It was ten o'clock when he finally gave in. She wasn't going to call him, he wasn't going to call her. They were at a standstill. That nagging feeling in his gut had been there all day. Now, it was suggesting that she really didn't care. That last night had meant nothing to her. He had been just a means to an end.
He pushed himself onto his feet and stalked through the house to find a clean shirt. If he was going to feel sorry for himself, he sure as hell wasn't going to do it here alone. He tore the black elastic band from his hair, remembering Josie's request last night to see it down. He groaned at the memory of running it along her body.
A wicked smile crossed his lips. He'd take care of the raging in his pants the old fashioned way. He'd find someone to do it for him. Someone who didn't have long dark hair and blue eyes. He let the steamy water hit his skin and inhaled deeply. Use one woman to get another one off your mind. That was the way of the world, wasn't it?
He toweled off and slid on a clean pair of Levi's and his scuffed boots. The tangles in his hair were almost impossible to comb out, but he gave them a sufficient effort. Finally, he was able to work them out. They were one of the hazards of constantly wearing his hair pulled back and then tucking it into his lab coat. He dried it as quickly as he could and then replaced the ponytail holder. He buttoned his blue silk shirt and put on his black cowboy hat.
Deciding that the day's worth of growth around his goatee and mustache made him look even more dangerous, he left it, vowing to shave tomorrow. He shot himself a smile as he turned off the bathroom light. Tonight would be about forgetting Josie Wyatt Mitchell. Maybe a nice redhead, he thought as he headed out.
He wasn't particularly drawn to country music, but in a town like Carolton, there wasn't much else available. There were a couple of dance clubs where the college kids hung out, but he wasn't interested in a college kid, even one who looked like Susan. He pulled his truck into the parking lot of The Queen of Spades, hoping to avoid the crushed bottles that littered the pavement.
The music enveloped him as soon as he set foot through the door--twangy, melodic guitar coupled with a banjo and maybe even an accordion. The tiny dance floor was tightly packed, but there was still room for a few more bodies seeing as how all the couples were dancing practically on top of one another.
Jake pulled his hat down over his eyes, hoping to make it to the bar without incident. He had only taken a couple of steps when he spotted the target for tonight. He decided to forego an introduction for a while and just watch the woman from afar. That in mind, he ambled up to the bar to order a beer.
He watched her as he tipped the bottle to his lips. She was practically fighting them off. Even though her back was turned to him, he was drawn to her. Her red hair fell just below where her bra would have been had her blue dress not been cut so low in the back. He smiled as he took in the crisscross ribbons that went from her shoulder blades almost down to her waist. A daring dress. He wondered what it looked like from the front.
He wondered what she looked like. He let his eyes wander down her body. Perfectly shaped. He smiled at the light blue strappy sandals on her feet. Men had indeed invented high heels, he thought. Yep, this was the one. If anyone in here could get his mind off of what's-her-name, this was the one.
He waited until the crowd around her dispersed before he decided to make his move. He was almost upon her when she turned around. The first thing he noticed was those soft blue eyes.
"Hi, Jake," she let his name slide off her lips as easily as if they were casual acquaintances.
"Josie, what the hell did you do to your hair?" his fingers gripped his Bud bottle.
"You like it?" she tossed it over her shoulder.
"It's okay," he managed, trying not to spill his beer all over himself. Or worse.
"Well, I like it. And you know what? It's a lot more fun to be a redhead anyway," she reached into her glass and produced a cherry, which she then slipped between her lips.
Jake gulped. Those same lips had worked magic on him last night. His body responded instantly to the memory and the current stimulus. "When did you?"
"Today. After you left."
Her meaning was clear. She knew that he had left. "I, uh, was going to call you today," he managed, wondering why he was suddenly tongue-tied.
"Yeah, I know," she lazily ran her finger along the rim of her glass. "But you didn't. So I decided I'd make a few changes." She watched his expression change. His half smile had been replaced by a thin line. "It's no big deal, Jake. It's not like you and I had anything." She waved her hand in front of her.
He pulled out the chair sitting next to hers and turned it around backwards before sitting in it and then glared at her, lips tightly clenched. "You and I need to talk."
"Yeah, we probably do. Tell me, Jake," she leaned into him, placing her hand on his knee. "Tell me, did you and Susan have fun last night?"
"Is that what this is about?"
"What what is about? You think I did this because of Susan?" She let out a little laugh and then squeezed his knee. "You flatter yourself."
"Who the hell are you and what did you do with Josie?" He stared at her, hoping to find an answer somewhere in those eyes. All he saw in there was that she'd had a couple of drinks and was looking at him as if he were on a menu.
"I am Josie," she emphasized each word. "You know, I didn't know that for a long time. But now I do. Thanks to you." She saw the confusion cross his face as he moved her hand from his knee and then turned back to his beer bottle. "It's a good thing, Jake," she patted his knee and then smiled at his stern expression.
"How is this good? You changed your hair. You're in a bar."
"I know. And I haven't done anything like this in a long time. We should celebrate," she pulled out another cherry.
"Celebrate what? The fact that you've lost your mind?" He tried not to lick his lips when that cherry went into her mouth but found that it was almost impossible not to. His mouth felt so dry.
She looked past him and waved. She saw his eyes follow hers then she leaned into him again, "I promised him a dance. I'll be right back."
Jake wanted to stop her, but instead he found himself mesmerized by her movement. She had breezed right past him. Was this the same woman who had clung to him in the night last night? Who had done wicked things to his body that he couldn't even understand? Who had apparently done something to his good sense, too.
His hand tightened into a fist. He wanted to punch the cowboy who was holding her so closely right now, letting his hand linger just below that open back of her dress. She threw her head back and laughed, probably at something George Strait over there had to say.
Josie with red hair ... the thought was an interesting one. She looked so different, but it was different in a good way. It was like her entire being had been lit from within. And it didn't look like just a hair color. Everything was different. Her flirty manner, her easy laugh. What had happened to her? Women usually only acted this way ... when they were in love.
And men usually acted like damned fools, didn't they? Getting jealous of strangers. Getting jealous of former husbands, living or dead. No, that was not what was going on here. He hadn't even known her for that long. He was not in love with Josie. Still, he found himself standing and stalking across the room to cut in. He had about had enough of that man's hands on her.
"I'm cutting in," he said in a low drawl when he approached them on the dance floor.
"It's okay," she looked at her dance partner. "He's a friend."
"No problem. I know who you're going home with," he whispered close to her.
Not close enough. Jake's hands were about ready to tighten around George's throat. Instead, they gripped Josie's waist and pulled her to him. "Want me to show you how it's done?"
"I thought you already had," she bit out, placing her hands on his chest, trying to put some distance between them. The heat of his body against hers brought memories of last night rushing back. He had been incredible.
"Put your head on my shoulder, Josie," he coaxed.
"And why would I want to do that?"
"'Cause you want to hear my heart beat," he growled and felt the shiver go up her back in response. "Your hair smells good," he breathed in her scent.
"It's the hair color." She tried to ignore his breath in her hair.
"You look incredible as a redhead," he smiled, inhaling again, wondering how her fiery hair would look spilling across her bare breasts. He felt himself tighten against her at the thought. He heard her moan in response. She could fight it all she wanted, but she was attracted to him still.
She pulled away from him as soon as the music ended. What was happening to her? Her insides felt like jelly again. "I have to go to the rest room," she managed as she moved away from him, feeling his fingers slip from her skin.
"Hurry back," he called after her.
Josie made her way through the crowded bar to the back and swung open the door to the ladies' room. She gripped the edge of one of the porcelain sinks, hoping to calm her erratic breathing.
"That cowboy you were with, is he yours?" the blonde standing next to her was touching up her lipstick.
Josie looked up and started trying to rearrange her hair. "Which one?"
"The tall one with the long hair."
"No, he's not mine," she shrugged her shoulders. "Just a guy from work."
"Oh. You two looked pretty cozy. I thought I'd ask before moving in on you," she smiled and replaced the lid on her lipstick.
"Be my guest," she smiled back at the blonde, hoping she wasn't as transparent as she felt. What was she thinking? Did she think that this new lease on life could cover up all of her feelings? She had taken down all of Brian's pictures and put them in storage. She had taken Martin's advice and accessed the life insurance account to buy some new clothes, pay for the hairdo. She had moved on. And run straight into a six-foot three-inch brick wall with shoulders of steel and kisses as smooth as whiskey.
She was in love with Jake Moore. The thought was enough to make her want to throw up her dinner. Nobody ever gained anything from being in love with Jake. He left a string of broken hearts behind him if the talk she'd heard in the last week was right. And then there was the fact that he had been with Susan last night before he came to her. He wasn't to be trusted. And she could fight these feelings for him because they had nothing to do with love.
Still, she couldn't help that heartbreak at seeing Jake tangled up on the dance floor with the cute blonde she had just been talking to in the restroom. She stalked across the room, mirroring his earlier action.
"Now it's my turn to cut in," she narrowed her eyes at Jake. He just gave her one of his half smiles and let his partner slide from his arms.
"I thought you said he wasn't yours," the woman argued.
"He's not, but I need to borrow him."
"You come on back, darlin'," he slapped her on the butt for emphasis before folding his arms and narrowing his eyes at Josie. "What do you need to borrow him for?" his eyes twinkled.
"I think you know," she managed.
"Do I, now?" He raised an eyebrow before sweeping her into his arms, pulling her flush against him.
"Yes. I want to know if you went to the pharmacy today."
* * * *
This time, things were on his terms and he still didn't feel good about them. He lay next to her on his king size bed, panting, exhausted. They had used three of the condoms in the past few hours. He hadn't realized he had it in him, but every time he came, all he could think about was being inside of her again.
She rolled to the edge of the bed, pulling the sheet with her.
"Where're you going?" he said with a lazy drawl.
"This is the part where I leave," she said, pulling the sheet off of the bed and wrapping herself in it.
"What do you mean where you leave? I thought you said we had the whole weekend." He raised up on one elbow and looked at her in the candlelight.
"We did. The weekend's pretty much over. And I thought I'd leave before it gets awkward and you end up either falling asleep or asking me to go."
He tugged on the edge of the sheet, pulling her back to the bed, "I was hoping to ask you to stay."
"Why?"
For a second, their eyes locked and he wasn't sure what to say. He swallowed the lump in his throat, but it seemed to stick there. "I thought we might cuddle or something," he shrugged.
"You don't look very cuddly." She pulled on the sheet, causing it to slip from his fingers.
"Then I thought maybe we could talk."
"I don't think you're interested in talking to me," she turned toward the bathroom.
"I want to know about you, Josie," he called from behind her.
She knew she was making a mistake when she turned and saw the vulnerability in his eyes. Yes, she could fall for this rugged, snake wrangling, cowboy dressing, 80s hairstyle man. But she wasn't going to. "What's to know?" she shrugged.
"Tell me about Brian," he opened his mouth and the words came out before he could stop them.
She inched toward the bed and sat on the edge, her thigh brushing against his fingers. "I loved Brian."
The softness of her voice caused another lump to form in his throat. He was going to choke to death if she didn't stop having that affect on him. "I know you did."
"You don't know," she shook her head. "I gave up everything for him. Did you know I was a redhead when we met?" She settled against him, letting him encircle her with his arms.
"I like you as a redhead," he murmured.
"He liked me as a brunette. Said the red looked too wild. I guess he was right. It sure feels wild."
"It sure looks wild," he let out a little laugh. "Where did you meet?"
"In college. I moved from here to go to LSU and met him down there. He had been away at Prep School, so we didn't know each other before. Well, you know that," she said, remembering that she and Jake had gone to high school together. "Anyway, we started dating, fell in love, got married. You know the rest," she shrugged.
"What were you studying?"
"I was in the nursing program. Had made it to clinicals, but then we moved back here so he could work with the kids. Social work, you know."
"MMMmmhmm," he mumbled against her.
"Are you falling asleep?"
"No," he smiled. "I just like to hear you talk."
She tried to pull away from his iron grip, "I really have to go."
"I want you to stay."
"You haven't had enough of me yet?" she laughed.
"No, I haven't."
She turned in his arms and looked up into his eyes. This was so dangerous. She almost wished she were wrestling a rattlesnake right now. The way her heart was drumming in her ear, she was sure he could hear it. She was going to fall for him. There was no way around it. If she let him keep rubbing his thumb along her shoulder, keep his legs entangled in hers... She was going to lose her heart to him.
"Jake, I really can't do this with you." This time when she pulled away, he let her go. She felt her heart sink as she gathered up her clothes and went to his bathroom to dress.
"What are you doing?" she asked her reflection, hoping the woman staring back at her would have an answer for her behavior. Everyone she knew would say that she had lost her mind. That she had gone off the deep end. But no one knew who she was before Brian, for those few months when she had been completely on her own and able to discover who she really was.
That sinking feeling was coming back. One person would understand. For some reason, she knew that he had always seen her a bit differently. She wasn't sure why, but she knew. And she really wished she didn't.
She felt him watch her as she found her keys and made her way to the front door. He followed her in silence, letting her gather her purse. He didn't close the door until she was safely in her car. She swore she saw his head drop for a second as she drove away. Everything in her wanted to go back.
Chapter Thirteen
Josie was sitting in Martin's office waiting for him on Monday morning. Her newly red hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing her usual day camp gear. But there was something very different about her today. And it had to do with more than just her hair color.
"What the hell did you do to yourself this weekend?" Martin wrinkled his nose and then leaned in to kiss her.
"I made some changes," she hugged him, ignoring his scowl.
"About damn time," his face erupted into a huge grin.
"I've made some decisions, too," she began. Tell him now, while you've got the nerve. "I'm going to sell the house and move out of Carolton."
He pulled his executive chair away from the desk and sat down before answering her. "You don't have to do anything so rash," he cautioned.
"It's not rash. It's about time, don't you think?"
"That's not what I had in mind," he folded his hands in front of himself.
"I know. But it's what I need. I need to get out of here."
"Why? I mean, I can understand selling the house, but you can't just up and leave your family."
"I don't have any family here."
"I'm here."
"I know. And you have your own life. I just don't feel like I have anything for me here anymore, you know? I mean, my parents are gone, I have no brothers or sisters, no aunts or uncles. I'm it. And I need to go somewhere else."
"You're not gonna find family in some strange place, you know."
"I'm not looking for family," she avoided his stare. If she had to look into his eyes, she would cry. And the new Josie wasn't going to cry.
"Then what do you want, girl?" his voice was soft.
"I want to get out of here. I mean, I'm living in Brian's shadow."
"Only because you want to."
"Do you like my hair?" she could feel the tears building.
"Yeah, I do. What's that got to do with anything?"
"My hair was red when I met Brian." Here came the flood. She reached for the tissue at the same time that he handed the box to her.
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