“This isn’t my destiny!” Kier said, feeling her cheeks grow hot. “And you are choosing it for me! Lorcan’s family connections mean nothing to me. He is clever and interesting and thoughtful, and he loves me.”
“He doesn’t even have an ability,” her father said. “He’s practically human, which is ironic given his well-known hatred for that race.”
Kier bit her lip. She had promised Lorcan she would keep his secret. “He doesn’t hate humans, he is merely proud of our great race—just as you are, Father.”
“Kier, you will be happy in this match,” her mother said in a soothing tone. “Brogan is a wonderful man, and you will look ravishing by his side. Surely you can see this is the best decision for you. We want to know that you are taken care of when we are no longer here.”
“I don’t want to look ravishing, Mother. I want to live my own life.”
“That’s enough,” her father snapped. “The decision has been made. You say you are not a child…well, stop acting like one. Can’t you see how you make your mother suffer?”
Kier didn’t see how her mother was suffering at all, but she held her tongue.
“You have been preparing for this your whole life, whether you realized it or not,” her mother said. “The people of Tír na nÓg will be privileged to have you as their queen. We did not make this decision lightly. We did it for you. Now kiss me, and tell me you will be happy. For you will, I assure you of that.”
“And if I refuse?” Kier asked stiffly.
“That is not an option,” her father said. “The arrangements have all been made. What woman in her right mind would not want to be queen? To refuse would be an unforgivable insult to us—and the king. You will do this for the honor of our family. Swear that you will.”
Kier glared at her father, but she knew him well enough to know there was no use in arguing. She had never gone against her parents’ wishes; she did not think she would be able to start now, particularly if this was their final wish for her. And if the king and his grandfather had already agreed to the engagement, nothing could be done. She felt the blood drain from her face as the truth sunk in. She would have to say goodbye to Lorcan…and marry the king.
“I swear it,” she whispered.
“Good,” her father said, letting out a loud breath. “Now all is settled. Your mother is right, you will be happy in this match.”
“I need to go,” Kier said.
“Where?” her father asked, a threat in his voice.
“I need to tell Lorcan. He deserves to hear it from me.”
Her father looked as though he wanted to argue, but her mother stepped between them. “Say your goodbyes, and then dress for dinner. We are dining with the king tonight.”
Kier left, holding in her tears until she had stepped into the bright sunshine. Then she doubled over, letting the full impact of her parents’ announcement take its toll. She sat crying in the grass for several horrible minutes, but forced herself to her feet as soon as she was able, lest someone see her in such a disgraceful position. She tried to steel her resolve as she walked in the direction of her lover’s home, her hair billowing in her wake like a golden cloud. Pink blossoms rained down on her as she passed under the cherry trees, and the brook running beside her seemed to leap with joy whenever she came near. She glared at it. Couldn’t the land feel her pain?
When she reached Lorcan’s home, she stood uncertainly outside his door. She had never been afraid to enter before. The entrance to his home was inside a ring of stones, each the size of a man’s hand. I must tell him, she reminded herself. Then she took a step inside the stones. For a moment, nothing happened, and she wondered if he had already heard the news and would refuse to speak with her. Then the stones began to glow, as though shot through with bright blue veins, and she felt herself start to spin, as she had so many times before.
When she stopped spinning, she was in a large, sparsely furnished room with high ceilings and tall, narrow windows that opened onto an enchanted sky. He was standing at the far end of the room, his back to her. He was tall and well-built, his blond hair brushing the tops of his shoulders. He turned at the sound of her footsteps, a smile dancing on his lips.
“Did you tell them about us? Let me guess—they don’t approve. But it doesn’t matter, they’ll be gone in three days, and we can do what we want.”
She started to walk toward him. “Lorcan, something has happened.”
His teasing expression changed the moment he saw the tears on her face. “Did they hurt you?” he demanded, all teasing gone.
“No, of course not,” she said. “But…things have changed. They have apparently been making arrangements for me to marry the High King, Brogan. The wedding is to take place in three days, just before the Departing ceremony.”
He stared at her, frozen in place. “Refuse to do it,” he said.
“I’m so sorry… I don’t have a choice.” Her voice was but a whisper.
He turned from her abruptly. She grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her. “Lorcan, please. I am as devastated as you are.”
He looked at her then, with those deep blue eyes she knew so well. “I doubt that,” he said. Then he pulled her into a tight embrace. She crumbled inside his arms, letting the sobs wrack her body as he held her together. After a long moment, he pulled back and cupped her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “Do not cry, my darling Kier. We can fix this. You don’t have to go through with it.”
Trying to stifle her sobs, Kier lifted her bloodshot eyes to his. “But I do. I cannot break off the engagement. I…I swore to my parents that I would not.”
Lorcan’s gaze deepened into a scowl. “Then break your vow. You are not some token to be passed around to whomever they choose.”
She wanted to believe him, wanted to think that this was just a horrible dream from which she would soon wake. But the weight of a heavy stone in her stomach told her otherwise. Sometimes there is no happy ending. “I am the only daughter of our great family. I must do my duty. I cannot dishonor my lineage.”
“Then you dishonor yourself,” he said, jerking away from her.
She winced as if he had slapped her. Lorcan ran his hands roughly through his hair and started pacing, his movements jerky. “You deserve so much more, Kier! Brogan mac Airgetlam is not worthy of you. He is cocksure and vain, and only has passable skills as a warrior. He spends more time on Ériu than he does here, soiling himself with human contact. The Elders chose him as king simply because he is the only one left with the sidhe-gift.”
“Let’s not spend our last moments together quarreling,” Kier urged. “Now that I am betrothed, it will be difficult for me to see you alone. I just came to say…that I love you, but this must be goodbye.” She felt the tears pressing hard against her eyes again, and fought to keep her composure.
He stared at her long and hard, as though trying to memorize her face. Then he gripped her tightly by the shoulders. “No,” he said. “I will not lose you to that swaggering idiot.”
“Lorcan, please, you must accept this. If you act against the king he will lock you away—or worse.”
Lorcan laughed, but it was not his normal laugh, not the one that still sent thrills up her spine. “Brogan is so sure of himself that he would not recognize treason if it were staring him in the face,” he said. “But do not worry, my dear. I will be cautious. I will never put you in danger.”
She shook her head. “Please, I couldn’t bear to see you hurt.” She turned to go, knowing if she stayed longer she might give in to his persuasion and break the vow she had made. As she neared the door, she stopped and turned to look at him once more. He stood tall and regal in the center of the room, his eyes fixed on her, his face expressionless.
“I would never have chosen this for myself,” she said. “I would have chosen you.”
She turned and walked through the door, but not before hearing his voice crack as he whispered, “Then why didn’t you?”
&
nbsp; CHAPTER THREE
That evening Kier and her parents were joined by her older brother, Brion, who was captain of the Royal Guard. Kier and her brother had been close as children, but she hardly saw him anymore. He kissed her cheek.
“Well done, little sister,” he said, and she gave him a tight smile. He had always been the more ambitious sibling, and she was quite sure he was calculating how much his own prospects would be furthered by her new position.
Together they proceeded to the Hall, where the High King and his grandfather awaited them. Nuadu Airgetlam was an imposing figure. He had held the position of High King more than once during their people’s long history, and it was he who had spearheaded the creation of Tír na nÓg when the Danann left Ériu for good.
His grandson Brogan was very handsome. He had glowing skin, thick black curls, and a pronounced dimple in his cheek when he smiled. Kier knew him socially, before he became king, but had never considered him as a suitor…or a husband. He took her hand and kissed it. “Greetings, Kier,” he said softly.
She forced her lips into a smile and said, “Your Majesty.”
“I trust that this news was welcome?” he asked, almost shyly.
Kier hesitated, but the pressure of her father’s gaze made her nod. “Any woman would be pleased to be in my position,” she replied. The king was not so easily misled.
“And are you?” he asked, so quietly that only she could hear him.
Kier looked into the dark eyes that were fixed on hers. How honest could she be with this man who was about to become her husband? “I am striving to be, Your Majesty,” she said. “It was…unexpected.”
He frowned and nodded slowly, but then dinner was announced and they proceeded to their places at the table. Many of the other Elders were in attendance, and the food and wine were sublime, but Kier hardly tasted anything. She listened in silence as plans for the wedding and the Departing ceremony were discussed and the Elders fondly reminisced about the Four Cities and their eagerness to return there.
Brogan tried to catch her eye several times over the course of the evening, but she didn’t return his gaze. Lorcan’s words were ringing in her ears: Why didn’t you? Could she? Could she reject the king and choose Lorcan instead? Part of her wanted to be reckless, to follow her heart. But two hundred years of training had drilled into her that her first responsibility was to her family. None of her noble ancestors had been chosen as High King. For her to be queen would bring everyone in her lineage great honor.
It’s the right thing to do, she told herself. Besides, she had only been with Lorcan for a short time. Perhaps she could find the same happiness with Brogan if she tried. She lifted her eyes from her plate and saw that Brogan was still watching her, his gaze thoughtful. She managed a small smile this time, which he returned. But the memory of Lorcan’s devastated face flashed through her mind, and the look in his eyes drove her gaze to her plate once more.
* * *
Kier spent the next two days fielding visits from dressmakers, musicians, cooks, and winemakers. The royal family was taking care of all of the preparations for the ceremony, but each contributor wanted Kier’s blessing. She gave it robotically, without paying much attention to what they were proposing. This was her parents’ wedding, after all, not hers. Between these visits, Kier’s mother drilled her on what would be expected of her as queen. From what Kier could tell, it would mostly involve hosting a lot of parties and making every family in Tír na nÓg feel more important than they were. On the second day she was given a tour of the royal chambers in the Hall, which would soon be her home. As the queen-to-be, she had been assigned protection from the Royal Guard: two uniformed warriors who followed her everywhere.
She didn’t see her husband-to-be until the night before the wedding. She should have been sleeping, but her tangled emotions had drawn her out into the warm night air, where she sat beneath the swaying branches of the willow tree outside their home. It was a beautiful refuge, but a solemn one too. Each time a soft breeze shook the branches, a sound like the chimes of a hundred tiny bells filled the air. She waved her arms, and the tree parted its branches so that she could look up at the stars. Is this what the stars had foretold? That she should marry a man she didn’t love? How could that be? Perhaps there some greater destiny of which she was not aware. Or perhaps her life had no meaning at all.
She was startled out of her reverie by the sound of someone approaching. Lorcan, she thought, her voice catching in her throat. She had tried to visit him again, to beg his forgiveness, but his door had remained closed to her.
But it wasn’t Lorcan who stood before her in the moonlight. It was Brogan.
“Can’t sleep either?” he asked, sitting down next to her and leaning against the willow’s trunk.
“Your Majesty!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here? I mean…” She looked around for his guards and saw none. Her own had left her to her parents’ care for the night.
“They’re easy enough to give the slip if you really want to,” he said with a wink, that seductive dimple appearing in his chin. “I wanted to talk to you before the wedding…and without a hundred servants and attendants around. I had a feeling you might still be awake.”
“Is everything all right, Your Majesty?” she asked politely.
“Kier, please, call me Brogan. We are about to be husband and wife.”
Kier felt herself blushing at the thought, but she nodded. “Brogan.”
“That’s better,” he said. “I know something has been bothering you. Is it…our coming marriage? Your parents told me you were pleased with their choice. But I have the feeling they may not have represented your true feelings. You seemed unhappy at dinner the other night.”
She tried to find his eyes in the darkness. Could she admit to him that her life had been going in one direction before being yanked in another?
“Are you concerned about the Departing? Do you fear you will miss your parents?” he asked.
“I will miss them, I’m sure,” she said. She paused before continuing. “And I will miss…others.”
“Ah,” he said slowly. He ran a hand through his dark curls, suddenly looking not quite so self-assured as usual. “Of course.”
“You do me great honor by choosing me.”
Brogan let out a huff. “Oh, Kier, enough of this standing on ceremony. You are beautiful and kind and clever, and I want to marry you—not just because your parents arranged it with my grandfather. I believe we are well matched, and that our marriage will be a happy one. But…” He looked at her carefully before continuing. “That does not mean we must completely abandon our old lives. There is no reason why the things that have made us happy in the past cannot continue to do so once we are wed.”
Kier felt her mouth open slightly. Was he saying…? Or was it just wishful thinking on her part? For the first time she registered the fact that this was an arranged marriage for him too. Did he also love someone else? She wasn’t sure how to respond, so she just nodded her head. “Thank you, Your—I mean, Brogan.”
“I hope we will be together for a long time,” he said, “and I am confident that once we get to know each other, we will be very happy indeed.” He glanced around, and then looked back at her with a grin on his face. “I know we are supposed to wait until the wedding, but…may I kiss you?”
Kier’s thoughts were still tangled up in his cryptic words, so she was taken off-guard by his request. As he leaned in toward her, her heart sped up and her breath quickened. “Um…yes, I suppose,” she stuttered, kicking herself for being so graceless.
His lips were soft and hungry, but he did not linger. Once they broke apart, he stood, still grinning. Then he bowed to her. “I know you have mixed feelings about tomorrow, Kier. Just remember—it’s my job to take care of you now. If you need anything at all, I will be there for you.”
She watched him disappear into the dark, and raised her fingers to her lips. What a kiss… Then she thought of Lorcan, and guilt stabbed i
nto her like a knife.
Quietly, she got to her feet and crept through the darkness toward Lorcan’s home. If he refused again to see her, that would be her answer. She stepped inside the stones and, to her surprise, started to spin.
He was waiting for her in his living room, and her heart sank when she saw the hope in his eyes. Was she just wounding him more? “Have you changed your mind?” he asked breathlessly.
“No,” she whispered, looking imploringly into his eyes. “But I believe there is a way we can be together.” She told him of Brogan’s strange words. “I think he was telling me that we can still be with the people we love…as long as we are discreet.”
She was unable to read the expression on his face, but it was not one of joy. “Do you know me so little?” he said. “You think I want to be your occasional lover, whenever you grow tired of the king’s attentions?”
“No, I just thought…it was better than nothing,” she said, her words sounding foolish to her own ears.
“You thought I would want to share the woman I love with another man? To be the thankful recipient of his leftovers?” He grabbed her face in his hands and gave her a piercing stare. “Do you love me at all, Kier? Or was I just an entertaining diversion for you?”
“Of course I love you!” Kier cried. “That hasn’t changed. I must marry Brogan, but I don’t want to lose you.”
“Then you have made your choice!” he snarled, letting go of her face so fast her head snapped back. “You have no idea what it means to love someone. You think I am just a toy to be brought to the Hall with you, like another one of your trinkets. You act like this is all being forced upon you, but you are the one who’s getting married tomorrow.” Then his voice softened. “I can give you a good life, Kier. Greater than you could imagine. Let me make you happy. Not him.”
Kier had never before felt so wretched. She had thought her news would gladden him, but she knew now how wrong she had been. He was right. He had loved her before she had ever noticed him. And as soon as she had started to love him back, she had been taken from him…or had left. He was too proud, and loved her too much, to settle for anything less than all of her. He would not share her with anyone, not even the king.
Beyond the Pale: A Thin Veil Novella (The Thin Veil Book 3) Page 2
