“What hit you?” I asked, unsure if I even wanted the answer.
“That I believed you. I believe you. It was why I had such a hard time coming to terms with what Cora told me. It was because I knew in my heart that it wasn’t true, but my head was telling me to be rational, that Cora was an old friend and you had a reputation.” Cassidy tried to smile but failed. “It never made sense for you to want me. I’m not thin and I’m not from your kind of circles. I’m a pain in the ass and I’m sarcastic and I say whatever’s on my mind, regardless of whether it’s appropriate or not. When I was with you…a lot of the time it was like waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to realize you were wasting your time.”
I shook my head and cursed under my breath. “You made perfect sense to me, Cass. You always did.”
Cassidy laughed as more tears fell from her eyes. “When I saw that girl, Marley’s friend, leave your house, all tall and thin and beautiful, she looked perfect for you. In your league, you know? And there I was, wearing the T-shirt I’d slept in and yesterday’s jeans and flip-flops that barely had any soles left.”
But that was one of the things I loved about Cassidy—that she could walk out of her house not caring how she looked or what anyone else might think. That she was wearing the T-shirt she’d slept in told me that when she’d woken up that morning she’d had to talk to me…immediately, and had thrown on whatever clothes she needed to make her decent to do so. To hell with whatever they were.
“What I said to you… It was to protect myself. A lot of people have made me feel insecure over the years. It took a long time for me to be comfortable in my own skin, but you have a way of making me feel priceless to you. And in a lot of ways, it terrified me. Because if it went away, if somehow someone took it away, then where the hell would I be? After we left the club, Cora told me that you called me fat. That you’d always wanted to try a bigger girl and that was why you were with me.”
I clenched the edge of the bar to keep from making a fist. I knew I hated that fucking bitch. God help her if I ever saw her again.
“I’m sorry. I’m going so far off topic,” Cassidy said, flashing an apologetic smile. She fidgeted with her fingers and she inched a little closer to the bar. “What I’m trying to say, is that the reason I struggled so badly with us ending, was because deep down, I knew it wasn’t true. And I knew that because I know you. I know you, Seth Hamilton. I know the man you are is wildly different to the man you show the rest of the world. The man you even show your family. You’re kind and considerate. You’re so thoughtful in your own weird, unique way. You’re brutally honest and you don’t sugarcoat things just to appease others. Christ, you let people who are meant to protect you and have your back think the very worst of you, because you expect it from them. And me…oh my God, I said the worst things to you and you barely defended yourself. I know now why you got so mad, and I understand why you didn’t defend yourself the night after I called you. It was because you thought I’d made up my mind about you. I’d written you off and that was that. My judgment and decision was made and you figured no amount of talking would change that.
“God, I hate that I hurt you by not believing you. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back. But…” Cassidy let out a shaky breath. She tried again to smile, but it faltered at the edges. “I’m here now. I’m here and I’m telling you that I know you didn’t sleep with that girl. I know you didn’t hit on Cora, and I even know that you didn’t do jack shit to deserve getting fired from the club. I know these things because I know you. And I want to keep knowing you, for as long as you’ll let me.”
Her words hung in the air like the fruit from the tree of temptation. She was saying everything I’d wanted her to say…months ago. She said all the things I’d wanted her to say when I’d fucking needed her to say them.
“Seth, please say something,” Cassidy whispered.
I slid off the edge of the bar and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Cass, I don’t know what to say.”
Her lips wobbled.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know what to say.” I sighed and tried to find a way that would make what I did know as painless as possible. Because after everything, still the last thing I wanted in this world was to hurt this girl. “I’m turning my life upside down here. I’m trying not to be so negative and I’m trying not to let people think the worst of me. I bought a house, Cass. I bought this place… I’m trying to make a real go of things. For weeks, all I wanted was for you to show up and say pretty much everything you just said, but too much has happened. You told me yourself that I had to stop letting people doubt me. When you didn’t believe me…it fucking gutted me. I’m not mad, but I am trying to heal. And for my own sanity, I can’t take a step backward. I can only move forward, and you’ve already doubted me once. I couldn’t handle it if it happened again.”
Cassidy’s eyes filled with more tears. She clenched her small hands into fists and I knew she was trying to keep herself together. “I understand,” she said quietly, her voice cracking. “I knew this was a long shot, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you not knowing a single second longer. You deserve to be really happy, Seth. And I truly hope you find it.” Cassidy smiled and looked around the room. “And this place is going to be amazing. I can feel it. I love that you’ve given it a second chance.”
I forced a smile. “Here’s hoping.”
She opened her purse and pulled out a ten-dollar bill. “I do have to insist that the first drink is on me. Since I was the one who pointed it out to you.”
“Lemon Drop?” I asked, ignoring the thick lump that had formed in my throat.
“You know it,” Cassidy said with a small laugh. She stepped closer to the bar and placed the bill down. “I’m so proud of you, Seth.”
Then I really couldn’t answer her. The lump grew too big and I could barely breathe past it.
Cassidy moved to stand in front of me. She clasped my cheeks between her hands and rose on her tiptoes to press a chaste, dry kiss to my lips. “Do well, Seth Hamilton.”
I nodded as she let me go. Cassidy looked around once more before swiveling on her heel and rushing out. I heard the door screech again and she was gone.
She was gone.
Fuck me.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
I about jumped a mile out of my skin at the sound of Blake’s voice and I twisted around to glare at him where he stood just inside the entrance. “What the fuck are you doing?”
Blake thrust his arm out in the direction Cassidy had just fled. “You let that girl walk out of here? Are you a fucking moron?”
What the fuck? “What the fuck, man?”
He marched across the room and punched me in the shoulder. “She just poured her goddamn heart out to you, and you let her walk? Christ, what is wrong with you?”
“Jesus, Blake, were you listening in on us or something?”
Blake rolled his eyes. “Of course I was. Marley would have killed me if I didn’t get the juice. She texted me to make sure you were still here because she’d sent Cassidy here to find you.”
Goddamn them both…nosy little fuckers. I shook my head. “That’s messed-up.”
“No, what’s messed-up is you are head over heels for that girl and you just broke her fucking heart.”
“Well she broke mine first!” I roared, completely done with this conversation. I pushed off the bar and stormed into the middle of the room. “She fucking broke mine first.”
“I know she did, Seth,” Blake said, his voice softer. “But she’s trying to make amends. The girl loves you. She made a mistake, but she’s trying.”
“It’s too little too late.”
“Is it? I seem to remember you fighting your hardest to keep me and Marley together when we could barely do it ourselves.” Blake moved to stand in front of me. “I get that she hurt you. I really do. And I sort of judge her a little for that as your big brother. But we’re all guilty of what she accused you of—esp
ecially Dad and me. We believed the worst of you, but shit, you let us. And her? Yeah, she fucked up. Now ask yourself this. What is the decision you can live with? Swallowing your goddamn pride and accepting her apology and thereby letting her back into your life and making you both happy…or living your life without her?”
I stared at my brother, his words swirling around in my head.
“What can you live with, Seth?”
For about five more seconds I stared at him. Then he moved to the side and I blew past him. I threw open the main door and scanned the sidewalk in both directions for her. No sign anywhere.
Fuck, had she parked right outside and driven off?
I spotted her car across the street, but she wasn’t inside it. I looked to the left and a peculiar, probably wrong, idea struck me. Taking off again, I sprinted down the street. I skidded to a stop and practically threw myself into Cherry Pie’s.
There she was—at the counter, paying for an obscenely large waffle cone with what looked like five scoops of sickeningly sweet chocolate goo. She gave the top a good lick before taking a huge bite. Cassidy smiled her thanks to the waitress and turned to leave.
She froze to the spot when she saw me, panting for breath with a crazy, maniacal look in my eyes. “Oh my God,” she mumbled past her mouthful of ice cream.
I was jostled from behind as people tried to get around me, so I spun around and stepped outside, praying to every god imaginable that she would follow me. I stared at her through the glass windows of Cherry Pie’s, willing her to join me. She did, but not before taking another large bite of her ice cream, as though she needed the sugar courage.
For a while we just stared at each other. I got why she had been so nervous before, how she’d had a kickass speech prepared that deserted her at the last second. I had everything in the world to say to this girl and no fucking idea how to say it.
“I’m a moron.” Blunt truth it was, then.
“What?” she asked.
“I’m a moron. Like, the biggest in the whole entire world.” I sucked in a huge breath. “You fucked up. But so did I when I let you walk out just then. Jesus, Cass, I’m so in love with you it makes me crazy. And I choose not to live without you anymore.”
Cassidy stared at me. And swallowed what must have been a painful amount of ice cream. Then she dropped the cone on the sidewalk and launched herself into my arms. Her lips met mine, cold and sweet from the dessert, and she kissed me like she might never get the chance to again.
I locked my arms around her like I might never get the chance to again, but said fuck that, if I don’t get the chance then I’m never letting go. I kissed her back and poured months of longing and anguish and now fresh healing into it.
“God, I love you,” she cried against my lips before kissing me again. And again. “Like, so much more than that ice cream I just dropped.”
A laugh bubbled in my throat. “The ice cream is replaceable. I’ll get you another.”
“But you’re not,” she whispered, pressing her forehead to mine. “There isn’t anything else in the world like you, and I don’t want another. I want this one.”
“You have me. For as long as you’ll want me,” I promised.
“What if I want you forever?” she asked, pulling back so she could search my eyes for the answer she should already know.
“Then you have me forever.”
“Promise?”
“Swear to fucking God.”
Cassidy grinned and kissed me, quickly, often, her excitement bubbling out of her. I held her tighter and kissed her deeper until she sighed and melted into my body and our kiss became entirely too inappropriate for public viewing.
Epilogue
There was a sense of the quiet before the storm. Here, shut away in my office that was soundproofed to the noise and bustle that would come, it was easy to pretend this day wasn’t really here yet—that it was still in the planning phase and I was going over inventory, or ensuring the staffing was correct, or that the licenses were in place. Instead, it was mere hours before the doors opened to the biggest challenge I’d ever set myself.
A tap on the door broke me out of my nervous internal ramblings, and the door swung open before I could say a word. But that didn’t matter. I knew exactly who it would be. I swiveled around in my ergonomic mesh office chair—hey, only the best for the boss—just in time to see Cassidy close the door behind her.
She wore a slinky white backless dress, peep-toe ankle boots with stiletto heels, and had her mass of hair piled artfully on top of her head. Jesus, she was gorgeous. Cassidy grinned at my blatant admiration of her and slunk toward me, moving to perch her ass on the edge of my desk.
“Hey, beautiful,” I said, sliding my hand up her thigh. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
Cassidy’s smile widened as she playfully batted my fingers when they crept around to try to slide underneath the fabric of her dress. “I thought you should know that people are starting to arrive.”
“Already?” I asked, looking down at my watch.
Cassidy laughed. “Seth, it’s almost seven. You open the doors for the first time in an hour. People are waiting for you to show. This is your party, remember?”
I stood and hovered over her, leaning in, but stopped a breath away from her lips. “Why did I decide to do a sneak peek for people before I opened? Why didn’t I just invite you?”
Cassidy closed the distance and kissed me quickly. “Because you’re a good boy and the people in your life are insanely happy for you and they want to show it. And you and I can have our own after hours party.” She straightened my crooked bowtie and slid her hands down my lapel. “You have no idea what you in this tux is doing to me right now.”
I grinned and kissed her again. “Promise?”
She shimmied away from me. “Only if you come greet your guests right now.”
With a groan I pushed away from the desk and let her pull me out of my office. I’d decided to build myself an office on the same level as the lounge, keeping me in the middle of the action at all times. The club upstairs wouldn’t open until eleven, and usually the basement bar would open at lunch. But with tonight being the launch, I’d decided to open both the basement bar and the lounge at the same time of eight.
But first, there was a small party with a few friends to kick off the grand opening. The bar in the cocktail lounge had a small crowd gathered around it as one of my kickass bartenders put on a show of flipping mixers and bottles.
It was Blake who spotted me first. He turned to nudge Marley, whose face lit up with excitement. “Finally!” Blake said, grinning. “The man of the hour!”
Cassidy squeezed my hand and we moved together toward the small crowd of familiar faces. I hadn’t gone nuts with the invites—sticking with family and the few close friends I had. Mom looked like she could cry and Dad looked…well, not so uptight. It was the most relaxed I’d ever seen him. Jimmy, Hank, Mike and his girl grinned like idiots and Henry patted me on the back as I passed him. Marley had told me he’d almost choked on his coffee when he’d gotten the invite.
Cassidy had invited her old roommates, which I was more than happy with. She’d moved in with me the day we’d gotten back together, and I knew she missed them a lot. Natasha was there somewhere, having come along for moral support, and a couple of the guys from the club at The Oasis had also shown.
Dad pushed his way through the throng of people to clap me on the shoulder. “I do believe it’s tradition to give a speech before the grand opening.”
“Ah, shit, Dad, no one cares. These assholes just want free drinks.”
Cassidy snorted a laugh and I hugged her to my side.
Dad rolled his eyes. “Humor your old man, would you? This is a proud day for me.”
A flush of pleasure coursed through me. “Sure thing, Dad.”
“And, just remember that your mother is present?” he said quietly.
With a laugh, I nodded and moved to stand behind the bar. I stared ou
t at the faces, having a weird almost out-of-body experience that made me wonder if this was really happening… How was I here right now?
I didn’t need to call out for attention—every face in the room was turned toward me. “I’m going to keep this short, because I know you all have a lot of drinking you want to do,” I said, smiling when they laughed. “You know, I was just thinking how weird this feels—to be standing here before you all, on the night my place opens. Jesus, my place. It feels like it isn’t really even happening to me, but it is, and it’s not without the help I had from a few really important people in my life.” I nodded to Blake and gave him a smile. “My ridiculously talented architect brother— Blake, you helped me bring this dream to life, and did it without much griping.”
Blake tipped his head back and laughed before scratching his chin with his middle finger.
Next I sought out my father, and couldn’t help the serious note that inflected my tone. “Dad—we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but you gave me something that I’d bet anything you thought skipped one of your sons, and that’s your drive and determination. I doubted myself a lot throughout this process, wondered if I was biting off more than I could chew. But I powered on through, just like you did way back in the day when you opened your first hotel. Thank you, Dad. Seriously.”
Dad nodded, his smile tight. I knew it meant he was moved by what I said and not the opposite. Anthony Hamilton was a man of few facial expressions, but I knew how to read them all.
“But most of all, I have to thank the most beautiful woman in my life.” I crooked my finger at Cassidy until she pushed her way through the crowd and she stood on the other side of the bar in front of me. “Cass, you kicked my ass when I needed it, brought me coffee by the bucketload and—actually, the last one I don’t think I can say out loud in the presence of my mother.”
Cassidy let out a startled laugh and her cheeks took on a healthy flush. Oh yeah, she knew what I meant.
Secrets, Lies & Imperfections Page 31
