by Zoë Lane
Hell. Maybe I was in love with her.
Landyn sighed and crashed on the couch beside me. “Dude, I know you’re gallant and all that. It’s one of the things I admire about you.”
“Because you’re not?” I chided.
Landyn chuckled. “Yeah, maybe. But giving up everything...”
“It should’ve been me.”
“What?”
“That night. Why did the truck have to be on her side?” I looked at Landyn. “If I could trade my life for Em’s, I would. I couldn’t wreck someone else’s. Not when I had the chance to do something about it.”
Landyn’s ghost of a smile told me he understood. He squeezed my shoulder and then stood and stretched. After letting out a loud yawn, he gave me a pointed stare. “Don’t ever do anything like that again.”
“Sure.”
“I mean it, bro.”
I held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor. You know, neither of us were ever in the Scouts.”
Landyn chuckled. “How’s your shoulder?”
“Have an appointment at the hospital in a few hours to get an MRI. It’s...I’m in a lot of pain, but I can take it.”
“It’s fucked up they thought you hid your injury.”
“Dr. Benzoli didn’t include it in his final report to the staff. That’s why.”
“Coach Hicks?”
“It didn’t dawn on him that it wasn’t in there when the decisions were made. He’d already given his recommendations by that time and I was on the list.
“Any idea what’ll happen?” he asked on the way to the fridge. He opened it and ducked his head inside.
“No idea.” I raised my voice so he could hear me. Landyn produced a can of soda and gestured to ask if I wanted one. I nodded and he tossed me one. “Suspension, a fine... I was told not to make any statements to the press and to lay low. Coach Hicks is supposed to get back to me about what to do next.”
“Wonder if Rose knows about it.” Landyn pulled his cell out of his back pocket. While looking at the screen, he spewed soda all over the place.
“What the hell are you doing, Landyn?”
Landyn’s wide eyes met mine. “Rose is about to make a statement.”
“Did she say what?”
“Nope.” Landyn went to the flat-screen on the wall and turned it on. He scanned the channels until he got to the live feed from inside the building.
I watched as Rose named Dr. Benzoli as a person who had been released from the team due to an ongoing criminal investigation that the team could not comment on. Several members of the team had unfortunately been under his care and had tested positive for a recently banned drug. The franchise prided itself on demanding the highest level of integrity from its players, who had come forward to assist management with their internal investigation.
“They’re putting the blame entirely on Dr. Benzoli,” I said quietly. “It’s not right.”
“It’s convenient,” Landyn said matter-of-factly. “Can’t blame yourself. He was dealing drugs. I mean, what the hell?”
I met Landyn’s gaze and watched his lids narrow.
“What do you know, Casper?”
“Can’t talk about it. Lawyer told me to wait here for the investigators who are here talking to a few of the players.”
Landyn crossed his arms. “You know why he did it?”
Of course I did. His student loan debt. His divorce. Alimony. Child support. It hadn’t hit me until after I had left the conference room. “Told my lawyer and I have to wait.” I shrugged. “Sorry, Landyn. I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
He rolled his eyes. “Right. ’Cause you’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
“I thought we were past that.”
He cocked a half-grin and shook his head from side to side. “Yeah, we’re over it. But I reserve the right to bring it up until we know what’s going on with your shoulder.”
“Fine.”
Coach Hicks entered the lounge. “Casper, the investigators are ready for you.”
I blew out a breath and stood.
“Coach, when will Casper be back on the field?”
Coach Hicks gaze left Landyn and landed hard on me. “You’re probably looking at a six-game suspension.”
“Six!” Landyn shouted.
I covered my eyes with my left hand. The season will over halfway finished. “I understand, sir.”
“I have to get upstairs. Still have a lot of decisions to make.”
Two people in suits with badges hooked to their belts stood at the doorway.
“I’ll wait for you,” Landyn said to me.
Coach Hicks and I left the room, trailing the investigators.
“Casper, I want you to know that I’ve pitched to the GM to reinstate Ms. Kelly.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, grabbing his arm to halt his progress. I looked him the eyes. “Are you shitting me right now?”
Coach Hicks smirked. “No, I’m not. You stuck up for her. Said she had warned you.”
That wasn’t all she’d done, but no way I was going to mention her looking at my medical records. Not with two investigators standing a few feet away with impatient looks on their faces.
“Can I tell her?” I eagerly asked.
Coach Hicks nodded. “Yeah, go ahead. She can come back in tomorrow. I’ll make sure she’s cleared.”
“How much are you in for with the GM to make this happen?”
Coach Hicks’s eyes went to the ceiling. “At least the rest of the season.” He chuckled and began heading towards the elevators. “Let me know when you’re ready to go to the hospital and I’ll drive you.” With a wave, he entered the elevator.
“That’s one hell of a coach,” the female investigator said. “Personally driving you to the hospital?”
I smiled and continued following the investigators. “Yeah. Treats us like family.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CASPER
Halfway to Siobhan’s house, I had to make a U-turn to headquarters.
Billy, this better be good.
I thought about sending Siobhan a text to meet me at the office tomorrow, but I really wanted to see the look on her face when I told her she was rehired. It wasn’t up to me—I owed Coach Hicks—but I wanted to be the one to make her happy. I’d tell her it was all Coach Hicks’s idea after she jumped into my arms.
I walked onto the field, the high lights casting a dim glow in the darkness the closer I reached the field. “Billy?” What the hell was he doing out here now?
“I thought I was untouchable.”
I whirled at the sound of Billy’s voice behind me. “Shit, man, you scared me.” I put a hand to my shoulder, my arm now in a sling.
“With all the money I have” he continued, “I thought I could do whatever I wanted. New team, eager investors throwing money at us. I should’ve invited you over to see my place. Top-floor condo. Can see all of downtown. Got my brother a bike for his birthday. He always loved playing with toy motorcycles, even when he was an infant. Do you have younger siblings? Ever have them look at you like you’re their hero? I never thought I’d feel more alive in my life. Not even sex did that for me.”
I squinted and saw Billy sitting about ten rows up in the stands. “Billy? What are you doing here?”
“Talked to management today.”
“Yeah, we all did.”
“We’re not the only ones who got caught.”
I walked up to his row and sat down with a seat between us. “Yeah, I know. Coach said I’m looking at a six-week suspension. Guess that beats getting cut from the team. If we make it to the playoffs, then I’ll still be able to play this season.”
“You will, maybe.”
I looked at the side of his shadowed face. “What you are talking about? What did you get?”
He shook his head. “About the same, but that’s not all of it.”
“All of what? They threw Dr. Benzoli under the bus...well, he was dealing or something. Didn’t mak
e sense. He’s got kids.”
“That’s why it makes sense,” Billy said simply. “He’s got to take care of them.”
“From where, a jail cell? He probably won’t see them for, I dunno how many years.”
“I couldn’t do it. Face my family from behind the glass. To see their disappointment, knowing I’d shamed them.”
“Billy, come on, man, you’re being dramatic. The drug was just banned. Did you see Rose on the news earlier? It’s...it’s being handled. The owner has our back. Coach Hicks—”
“Your back, maybe, not mine.”
I sat silently, waiting for him to continue. He shifted in his seat. “He doesn’t have mine.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because he told me so.”
That didn’t sound like Coach Hicks at all. In the last few months, he’d become a mentor and someone I trusted more than any coach I’d had in the past.
“What were his exact words?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from sounding impatient. I resisted checking my phone for the time, but it vibrated in my back jeans pocket. Siobhan was probably wondering where I was.
“He said he wished I would’ve come to him first.”
“Then what the hell are you talking about?” I said in a frustrated rush. “What does that sound like to you if not having your back?”
“He said he couldn’t do anything for me. All the money—even the guaranteed—had to be returned. I signed a year’s lease on that condo. No way I could pay to get out of it.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” I leaned over, looking for his eyes in the shadows. “Did you get cut?” I whispered.
Silence.
“Billy...man, I’m sorry. What’s your agent done? You could probably get on a team in a week or two—or maybe after you’ve served the suspension time. This isn’t the end.”
He finally looked at me, the whites of his eyes more glaring than anything else around us. “You ever have a sibling look at you like they were terrified of you? Like they didn’t recognize who you were? Because I have. Mine ran away from me. No goodbye. Just their little backs.”
“No goodbye?”
“Dr. Benzoli wasn’t the only dealer.”
I didn’t know how long I sat there without speaking. I couldn’t think of any time he’d said something that would’ve given it away. Billy was in on it?
The investigators had told me Dr. Benzoli had positioned himself in a small-time ring that did large volumes of distribution. A third-tier group in Richmond, but with heavy connections up and down the East Coast. The man had seen dollar signs that would benefit in him in his upcoming divorce from his wife—a woman so bitter, she was going after everything he owned.
“Dude...I thought it was all good under that multi-level marketing stuff.”
Billy chuckled. “You’re an idiot, Casper.”
“Whatever. I thought you were just taking the EPO—”
“Got introduced to some rich kids at a party. They wanted to score and thought because I had money, I knew where to find what they wanted. Thing was, I knew a doctor hard up for money, who could get stronger stuff.” He shrugged like it was something people did every day. Normal.
“Billy...” I couldn’t find the words. I remembered Dr. Benzoli’s rant about paying child support and alimony. It would make sense why he’d start dealing, but Billy didn’t need the money. Did he?
The sound of a click made the hairs on my neck stiffen. “What the hell was that?” I looked down and saw only one of Billy’s hands. “Billy...”
“I can’t, Casper.”
“Billy, what’s in your other hand,” I said, my lungs burning for air. My heart raced while my stomach suddenly felt weighted.
“You don’t have to worry about it.”
“Billy...don’t do it, man. This isn’t over.”
He casually turned to me. “Yes, it is.”
“What the hell are you talking about!” I shouted. “This isn’t the rest of your life we’re talking about. You’ll do, what? A few years. Maybe nothing! Maybe probation. Hell—we’ve all seen worse.”
“They’re looking for me. The police.” He raised the gun and held it in his lap.
I felt puke race up my throat. “Billy,” I said with a choked voice, my good arm reaching out to him. “Billy, please. You can get a good lawyer. This isn’t worth dying over! Let me call someone. Let me call Coach Hicks! He’ll tell you—”
“That’s not the whole story.”
Oh, fuck. There was more?
“It’s funny how when you’re not high or strung out, you suddenly have complete clarity. You look at your life and wonder what the hell is it all about?”
I wasn’t reaching him. Something else troubled him. “Billy. Billy, let’s be rational—logical about this. Think of your brother—what’s his name?”
“Braiden.”
“Braiden. Think of Braiden. You want to be his hero again? Show him how to be a man and take responsibility for your actions. Show him how to come back from failure!” I frantically pointed to my sling. “Look at me! I might be out for the rest of the season, I don’t know, but it’s not the end of the world! I made it back from a car accident that killed my wife. Billy, this is...this is...you have your life, bro!”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”
He put the muzzle in his mouth and pulled the trigger.
CHAPTER THIRTY
SIOBHAN
I groaned when the loud banging wouldn’t stop.
I looked at my phone. Three a.m. Who was banging on my door at—
That’s when I saw the text messages. A long list of them from Casper.
Oh, hell no.
I threw off the covers and grabbed my robe at the foot of my bed. He was not coming over for a booty call. Not after today. Today of all days. That was not going to help me recover.
I plodded to the door and looked through the peephole.
I yanked the door open and my eyes hadn’t deceived me. “Is that blood?” He was covered with splotches all over his shirt. “Your arm!” I touched the sling and stared into his eyes. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“Can I come in?” he said softly.
Wordlessly, I nodded. He stumbled in as though drunk, but he didn’t smell of alcohol.
“Please tell me you’re okay. Do you want me to call an ambulance?”
He found my couch and collapsed on it, half-sprawled out. I knelt before him, stroking his blond hair, spotted with red and wet from sweat. “Is this blood?” I whispered the question.
He nodded.
“Yours?”
He shook his head. “Billy’s.”
I gasped. “What happened?”
“Killed himself. In front of me. At the stadium.”
“He killed...” Words failed me.
“That’s why I’m late.” He visibly swallowed and coughed.
I stood. “I’ll get you some water.” He reached for my hand and gently pulled me back down to the floor.
“I was coming to tell you that you have your job back. Coach Hicks made a deal. You can come back tomorrow.”
My job.
I was rehired?
“Billy texted me. That’s why I was late.”
“Casper...why did he do it? Did he say anything?”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “Said he was dealing. Got cut from the team. He would’ve had to repay everything.”
“But...I don’t...what, was he moving bricks of stuff? He killed himself over that?”
Casper’s lids rapidly opened and closed. A single tear slipped down the side of his face. “There was something else. Something he wouldn’t tell me. I’ve been with the police all night.” His head fell to one side and he stared at me. “This isn’t a booty call.”
I let out a half-snort, half-laugh. “I...”
He grinned, followed by a yawn. “You thought it was.”
“I did, yeah.”
He had red everywhere on his grey t-shirt.
And even some grey stuff that looked like— “Do you want to shower?” I asked, and looked away from the pieces of gunk and not thinking about what I knew they were. I stood. “I can find some...”
“If you think I’m going to fit into your pants,” he chuckled.
I helped him sit up. “I have some oversized sweatpants and a hoodie you could...maybe wear?”
He slowly stood, leaning in for what I thought was going to be a kiss, until he stood upright. “I would kiss you if I didn’t think I had Billy’s blood all over my face.”
“You do, actually.”
“Then, yeah, I want a shower,” he said dryly, lips slanting down to one side. “And I don’t mind walking around naked.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure you don’t, but I mind.”
He grinned that silly, playful smile I knew so well. “You won’t once you see me.”
“You said this wasn’t a booty call.”
“I’ll be a complete gentleman. I promise.”
He looked so innocent. If only it wasn’t an act. “Uh-huh. An innocent naked man. Somehow I don’t believe that.”
“Try me.”
I was afraid to, but my pulse sped up; my body held no fear.
After he had showered, he came back into the living room, my oversized sweatpants tightly hugging his muscular thighs, my hoodie, snug on him. I snickered.
“I could always walk around naked,” he teased with a grin.
“I’m glad they kind of fit.”
He grimaced and joined me on the couch I had scrubbed clean, just in case.
“I talked to Veronica,” I began. “While you were in the shower. She said she’d heard that Billy was involved in a murder, and that’s probably why he...”
I watched Casper’s face pale, then twist in disgust and disbelief. “Murder? Are you sure? Where did she hear that from?”
“One of her friends is a security guard at headquarters. He knows a few people on the police force.”
Casper nodded. “Wow. No wonder he saw no way back.” He raked a hand through his curly blond hair. “Man, if I’d known... Shit, Billy. What the hell?”
I ventured close, wrapping my arm around his left arm, and putting my head on his shoulder. “Am I hurting you?”
