The Nostalgia Effect

by EJ Valson

  I walk back into my room and prepare to make the bed. Moments later Olivia appears in the doorway, with her hand covering the speaking part of her phone. She holds it away from her.

  "Mom, what time is Stella's party over?" she asks in a hushed tone.

  "Probably around 2:00. Why?" I ask.

  "Dad and Rachel are in town and they wanted to take me to lunch," she says.

  Normally this would infuriate me. On occasion Joe has come into town on a whim and would want to whisk Olivia off somewhere. But this time I smile when thinking of the dinner date nights they had in my other life.

  "Olivia, can I talk to him?" I ask, reaching for the phone.

  She hesitantly pulls it back. "Why?" she asks defensively.

  "It's OK, honey," I assure her. "Just let me speak with him, please." She reluctantly hands me the phone. I nod to confirm that it's really OK.

  "Hello, Joe?" I ask nervously into the phone. My palms begin to sweat. There's a moment of silence on the other end.

  "Hello?" Joe replies, perplexed and slightly defensive at hearing my voice. I clear my throat. My heart is thumping in my chest.

  "Hi...hi there," I stammer. "I'm sorry to interrupt your call with Olivia."

  He's again quiet. "Uh...that's alright," he responds politely.

  "So, as you may know, we're having a party for Stella today around noon. I know you might have other plans, but if you're able to make it we would love for you, Rachel and the kids to come," I blurt out in a rush, almost surprised by my invitation.

  I take a deep breath and swallow hard while preparing for rejection. I don't know why I'm doing this, but it feels like the right thing to do. I glance at Olivia, who's now looking very confused by my actions.

  The line goes quiet again. "Can I put you on hold for a second," Joe wearily asks. I'm then left waiting for several moments. I can't hear anything but mumbled voices in the background, as if he's covering the mouthpiece. I assume he's talking to Rachel.

  "Are you still there?" he asks when getting back on the line.

  "Yep," I say, overly cheerful.

  "Sure?.that would be great. Where's it at?" Joe asks.

  I give him the details, then pass the phone back to a dumbfounded Olivia. I'm pleasantly surprised, nervous and hopeful after the brief conversation with Joe. If I learned nothing else from whatever glimpse I had into an alternative past life, I at least know that it's time to turn over a new leaf.

  CHAPTER 93

  The morning passes quickly and we are soon on our way to the pizza parlor to set up before everyone arrives. I feel like I've been bumbling my way through the day, but Michael hasn't mentioned anything about my slightly disoriented behavior. He probably chalks it up to me rushing around for the party.

  He was pleased that I invited Joe and his family to Stella's birthday celebration. Joe and Michael have always been cordial, and even though Joe and I haven't been on the best of terms, my family still likes him. I'm pretty sure there won't be any issues on that front.

  As we enter, I'm hit by an all too familiar feeling of nostalgia, as if was?recently here-in my mind I was. Olivia's birthday party doesn't feel like a dream to me. It feels like a memory. I remember so many details.

  I shake off the feeling and continue to the private room we've reserved while Olivia takes Stella to the playroom. Michael grabs the balloons and gifts from the car and follows me inside. It's just the two of us alone to set up. I watch him as he tries to strategically place balloons and party plates on tables to make the room look more festive.

  I smile, as this is endearing to me. I put down the cake box and walk over to where he's now distributing party favors. I wrap my arms around him from behind and lean my face to rest on his back. With my eyes closed, I take in his muscular stature and warmth, and smell the scent of his soap and cologne. He stops what he's doing and turns around to face me.

  "Well, hello!" he playfully remarks, as he hugs me back. I lean in and embrace him again.

  I look up to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry," I say.

  His forehead creases. "Why?" he asks puzzled.

  I recall how I'd been feeling the night before waking up in the past. I remember how cold and neglectful I'd been. I had taken Michael and the life we built for granted.

  "For not being the wife you deserve," I simply reply.

  He ponders my response for a moment. "You are the wife I deserve, babe. And I love you," he sincerely states. I appreciate the sentiment, but I want him to understand what I'm trying to say.

  "No, Michael. I really love you. And I want to thank you for everything you've given me and our family. I have so much to be grateful for and I'm so sorry if I took that for granted. Thank you for loving me so much," I elaborate, while warding off tears.

  It's still not everything I want to say, but I can't say anything more without possibly confusing him. Like how I was completely lost without him. That I'm grateful to have found him again. And I'm thankful to feel his love, and that my love for him is fully restored. Maybe someday I'll tell him about my crazy dream. Then he might understand why I professed my feelings today.

  Michael lifts my chin and his lips meet mine. He places a kiss firmly upon them. A rush of blood starts from my toes and moves quickly to the top of my head. Once again, I come to life. I'm rejuvenated.

  As the door opens across the restaurant, blinding outside light hits my eyes and causes me to pull away slightly. Two adult sized silhouettes head in our direction, with small children trailing behind them. When my eyes finally adjust and focus, I realize that it's Joe, Rachel and their two young sons.

  Michael turns to see who I'm looking at. He faces me again and winks. He then walks out of the private room and extends his hand to shake Joe's. A friendly smile spreads across Joe's face. He then motions to Rachel and their children to come over and say hello. I follow Michael's lead and put a smile on my face when approaching them. I'm genuinely happy to see them all. I even greet Rachel with a polite hug, before kneeling down to their boys to tell them where the playroom is.

  Shortly afterwards, Rachel excuses herself to go to the restroom and Michael heads to the counter to check on the pizza order. This leaves Joe and me awkwardly standing alone. My mouth feels dry and I'm at a loss for words. I want to say so much, but I don't know what words would make this less uncomfortable.

  I finally muster up the courage to speak. "I just really want to thank you guys for coming," I manage. "It means a lot to Livi?.it means a lot to me, too."

  Joe seems a little surprised, but nods politely and smiles. "No problem," he replies.

  I can't help but notice small wrinkles around his eyes. These weren't there the last time I saw him, whenever that really was. His face has aged subtly. A few grey strands dust his short hair. In a flash so much has changed, but in reverse. We aren't young anymore.

  Rachel smiles at us when emerging from the bathroom, then places her hand low on her stomach. "That's better," she says and lets out a little laugh. I then notice that her thin frame looks a little plumper in the midsection than I remember. I quickly look up when realizing she sees me staring.

  She pats her belly softly. "Five months along," she says beaming.

  I feel so many emotions welling up inside. I want to grab Joe and hug him, just like I did at Astrid's, when he told me Rachel was pregnant then. I wonder if my weird dream was some sort of premonition. Maybe I'm slightly psychic too? I congratulate them both, as does Michael when he joins us again. He's carrying two beers and hands one to Joe, who genuinely seems appreciative of the gesture.

  Guests begin arriving quickly thereafter. I'm elated at the sight of my mom and Richard when they appear through the doors. I do my best to conceal my overwhelming emotion, but it's hard. I'm so grateful to have her here. As usual, she accepts my abundant display of affection and doesn't question it.

  I catch my breath when seeing my father and Nancy step through the doors. As they walk in, they laugh and smile while struggling to c
arry a large gift. I almost knock Nancy over when hugging her hello. From my perspective, I haven't seen her in a year, though in this reality it seems I've only been "away" for one night. I'm so thankful that she's here and she's alive. Our family would never be complete without her.

  Michael helps coordinate the pizza and drinks while engaging in small talk with Joe. All of my parent's chit chat about traveling, gardening and whatever else people their age enjoy. Stella, Joe's kids and her other little friends run around with balloons. Rachel visits with Olivia about the upcoming school year and volleyball. And I just sit back and admire my unconventional family enjoying each other's company.

  I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

  CHAPTER 94

  We leisurely stroll down the river walk after the hectic birthday party. It's peaceful, as the sun shines brightly and makes the late afternoon more pleasant. Stella and Olivia walk a few feet ahead of us, enjoying ice cream cones as we head toward the waterfront. Michael and I walk hand-in-hand in silence. I'm still in the afterglow of being back home, seeing my family and seeing Joe and Rachel-I'm grateful we were all able to be together.

  I breathe in the sweet scented summer air. There's a bakery nearby, and I can smell a hint of cinnamon. As we continue our casual walk, I gaze at the shops and restaurants across the small cobblestone street. They are all where they should be, where I remember them.

  Stella hands her big sister a half-eaten cone, then begins running as we approach the large fountains. Olivia tries to sprint after her, but quickly gives up. In Stella's daring nature, she dashes quickly into a sprouting stream of water, not caring about getting wet. I laugh out loud as she squeals and screams with joy.

  The three of us sit down on a stone bench to watch Stella play. I'm immediately drawn into observing people milling about the closed off street, as they meander through the outdoor craft market that's taking place. I close my eyes and inhale through my nose, feeling more grounded with each breath I take.

  I hear the vaguely familiar laugh of a woman from across the way. I look around, trying to identify where it's coming from. My eyes quickly shift to a small booth covered by a white canopy. Inside stands an older woman with a younger man, perhaps in his thirties. I squint while trying to get a better look at her. My heart jolts and I stand up quickly.

  "I'll be right back," I mumble to Michael and Olivia. They casually nod and continue watching Stella play.

  I'm spellbound as I deliberately make my way towards the stand adorned by fresh herbs, flowers, knitted hats and scarves. Getting closer, I can see her more clearly. It's Astrid.

  I slow my pace when approaching her booth. My heart's now in my throat, pounding away. I swallow hard and prepare to speak. Astrid is placing some herbs into a mason jar and handing it to a gentleman ahead of me. He hands her cash in return, thanks her and walks away. She puts the money in a tin box and turns around to face me.

  "Hello there!" she says in her friendly tone. She doesn't appear to be phased by my presence.

  "Hi," I manage to squeak out. I'm wide-eyed in amazement at my dear friend standing before me. Does she not recognize me?

  "Are you looking for something specific?" she asks helpfully. I shake my head, peering at her for some sign of recognition.

  "No, just curious as to what you have," I answer offhandedly, trying to keep my composure.

  She excitedly clasps her hands together. "Well, we have fresh herbs, lavender, and as you can see, some fun hats and scarves. I knitted them myself!" she exclaims proudly, with a chuckle.

  I reach up and touch a purple scarf hanging on a rack. It's soft and finely knitted, just like the ones I remember. In fact, one very specifically. How is this possible? Have I seen Astrid here at this market before? Did I manifest her into my dream?

  "Oh, that would be pretty on you," she remarks. I can't help but smile. She is cheerful, just the way I remember the Astrid I knew to be.

  "I'll take it," I gladly say.

  "Wonderful!" she says, before taking it down.

  I watch as she carefully folds the scarf and places it into a small bag. The younger man I saw with her earlier steps back into the booth after being absent for a few minutes. He's now holding a box of herbs.

  "Where do you want these, Mom?" he asks her.

  "Oh, right over there, sweetie," she says, pointing to another table.

  Dumbfounded, my eyes widen and I catch my breath. I watch in amazement as they engage in short conversation. The sight before me is surreal. It's her son. He's alive and looks visibly healthy. Was he ever sick?

  "OK, that will be five dollars," she says, handing me the bag.

  I quickly recover and fumble through my purse to find some cash. I hand her a ten dollar bill, then wait for the change. I want to ask her what her name is. I want to ask her if she knows me, but I fear that I'd be disappointed by the answers. It seems more and more likely, that whatever experience I had was just a dream. Yet somehow, this woman and her son became a part of it.

 

  "Thank you," I say quietly and take the change.

  "You're most welcome, dear," she says warmly.

  "Bye," I say, my eyes lingering on hers-looking for more. She only smiles back at me. I give up and slowly turn around to head back towards my family.

  "Goodbye, Jennifer," Astrid calls from behind me, as I start to cross the street. I stop in my tracks, but I don't look back.

  Instead, I smile, take a deep breath and keep walking.

  About the EJ Valson

  With a passion for writing and a love of books and movies, EJ channeled some of her personal experiences (real love letters, folks!) and emotions into her first book, The Nostalgia Effect. The tale of a mid-thirties woman, who finds herself thrown back into her past still married to her ex-husband and yearning to get back to the life and love she knew before.

  EJ currently resides in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and children. In her spare time, she likes to travel, write, read, eat, listen to music and will never turn down a good vodka martini. But her most favorite past time, is being with her loved ones.

  If you enjoyed The Nostalgia Effect and want to know more about her upcoming titles, visit www.ejvalson.blogspot.com.

  Are you a music lover? Check out The Nostalgia Effect playlist on Spotify https://play.spotify.com/user/ejvalson and look for The Nostalgia Effect playlist.

  Thank you for reading!