Instead, she left her to her work.
Chapter Eleven
September 18
Raine wished she’d put on a long-sleeved shirt before she walked down to the college baseball fields in the chilly evening air. She had spent all week working up the nerve to attend this last game of the season, which was likely to draw a big crowd, but she didn’t want to let Beth down by missing every single game.
Still, her nerves kept her from arriving on time. She hoped to go unnoticed and stand off to the side of the bleachers, but Chris and Tyler saw her and shouted over the crowd for her to join them.
Raine appreciated the warm welcome in what she worried was an unfriendly crowd, but she wished they would be more subtle. They immediately began to introduce her to a few of the people around them. “And I believe you know this hoodlum,” Chris said, grabbing a guy by the shirt sleeve and tugging him around to face them. “He’s your spitting image.”
Raine smiled at her little brother. “Hey, Davey. Who’re you here to see?”
“Your girlfriend, the kindergarten teacher, right?” Tyler asked. “When you going to get a ring on her finger?”
“I’m working on it,” Davey mumbled at his feet, a shy habit he’d had since he was a boy.
“Really?” Raine was shocked. Wasn’t Davey too young to get married, and to a woman she’d never met? She’d lost track of a lot of things since leaving town, but for some reason this one hit her hard.
“I need to put a little more money away, but she’s a nice girl, Rory. You’d like her if you ever met her.”
“I’d like to, Davey,” Raine said, and seeing the doubt in his eyes, added, “Why don’t you bring her to dinner sometime?”
“You weren’t at dinner this week,” Davey said flatly, looking away again.
Chris and Tyler stepped away when the conversation turned to family matters. “I meant to come by.”
“Sure you did.”
Davey had seen through her lie, but she didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t seem interested in her being there anyway. He had no idea what it was like for her to be in that house. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“No, you never did,” Davey said quietly, his jaw clenched. “You didn’t even try to explain. Maybe you didn’t trust me enough, or maybe you didn’t care what I thought.”
Where’d he gotten those ideas? Her parents must have brainwashed him. “Davey, you don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t know what happened.”
“That’s right, Rory. I don’t have any idea what happened. I woke up one morning and you were gone. Then ten years later you come back the same way, with no explanation. I assume you’ll leave again someday without telling me why then either.”
He hadn’t raised his voice, and he still hadn’t looked at her, which made the exchange all the more exasperating. This was her little brother. She’d been his protector, his playmate, his best friend, and she’d left him without a word.
She could’ve handled his anger. Anger was her go-to emotion, what she felt when she remembered the night she left, but she didn’t do well with hurt, and that’s what Davey was expressing. He obviously felt betrayed also. Raine stared at him, unable to convey the confusion, frustration, and regret that overwhelmed her.
“I promise I’ll be at dinner next Sunday,” she said. It wasn’t enough, but it was all she could offer right now. Repairing her relationship with her brother would take time, but she wanted to make the first step.
She didn’t have anything else to say, at least nothing she could say at a softball game surrounded by half the town. Davey just nodded and left Raine to think about how far her life had diverged from the path she would have chosen for herself.
*
Beth watched from second base as Rory and Davey talked. At least she thought they were talking, but Davey wasn’t looking at his sister. Rory moved her lips occasionally, and the dejected expressions on both of their faces indicated a serious conversation, not baseball banter. Whatever wounds were being reopened in the St. James family were likely deep and not quickly mended. When Davey walked away, Raine stared blankly at the field. Tyler and Chris must have read her mood too, because neither of them rejoined her.
Beth wished she could be there with her. Rory and her brother had always been close as kids. Their distance now had to be affecting her. Her proud posture sagged, and the corners of her mouth drooped into a frown. If the external effect was so clear to Beth, even from that great a distance, then surely the emotional damage must be strong.
Beth wanted to hold Rory and tell her everything would get better, even though she wasn’t sure that was true. Rory was proud and defiant, and she still let her anger overwhelm her. Beth wasn’t certain that, if pushed, Rory wouldn’t make the same impulsive decisions she’d made at eighteen. Still, she was capable of so much more.
She was tender when she worked with her students, sensitive when she’d stuck up for Beth in the country, and when she relaxed her defenses, she revealed that old inner light that had been hidden but not extinguished. Beth was drawn to that side of Rory, which was why she quietly left the dugout between innings.
“I was wondering if you’d make it to one of these games.” Beth folded her arms along the top of the fence, so close to Rory that their shoulders touched.
“Better late than never, right?”
“Absolutely. Everybody has to deal with things in their own time.” Beth hoped Rory recognized that her message applied to more than a softball game.
Rory nodded. “Some of us need longer than others.”
“That’s okay, as long as you keep at it.”
“Why do I get the feeling that we aren’t talking about attending softball games anymore?”
Beth smiled and threw her arm around Rory’s shoulders, giving her a little squeeze. “My father used to say that baseball is a metaphor for life.”
Rory smiled, and this time her dimples appeared. “You’d better get back to your game.”
Beth jogged onto the field with her team, but her mind was still with Rory, who had leaned casually against the fence, her long frame stretched beneath her. She was striking, her body nearly flawless, and her expression had softened to one of guarded amusement. Her outward appearance gave no indication of her inner troubles.
At times she could be so cocky and defiant that nothing seemed to be able to touch her. Then in an instant she’d transform into the scared, wounded teenager who had run away from home. Other times, Beth glimpsed the old Rory at the most unexpected moments. It must be exhausting to have three distinctly different personalities warring within her.
The crack of the bat brought Beth’s mind back to the game, but only long enough for her to watch the ball sail into right field, where it was caught and lobbed back to the pitcher. She would’ve welcomed a chance to display her athleticism for Rory. Instead she had to stifle the urge to wave to her. She’d already been invasive enough by going out to see her.
Rory needed to be handled carefully. She was proud and stubborn and a little dangerous. Beth reminded herself that Rory hadn’t asked for her help, and aside from her comment about missing her last weekend she hadn’t indicated that she wanted company. Beth was risking a lot even to be seen with her.
She forced herself to look away from Rory, scanning the crowd in the bleachers behind the batter, and noticed Kelly sitting in the second row.
Oh, no, she probably saw me hug Rory. It hadn’t occurred to her that Kelly would attend the game. She’d already been to two of them early in the season, and she didn’t like to show up at too many of Beth’s events for fear that it would raise suspicions. Now it appeared that she had some suspicions of her own. She was scowling at Rory. Kelly had surely noticed where Beth was focusing her attention.
This would require a lot of explaining, but how could she tell her closeted girlfriend that she was hugging the town’s only out-and-proud lesbian because she felt an irresistible urge to ease her pain? Even if Kelly we
re willing to hear her out, she wasn’t likely to understand something that Beth herself couldn’t completely comprehend.
*
After the game, Tyler and Chris pushed Raine toward the dugout, where they corralled Beth the moment she exited the playing field. She was wearing sweatpants and her uniform T-shirt, her dark curls pulled back in a ponytail. She seemed younger than she did in her work clothes, and yet the casual attire was somehow sexy, or maybe it was the way the flush of her cheeks offset the blue in her eyes.
Either way, Raine had a hard time appearing as though her close proximity wasn’t affecting her the same way it had earlier when Beth pulled her close. The hug had been friendly and completely innocent, but she couldn’t help the way she’d reacted to the feel of Beth’s body pressed against hers. By the time Beth pulled away, Raine’s sadness had disappeared. Now she was so aroused she could hardly remember why she’d been upset.
Standing across from Beth while she chatted with the boys, Raine forced herself to think about something other than Beth’s body. Thankfully, Chris provided a more neutral topic. “I got four tickets to the Cardinals game next Friday, and we aren’t taking no for an answer, Beth.”
“I have to check my schedule. I’m not sure if I’m free.”
“Sorry.” Tyler shook his head. “We know you don’t have a softball game, and we’ll have you back Saturday, so you can’t use the church choir as an excuse. Unless you give us the name of some hot date, we’re dragging you to St. Louis with us.”
Rory watched Beth try to come up with an excuse. She should step in and help her out, but she didn’t understand Beth’s discomfort until she noticed her glance quickly over her shoulder. Kelly stood a few yards behind them, pretending she wasn’t watching the exchange. She was with another small group of people, and to the uninterested observer she’d appear as though she didn’t realize Beth was there, but Raine knew otherwise. Kelly was turned slightly toward her and kept sneaking glances at her girlfriend when she didn’t think anyone was watching.
As the guys kept pressuring Beth to go with them next weekend, Kelly’s expression grew more agitated. Beth had obviously noticed too and tried to end the conversation by offering to let them know her plans no later than tomorrow afternoon.
She probably wanted the extra time to confer with her girlfriend, and while Raine would love to use this chance to piss off Kelly, she felt compelled to play peacemaker for Beth’s sake. “Give her till tomorrow. If she says no, we’ll make plans to kidnap her like she did me.”
Beth laughed, relief plainly visible on her face. “Thanks. I promise I’ll call you then, but right now I need to go talk to some other people.”
“Of course she does.” Chris chuckled as she left. “Everyone in town will want to say hello to her before they head home.”
That was true, but Raine also understood that Beth needed to speak to one person in particular right now, and the thought made her queasy. She didn’t want to stay around and watch the awkward dance where Beth and Kelly tried to publicly acknowledge each other while simultaneously pretending they barely knew one another, so she told the guys good night and started back to her apartment.
How could Kelly be so hypocritical and why did Beth put up with Kelly treating her like a dirty little secret? Smart, beautiful, beloved Beth could do so much better than closeted Kelly. Raine might have to respect their right to make their own decisions, but she didn’t have to agree with them. And she certainly didn’t have to stick around and watch them together.
*
Beth stopped and talked to several other people before she finally turned to Kelly. It always grated on her nerves that she had to play these games. She’d originally thought Kelly would eventually relax and become more comfortable in their relationship, but instead she’d grown more paranoid as the years passed and their friends began to get married. Now Beth was stuck making small talk with everyone but the one woman she really needed to communicate with.
When the crowd had dissipated enough that Beth could approach Kelly, she noticed that Kelly was already leaving. Was she supposed to follow Kelly, or was Kelly purposely ignoring her? She never knew in these situations, but she decided that it was better for her to try and be rebuffed than to let Kelly go. She had to jog to catch up with her, and when she finally did, Kelly didn’t even look up. “I’m glad you came to the game.”
“That’s not what it seemed like to me.” Kelly kept walking. “How was Rory?”
Beth caught her breath. She expected Kelly to be upset, but she wasn’t prepared to jump right into unpleasant topics. “I know you don’t like her, but she’s having a hard time adjusting to being back here.”
“Of course she is. She shouldn’t be here. She’s not like us, Beth. She’s not happy unless she’s causing trouble.”
“I wish you’d stop thinking of her like that. She’s had some problems, but she’s not a troublemaker,” Beth said as they got to Kelly’s car, one of the few left in the grassy lot.
Kelly finally looked at Beth. “Whether she means to or not isn’t important. She is causing trouble between us, and I don’t like it.”
“What do you mean?”
“God, Beth, do you think I’m blind? My girlfriend is hugging a well-known dyke in front of half the town. Am I not supposed to notice that?” Kelly started to raise her voice but then seemed to remember that they were in public and regained control. “Even if I did ignore the way she watches you, the rest of the town won’t. Why don’t you see that as a problem?”
“It doesn’t have to be a problem if you don’t let it get to you. She’s a friend. You’re my lover.” Beth took Kelly’s hand and began to lift it to her lips before she registered the shock on Kelly’s face.
“What are you doing?” Kelly pulled away and glanced around her, fear and tension stiffening her posture. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. She’s getting to you.”
Beth shook her head. “No, you were getting to me. Forgive me for wanting to reassure you. I thought you were concerned about our relationship. I forgot that everything comes second to your reputation.”
“That sounds like something Rory would say.”
“Well, maybe Rory’s right about a few things.” Beth held up her hands to cut off any further response. She wasn’t about to have a fight with her in a ball-field parking lot. “Let’s not do this here. Will you please come over tonight?”
“No,” Kelly said resolutely as she got into her car, leaving the door open enough to finish their conversation. “We’ve already become too suspect after your little public display of affection for Rory tonight. I’ll call this week sometime and we can talk about it then. Maybe I’ll see you next Friday.”
“Maybe?” Beth’s head spun with the realization that Kelly was once again grounding her for associating with Rory, but this time she wasn’t interested in sitting home waiting for Kelly to forgive her. “Kelly, you take your time to sort out whatever you need to sort out, but don’t expect me to be waiting by the phone.”
With that, she shut Kelly’s car door. As soon as she was in her own driver’s seat, she flipped open her cell phone and dialed Tyler’s number. “Ty, I’m in for next Friday.”
She was tired of always being understanding and accommodating for a girlfriend who wasn’t interested in returning the favor.
Chapter Twelve
September 25
Raine laughed at the snappy banter from the students who filled her apartment. She’d offered her place as an option for the GLBT Student Association to hold their board meetings. The students were eager to get out of the loud cafeteria, and Raine enjoyed having company in her otherwise silent living quarters. She was in her bedroom now, packing for her trip to St. Louis, but she could still hear the students discussing which gay film to show at the GLBT movie night next week. The gay guys wanted Hairspray, but the lesbians were pushing hard for Bound.
“The mafia is so overdone,” one of the boys said.
“Singing quee
ns aren’t?” one of the girls shot back.
“That’s a massive stereotype.”
“But the lesbian handywoman in her wifebeater T-shirt is a fresh new view of the issues?”
Raine didn’t usually jump in on these conversations. Despite the students’ cattiness, they always worked their differences out. They were a great group, and while there weren’t many queer students on campus, the ones who were out were active. Even some straight students attended meetings on a regular basis to support their gay friends. Raine found them all refreshing, and their energetic attitude toward life was a nice break from her own troubled musings about Darlington. They were so comfortable with themselves and their surroundings that Raine was envious at times.
“Lesbians hate musicals.”
“Now who’s stereotyping?”
Raine laughed as she dragged her duffel bag into the living room. “How about a truce?”
The students turned to her expectantly and she gave them her one-word answer. “Rent.”
“It’s got lesbians,” one of the guys said, “and gays, and trans folks, and straight people.”
“And it’s a musical,” Raine said to the boys. “Not all lesbians hate them.”
“You’re not a lesbian, Raine. You transcend labels.” One of the boys feigned a swoon.
Raine gave him a gentle shove. The students liked to joke about having a celebrity in their midst, and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t love such comments. It was nice to have someone recognize her public persona since Patty was gone. The GLBT kids always boosted her ego.
“Now get out of my apartment. I’ve got a hot date with the St. Louis Cardinals tonight.”
The Long Way Home Page 13
