“Kind of like that girl where I’m from. The singer from Texas? The one married to Jay-Z?”
She eyed me with a short laugh. “You mean Beyoncé?”
“Yeah, that’s her name.” I knew I had the right one. That girl was a household name in my state. I didn’t follow her music, but I caught Jay from time to time. I flicked between him and my man Blake Shelton. Many miles on the road, I enjoyed all types of music.
I looked over at Alex. “I heard she’s got an alias, one she breaks out when she’s on stage with the lights on her and the crowd’s screaming her name.”
Before, Alex couldn’t have looked like she wanted to withdraw more, but as she brought her legs up and hugged them, grinning over her knees, I knew I got her back. She was going to play along.
“Sasha Fierce,” she said with a smile.
I nodded. “Sasha Fierce. So who’s your Sasha Fierce? What’s the name of the girl in the back?”
She glanced away, chewing her lip as she stared at the road. The silence in my truck worried me at first, afraid maybe she wouldn’t continue, but then she turned and said one word, “Valentine.”
A word associated with the heart seemed so fitting for her. Alexa, not the alias. Yet, she used that to represent her other self, the one she kept hidden, and I didn’t understand why.
Keeping up with the game, I played along, smiling. “Valentine it is then. You’ll let me know when she comes out? I want to be able to brace myself in case she’s as crazy as Sasha Fierce.”
Again, Beyoncé was huge. I’d seen her in interviews on T.V. and the girl on stage definitely didn’t match her soft-spoken demeanor.
“Promise,” Alex said before turning away. She reached down to the console and got herself another doughnut, a long john this time, and it sat well that she felt comfortable to do so.
I didn’t know this girl at all, why she wore the mask, or felt the need to hide. Alex was definitely a girl with some reservations, but she intrigued me more and more with every word she allowed me to hear and I wanted nothing more than to peel back more layers.
Chapter Seven
Alexa
“You like blue gum balls?”
I gazed up from playing with my fingers. I did that when Brody was making his way back to the truck from inside a rest stop. It kept me preoccupied while he made those lengthy strides back to the rig, but even still, he caught my gaze sometimes. He spotted me watching him come back. He’d always smile and not make it too awkward. He was just that way.
Sliding inside, he opened his hand, and like what he said, he had a blue gum wrapped in cellophane paper in his large hand. He grinned. “Got an extra one.”
“You always have an extra one,” I told him, but didn’t reach out cautiously like I had before. He always seemed to bring something back for me whenever we stopped, even though I told him he never had to. Sometimes it was a bag of chips or other times, candy like this gift, and every time, I let him know he didn’t have to. I went there again.
“I told you I didn’t need anything,” I said, trying not to smile while I popped it into my mouth. Because even though I meant what I said, I enjoyed it every time he did. Perhaps, it was the thoughtfulness of it. That’s what I kept telling myself anyway.
He returned his hat to his head, sliding it on tight. He only wore it when the sun went high. I noticed that as he kept taking it off and on through the day. He shrugged. “Eh, it was only twenty-five cents, Alex. It’s not like it set me back or anything. I bought two instead of one. No big.”
“Yeah, but still.”
“But still,” he paused, swinging those bright blue eyes of his my way. He waggled blond brows above them. “It’s not a problem.”
Frozen in place, I simply nodded. That’s all I could do under that gaze. I was able to relax again when he released me from them and strapped back in, but then I thought about something while I chewed the blue raspberry flavoring in my mouth.
“Where’s yours?” I asked him, strapping back in as well. “Your gum ball?” He said he got two.
Like he remembered, he slouched back, reaching into his pocket. Out of it came a shiny red gum ball, as well as something else.
The plastic ring sat tiny in his large hand, a sliver one with a clear stone in the center. It was pretty.
“A mood ring,” he said, those eyes managing to find mine again. That hat came off when he pulled it from his head. “You don’t want it, do you? It came out with my gum ball and can’t really do anything with it.”
He smiled a little on the end there, and like before, I took this gift too, my belly doing weird things when I did.
“Thanks,” I told him. I had to keep my face from splitting wide in a smile.
He said no problem and his hand returned to the wheel. He drove then, no other words about it said.
*
The miles went long after that moment in the rig, but not in a bad way. It fact, it was more than the opposite. We sat quietly sometimes, but other times neither one of us could shut up. We talked about the casual banter of nothing, but it felt like everything all at the same time. He’d tell me about his job and life on the road. Though singular work, it wasn’t without a story and that’s what Brody always seemed to have: a story. He could make the smallest things funny and every time, he got me. I’d get swept away in it and happily break from life because of it. And that’s what he did for me, made me forget about everything else. I got to just sit there and be with him and even though I didn’t really contribute much to the conversation with my own funny stories, that was okay. He let me be. I could be there with him with nothing else expected from me. He had a story for every minute, every hour, and those occasional moments when I did comment on them, he made me feel like what little I had to say did matter. Maybe it was the way he listened, focused on the road but slightly turned my way and every once and a while, that jaw of his would shift. His eyes would find mine and crease in the corners before facing the road again. He was engaged and that kept me going. I really did talk about nothing. It would be about something I saw while we drove or something he said, but he seemed interested with every word. And then there were the smiles. His lips pursed sometimes, then ticked up in the corner after I said something.
I liked those the best.
Before I knew it, we had been in the truck over three hours. They’d been three hours of talking, three hours of laughter, but most importantly, three hours with him. I didn’t want to admit how much I enjoyed them, but I couldn’t help with every passing moment. His incessant stops only added to that. Though, we’d been in the truck three hours, we had actually been traveling longer with the added times of his stops. I found that odd at first, how often we pulled over. He didn’t seem to drink an unusual amount of liquid or anything that would warrant so many pull overs. It seemed to be a normal amount, and each time, he never returned empty handed. Like with the ring he gave me.
I clutched that ring now, smiling at a cool tone of green in it. It was in moments such as those stops, that I believed he enjoyed spending time with me. He wouldn’t give something to a someone he didn’t like, right? Though, he did say it came out with his gum ball. But was it in my head, how I’d catch him glancing at me just as much as I glanced at him while we drove? Or how he always seemed to know just what to say to make me smile? Like he enjoyed making me smile.
“I’m picking up some parts here,” he said, pulling me out of my thoughts. Turning the wheel, he pulled the truck off an exit. The sign off the highway mentioned a small, populated town in Oklahoma. He glanced my way. “Once I do, the drive’s a cake walk to Texas. I drop off there. It’s my last stop, and today’s pick up shouldn’t take too terribly long.”
I found myself wishing it would as I nodded, turning away to the window. If that was his last delivery that meant our miles of driving had almost wound down, and also, that I’d be alone again. I’d be alone until I figured out a way to get home myself.
I curled my fingers around the stone a
gain, but this time no joy came from it. I couldn’t get into my head about this; him. Things like his little gifts at the stops, this ring, and even all the attention he gave me while on the road had to be nothing more than his character. He was a genuine guy. He was a nice guy, and no doubt all the gestures he made toward me had to do with how we met. I couldn’t deny the situation in which he found me. Maybe his kind gestures were nothing more than that—kindness and a sensitivity to the situation he put his own self in. He was handling me with kid gloves and being nice because he felt he had to. I would too if the roles were reversed.
My stomach turned a bit as I laid my hand in my lap, feeling naive.
Of course he’s being nice. Of course.
“Is that okay, Alex?”
I looked up at those deep blue eyes, making myself smile a little. Usually it wasn’t hard to do around him. He always seemed to allow me to find a brightness inside myself I couldn’t contain. But now, finding it actually felt like effort. Smiling felt like effort.
He rested his arm across the steering wheel. We must have stopped sometime in my wandering thoughts. He tilted his head, studying my face with his lips turned down. “Is everything all right?”
I nodded, releasing the hold I had on the ring he gave me. I let my hand settle to the side. “Yeah. Sorry. I guess I just missed what you said before.”
His smile came back. I was glad. “I asked if you were going to be okay here?” He pointed behind himself. “I’m going to open up the back and let them load. I just wondered if you’d be all right sitting in here for a bit while I did. Since you’ll be by yourself and all.”
Wow. He really was handling me with kid gloves.
He feels sorry for me….
I brought my arms in, holding myself. “I’ll be fine.”
This made his smile grow. “All right then. I’ll make it quick. After they do what they need to, we’ll head out and cross the state line home.”
His home. Not mine. I nodded and he left me alone in the truck.
A few men in coveralls came out of a large garage-like door directly behind Brody’s rig. I watched them in the side view mirror. Brody went back with them, talking for a second with one while he spun his keys around his finger. But suddenly, he stopped spinning the keys. He palmed them, lowering his hand to the side, and all the while, he still talked to the man in front of him. I couldn’t see Brody’s face while they spoke, as he was facing the man and not in my direction, but I did notice his shoulders raised and dropped like he sighed.
The man in front of him pointed in a general direction to the right and Brody gazed that way. Before I knew it, he was handing off his keys to the man, then heading in the direction he pointed. I found that odd. He’d said he would let the guys into the back then come back to me. But he didn’t do that. He was walking away while the man he gave the keys to opened the truck and unlocked it.
I didn’t expect the leap that jumped my heart as I whipped forward, watching as he moved farther and farther away. I gripped the door handle, preparing to get out and see where he was going, but I stopped when he turned around. He stared directly at me, past the distance between us and the glass of the windshield separating us. It was like he was still in the car with me, telling a joke, and making my heart happy with his humor. Tilting his head, he smiled at me, and I felt my hand lower from the door. I sat back in the chair, and like he knew I was okay, he turned again. He went inside the building, and I watched as he let the door close behind him.
I placed my hands in my lap. Breathing hard, I realized I wasn’t doing it before; breathing. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that—at all. How had that happened? How had this happened? My connection to him? My dependence on him? Brody and I were temporary travel companions. Anything more than that… Anything deeper than that just…
Just couldn’t be.
I twisted the mood ring on my hand between two fingers. Somewhere along the line it turned a deep blue. I had no idea what that meant and maybe didn’t want to know.
I gazed up. Brody hadn’t come out yet. I wondered how much time I had.
Turning the ring, I twisted it until it came off. I couldn’t think as I stood and grabbed my bag from the back, my wig next. If I did stop to think, I would hesitate. I knew I would. I gripped my ring in my palm until it came time. Time was when I passed the dividers between our seats. I left the ring in my own seat, squarely in the middle. Maybe he’d think I dropped it on my way out and didn’t leave it on purpose.
I hoped so.
Brody
Mr. Michaels, my boss, was in his office like his shift manager outside said he was. I wasn’t going to act like I didn’t know what this was about, but I made sure I was confident when I entered the room. I stayed professional, calm.
“You’re late, Brody,” he said, barely looking up at me when I came in. Once I sat, he immediately wrote something down on a clipboard. He was probably writing me up.
I knew what would happen today. The minute I crept past my deadline hours ago, I knew. That still didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted. I had dragged my feet. I dawdled. Every unnecessary stop I made and the time I wasted by making them, I knew would result in certain consequences. I made some choices and I’d own up to them. There’d be no reason to shy away from them. They were probably pretty dumb and definitely incredibly selfish. That last one took me a bit to realize: how selfish I was being. There was no denying that now. I knew.
I pushed my hand over my hair, restless, while Mr. Michaels continued to write. He looked up and I settled my hand down so I didn’t look so uneasy. “I’m sorry, sir,” I said to him. “It won’t happen again.”
And it wouldn’t. I didn’t want to be known for dicking around. I was a hard worker and had been showing that since I got this job. I wasn’t going to mess it up and be stupid like I had been. I could only hope Alex didn’t realize what was happening around her. If she did, she wouldn’t trust me anymore. I told myself I was doing it for her by making all those extra stops. I was making sure she had time to rest from the relentless driving. Long durations of travel not everyone could handle and I only wanted her comfortable by being conscious of that. It was only in the last couple hours or so I realized exactly what I was doing, which was why I plowed through the last hundred or so miles of our trip. Those stretched out moments in the truck with her, those stops, became more about me than her. They become more for me than her.
They’d become about her wind chime laugh and how her body gently vibrated from the force of it. I only got her to do it with my crappy jokes. And they’d also became about her smile whenever I’d come back with things for her from a stop we made. She always said she didn’t want anything. But that smile of hers read otherwise. Despite the other things, I was well aware of what really made me say the hell with my delivery deadline. It was the pure joy I got from every minute and every second of her unease going away. The tension faded. The worry melted away from those once scared eyes, and I… I loved doing that for her. She was starting to trust me. She did trust me, but she wouldn’t if she knew what I let happen.
She wouldn’t if she knew I took advantage of our time together.
I tried not to think about that as I waited for Mr. Michaels to finish what he was writing. He did. Looking up, he made a steeple with his fingers. “You know I had to write you up for this. We got a three strikes policy around here and that’s one.”
I nodded, understanding.
“I’m also going to have to dock your pay.”
My heart charged behind my chest. He was... docking my pay. Why? I rose up. “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t understand.”
Leaning forward, I knew he was about to make it clear. “I know you’re new, Brody, but this is in your contract. I lose money when deliveries are late. This is why deadlines are set. Money I lose as the result of late deliveries must be replenished. All drivers around here understand that, which is why they make sure they’re never late. They are the ones penalized if they’re at
fault. I advise you to take a look at your contract. You’ll see it’s all set out.”
I didn’t consider myself a slow person. I wasn’t dense. I wasn’t stupid. I’d read the freaking contract and I didn’t recall seeing anything like this in it at all. It didn’t feel right what was happening. Not at all.
“You’ll be seeing the difference in your next paycheck, Brody.” He said that so matter-of-factly, so dry and cold, I had to fight my jaw from clenching. To this guy, I was just a number, just another employee who fucked up and now he was collecting what was his. Maybe he wasn’t too far off about me. I felt more and more like a fuck up every day I forced myself to drive away from home. I felt it when I had to leave my family and friends for weeks at a time for a job that had once seemed like the right plan for me.
Things didn’t seem so clear now.
Before I left, I asked my boss for a copy of the contract. He even highlighted the part about the wage garnish. I had to laugh, trashing it before I exited the building. There was a line there. A single line filled with so much legal jargon, a guy would need a lawyer to even decipher the shit. On top of that, it was an amendment, a recent amendment I briefly recalled he made a bunch of us sign before we could even get our last paychecks. The bastard lied about it being normal company policy. I wasn’t surprised and with all of us employees hurrying to get paid that day, I bet I wasn’t the only one who overlooked the new policy. Crazy thing was, I couldn’t even get mad. This was my own lapse in judgment. It was me that signed something I didn’t fully understand.
I was understanding a lot of things now.
Heading out to Alex, I considered what made me late in the first place. This thing with her… I had to remember what it was. She was a girl. She was a girl who needed a ride and I couldn’t get attached to her. We couldn’t…
We couldn’t be anything but what we were: me giving her a lift. I could only blame whatever attachment I created because of my job. I had to admit, I was by myself a lot. I guess it was just nice to have someone around for a while. I wouldn’t let things be that way anymore. I’d get her to where the line ended for me and let her go.
Brody Page 4
