“No.” Beth shook her head vehemently, then realized how dramatic she was being and tried to control her fear. “I mean, I’m ushering. I should wait in the lobby for late arrivals.”
“Nonsense.” Flores looped an arm around her waist and nudged her down the walkway. “There are plenty of ushers here. This is your big moment too. Raine wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for you.”
The words hit Beth with unexpected force, leaving her breathless and unable to reply as Flores dragged her the rest of the way to their seats in the front row.
The president of the student body began to introduce Rory, but Beth couldn’t hear a word over the roar of her own pulse pounding through her ears. The dull throb emanating from where her heart should be coursed through her body from the knot in her stomach to the tension in her neck. Rory had always affected her on a physical level, but this was not the pleasant tingle of anticipation Beth had grown used to.
A round of applause signaled the end of Rory’s introduction, and despite wanting to close her eyes and cover her ears with the futility of a child hiding from a storm, Beth watched as Rory strode onto the stage in a charcoal suit that was obviously custom-made. From the way the slacks clung to her hips to the subtle intake of the short jacket along her sides, every stitch accentuated the peaks and hollows that Beth had so recently caressed. She craved to reach out and touch Rory but flamed with longing when she gazed upward past the deep green oxford shirt that set off the emerald in Rory’s eyes. They were hollow and searching, red-ringed and unsteady as Rory scanned the crowd before her.
The audience waited patiently while Rory shifted some papers, then looked up and shook a wayward tuft of hair from her forehead. She regarded the crowd with her rakish grin, and Beth could practically feel the people around her fall in love with Rory, even as her own heart broke again. Despite appearing tired, Rory had presence. She was magnetic. She was stunning and she hadn’t even said a word.
“Students, faculty, staff, alumni, and distinguished guests,” Rory began, “welcome to your Bramble College Homecoming weekend. I’m Raine St. James.”
She paused for effect as she made eye contact with several audience members. Beth held her breath as Rory’s eyes met her own and tried desperately to read the roiling emotions that flooded across Rory’s face. Certainly she was surprised, but Beth also detected pain and perhaps regret, or was she simply projecting her own feelings? Rory stepped backward and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I need to start over.”
The audience chuckled as though this was a joke, some narrative ploy or rhetorical strategy to keep them interested, but Rory was apparently struggling to keep her composure. I shouldn’t be here. She’s still mad at me. Rory shuffled some papers before she set them aside and exhaled forcefully. She looked up once more, her uncertainty fading under a growing resolve. “I’m not Raine St. James.”
Again, a burst of laugher from the crowd, which obviously misunderstood the gravity of the words they’d heard, but Rory continued. “I’m not really Raine. I’m Rory St. James. Just Rory.”
Beth fought to suppress the wave of joy rising in her. This woman had hurt her before. Beth had to be cautious, but hearing Rory say those simple words cracked her resolve because she knew Rory hadn’t said them lightly. Rory’s next words confirmed that understanding.
“That’s not easy for me to say because I’ve worked hard to become Raine. To abandon that identity after so long takes a lot out of me. It takes a lot away from me too. So much of the way I view myself and the way I view the world was tied to the identity I’d created for myself.
“When I was Raine, I knew where I stood. I knew where I was headed and how to relate to people. There were no shades of gray. I was secure in who I was, and I was known for not compromising.” Rory stopped and pushed her hands through her hair, then cracked a smile. “I wasn’t just known for it. I was famous for it, and that’s why I’m up here today.”
Rory faced Beth again. “I put myself in this position through the choices I made during the last ten years. I’ve traveled the world, and I was supposed to bring all my radical knowledge to the students of this little college and expand their horizons.” She spoke with enough self-deprecation to get a chuckle from the crowd.
“Expanding Horizons, developing a broader worldview and a stronger sense of how we fit in it, that’s the theme of this weekend. It’s been more than that, though. It’s been the theme of my last few months. I thought I understood what it meant to expand my horizons, but recently I’ve come to realize that as important as it is to meet new people, see new places, and do new things, it can be even more life-altering to face old things in a new way.”
Rory was in her groove now. She had the audience’s full attention. She made the large space feel intimate, like she was having a conversation over drinks instead of making a formal presentation to hundreds of people. For that’s exactly what Rory was doing, Beth realized. Rory was speaking directly to her. Despite the crowd she continued to bring her attention back to Beth every time she made a point that related to their relationship, and each time she did, a little piece of Beth’s heart fell back into place.
“Before I returned here, I had a lot of ideas about what it meant to be gay and what it meant to live in a small town. I thought I knew what it meant to be a friend or part of a family. I even thought I knew what it meant to be loved, but only when I was forced to move past all my preconceived notions did I realize what I’d been closing myself off from.”
This time when their eyes met, Beth sensed several other people turning to see her too, but she didn’t care. Rory’s gaze never wavered as she delivered her next line. “In all my worldly wisdom, I missed out on the most essential human experience of loving and being loved.”
Beth’s tears began to fall. A few minutes ago she couldn’t conceive of a way for her and Rory to reconcile. Now she couldn’t imagine not spending the rest of their lives together. Beth mouthed, “I love you,” and a smile spread across Rory’s face. This time the expression reached her eyes, sparking them back to life as she returned her attention to her audience.
“You can go anywhere and try anything, but until you’re open to new outcomes, your life will remain limited to the same lonely confines that have always boxed you in. My advice to you, whether you’re seeing a new continent or driving a familiar road, is to be open. Open yourself to new experiences, new people, and new understandings, because when you open your heart, you open your mind, and by extension you expand your horizons.”
The crowd was on its feet before Rory had even taken her bow. The round of applause seemed to last an eternity while Beth fought to keep herself from jumping onstage and wrapping Rory in her arms. She waited while a line of admirers formed to congratulate Rory. The college president, every member of the board of trustees, and a large group of students all wanted a moment with Rory. Beth didn’t blame them. She was still processing everything she’d heard, but her heart pounded in response to Rory’s words. Rory had let go of Raine. She was facing life with a new attitude. She loved her.
She loves me. Beth flopped back into her seat. Rory loved her, and she loved Rory. How had she missed that? Through all the talk of careers, families, and futures, they’d overlooked the fact that they’d fallen in love. Apparently Rory wasn’t the only one who needed to expand her horizons.
Rory glanced over again and weakly smiled before she turned back to the woman she was talking to. Beth settled in for a long delay. She’d waited for Rory for ten years so a few more minutes wouldn’t kill her, but Rory obviously wasn’t adding patience to her new list of virtues. She abruptly cut off whatever the woman was saying by taking her hand and shaking it emphatically and walking away. The woman stood with a puzzled expression as Beth watched Rory approach.
“Come on.” Rory grabbed her hand and led her out a side door of the auditorium. They continued to push past several groups of people on the way out. Rory ignored them all, and a thrill rose in Beth.
; “All those people wanted to talk to you,” she said as they hurried across the quad and into Rory’s building.
“I don’t want to talk to them. I want to talk to you.”
Beth blocked the door to Rory’s apartment with her body. “You dragged me all the way back here because you want to talk?”
“I do want to talk,” Rory wrapped her arms around Beth’s waist and kissed her thoroughly on the mouth, “among other things.”
Once they were inside with the door locked, Rory made a big show of unplugging the phone. She then turned back to Beth. “I was an idiot.”
Beth laughed. It was hard to argue with that statement. “I wasn’t on my best behavior either, but I think we can do better in the future.”
“The future? I was afraid I’d mucked it up too badly for you to ever trust me again.”
Beth’s heart ached at the uncertainty in Rory’s eyes, and she clasped Rory’s hand. “I want a future with you in whatever form it may take. We’re facing big changes, but I want to face them together.”
“Together.” Rory kissed Beth’s hand, then worked her way up her arm, placing a kiss every few inches until her lips were near Beth’s ear. “I like the sound of that.”
Beth let her head loll back, luxuriating in the feel of Rory’s lips against the sensitive skin of her neck. The warmth in her stomach flared into a burning tide that spread rapidly through her. Her love and attraction for Rory melded into a force she couldn’t contain. She ran her hands up Rory’s back, squeezing their bodies together as she kissed her.
Beth’s lips parted, offering access to Rory’s tongue, which quickly swept across her own, but instead of fulfilling her need, the kiss only increased it. She ran her hand inside Rory’s suit coat and pushed it from her shoulders. As they continued to kiss, Beth fingered the buttons on Rory’s deep green oxford. She popped the top button, then another, before Rory clutched her hands.
“No,” Rory mumbled. “I’m not doing that again.”
“What?”
Rory stepped back. “Every time you tear off my shirt, you run away, leaving me half naked and completely confused.”
Beth laughed. “Okay, do you want me to go first?”
The hunger in Rory’s eyes as she nodded was all the encouragement Beth needed to grip the hem of her sweater between her fingers and lift it slowly over her head. Then she reached back and unclasped her bra, dropping it onto the growing pile of clothes at her feet. Rory swallowed audibly and Beth blushed at Rory’s expression, but the heat in her cheeks wasn’t from embarrassment. It was from desire.
She pulled Rory against her, connecting their bodies and mouths once again. This time when Rory ran her hands up Beth’s sides, she caressed bare skin. Beth wasn’t sure which of them groaned when Rory cupped her breast, and she didn’t care. Consumed by the feel of Rory against her, Beth knew she wouldn’t last long and began to guide Rory toward the bedroom.
They fumbled across the apartment with Beth unbuttoning Rory’s shirt and Rory unclasping Beth’s belt while somewhere along the way they both kicked off their shoes. Beth slipped her hands inside Rory’s shirt and tugged it from her waistband. Then sitting on the edge of the bed, she unbuttoned the pants and placed a kiss on Rory’s stomach as she slowly unzipped the slacks. She pushed them down over Rory’s hips, leaving her in only her boxers.
She was stunning, her body everything Beth had imagined. Rory had subtle muscles blending into firm abs, and her stomach was only slightly less firm. Beth wanted to touch her, all of her, and she began to remove the boxers, but Rory stopped her by laying her back on the bed, gently cupping Beth’s head as it fell onto the pillow.
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Rory whispered. Beth wanted to protest. Surely Rory had been with plenty of gorgeous women. She wanted to ask how a plain, simple farm girl could ever compare, but the words died inside of her when Rory lowered her head and traveled slowly down the length of Beth’s body, placing a mix of kisses—some soft, some sexy—along her chest, arms, and stomach. Beth raised her hips, allowing Rory to pull her khakis off and continue her trail of kisses down one leg and back up the other. Beth gasped as Rory neared her inner thigh and breathed against the pulsing between her legs.
“God, Rory, I want you so much,” Beth said even as she realized words couldn’t express how she felt. More than a want or even a need, she craved the feel of Rory inside her, desired her in every way, emotionally and physically. If Rory didn’t touch her soon, she’d pass out or perhaps disintegrate. She’d spent a lifetime putting others first, but now in Rory’s arms she wanted what she wanted. Mercifully, Rory didn’t make her wait long before she lowered her head and sucked Beth into her mouth.
The sensation of Rory’s insistent stroking sent Beth into overload. Her head lolled back on the bed and her hips rocked involuntarily to the rhythm of Rory’s tongue on her clit. The tension inside her coiled quickly, but Rory must have sensed how close she was and slowed down. She continued to lightly caress Beth while easing first one finger, then two, inside her.
Beth was dizzy at the ecstasy that coursed through her, and her body began to act on its own, arching up to meet each of Rory’s thrusts. As Rory increased her pace, Beth’s thoughts and movements became erratic. No longer able to control herself, she surrendered to the explosion of pleasure that surged from every nerve ending. All her muscles tensed in unison, and she shuddered under Rory until her body gave way and collapsed completely.
She felt like weeping at the overwhelming sense of completion that swept over her. She’d never lost control like that. She’d never wanted to, but Rory made her feel safe, even cherished, as she wrapped her arms around Beth and drew her up against her own heaving chest. She placed light kisses along her forehead and temples and murmured, “I love you, Beth.”
It was true. Rory loved her, and Beth loved her in return. She wanted to tell her that, show her, make her feel it too, but how could she give Rory what she’d just given her?
*
Rory held Beth closely. She couldn’t get enough of this woman, and she doubted she ever would. We made love. The thought floated through her head as she drew little dancing patterns across Beth’s delicate skin. It was so easy. She didn’t have to perform or be something she wasn’t. Beth loved her, the real her. She didn’t have to second-guess where she was supposed to be or what she was supposed to do. She was at ease with herself for the first time in over a decade. Love. She’d never experienced anything so beautiful or sexy. She wanted to laugh, or cry. Instead she hugged Beth, soaking up her scent, her feel, her taste.
Slowly her serenity gave way to a stirring just below the surface. Her body demanded attention. The way Beth was lightly kissing her chest was the cause, but once she started, would she be able to stop? Her need surged through her so quickly she worried that her desire would scare Beth. Her pulse quickened as Beth’s kisses became more insistent, and she clutched the sheets for fear of hurting Beth.
“I want to make you feel good,” Beth said, rolling Rory onto her back and straddling her waist. Rory wanted to say she already felt better, but the sight of Beth naked and rocking against her hips was too much. She only nodded and tried to swallow the dryness in her throat. Beth was even more striking than she’d dreamed. Tantalizing skin covered ample curves and full breasts that Rory had to fight not to grab. Her own need frightened her. She’d never let herself need anyone, and now she remembered why. It terrified her to feel this vulnerable, but it exhilarated her too.
Beth bent down so their bare chests met skin to skin. She kissed along Rory’s throat and neck up to her ear before she whispered, “Tell me what you want.”
“You.” Rory choked on the word. “I want you so much I can hardly hold back.”
Beth rolled onto her side, still pressed close as she ran her hand over Rory’s breasts and down her stomach. “Don’t hold back, Rory. Don’t keep any part of you from me.”
Rory exhaled shakily. She was right. It was time
to let go. This was Beth, the woman who’d seen through all her charades. This was the woman she wanted to build a life with. If Rory’s only sin was wanting Beth too much, then they’d both have to learn to live with it.
She kissed Beth again, this time allowing her passion to flow freely as she laced her fingers through dark silky curls. Beth worked her hand between their bodies and under the waistband of Rory’s boxers, pushing them down over her hips. Rory didn’t bother to kick the shorts all the way off. Instead she freed one leg and threw it over Beth, offering her total access as they lay on their sides facing each other.
Beth gently ran her fingers through Rory’s wetness, slowly parting delicate folds. Rory groaned when Beth skimmed lightly across her clit with tantalizing strokes before she pulled back again. Beth never rushed into anything, and her lovemaking was no different. She leisurely acquainted herself with every inch of Rory’s body. While one hand stayed between Rory’s legs, Beth kissed her along her jaw, down her neck, and onto her chest. She caressed each breast with her lips and then her tongue. Rory arched into her, searching for release while simultaneously praying this exquisite torture would never end.
Slowly Beth’s kisses stilled, and her touch grew more insistent. Rory lifted her eyes and met Beth’s deep blue gaze. Her breath caught at the overwhelming rush of emotions there. Lust, desire, love, and devotion all mingled in Beth’s eyes, or maybe they mirrored her own. Rory was captivated. She was still drowning in those azure oceans when Beth moved inside her, blurring the boundaries between their bodies. The physical collided with the emotional, heartbeats fell into time, and the barriers that had once stood between them crumbled to dust.
Rory never closed her eyes to the blinding light that exploded within her, crashing through her chest and echoing through her limbs. She held Beth’s stare as Beth held her shaking body until the tremors subsided completely.
“You’re amazing,” Beth finally said when they were breathing normally again.
The Long Way Home Page 24
