“Morning, you look gorgeous today.”
“Morning, and cut the crap, Peter.”
“What, I can’t tell you how pretty you are anymore?”
“Listen, I’m not here to take your lies today. Either sit down and order your breakfast so I can get this over with, or leave.”
“Still not a morning person, I take it.”
I raise my old white ceramic mug to my lips and take a small sip of the steaming coffee. Not setting it down, I hold it between my hands and stare into the liquid. Just as I go to set it down on the Formica table top, Kay interrupts my thoughts.
“Izzie, your usual, and what about you today, Peter?”
I nod my head as Peter request the same.
“What do you feel the need to talk to me about, Peter?”
“You ready now or do you want to eat your breakfast first?” he asks.
“Nothing better than the present.” I smile as I can’t wait to hear what it is he feels is so important.
“The party seemed to go well yesterday, don’t you think?”
“It did, until a particular point,” I say as I raise my eyebrows at him, trying to make sure that he understands he ruined my evening.
“About that, Izzie. Let me explain.”
“Oh, by all means explain your actions,” I say, waving a hand in his direction, offering him the floor.
“Izzie, you know I never meant to hurt you, right?”
“I don’t know anymore, Peter. I used to think it was the fact that we grew apart when my dad was sick, then yesterday it hit me that you never loved me.” I turn the mug of coffee around on the table in front of me, trying to not make eye contact with him.
“That’s not true, Izzie. I loved you more than you knew, and I still do.”
I interrupt him, “What?”
“It’s true, I might have left you, but I left my heart with you that night. You needed time to grieve, and I couldn’t stand to watch you fall apart. I didn’t know how to help you, to be the man you needed then. I took the coward way out, and I realize this now.”
“You can’t come here and tell me this. You’re getting married and I will not be the reason you rip her heart out of her chest like you did mine.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I care for Stacey but I don’t know. Being here, seeing you all happy makes me wonder if I left the wrong person behind.”
“Peter, I’m over you. I’m over the pain and hurt, and I’m not even sure which reason I hurt so bad from. It’s one of the things that I’ve had to process over and over. Is it from you breaking the rest of me, or was it that the last of my family was gone? I don’t know, but I can tell you I don’t love you anymore.”
“Why, Izzie? Why can’t we go back and repair what we had before everything got real?”
“Because it’s too late for that. I’ve moved past it all.”
“You mean you fell for that other guy? You’re in love with someone else?”
I don’t respond to him, as I don’t know the answer to that myself. All that makes sense right now is that I don’t love Peter. The silence engulfs the table and the restaurant, it’s like the other customers know what’s going on at our table. The usual sounds of pots and pans knocking against each other from the kitchen can’t be heard, the laughter from the kids has turned into an eerie silence all around us. Once I work up enough nerve to look at Peter, I clear my throat before I explain.
“I’m not in love with anyone, what I’m trying to do is heal myself, Peter. I’m learning to love myself first, something I’ve never done before. Yes, we had a connection for four years, but that broke a while back. We can’t repair it and we can’t be friends anymore. That part of my life is over. I don’t know what else to tell you other than I hope you and Stacey find the love that she deserves. Don’t break her heart like you did mine. If you can’t give her your soul, don’t give her your heart.”
“Izzie, can you just listen to what I’m offering you?”
“No, I can’t because unless you can offer not only your heart but your soul to me, then it’s not good enough. What I want is true love, that person who knows when I’m hurting, and will do anything to take the pain away. The one who needs me just to breathe, the one whose heart doesn’t beat unless he sees me in the morning when he first opens his eyes. I want the fairy tale, I want the world to stop spinning when I’m being held in his arms and for what it’s worth, I know it’s not you. You had the chance to give it all to me, but your career was too important. I’m happy here and I’ll never leave this island. It’s what owns me right now.”
“You’ve changed, you know? I don’t know what changed you, but you’ve grown into someone who has a beautiful soul, Izzie. I’m sorry for what I did and I hope that one day you will learn to trust me again.”
“That’s an easy answer. You changed me, and the people around me have made sure that I survive this. I’m not going to allow you to pity me, Peter. What happened was bound to happen, I’m just glad I didn’t marry you.”
“Is that how you really feel, you’re glad we never got married?”
“Honestly, yes I am. We weren’t right for each other. You care about money and having your face plastered on the next Fortune 500 magazine. Me, I’m simple and just want this,” I say as I wave my hands around the diner. “Thanks for the coffee, and let Kay know I’m sorry I had to leave. I wish you the best, Peter.”
I slide out of the booth with my purse in my hands. As I pass by Dakota, he’s taking me in to see if I’m okay. I’ve grown to know this look from him well, and I give him a quick nod as I pass by.
The drive home is a blur of emotions, ones that I held in the entire time I sat at the table with Peter. What I wanted to tell him was that a part of me still loved him, but I’m not that person. I’m not the one to ruin someone else’s life. In the end, he would only leave me again, or want me to leave the place that makes me feel safe. I did what was best; I was the one who walked away this time. On autopilot, my body moves from the car to the house and out the back door. I don’t even remember picking up a towel and walking down to the beach.
Knees pulled up tightly to my chest, I lean my head down to them. No tears this time. Last night was the last time I would cry for the love I lost with Peter. This time, my chest restricts for what I know is happening. I’m falling in love with Dakota, and I don’t know if I can stop it. But I’m afraid that he will break me like Peter did, or leave like the people in my life always do. I lift my head, placing my chin on top of my knees, and cast my gaze out toward the huge ocean before me.
“What do I do?” I ask the open air like it’s going to answer me. There was a time that it would’ve, but now the atmosphere is playing tug-of-war with my heart.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
NOT SURE HOW LONG I’ve sat here on the shoreline, thinking of everything that has transpired from not only this morning but my life. I’m thankful that Dakota hasn’t come down here, that is, if he’s even home. I’m not sure if I could handle all that he is. Life was simple before he showed up. Hell, it was easy before Peter showed back up. The sun is right overhead, leading me to believe that it’s high noon, not to mention that my body is starting to feel as if it’s on fire. Just as I go to stand, I hear Kelsey coming up behind me. “You sure caused a scene this morning.”
My head turns sideways to catch a glimpse of her. “What are you talking about?”
“Kay called as soon as you left. I’ve given you enough time to sulk.” She takes a seat next to me in the sand and bumps my shoulder with hers.
“There was no scene. What did she say?”
“Well maybe not with you, but between hot pants and Peter there was. Seems that after you left they exchanged a few words and Dakota didn’t like what was said. One thing lead to another and Dakota knocked Peter right in the nose. Old man Jackson came out and broke them up before Peter could stand and take a swing.”
“Are you serious? This isn’t his fight, this is mine.”
> “Serious as a heart attack, but I stopped by his place before I came down here. Sorry to tell you this, Izzie, but he’s going to fight for you, even if that means he goes around punching people. He’s pissed that he let Peter get to him, but from what Dakota said, after last night you belong to him. He’s prepared to wait for you, even if it takes a lifetime.”
“That’s cheesy and ridiculous.”
“Maybe so, but that’s him. You want to tell me what happened this morning?”
“Not really, but I know you won’t leave it alone until I do.”
“You know me so well.” She bumps into me again, displaying a smile on her face.
“Have you ever realized that what you thought was true, wasn’t?”
“Not sure I follow what you’re asking?”
“Yesterday I watched Peter interact with Stacey and what he was saying about things. When he was talking about one of the pictures on the mantel, it hit me that he never planned to marry me and that Dad knew this. That’s the only explanation that I have for him not being upset by the wedding not happening. Then last night he said a few things that confused me even more. It was like he was torn between the truth and lies, almost as if he didn’t remember the reasons why we didn’t work.”
“Honey, I think that’s just Peter. He’s pissed now that you’ve moved on and another man has caught your eye. Now, he can’t win you back.”
“I don’t want him to win me back, though. Even when I was upset and before Dakota showed up, I didn’t want him.”
“I know that, we all do, but he doesn’t. He likes control and for life to be planned. He has his hands full with Stacey, and that scares him. With you it was simple, you pleased him and did everything to make him happy.”
“That’s not all true, you know, but I guess you’re right.”
“I am … What happened this morning?”
“It’s a blur, he started speaking of the past and what he missed and I zoned out on him. Dakota witnessed the whole thing, and I don’t know if it was pain or what, that I saw in his eyes when I left.” I shrug as try my best to explain this morning.
“What about last night? I know you didn’t go home.”
“No, I made it as far as right here and then he carried me to his house, tucked me into bed, and we went to sleep. I woke early this morning and ran out.”
“You really should give him a chance, you know? I’m not saying you should fall in love immediately, but try it on and see how you like it.”
“He confuses me, Kelsey. When he touches me, it’s this feeling that I’ve never felt before, and his eyes always feel like they’re undressing me.”
“Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?”
“No, but he scares me. Hell, I scare myself when he’s close to me. I don’t trust myself when he’s near me. My mind goes a mile a minute just like my heart beats faster. I could actually stare at him all day and be happy,” I say as I cover my face, embarrassed. Just as I process the words I’ve just said, my body heats up. That’s how I know Dakota is near me, this happens anytime he’s close.
We watch as he drops his towel down, stopping long enough to give us a quick acknowledgment, and strides into the water. Kelsey clears her throat, giving me that look of ’don’t you have something to say,' but I don’t. Words have escaped me; they’re in the water with the one who stole them. Dakota swims out toward the sandbar that has formed near the jetties, his back to us as he kicks around the shallow water.
“Ready to head back up to the house?” I ask.
“And miss this view? But if you’re ready, then let’s go.”
No need to respond, she’ll get the picture since I’m standing and I know Kelsey will follow. I pass the sunroom and head straight inside toward the kitchen with her fast on my heels.
“Water?” I ask holding up a glass.
“Sure. I know what we can do, let’s go camping. It’ll be fun, just like old times.”
As I hand the glass to her and lean back against the counter, my eyes dart out the window to where Dakota is coming out of the water. My eyes shift back to Kelsey. “That sounds fun, we can leave tomorrow and stay the weekend. Want to go to our usual place?”
“Perfect, let me call Joseph and Leah and set it all up.”
“Okay,” is the only thing I can say, as the man of my dreams has caught my attention again along with our camping trip. I love the state park and all the nature trails it has that wind around the river and Intracoastal Waterway. Years ago we would venture out for camping, or sometimes just for the day, capturing nature.
“They’re all in,” Kelsey says bringing me back to today.
“Perfect, Joseph has the tent still and I’ll pack the coolers. You and Leah bring snacks and wine.”
“This is going to be just like old times,” she says.
“I look forward to it.”
“Are you still upset about this morning?”
“No, just tired. It took a lot out of me yesterday and I didn’t sleep well last night.” I lie. Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in some time. It’s just that my mind is all over the place, and I don’t know how to rope it in.
“All right, well I’m going to leave you to it. I have stuff to get ready for tomorrow. We’ll be here to pick you up bright and early.”
“I’ll be ready.”
“Call me if you need me,” Kelsey says as she hugs me goodbye.
I know it won’t take me long to get the cooler or my bag ready, so I close the drapes and lock up the house. Today is the type of day where the sun needs to not shine so brightly, as the sofa sucks me into a dark abyss. The blanket I keep on the back of the couch is my favorite cozy one; it’s navy blue, thick, and fuzzy. With my body covered, the television flipped to the sappiest show, my eyes grow dull. I don’t fight it, since I know that later I have to get ready for my camping adventure. When my tired eyes shut, it’s Dakota that I see and dream about.
The constant chirp coming from my phone wakes me. With a stretch, I lean over for my phone and notice that I’ve slept most of the day away. It’s already five o’clock, and six messages from my friends are waiting for a reply.
Joseph: I’ve got the tent, chairs, and the blowup you like. See you around eight.
Leah: I can’t believe you are making me go camping in this heat. You best be lucky I love you.
Kelsey: Wine; check. Snacks; check. Surprise; Check
Joseph: Will you tell Leah to shut up, she’s driving me crazy about the heat and bugs.
Leah: Are you bringing the gnat spray? You know I will be miserable with those pesky things biting me.
Joseph: Please put bug spray in her food? You will make me the happiest person ever.
As I’m reading the messages, I laugh at how Leah and Joseph fight back and forth. The best thing is that neither of them knows they are texting me almost the same thing. This weekend will be interesting with them for sure, which makes me text Kelsey back.
Me: You better have lots to drink. Joseph and Leah are already at it and we haven’t even started.
Instantly a response pops up.
Kelsey: Oh, I know. I am ready to turn my phone off. If one’s not texting, they are calling. This should be fun.
Me: Oh it’s going to be a hoot.
Once I hit send, I throw off the blanket and go to the kitchen to assess the leftover food. I start a list of the items that need to be picked up from the store. We have a ton of stuff left over from the party that we’ll bring with us. As I’m writing down some extra stuff that we need, I notice Dakota’s car is gone. A part of me wonders where he’s gone off to, while the other part is still relieved that he hasn’t shown up today. My head is still fuzzy, but the store is calling me. I reach for my purse and list before I head out the front toward my car. He’s still gone and as I put the car in reverse, I realize that I miss him. It’s not the relationship that we could have that I miss, it’s the company. He’s been a force to be reckoned with since the day he showed up, and in m
y space since.
When I turn into the market, I spot Dakota’s car. Once in the parking lot, I wait before I decide to get out of the car and get this over with. Just as I tug the cart out of the holder, he strolls out the double doors, arms full of bags, and a smile that can drop me to my knees.
“Evening, Izzie. How are you?”
“Evening, and I’m fine, you?”
“Better now. Sorry we didn’t get to shop together this time, maybe later.”
“Sure,” I say, thinking he’s absolutely crazy.
Dakota steps closer to me, leans down toward my ear, and whispers, “I’ve missed you today, it’s taken everything in me to not lock you inside my house and protect you.” Just as he finishes, he pulls back, leaving a trail of heat on my skin. He never touched me, but I can feel the power behind his words as he pulls away. No time to respond, I’m left standing here looking at his back as he walks away.
With a shake of my head, I take my cart, my confused heart, and proceed to get the items we need. As soon as I’m done, I can sleep and wake to up to a new day. A day that will bring laughter, sun, and friends who support me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
MY INTERNAL CLOCK must have known today was going to be a hot mess; it woke me way before the alarm clock went off. I’ve had time to shower, dress, pack, and load the coolers. With a few minutes to spare, I pour another cup of coffee in my travel mug and set everything out on the porch. I make my way around the house to ensure that it’s locked, things are turned off, just to make sure it will be okay for a day or so. The last time we went on a camping trip, it ended up storming the whole time, which meant we came back the next morning. I checked the weather and it should turn out to be a beautiful weekend, but then, you never know how quickly it can change or if they even know how to predict correctly.
With the roar of Joseph’s truck pulling down the gravel, I take a quick bathroom break. Then, keys in hand, I walk to the porch. After shutting the door, I notice Dakota is loading my cooler into the back of the truck. I appreciate the effort, but Joseph and I could have loaded all my crap into the truck bed.
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