice. After today, I’ll focus on how to remove him from my life. Those walls are still up and aren’t ready for him to knock down. It’s not even a now or never; it’s never.
Pacing around my bedroom, I worry that I need to have my head examined. If Kelsey or Leah knew that I’d opened up to him, they’d throw a celebration. I admit it’s a first, and a last. My head spins in all directions when I’m near him; it’s the most confusing thing I’ve been faced with. Tapping my foot against the wood floors beneath me, I am searching my closet for the perfect outfit. The shorts I’d planned for today, tossed into the corner.
A broad smile spreads across my face as the perfect outfit glows from the back of my closet. It’s new, and a glimpse of the old me.
The dress slides down over my body, fitting me as if it was made just for me. With white spaghetti straps that trail down to the baby blue material, it’s lined small polka dots and white tubing running vertical. It bunches around my breasts, cascading down into a wispy flow around my waist. My glowing skin is the perfect shade of honey, which contrasts the colors even more against me. Chewing the corner of my lip, the decision for shoes is made, light brown wedges. Dabbing on a little tinted moisturizer, blush, and mascara, I’m satisfied with the simple look. To push that careful spirit a little more, I twist up parts of my hair, making sure to leave a few loose strands down around my face and neck. The finishing touch, a small strand of white pearls buckled around my neck, and matching stud earrings slid into my ears.
With a final twirl in front of the mirror, the smile reflecting back shocks me. This version of Izzie has been gone for some time. Now, to find a way to keep her around a little longer.
Just as I turn the corner into the living room, I’m greeted by Kelsey and Leah. Watching as they open and close their mouths, I laugh and smile with the fact that I got them. This wasn’t what they were expecting, it’s more. With a nod of approval from the two people I love most in this world, I guide them to the kitchen.
Dakota hasn’t seen me yet, and I’m not even sure if this is for him or me. A fraction of my body says it’s for him. Kelsey clears her throat like a man and startles him from his current position in front of the window.
Turning toward us, he can’t hide the fact that his breath just hitched in his throat. The smile he’s giving me causes my knees to weaken. In one step, he’s in front of me, one arm curled around my waist to bring me forward. He’s not loud enough for the others to hear, just loud enough for me to understand. “Be glad your friends are here, you look even more beautiful than I ever thought you could.” He drops his hand from my body, and I feel cold without him touching me. Dizzy and trying to balance myself, I hear him acknowledge the girls, and just like that, he walks toward the back yard.
“Izzie, do you have something to explain? What was that?”
“That was Dakota,” is the only explanation I give. Nothing needs to be explained, they were witness to the act, just as my body was. It's official, he just knocked down one section, only a thousand more to go.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE GUESTS HAVE ARRIVED, and most are milling around the cottage, talking as they compliment the changes. Some of the older crew has put in their two cents on what would look best, but overall, it’s been praised. Dakota’s even made himself comfortable in his surroundings, going out of his way to introduce himself to everyone who’s in attendance. When I say, everyone, I mean everyone. I’m finding it comical that he’s acting as host with me; it’s a sweet gesture and funny. Dakota has taken over my cottage and a group of friends.
Kelsey and Leah have pulled the red flags out and are waving them like the Mad Hatter. They’ve tried to ask about what might be going on with Dakota and me, but I brush them off, explaining that I’ll fill in the blanks later. My mood is light, and for once, my mind is clear—no past, no heartache, nothing but this moment in time.
With a plate full of burgers and dogs in hand, I am literally skipping toward him. I yell out, “Dakota, you’re on the grill!” which earns me a few brows raised in my direction.
“Yes ma’am.” He salutes me as he heads in my direction and I actually belly laugh at his playful banter. I don’t remember the last time that’s ever happened. Kelsey, Leah, and Joseph are watching and wave me over toward them.
“What’s up with you and Dakota?” they all ask at once.
“Nothing, we’re friends. He helped me out with a situation, plus it's kind of been nice having him around.”
“Did you just say it’s been nice having him around?” Kelsey eyes me with confusion, only fueling Leah to laugh as loud as she can, which in return, has drawn the attention of others.
“Hush … Yes, I said it, okay.”
“Oh, my … What are we going to do with you, Isabel Nichols?” Kelsey asks as Joseph stands to head in Dakota’s direction.
“Stick it,” I respond, sticking out my tongue toward them both.
“Oh, I’m sure someone would like to stick it, and it’s not the two of us.”
Choosing to walk away after that comment, I mingle with my guests, bouncing from group to group with a few glances at Dakota. He’s focused on the grill and the conversation between him and Joseph, and doesn’t catch me staring. In mid-conversation with an acquaintance that lives nearby, my focus changes. Mid-sentence, I stop and glare at my screen door. Who would’ve thought he’d have enough balls to show up here? Not just him, but the fiancée is hot on his heels.
The temperature must have dropped ten degrees because all eyes are on me. I feel each and every pair watching, waiting for my reaction.
“Izzie, I swear I didn’t know they were coming,”
Joseph’s soft voice whispers in my ear.
“Well, it’s too late now; I should go and introduce myself to the wife-to-be,” I spit out, pulling my shoulders back. I head in their direction. Kelsey and Leah call out for me, but I don’t stop. All they get is a quick wave of my hand while I’m mentally chanting over and over with each step I take, You can do this, you’re stronger than this.
Extending my hand as a peace offering, I greet them. “Glad you could make it. Happy Fourth of July.” With a pivot of my body, my hand extends out toward her. “Welcome to my home. I’m Izzie, and you must be?”
“Stacey, Peter’s soon-to-be wife. It’s wonderful to finally meet you, and thanks so much for inviting us. I’ve heard so much about you and your parties.”
I glare at Peter. “Yes, it was very generous of me to invite you,” I snip with the voice only Peter will recognize. It’s the one I reserve for dirty snakes.
It’s the South, and we have standards to maintain. I’ll open my home, offer food and drinks, but that’s all. If one happens to choke, I’ll have conveniently forgotten the Heimlich. “Come on out. Peter, I’m sure you know everyone and can handle the introductions for Stacey. You know your way around, unless you’ve forgotten?”
“Thanks, and yes, I know my way around.” He reaches for Stacey’s hand to guide her to the party, but stops briefly in front of me. “Thanks, Izzie.” And with a bow of his head, he’s gone.
All of my blood is about to boil within my body, it causes me to stomp away into my house. Today was moving along so perfectly, why did he have to ruin it? This morning I wanted nothing to do with it, and then Dakota gave me a glimpse of what I was missing. Instead of a perfect day, the need to throw baseballs at people has overcome me.
Stealth mode has worked its way to the surface as I stand in my kitchen. Swinging the refrigerator door open, I search for a beer tucked away toward the back. With the bottle in my hand, my hip slams the door shut, and in walk Kelsey and Leah, shooting daggers in my direction.
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