by EJ Valson
"Stacy, Jenni, can I speak with you both in my office, please?" Steve asks, before going back to his office.
What if we're being laid off? How the hell will I manage without this job? I'm trying my best to refrain from panicking, and now feeling lightheaded and dizzy. I am freaking scared!
I follow Stacy into Steve's office and sit down next to her. Steve remains seated at his desk across from us. I'm doing my best to keep calm and not show my concern?or sweaty armpits.
"Jane and Roger have just given notice," Steve says, his tone serious.
Stacy and I look at each other in shock. "They have accepted positions at a competing company and they're leaving effective immediately. However, this leaves us in a bit of a jam," he explains.
"We won't have time to train anyone else before our show in England. Stacy, you are already going, but we need two more bodies to help staff the booth," he states, before looking directly me.
"Jenni, I know it's short notice, but would you be willing to come to England for a week?" he asks.
My heart starts to race with excitement. I have to stop myself from shouting with joy like some game show contestant who just won a big prize. "Yes, absolutely," I say, straining to keep my composure.
"But that only covers one person. I don't think there's anyone else here who has the knowledge or is personable enough to fit our needs. Stacy, do you have any recommendations?" he asks her.
Stacy thinks for a minute. I can see the wheels turning in her methodical mind. "How about Michael?" she suggests.
I look at her, surprised. Why would she suggest him? He doesn't even work here anymore. I look at Steve, whose facial expression tells me he's now considering this. After all, it would be cheaper to send Michael from Sweden to England than to fly another person from the US over. Plus, he now has all the product knowledge required and is good with people in the booth.
"I think that might work. Stacy, will you try to contact him and see if he's interested?" he asks her.
I politely interrupt. "Oh, I can do that. We still keep in touch, so I'm happy to," I say, looking to both of them for approval.
Steve gets a slight smirk on his face. I know this face. He can sense that something's up. I try to contain my eagerness and conceal any feelings for Michael that I may have just made known.
"OK, feel free to," Steve replies, smiling knowingly. I quickly get up from the chair preparing to hurry back to my desk to contact Michael.
"Say hello for us," Stacy teases, as I exit. I try to fight my guilty smile, but I can't. They're on to me. Luckily, they don't seem to care. We have no rule against dating within the company, and besides, they're my friends and they want me to be happy.
When reaching my desk, I quickly open my instant messenger. Michael's status is set to "Away". I am hoping he's around. "Hello, you there?" I type. I'm now tapping my foot, waiting impatiently for him to reply.
While I'm waiting, Stacy comes in and talks to me about which flights to book for myself, and how to change her room to a double so we can share. I comply and write it all down, while my nerves jitter through my body. Silently, I'm praying Michael will respond soon and will be able to come to England.
"Come on," I whisper to my computer screen. To keep myself busy, I look up flights between his airport in Sweden and the airport in England. I want to be ready to book his tickets. Fifteen minutes later, Michael finally responds. I quickly relay the invitation and misspell several words in the process of typing my message, thus causing confusion.
After a few minutes of Michael trying to determine his work schedule and worrying if his new boss will allow it, he decides it will be worth it, because in his words, "It's worth getting the chance to see you again."
His message brings a smile to my face and hope to my soul. England or bust!
CHAPTER 74
It's a rainy late June evening when John finally arrives. Though his drive down from Washington was less than three hours, I was so overwhelmed with anticipation that every minute felt like an hour.
"Do you need help carrying anything?" Astrid shouts at him through the rain while he gets out of his mini bus.
I hurry to the door to greet him. I can't get him in the house fast enough. He has every answer I have been waiting for. "Hi, John," I say eagerly when he approaches the front door.
"Hi, Jennifer," he says hustling in, trying to dodge the summer rainstorm.
"Here," he says handing me a small box. "Go ahead and get started, the batteries are new and the tapes are set to the beginning." I'm shaking with excitement. I can FINALLY listen to our sessions.
Astrid looks at me with a giant smile on her face. "Oh, honey, this is wonderful!" she says, elated.
We hurriedly make our way into the house. I find a comfortable spot on the floor amongst oversized floor pillows and yank the tape recorder from the box. I have my new journal next to me, so I'm ready to make comparisons. I take a deep breath as I hold the heavy, cold plastic machine in my hand. This is it.
"Be right there, Jennifer," Astrid calls from the kitchen, where she's making tea for everyone. John sits down in the old armchair across from me and leans forward with his arms on his knees, cradling his face in his palms, indicating he's ready to listen along with me.
Astrid enters the living room carrying three coffee mugs on a tray and sets them down near John and me, before sitting down on the couch. "OK, let's do this!" she exclaims.
With a jump of my heart, I press PLAY. The tape gears begin to turn and the echo-like tape sounds begin to hum.
John: "Jennifer, can you please tell me what season or month it is?"
Me: "It's spring, it's warm. I think it is?it's May."
John: "Do you know what year it is?"
Me: "It's...2006?yes, 2006."
John: "Good, good. And where are you?"
Me: "Um, I'm in a city?there are lights all around in tall buildings."
John: "Do you know the name of the city?"
Me: "??.Seattle."
John: "That's good, very good. And do you know who is with you?"
Me: "A guy?it's?.it's?..Michael."
We listen to hours of tape John recorded from our sessions. With each recollection from the tape recorder my body goes through a series of flashes, deja vu's and physical sensations that leave me feeling like I've run a marathon by the time we're finished.
I hear about my trips to Sweden. A trip to England. The moment we decided to get married. The day Michael came to live in the United States. Our wedding day. Telling him I was pregnant. A family photo shoot near a harbor when I was pregnant. The day Stella was born. ?
Every inkling of familiarity I've felt over the months is confirmed. Memories that I could recall enough to write about were revealed. Every glimpse of my future or what I remember living with Michael appears clearly and is restored to the depth of my core. I remember everything about him, everything about us, everything about what is to be.
When the last tape finishes, we sit in silence, staring at each other. John had already heard these things, but due to the nature of my situation at the time and his inexperience with someone like me, he didn't put too much effort into remembering each detail. And now that he knows Michael really exists, he's even more fascinated.
"These things really happened, Jennifer. The things that you say are supposed to happen in the future, are supposed to happen. I can see it clear as day now," Astrid says, with tears in her eyes. Her affirmation triggers relief and gratitude to surge through me and I'm now on the verge of crying.
"And we need to get you back as soon as possible," she says.
CHAPTER 75
I'm still fascinated by what has just taken place. Hearing all of my memories on the tapes, then Astrid confirming that they're valid, has filled me with hope. I didn't make any of this up. Whether I'm predicting it, or I actually lived it, doesn't matter. My real life is just that-real.
John sits quietly thinking in his chair. "Time is of the essence, Jennifer. And if
we go through with this, we have to do this right," he explains.
Astrid looks at him. "But, John, if we wait too long it could throw everything off course," she says anxiously.
John shakes his head in disagreement. "No. She has to go exactly one year to the day she arrived here. And not calendar year, the actual day. If she got here on a Sunday, she leaves on a Sunday. According to the day that Jennifer says she appeared here, we need to do it on July 30th. If she goes any sooner, she could get lost in a paradox. If she goes past that date, she risks closing some?some gap. She MUST go on the right day between 11:59 and midnight," he states firmly.
John's attention turns to me, his normally soft expression is now worn with seriousness. "Jennifer you have to be absolutely sure that you arrived the day you said you did," he stresses.
My heart begins thumping hard, as fear and anxiety whirl inside me. I quickly grab my cell phone from my purse and scroll through the calendar for the previous year. I know for a fact when I arrived, there is no mistake. Now I'm only frightened by the thought of missing my opportunity to go home.
"There are other people's lives at stake too, John," Astrid interjects. I know she's referring to Joe, Olivia and Stella.
"Astrid, I have all of the instructions and I know that if it's not done right she will end up like Jesus," he says firmly.
"Like Jesus?" I ask confused, before laughing nervously. The comical irony is not lost on me that I could end up like the biblical figure, Jesus. Sacrificing myself for the benefit others and possibly resulting in my life being cut short.
"Not like Jesus, like HAY-ZEUS," he pronounces emphatically. My amusement is quickly squelched by concern.
"What happened to him?" I carefully ask John.
He's quiet for a moment while mentally pondering something. "Let me show you," John says, stepping over to his backpack and pulling out a small camcorder. He takes out a few cables and connects them to the side of Astrid's television, and then to the camcorder. He turns her TV on and changes some input function. Then he powers on the camcorder and video appears on the screen within seconds.
Astrid and I move to the couch and sit close together, holding hands. A small dark man appears on the screen. He's sitting on a tree stump. Behind him is a small house. I can see dirt and dust all around it. It's a desolate landscape. John begins to ask questions, which someone else off camera repeats in Spanish to this man, who then responds in Spanish. His reply is then translated back to John in English.
Throughout the interview, it is revealed that this man's brother, Jesus, lost his way in time too. He claimed to be thrown back into another life, just as I had. He was separated from his children and pregnant wife, and forced into another time. He woke up one morning after a night of heavy drinking and went home to find it empty. No sign of his wife or children. Nothing that resembled his life at all. And when he went to the bathroom, he saw his face at the age of eighteen.
At first his brother, the man on the camera, thought Jesus was crazy. When he came to him with this tale he believed Jesus either drank too much or had lost his mind. After a few days of Jesus repeating his story, they went to see a village doctor, a spiritual doctor. At that visit there were details of his story that started to make them question whether Jesus' tale was a lie, a hallucination-or real.
Apparently, there's an ancient belief in their culture that a soul who is indecisive may find itself in limbo, in between two places and thrown through some type of a wormhole, if they're not careful. Turns out, Jesus wasn't the first of his people to have this journey. He and I may also not be the last.
After finally convincing his brother and the doctor that he was telling the truth, the doctor found a special "potion" to send Jesus back to his life with his wife and children.
If it worked, then time would simply freeze where they were and he would be able to continue life in his future. No one would be harmed. No one would be able to recall any of the events, except for Jesus. The past that Jesus went back to would be non-existent.
My jaw drops as he explains how Jesus prepared to travel through the two worlds, back to his real life. How they planned it so carefully, and how Jesus went limp after drinking the serum the doctor had made. At one point in the process they thought that he died.
But Jesus woke up. And when he woke up he was still eighteen. He was confused and scared and told them how he mistakenly made the wrong decision. He spoke of a strange dream-like place, where he was presented with options and if he made the wrong choice, he risked not going back to his life with his wife. Somewhere along the way, he chose incorrectly and therefore woke up again in the past.
Jesus was devastated and depressed, and the more time that passed, the less he engaged in living. He stopped talking about his wife and children. He became quiet and wouldn't speak to anyone. He is now practically mute, with the exception of occasionally saying only one word-"agua"-water. He's now known as the insane man of the village.
Though I couldn't understand what the man on the camera was saying without the translator, I could see emotions of sadness and helplessness sweep across his face. Jesus' brother felt responsible for believing him and encouraging the story when Jesus started to forget details about his real life-just as I did. He blamed himself for not convincing Jesus that it was all a dream and to start his life over. He wanted to take care of him, as he felt that he'd taken his brother's life away by allowing him to see the doctor and go through with the experiment.
I watch the man on camera sigh heavily in contemplation. I can see that he's recalling those memories and feels guilt. A moment later, he stands up and has the camera follow him into the dilapidated house. The house is dark and it's hard to see the rooms as they make their way to a doorway that has a curtain in place of a door.
The man slowly moves the sheer fabric and motions for the camera to come closer and look. As the camera makes its way through the small slit in the curtains, the room becomes light enough to see a figure. There's a mattress on the floor. On the mattress is a small-framed man, sitting with his back to the camera. The weak looking man remains still as he stares out the window, unaware that anyone has entered his room.
Jesus's brother comes into view from the side of the camera and kneels down to place his hand on Jesus' shoulder. Jesus doesn't acknowledge his presence as his brother tells the camera that this is how he sits all day. Jesus' brother has to feed and bathe him. And at night, Jesus' brother has to lay him down and close his eyes so he will sleep. He has been wasting away for almost thirty years-each year getting worse. He knows that eventually Jesus will die.
John stops the tape and sits down across from Astrid and me. We're in disbelief. I look at Astrid who is now obviously worried. "I see it all. As it was being described, I got flashes of this poor man fighting his way back," she says empathetically.
I'm growing scared. This is too much information all at once. This is not what I anticipated. A "magic potion," a test of some sort, the risk of coming back to the same place and then slowly fading away-unable to live either life. What would happen to Olivia? What would happen to me? Is it worth it?
I look to Astrid. "Will I make it if I try?" I ask her, pleadingly.
Her face turns pale as she absorbs my question. "I can't see anything. I envision us attempting it, but then the vision goes black," she gravely replies. "I will have to meditate and try to focus on it more."
"Astrid, you can't see the outcome because her fate hasn't been determined yet. It's up to Jennifer once she goes through the process," John says, making the moment heavier.
"What if I just do it all over, my whole life? I have Michael back in my life again. I can do it if I need to," I quickly suggest.
Astrid shakes her head. "Jennifer, that's too dangerous. If anything goes off course before this deadline, if you don't try to go back, you risk Stella never being born," she says.
She looks down for a minute to think before speaking. "Stella is the child I saw in my dream. She is
the baby you were pregnant with. And SHE is meant to be on this earth," she says emphatically.
I feel blood rushing through my head and my heart sinks after hearing this. I can't sacrifice my child. I can't risk her not being here?.her not being mine.
I sit down on the couch, overwhelmed by the decision I have to make. There are only two options and the outcomes aren't guaranteed. I could try to proceed in my life with Michael and pray that we end up in the same place, make the same choices and get lucky enough to have the same child. But we have already taken different steps from what we did the first time. That fact creates doubt in me that we'll actually end up together-thus possibly sacrificing Stella's existence. Or, I take the "potion" and pray to God that I cross over and get back to my life where Stella exists and we're all back where we should be.
"What will happen to everyone else if I do this?" I ask, fear beginning to consume me.
"Apparently?.nothing. If you make it over, then according to belief, none of this life ever existed. If you're not supposed to be here, then maybe we aren't either. If you don't make it, then our lives continue on in this time. BUT, the effects on your health could be dire if it fails," he firmly explains.
