“The night of our date, I was already a wreck. It was my first actual date—one that wasn’t just a means of wasting a few hours before jumping into bed—in years. In some warped way, my head twisted what the date should be like—somewhere fancy, expensive, flashy clothes, flowers…the works. Then, to top it all off, Blake and Marley got into one of their fights. I watched them rip each other open, these people who love each other. What fucking business did I have in going on a date, a date, when these two could barely stand to be in the same room together?”
There was a heavy pause in the air. Just remembering that night made me sick to my stomach.
Cassidy cleared her throat. “Did you blow it on purpose?”
I laughed quietly. “Yeah. I fucking sabotaged myself because seeing Blake and Marley like that fucking terrified me. It’s ridiculous, right?”
She blew out a breath. “To most people, yes, purposely sabotaging your own potential happiness is ridiculous. But like you’ve already told me, you aren’t most people.”
“It freaked me out. Like, majorly freaked me out. Blake and Marley are supposed to be together. And if they are falling apart…what fucking chance do I have in even attempting to make another person happy?”
“Are your parents still married?”
I frowned. “No.”
“Have you had any semblance of a relationship?”
Snorting a laugh, I leaned back in my chair. “I learned pretty young how to talk to women. I was rich, good-looking and have that natural charm that repulses you so much actually worked in my favor. I don’t think I’ve had an official date since I was fourteen. The last thing you could call a relationship was sophomore year in college when I banged the same girl for two weeks straight.”
Cassidy rolled her eyes. “Most people would have sugar-coated that to work in their favor. Or gone with a simple no.”
A grin spread across my face. “Yeah, but I’m not—”
“Most people, yeah, I get it.” Cassidy shook her head. “I don’t want you to think I’m agreeing with how you handled the situation, but I do understand it. It sounds to me like you’ve never needed the comfort of another person. And you’ve also never seen a healthy, long-lasting relationship. My parents have been married for thirty years. I’ve had boyfriends and relationships—one of which lasted almost three years. Intimacy doesn’t scare me, but I think it terrifies you.”
The grin faded and I frowned. “Why would it terrify me?”
She shrugged. “It could be any reason—fear of the unknown, being vulnerable to another person, scared of getting hurt.”
I waved a hand in her direction. “What kind of nurse are you? Because I could have sworn I saw you in the ER.”
Cassidy laughed. “You don’t have to be a mental health professional to read someone like you, Seth.”
“Then tell me,” I said, leaning closer to her. “Is there hope for me?”
She peered over her glasses at me, her eyes absorbing each and every part of what made me me. “Depends if you still have your finger on the self-destruct button or not.”
I sighed. “I can’t say that thinking of a future with someone doesn’t give me a weightless, scared sort of feeling. But I figured that I should approach future possible endeavors like an alcoholic.”
Cassidy laughed, hard and fast. “What?”
“You know, one day at a time.”
She chuckled again. “Makes sense, I guess.”
“Of course it does,” I said, smiling at her. “So are you staying?”
Cassidy glanced at the grill. “Considering that food has been driving me crazy the entire time you’re been talking? Hell yes I’m staying.”
I grinned again and got up to check the food.
Cassidy appeared at my elbow and checked the potatoes. “God, this all smells amazing. I’m dying for food that didn’t come out of a cafeteria.”
“Nothing better than a home-cooked meal,” I said, giving her a smile.
“Amen to that.”
“Have you been working a lot lately if you’re so sick of hospital food?”
She shrugged. “Working enough, not too much. A few nurses are out sick so we all help to pick up the slack.”
“Has to be tiring work, though.”
Cassidy gave a short nod. “It can be. Having someone feed you carbs and red meat goes a way to make up for it.” She glanced at me, a playful glint in her big blue eyes.
So she was a meat lover. Duly noted. I plated up the food and carried it back to the table. “Do you want another beer or something different?”
“Can I have a water? I’m driving tonight.”
“This would be the point where I’d insert an inappropriate comment about an alternative solution,” I said, giving her a wolfish smile as I handed her a bottle of water from the cooler. “But I’m growing as a person.”
She rolled her eyes again. “You don’t get points for not saying something disgusting.”
I scoffed. “It wouldn’t have been disgusting!”
“I’m sure,” she drawled.
“It wouldn’t,” I insisted past a laugh.
“Shut up and let me eat.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Chapter Eleven
Cassidy was quiet for the most part. And I kept shoveling food into my mouth to keep from badgering her with questions. I wanted to know everything. Where she went to school. Was she from Vegas? Why did she become a nurse? What’s her favorite color? Favorite movie? Song that she can’t sit still to. This girl was still an enigma to me and I had no semblance of a decoder.
“I didn’t think you could do it,” Cassidy said, wiping her mouth with a napkin once her plate was empty. “But you did. You’ve surprised me.”
“With my awesome cooking, or the whole package that is Seth Hamilton?” I asked, winking.
Cassidy rolled her eyes and tossed the napkin onto her plate. “The cooking, for now. Your lack of modesty? Not at all a surprise. But I guess you can call it one more thing that I know for sure about you.”
“At least the list is growing…and in a positive way.” I sat forward, a few of her words suddenly sinking in. “For now? The cooking for now? So, you plan to be surprised by me again?”
A faint rosy blush touched her cheeks as she shrugged and avoided my eyes. I’d thrown her off balance. I liked this uncertain, somewhat less-rabid side of Cassidy. “If you keep feeding me like this, I might have to.”
My grin was full and for the first time that night, absolutely confident. “Do you have room for dessert?”
Cassidy groaned and threw her head back. “God, I should say no. I want to say no. I’m already regretting the damage I’ve done to my ass with all this food.”
I snorted. “Are you serious? Your ass is fucking golden. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Spent some time admiring it, have you?”
“That’s what happens when a beautiful woman keeps walking away—no choice but to admire the view.”
A full, throaty laugh burst from Cassidy’s mouth. “I can’t decide if you’re perpetually optimistic or just seriously opportunistic.”
“I like to think of it more as appreciating what life offers.” I stood and gathered our plates. “And hey, when life hands you lemons…”
“Check out it’s ass,” Cassidy said, her lips twitching with amusement.
I barked out a laugh. “Exactly.”
Cassidy followed behind me as I headed into the kitchen. She hopped up on the island, watching me clear our dinner stuff. “Most guys would be asking for my help right now. Actually, I don’t think most guys would be cleaning.”
Turning around, I leaned against the counter and folded my arms. “Most women would be offering their help right now.”
She grinned. “I’m a guest.”
“Which is exactly why I didn’t ask you.”
“And what about my dessert?”
Snorting a laugh, I turned back around to r
inse the dishes. “You’ll get it all the quicker if you help me.”
Cassidy sighed and hopped off the island, landing lightly on her feet. She opened the dishwasher door and held out her hand for the plate I’d rinsed. After a second, she rolled her eyes and huffed. “Christ, take all day about it. I’d like my dessert while I’m still in my twenties, you know.”
Snapping out of my Cassidy-induced daze, I handed her the plate and reached for another. “Sorry. Are you always this motivated when it comes to getting what you want?”
Her eyebrows shot into her hairline. “Excuse me? Like you’re not?”
I laughed. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I’ve never known anyone to go after what they want as hard as you.” She shrugged and accepted the next plate from me. “It’s not necessarily a bad thing. If nothing else, it shows you have drive and passion.”
I bumped her with my hip. “That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. And if you could let my dad know your thoughts, that’d be awesome.”
There was a pause before she spoke again. “He doesn’t think you’re driven?”
“He thinks I’m the exact opposite of driven. I’m a lazy asshole who’ll never do anything worthwhile.” I meant the words to come out as sarcastic and uncaring. Instead, I was surprised to hear them laced with bitterness.
Cassidy reached for the dish in my hand. Her breasts brushed my chest, her hip grazing mine. She peered up at me with those big blue eyes framed with thick sooty lashes that didn’t need any makeup to enhance them. “You’re chasing me. That is extremely worthwhile.”
I swallowed hard, my dick straining uncomfortably against my jeans. I forced a lopsided smile. “Are you flirting with me?”
She smiled, wide with lots of teeth. “I figured you’d earned it.”
Giving my head a quick shake to clear the fog, I laughed under my breath. “You are going to ruin me, woman. I can tell already.”
“Should I add smart to the list of things I know about you now?” she asked, her eyes dancing with mischief.
“How about you add that to the dishwasher before I ban you from dessert?”
Cassidy rolled her eyes. “Jeez, so huffy. I’ll be sure to add no sense of humor while I’m at it.”
“Do you live to give me a hard time?”
“No. But I think it could be an amusing hobby,” she said, pulling the next dish out of my hand.
Once we were finished, I poured us each a glass of milk and set them on the island. Cassidy lifted her eyebrows and I gave her a lopsided smile. “I hope this doesn’t lose me any points, but dessert isn’t homemade.”
She gave me a stern look as she folded her arms across her chest. “I’ll have to wait and see what it is before I answer.”
I moved across the kitchen to open the pantry door. It took some searching, but I found what I was looking for. “Triple Belgian chocolate cookies. From Vegas’ best kept secret.”
“Did you hide those?” Cassidy asked as I put the small box on the island.
“Of course I did. You think I’d risk just anyone finding these?” I opened the box and handed her a cookie. Taking one for myself, I broke it in half and dunked it in my glass of milk. As I raised it to my mouth, I sensed Cassidy’s eyes on me. Looking up, she stared at me, her mouth curled in displeasure. “What?”
“You just dipped that in milk. And now you’re eating it.”
I frowned. “Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“Yeah, but why?”
“Why not?”
Cassidy laughed. “That has to be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Cookies go together like cocks and—”
She held her hands up. “All right! Lord… Are you always so filthy?”
A slow smile pulled at my lips.
“Actually, don’t answer that.” She sighed. “I get that cookies and milk go well together. But, like, separately or something. I’ve never actually seen anyone do that outside of a commercial—or anyone over the age of ten. It gives me the heebies—always has.”
I popped the entire thing in my mouth. “Have you ever tried it?” I asked once I’d finished chewing.
She wrinkled her nose. “Of course not.”
“Then how can you know it’s disgusting?” I dunked the other half in the milk.
“Because it’s wet! Cookies aren’t meant to be soggy.”
Finishing the last of my cookie, I brushed the crumbs off my hands. “You know what? We should probably just forget about this thing. We’re clearly not compatible.”
“Because I think cookies in milk is revolting?” Cassidy rolled her eyes and finished her own cookie. “You’re one complicated guy, Seth Hamilton.”
“That’s what I hear.” Picking up my glass, I polished off the rest of the milk in a few long swallows. As I placed the glass back on the counter, I gave her a wide smile. “What?”
Her lips twitched. “Nothing.”
I moved to stand in front of her. “Really? There isn’t anything you want to tell me?”
She smiled. “Nope.”
Taking a step closer, I placed my hands on either side of her on the island, caging her in. “I bet there is. I didn’t have you down for being this polite.”
Cassidy huffed out a breath and lifted her hand. She dragged her thumb across my top lip, wiping away my self-inflicted milk mustache. “Am I supposed to pretend that wasn’t completely intentional?”
I shrugged. “That’s up to you what you want to believe. But I wouldn’t discourage you from really making sure you got every last drop.”
She laughed quietly, under her breath. “I bet you wouldn’t.”
A long, heavy pause hung in the air between us. The conflict was written all over her face as she struggled to decide what to do. Cassidy parted her lips and my heart thumped in my chest. Her cheeks turned rosy, flushed, and I couldn’t help but lean an inch closer.
Cassidy snapped her mouth closed and squeezed her eyes shut. There was a crease between her eyebrows when she opened them again. Instinctively I pulled back, giving her space. “I should go. It’s getting late.”
It wasn’t even nine-thirty, but as much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t argue with her. I gave her a nod and a half-hearted smile. “Of course.”
We walked in silence to the front door, Cassidy a quick step in front of me. She swung open the door and for a brief second I thought she would run to her car without even a goodbye over her shoulder. On the top step, she swiveled around to face me, her arms wrapped around her small body as though she needed protecting from me. “Thank you for dinner. It was really…nice.”
“Thank you for coming. That was really amazing.”
She smiled, quick and distracted. “I have to go.”
I nodded and stayed quiet, even though all I wanted to do was beg her to stay.
“I was going to kiss you,” she blurted.
My eyebrows shot into my hairline.
“I wanted to.”
I swallowed. “So why didn’t you?”
She seemed to think about her answer. “Because I know you won’t kiss me. I don’t know if I’m ready to be the one to start this.”
God, all I wanted to do pull her into me, to hold her and not let go until all traces of that uncertain, almost afraid, look had vanished from her face. But I knew exactly what she meant. Those few weeks ago in front of her hospital I’d told her that from then on, I was following her lead. Hard as it was, I knew I had to stand by my word. Even now, a part of me knew I could have her. Knew the words to say that would make her shoulders relax, make her take a step back in my direction and then back into this house. I knew exactly how to seduce a woman like Cassidy. But I didn’t want to seduce her…I wanted her to come to me, to choose me of her own free will. No regrets. Just us.
And for that to happen, she had to be the one to start this thing between us.
“Just—” I cleared my throat. “Just pro
mise me this isn’t the last time I’ll see you.”
Her face softened. “That, I can promise.”
“When?” I asked, the second the words were out her mouth.
Cassidy laughed and shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“Can I call you?”
“Yes.” Cassidy turned and jogged down the remaining steps and across the driveway to where she’d parked her car. She opened her door and twisted back to me. “Don’t make me regret this, okay?”
My gut twisted. She had this doubt, this fear of getting hurt because of me, because of what a dick I’d been. Forcing a smile, I said, “I won’t. Same goes to you. My heart is a fragile thing, you know.”
She laughed. “I’ll take it easy on you.”
I watched her get into her car and start the engine. Before I could even really think out my actions and all the ways I was throwing my own words out the window, I fumbled in my jeans pocket for my phone. Finding Cassidy’s number in my contacts, I pressed Call and held the phone to my ear.
Cassidy lifted her phone, the glow of the screen illuminating her face enough for me to see her frown. “When I said you could call, I thought you’d wait until I was at home, at least.”
I gripped my phone so hard I’m surprised the thing didn’t snap.
When I didn’t answer, Cassidy lifted her eyes to meet mine.
“Hey, Cass?” I said, my voice low and gravelly with an undercurrent of fear that I hoped she wouldn’t be able to hear. “Want to watch a movie with me?”
Cassidy took her sweet time replying. I felt every fucking beat of my heart as though it could be my last before she said, “Okay.”
Chapter Twelve
Cassidy didn’t get out of her car right away. She sat there for a solid five minutes before climbing out and locking the door. When she met me inside, her eyebrows were drawn together. “I’m not having sex with you.”
I forced a laugh. “Will you stop trying to corrupt me? I invited you in for a movie. Jeez, woman, and you have the nerve to say I have a filthy mind?”
She rolled her eyes, but followed me down the hall to the living room.
Secrets, Lies & Imperfections Page 9
