by Hanna Peach
“For Drake?”
“No, Carter, for you. The blue will match your lovely eyes.”
I watched him start in surprise. He frowned but the corners of his mouth were pulled up in a tiny smile betraying his hidden delight. “Noriko, perhaps it’s not appropriate−”
“Goodness, I’m taking up so much of your valuable time. Shall we start our session? Let’s go into my other living area where we’ll have space to sit.” I dropped the material, spun lightly, and walked towards the door to my informal living room.
It only took a moment before his footsteps began to follow me. I led him into my private living area, one room deeper into my private space, one room closer to my bedroom. I stood with my back against the door, holding it open to let him through. But I only gave him enough space that he was forced to brush past me to step into my private living room. I closed the door behind us.
My private living room was more casual than the formal living room, but only just. There were three dark leather couches surrounding a low table set in front of a flat screen television. When I arrived the shelves were mostly empty, free for me to fill with what I pleased.
Carter walked towards the closest shelf. He picked up one of the paper cranes I had placed upon it. This one in particular was folded out of blue paper, patterned with small yellow flowers. All my cranes, my precious pets, are colorful. All of them. My bright symbols of hope.
“Did you make all these?” he asked.
“I did.”
“Wow,” he placed the crane back on the shelf and walked along the wall staring at them all. “There’re so many.”
“Nine hundred and forty-two to be exact.”
He spun towards me with a frown on his face. “Why are you making them?”
“It’s part of the senbazuru legend,” I said quietly. “The legend says that if you fold a thousand paper cranes you are granted one wish.”
“And you’re going to fold all thousand cranes.”
“Yes.”
“What will you wish for?”
“The only thing I want.”
“Which is?”
Freedom. “I just…I just want to be loved.”
“Oh, Noriko,” he walked right up to me. “You are loved.”
I noticed his eyes kept dropping down to my chest. I lowered my lashes and delighted to see that my top button had popped open. “Here, in this mansion, I have everything but love.”
His finger slipped under my chin and lifted my face up to look at him. “You are a beautiful, intelligent woman who is loved more than she knows.”
“You shouldn’t say those things to me,” I whispered, and glanced around as if there might be someone watching.
“But they’re true.”
“Stop being so cruel.”
“Cruel? How am I being cruel?”
I focused on him. “You honestly don’t know?”
“Know what?”
“I’m…I’m in love with you, Carter.”
“What?” He backed away.
I advanced towards him. “I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it.”
“No, you can’t−”
“You make me love you.”
“Noriko, stop,” he begged. He hit the shelves against my wall with his back. He had nowhere else to go.
“I know you shouldn’t want me. I shouldn’t want you the way I do.” I clutched his shirt and leaned in close.
“You said you wouldn’t kiss me again.”
I hovered my mouth close to his but I didn’t kiss him. He needed to be the one who crossed this line. “If you don’t want me,” I whispered against his mouth. “Just tell me. And you’ll never have to see me again.” He let out a small moan and squeezed his eyes shut, but he didn’t push me away. “Please…don’t hate me for needing you like I do.”
His resistance dissolved and he closed his mouth onto mine. I heard his bag drop from his shoulder and his arms came up to grab me. His tongue pushed into my mouth. He tasted like minty chewing gum, but it didn’t completely mask the hint of stale cigarettes and whiskey.
It wasn’t like kissing Keir. The feel of his lips and his tongue was so different and strange to me that I couldn’t even pretend it was Keir. My mouth filled with bitterness. What was I doing?
Then I thought about what Drake had done to me. My hatred flared like passion and I poured it into my kiss to make it believable.
I would have my justice. I would have my freedom.
37
There was one more piece to my plan. And it would be the easiest one.
That night I retrieved the shopping bag that I had shoved into the corner of my closet. I pulled the ill-fated red dress over my head, smoothed the lace hem down over my hips, and fixed the shoulders and sleeves before slipping into a strappy pair of silver heels. When I looked at my reflection I barely recognized the woman staring back at me, no warmth in her cheeks, eyes as hard as onyx.
I found Drake in one of the ground floor sitting rooms. He sat in one of the armchairs, his vacant eyes staring off at a spot on the wall, a glass of brown liquid on the small table at his elbow, a bottle next to it, already half empty.
I closed the door behind me. His gaze rose to meet mine. His eyes widened and he leapt to his feet, knocking over his glass, the liquor dribbling to the carpet. “W-What the hell are you wearing?”
“A dress,” I said as I took a few steps towards him. “It’s new. I bought it specially.” I turned slowly, one hand on my hip, modelling it for him. When I faced him again he had gone a deathly pale. I smiled at him but there was no warmth in my heart. “I thought you of all people would appreciate this dress.”
“Take it off.”
I made sure I said each next word clearly. “Over my dead body.”
He made a gasping noise in his throat like he was drowning. “Riko…” His eyes glistened. For a second I thought he might actually cry.
I should feel sorry for him. But I didn’t. He deserved what was coming.
“Why are you doing this?” he choked out.
“What am I doing, Mr. Blackwell?”
“You’re trying to get back at me. This is for…”
“Keir. Do you even remember his name?”
“Of course I remember his name. Do you think I could ever forget it?”
“You know,” I strode towards him, “you could never fuck me like he could.”
His face twisted, rage seeping into every crinkle. “Stop it.”
“He could make me cum just by whispering all the dirty things he was going to do to me. You never even came close.”
“Stop it!” He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook. “Stop it, you little bitch.”
“The only way I’d even get wet with you is when I thought of him.”
He let out a roar and shoved me. I fell back to the ground, one of my wrists flaring with pain. I welcomed it. I was ready for it. Hit me, you son of a bitch. Seal your fate.
Drake towered over me, his chest heaving as I watched him battle the beast inside him. I should be afraid of him. But he had already hurt me far worse than any bruises could.
“Go on,” I hissed up at him, tears of victory prickling in my eyes. “Do your worst.”
“No.” His voice shook as he stumbled back away from me. “I’m not like that. I’m not.”
“Yes. You are.” I pushed myself up to standing, kicking off my stupid heels in the process. “You’re just as bad as he was, you controlling bastard. Stop thinking that you’re not.”
“I’m not controlling.”
“You’re keeping me a prisoner here.”
“I just want to keep you safe.”
“You want to keep me yours and only yours, like I’m a thing, not a person.”
He backed away as I advanced towards him. “Riko, please, I love you so much. I would die if you left me.”
“I’m already dead. You’ve already killed me.”
“I never want to hurt you. I’d never hurt you. Please.�
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I had lost. I pushed too hard. Or perhaps I didn’t push hard enough. The angry Drake was gone and now I was left with this sorry sniveling Drake. I let out a frustrated growl and spun, storming out of the room. The coward didn’t even follow me.
Tears built up in my eyes as I made my way to my room. I was so sure this dress would do it.
I remembered Keir’s face when he first saw me in this dress, before the horror of what it represented took over. If only I could have him standing right in front of me looking at me like that now. Or just looking at me. I’d give anything…do anything.
Yes, I’d do anything.
As I walked through my living rooms I grabbed a wooden statue from one of the side tables. I locked myself in the bathroom before walking over to the mirror. I slammed the statue down on the marble bench and stared at it. It was a statue of a man praying, his head the size of a man’s fist.
What are you doing, Noriko? he asked me.
“Wolves will chew off their own leg just to get free from a trap.”
I will no longer be a butterfly. I am a wolf.
My resolve hardened. I picked up the statue again, gripping it so hard that it hurt. I lifted up my other arm to expose my side. Only a few bruises. A few select places. Hidden. Discreet.
I took in a few rough deep breaths. Then as hard as I could, I swung.
38
The door closed behind Carter when he entered my private living room. “Noriko,” he breathed, “I’ve missed you.” He rushed over to me and pulled me into a hug. I winced at the pain as he crushed me. He pulled back, his face drawing in concern. “What’s wrong?”
“N-Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. You’re in pain.” He scanned my face.
Could he see through me? Would he know what I did? I looked away, my cheeks heating with shame before I shoved all these thoughts away. I am a wolf. “I fell. That’s all.”
“You…” His hand came to my side. I pulled away from him, hissing slightly. “I don’t believe you.”
“Really, it’s nothing.”
“Take off your shirt.”
“Carter, I−”
“Take off your shirt or I’ll do it for you.”
I sighed, seemingly resigned. “Just please don’t overreact.” I began to unbutton my blouse.
His eyes widened. “Don’t overreact?”
I stopped unbuttoning. “Please,” I whispered.
He took in a deep breath. “Okay. I’m okay.”
I finished unbuttoning my shirt first before I let it slip off my shoulders, the white material fluttering dramatically to the ground. He let out a string of curses and his hands clenched at his sides. I didn’t have to look down to know what he was looking at; three fist-sized bruises around my ribs and one on my chest.
“It’s nothing,” I whispered. “I fell.”
“This isn’t fucking nothing. And you didn’t just fall.” He came up close and his fingertips feathered my skin. “Someone did this to you. Drake. Drake did this.”
“Keep your voice down, please. What if he hears you?”
“The bastard. How could he put his hands on you like this?”
“I told you, he’s a monster.” I said quietly, “Like his father was.”
“I’ll tell the police. I’ll go right now.” He spun and strode towards the door.
I ran up after him and grabbed his arm to stop him. “Carter, please. Drake’s too powerful. He’ll pay off the police. You know he will. It’s happened before. He won’t even be arrested, you know he won’t. A man as rich as he is… Then he’ll hurt you for telling them and he’ll come after me. And this time, he won’t stop until I’m dead.”
“He won’t get away with it. I won’t let him.” Carter leaned in to kiss me, his hands encasing my shoulders like I was made of glass.
“I need you,” I said between kisses.
“I’m here.”
“No, I mean, I need you.”
He froze.
“You don’t know what it’s like living with him,” I whispered, my hands roaming over his shoulders and his arms. “His touch is only greedy or brutal. I need you to erase his touch on me. I need to feel like a woman again.” I slipped my hands lower to find that he was hardening. He let out a strangled moan as I rubbed against him.
“I know you said last time we should wait…” I continued, “but I’ve been dreaming about this. About you.” I slipped my left hand up my dress to pull aside my panties. With my other I grabbed his hand and guided his fingers against my sex, dripping with the lubricant I smeared over it earlier. “Feel how wet I am for you.”
“Jesus, Noriko,” he hissed between his teeth as his fingertips ran along the length of me.
“Please,” I begged as I unzipped his pants and slipped my hand inside to stroke him. “Make love to me.”
He crushed his mouth to mine, his tongue whipping wildly inside my mouth, his hands fumbling with his shirt and his belt.
“The ensuite,” I said between kisses, and we and stumbled towards it.
Inside the guest bathroom I turned away from him to lock the door. I heard his pants and belt hit the marble floor with a clink. I turned and stared at his naked erection, staring at me accusingly with its one alien eye.
I can’t do this.
I leaned back against the door and squeezed my lids shut, repressing the sick feeling growing in my stomach. Be strong, Noriko. Be strong. You are a wolf.
He leaned in to kiss me, lightly pressing me against the door.
Just pretend this is Keir. Just pretend it’s Keir who is touching you.
His hand rubbed up under my skirt along the insides of my thigh and I hissed under my breath.
He paused then pulled away. “Maybe we shouldn’t−”
“No,” I cried. “I need this.” From under my skirt I pulled down my white lace underwear. I pulled him by his hand to the long marble bench that took up most of one wall, a glistening pure white sink in the center. In the mirror I could see myself from the waist up, my flat belly and lacy bra on display. I pulled the hem of my skirt up around my waist and bent over to put my elbows onto the bench, presenting myself to him like a sacrifice. I felt his eyes roam across my exposed sex. “Please,” I said, “I need you to wash away any traces of him.”
He kicked off his shoes and socks as I pulled a foil packet from a top drawer and held it up. He grabbed it, unwrapped it and put it on.
I felt his hands against me, and the head of him at my entrance before he eased himself in. My soul felt like I had ripped it in two. I lowered my face into my arms on the bench, before he could see the tears falling, and squeezed my eyes shut.
“Noriko, are you okay?”
“Please,” I choked out from under my hair. My skin itched with the feeling of him under it. Please stop. “Please don’t stop.” I pressed back against him.
He started to move in and out of me, his groans filling the bathroom. I let out an automatic cry every time he thrust. He needed to believe I was enjoying it.
In the dark little world underneath my hair and behind my closed lids, I floated away. I went into my last memory of Keir. I held his face there before me and it was like he was really in front of me; that small freckle he had above his top lip, the slightly crooked top-right tooth in his white and near-perfect smile.
I love you Keir. I’d do anything to be with you again.
I love you too.
My chest tightened. I miss you. I miss you so much I think I might die if you don’t come back.
I could still feel him. I could feel him sliding in and out of me. I could feel the outline of each of his beautiful fingers as he gripped my hips tighter and tighter, as he filled my body and my heart, as our bodies pulled like gravity towards each other and his thrusts became faster and faster.
I heard him cry out behind me, I felt him pulse between my legs. Then he stilled.
When I lifted my head and opened my eyes, a small gasp caught in my throat. It was C
arter that I saw, not Keir. My head spun.
Carter.
Not Keir.
I caught the reflection of the girl in the mirror. Her hair was disheveled, bags rested like bruises under her eyes. Her already slim figure was bordering on gaunt. A strange desperate look shone permanently from her eyes.
Who are you?
I knew it must be me, but I couldn’t reconcile this thing in the mirror with me.
What are you becoming?
I shoved that thought aside. I wasn’t some princess sitting around waiting for my prince to free me. I had to set myself free. No one else was going to do it for me.
I dressed and went out to the living room. Carter remained in the bathroom to use the toilet. While he was there I snuck over to his bag and peered inside. I saw the telltale glint of metal. He still carried the gun with him.
When he came out of the bathroom I was waiting for him.
“Carter,” I slipped my hand onto his chest, “do you love me?”
“Of course I do.”
“You need to make sure that Drake can never hurt me again. The police can’t help me. Only you can. Do you know what I’m saying?”
“He won’t ever hurt you again. I promise.”
“So you’ll help me?”
“Of course I will.”
A smile burst out across my face. He just agreed to kill Drake for me. “Tell me again. Say you promise.”
His hands came up to my face. “Noriko, I promise you I’ll get you out of here.”
“What?”
“I’ll come for you. One night soon. And we’ll leave together.”
“But…but he’ll find me. He’ll find me and he’ll bring me back.”
“I’ll take you away, far away so you’re safe from him.”
“Carter, no. You have to make it so that he can never hurt me again. You need to…get rid of him.”
His face paled, his eyes widening with horror. “Noriko. No.”
“I have no money. If he dies, I’ll inherit−”
“Don’t worry about money. I have some saved from what Drake paid me. We can just leave everything behind us and start over. We can go somewhere like Mexico where it’s cheap to live and just be together. Just you and me.”
