The Carmel Sheehan Story

by Jean Grainger

  They were so engrossed in each other’s company, it was as if the rest of the world didn’t exist. He told her all about his years working for the Irish Steel Company, having decided that a life of chopping up animals was not for him. How he’d been able to take early retirement because he’d bought a few houses in Dublin when they were cheap and had done them up himself. He loved DIY, so now he could live on the rental income on top of his pension. He told her about the apartment he bought in Spain and how it was for anyone in the family who wanted to use it. She told him that she’d never been to anywhere but England before the week in France with Sharif and that she’d love to go to Spain with him sometime. They were lost in conversations about tapas and sangria when they were distracted.

  ‘Excuse me, do you mind if we sit here?’ an elderly couple interrupted them, indicating the other end of their table.

  ‘Of course, no problem.’ Joe smiled and moved up a little. While the man went to the bar, the woman sat down and began to chat.

  ‘We’ve just been to see Jersey Boys; our son bought us tickets for our anniversary. We don’t normally come into the West End, we’re from Croydon, but it’s nice, isn’t it?’

  Carmel really just wanted Joe all to herself, but she seemed like a nice old lady, she did hope, though, that once her husband came back they’d be left alone again.

  ‘Yes, we’ve just seen it too, we really enjoyed it.’

  ‘Really? Isn’t that funny? Well, I suppose it is just across the road so maybe not that much of a coincidence. My Ernie is always saying I’m seeing signs where there’s nothing, maybe he’s right. Very superstitious I am, can’t help it, always have been since I was a little ‘un. One night, during the Blitz, we were worn out from going down the tube station night after night. My dad said he was sleeping in his own bed and if Hitler wanted to come, then let him. So, we all stayed, but I woke up and went into my parents’ room. I was only five or six and I told them to get up, the Germans were coming. Of course, they told me to go back to bed, there hadn’t even been a siren but I insisted, and eventually, my mum said there was something about me, so she bundled us all up and back down the tube again, dragging my dad grumbling behind her. Next morning, our house was gone, flattened in a direct hit. Anyway, listen to me, blathering on. So, is it a special occasion for you too, anniversary or something?’

  Joe grinned at the idea that he and Carmel were a couple.

  ‘No, well yes, actually. Joe here is my dad and we’ve only just been reunited. I never knew him growing up, but he’s back in my life now and it’s just wonderful.’

  ‘Well, isn’t that just smashing! I love that show, Long Lost Families, you know the one with Davina McCall and that other chap where they find people all over the world? It’s amazing, and then people are so happy to see each other again; blood is thicker than water, isn’t that the truth? Sometimes it doesn’t work out, of course, but looking at you two, you’re going to be fine I’d say. Don’t force it would be my advice, Que sera sera as the old song goes, do you know it? Doris Day. What will be will be…The future’s not ours to see…’ At that moment, Ernie came back, nodded politely at them, and led his wife to a table that had just become vacant at the other end of the bar.

  Joe and Carmel smiled incredulously. She’d shown him the video of Dolly singing that song at her birthday party, and he told her that it was her party piece, even as a kid. Then she told him about how they were singing it in the pub that first night she met Sharif and now this.

  They sat together in the back of the cab all the way home, Carmel nestled against him, his arm around her shoulder. He told her stories of his childhood, his mother and his siblings, they talked a lot about Dolly, and Carmel felt the picture was coming clear.

  Sharif and Nadia had told her so much about her mother’s life in London, and now Joe was able to fill in all about her life in Ireland. Carmel’s maternal grandfather had been dead many years and, according to Joe, he was heartbroken when Dolly left without a word. Joe had plagued him for months, convinced he knew where she was, but eventually, he’d had to give up when Tom Mullane broke down, something nobody had ever seen, and roared at Joe to leave him alone. ‘Wasn’t it bad enough that he’d lost his wife and then his only child without the neighbours mithering him day and night about the whereabouts of his daughter?’

  ‘He was a nice man, Carmel, your granddad, easy going, quiet. He was of his generation, not great with the feelings and all of that, but Dolly was his whole world. Sometimes, I’d see him watching her and she trick-acting around him, and his face glowed with love and pride. He’d never say it, even to her, but she meant the world to him.’

  ‘Maybe we could go to see his grave sometime if I come back to Dublin?’ Carmel wanted to connect, even if it was to lay some flowers on his grave.

  ‘Of course we will, pet, and I’ll take you to Nana Mac’s as well, that’s what all the grandkids called my ma, she was lovely. It will be some party when we tell the extended McDaids about you! Well, you met some of them at Brian’s funeral, so you know what they’re like, so imagine that multiplied by about fifty. Actually, my niece, Aisling, she’s Colm’s daughter, is getting married in a few months, I’m sure she’d love you to come, Jen and Damien and Luke, of course, will be there too. Would you and Sharif come?’

  ‘If she wouldn’t mind, then we’d love to.’

  ‘Nah, she’ll be delighted. Aisling’s gas, did you meet her at the funeral?’

  ‘I did, she seemed lovely.’

  ‘Speaking of the funeral, I was wondering if I should make contact with Brian’s friend, the landlord man who came to the funeral? Do you know him? What do you think?’

  Carmel had discussed this with Sharif and they had concluded that if Joe brought it up, then the best thing would be to tell him the truth.

  ‘Tim, yes. I’ve gotten to know him since Brian was admitted. Dolly told Tim to bring him when it got too much. I see him now from time to time, he’s heartbroken, really he is.’

  ‘Well, if he and Brian were such friends, I’d like to meet him again, I don’t know, English people are different to us. Do you think he’d see it as an intrusion?’

  Carmel sat up and turned to face him, ‘No, I don’t. The first thing is, he’s not English, he’s from County Mayo, though he’s lived here for years…’ Joe sensed her hesitation.

  ‘And the second thing?’

  ‘Well, the second thing is,’ she hoped her revelation wasn’t going to shock Joe or make him think less of his brother. ‘He and Brian weren’t just friends. Brian was gay and he and Tim were together for over fifty years.’

  ‘You’re joking.’ Joe was astounded. ‘Seriously? I can’t believe that. Like, we had no idea…’

  ‘Are you shocked?’

  ‘No, not like shocked horrified or anything. I’m a bit sad, I suppose, that he felt he couldn’t tell us, tell me even; I thought we were closer than that…I thought he felt he could trust me.’ Carmel hated to hear the dejection in Joe’s voice.

  ‘He absolutely did trust you, and when we spoke about everything, he told me how close you two were, how much he felt for you when Dolly left, and how hard he went on her to allow him to tell you the truth. He cared about you so much, genuinely, but I think he just wanted to keep his private life private. To be honest, it was for Tim’s sake, he was married for years and years and had kids and everything, so their relationship had to be kept secret. Apart from the fact that for many years it was illegal. The reason he never told you was because Tim was afraid his kids would get wind of it. Tim still sees them and they have no idea; they think Brian was a lodger. Apparently, he had his own room, anyone walking into the house would never think anything other than that two bachelors were sharing a house. It’s not as strange over here as it might be at home, property is so expensive here, loads of people share.’

  Joe digested this information and made a decision.

  ‘Right, okay, well, in that case, I definitely want to go and see him. Will
you come with me? It would be easier, I think, if you were there.’

  ‘Of course, I will, you’re stuck with me now…Dad.’ It was the first time she’d ever called him that and, though she couldn’t see his face as she nestled back into him in the cab, she knew he was smiling.

  She crawled quietly into bed beside Sharif who was fast asleep. He instantly woke with the movement.

  ‘I’m sorry; I was trying not to wake you,’ Carmel whispered.

  Sharif turned and gathered her into his arms. ‘I was only dozing, I knew you were on the way; thanks for the text. You know I didn’t mind if you wanted to stay out, but it’s nice to know you’re okay. Did you have fun?’

  ‘Oh, Sharif, we had the best time, but I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. Go back to sleep.’

  ‘No, it’s okay, I’ve been resting all evening, tell me everything, how was the show?’

  ‘Amazing, we were singing along and everything. The strange thing is, on the way there, we were trying to think of Frankie Valli songs we might know and came up with around two, and then we knew every single one. It was such fun, and then we met this lady in the bar who actually said Que Sera Sera, I mean, those words, I know some people might think that’s a load of old rubbish, but I don’t, I think it was Dolly telling us that she was happy Joe and I were reunited.’

  ‘And did you talk about that, the test and everything?’

  She told him everything, all about the breakdown in the apartment before they left, and about the test and Tim and everything they’d discussed.

  ‘I’m glad you told him, I could never have, confidentiality and so on, but Tim told you and therefore you could tell Joe, and I think it will be nice for them to meet properly. It must have been so hard for Tim, being the person Brian was closest to and having to behave like they were something less than that. Joe is such a nice man, I’m sure he’ll welcome him to the McDaid family, just as he’s welcomed you.’

  ‘He really is special, you know, the more I get to know him, the more I think Joe’s just like the fathers I imagined as a kid, strong, kind, funny, that sort of thing. I was sitting in the back of the taxi, and he had his arm around me and I was cuddled up to him, and I just didn’t feel forty, I felt about ten, and he made me feel safe. It’s scary for me, I’m not used to all this affection, either from you or from him, and yet it all feels natural, right, somehow. I just keep thinking this can’t actually be happening to me.’

  ‘So, are you going to see Tim with him?’

  ‘Yes, tomorrow afternoon if possible. Joe is going to call him in the morning and see if he’s free. I think he’s kind of nervous about it; he was sad that Brian never told him, and he seemed genuinely surprised.’

  ‘I suppose Brian wasn’t in the least bit camp or anything, not that all gay men are, but he didn’t conform to any of the stereotypes of gay people we see on TV or whatever. He was very straight-laced, I suppose, and even when Tim visited, if anything, they seemed kind of formal with each other.’

  ‘I suppose when you have to live your real life in secret, you build up walls like that.’ Carmel sighed. ’Poor Brian, it must have been so hard.’

  ‘Well, he at least had the guts to get up and live the life he wanted to live, unlike many of his compatriots. It’s the same in my culture, worse actually, as homosexuality is still technically illegal in Pakistan, and even if the law isn’t enforced that much, there’s still a terrible stigma. Britain has proved to be such a sanctuary for so many gay people. If Pakistanis didn’t have British Passports in the past because of being in the commonwealth, well, I dread to think.’

  ‘You wouldn’t want to let a bunch of Irish nuns hear you say that, we were fed a strict diet of the trials and misery brought down on our heads because of the English for eight hundred years. They’d go mental if they heard someone saying being ruled by Britain was actually a good thing.’ Carmel grinned, leaning on one elbow and looking down into Sharif’s face.

  ‘I don’t think any Irish nuns would approve of a good Catholic girl consorting with a Pakistani Muslim either.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘Especially one facing a malpractice suit.’

  ‘Tell me if you don’t want to talk about it but, how was your day? Meeting the other solicitor, how did that go?’

  He sighed deeply and she saw the worry cross his face once more.

  ‘Alright, I suppose, it seems that all he has are these photos, which are definitely fake, the sheets are not ones we use, they have patterns on them, and everything we use here is white, so he obviously put the stains on them, brought them in, and put them on his mother’s bed and photographed her. The dirty tray, the ashtray, I’ve never seen any of it before, but he said the same as my own legal people, that it would be best to settle. Luke rang, apparently this Johnson does have a record, but it’s all for petty things, so nothing we could really use. The solicitor reckons he’s not even going to try to take it into court but that he might just try to blackmail me, say he’ll send them to the papers or something, post them online, who knows? He’s sent a letter, I got a copy this morning, outlining all his grievances, not just the dirt and all of that, but that people here are cruel to his mother, that she doesn’t get her meds on time, that she’s just not being taken care of generally. His solicitor is not one my man had ever heard of, but that doesn’t mean anything.’

  ‘This is just so wrong!’ Carmel was struggling to control her temper, ‘How the hell can he just come up with all this stuff? And poor Mrs Johnson can’t even speak up for us; we’ve done nothing but be kind and courteous and look after her, like we do for everyone, and this awful money-grabbing man can just…I’ve a good mind to find him and …’

  ‘Shush, getting mad doesn’t help. Trust me, I was stomping around the office when I got the letter, I just went for a run, pounding the roads seemed to work the temper out of me. I know the temptation, darling, to find him and force him to withdraw his ridiculous claims, believe me, I have fantasized about this myself, but we must do nothing that would make us in any way culpable. All the legal people agree on that. Do not approach him, and to keep an extra close eye on Mrs Johnson. Her charts, her paperwork, all up to date and verified. I am having another consultant come in tomorrow to assess her and write a report on her care, just to have it. I’ve asked Tristan to recommend someone, not anybody I know, to have an independent assessment of her for our files. It’s going to be a rocky road ahead, Carmel, and I can’t tell you how glad I am to have you beside me.’

  ‘Well, I’ve a confession to make, I actually did approach him the other day in the car park. He basically told me that we should both go back where we came from and stop scrounging off the British state.’

  Sharif laughed out loud.

  ‘Says the only one in this whole sorry story on benefits! He really is a piece of work. Was that all; I hope he didn’t hurt you?’

  ‘No, just verbally abusive and racist. What you’d expect. He is so smelly and horrible and his car, ugh, gross.’

  ‘I know. Look, it will hopefully be okay, and you know how I know that?’ He put his arms around her.

  ‘No, how?’

  ‘Because I have you in my corner. I’d be so much more worried if I was facing this alone, but having you beside me, well, it’s just great.’

  ‘Always. I don’t know how much help I can be, but I’m here one hundred percent.’

  ‘I know you are, now we had better get some sleep, busy day tomorrow.’ His dark eyes fixed hers, ‘Unless you’re not sleepy?’ a slow smile crossed his handsome face.

  Feeling quite wanton as the nuns might have put it, she ran her hand over his chest. ‘No, I think I could stay awake if I was busy…’

  Chapter 20

  Carmel’s beeper buzzed her to reception. She tried not to show her frustration, everyone was so busy with the final dress rehearsal for the Wizard of Oz, fixing costumes or putting the finishing touches to the set. Things were somewhat chaotic, sets falling over, zips bursting, and the PA screeching feedback, m
uch to the delight of the children. The entire staff found reasons to stop by at one time or another to enjoy the fun. The Kaivalya, recently the home of their very beautiful engagement party, now looked like a bomb site. The show was due on stage the following evening and all the kid’s parents and families were coming. The life the production had brought to the hospice was palpable. Even those not involved were excited to see how it all came together.

  Carmel was kneeling, mouth full of pins and the Lion stood before her with an almost entirely detached tail. Apparently, he’d closed the toilet door on it and when he turned to see what the problem was, he ripped his tail off, as well as tearing quite a large hole in the costume. The little boy, Noah, was very upset, so Carmel, along with Jill and Winnie, two patients, were doing their best to soothe him while repairing the damage. Similar catastrophes were being handled throughout the room. Daf assured everyone, big and small, that the dress rehearsal was always a total fiasco but that it would be alright on the night. Carmel hoped she was right, but then realized that once the kids had fun, and the patients saw the fruits of their labours on stage, who cared if it wasn’t West End standard? Leaving the Lion in Jill’s care, she reluctantly made her way to the front desk.

  She really wanted to get the show all sorted before meeting Joe. He had arranged to call to Tim’s house at six and was picking her up at five-thirty. She took out her phone again. She’d read the text several times already, but she couldn’t stop herself.