“Even if that were true,” I said, swallowing hard. “Did that give him justification to do what he did? Did that give him permission or reason to—”
“You’re a whore!” she screamed, and it wasn’t just me close to tears. They filled her eyes. They flew down her cheeks. She lifted a finger again. “You’re a dirty little whore that takes everything, my son included. You always get everything you want, but you can’t have him. You can’t have Nathan and you won’t sour him either. You won’t take away the only thing I have. You won’t do it anymore, Alexa. No more.”
Her words had me trembling, shaking, and the disgust in them caused the tears to stream down my cheeks. She turned to walk away and I almost let her. I had so many times after she’d said things like this to me in the past, but this time I couldn’t. This time I opened my mouth.
“He told me we were gonna surprise you.”
She stopped at my voice, gazing over her shoulder.
“It was your birthday,” I sniffed, breathing through the tears. “Remember that?”
Her lashes shifted, going down. Of course she remembered. Neither one of us forgot that day.
“He had balloons in the back of the car. A cake and everything. It had a see-through lid so I could see it.” My smile went crooked through my tears. “I remembered it was beautiful and thinking you’d like the color.”
Her lips parted after that, her lashes blinking.
“He knew I’d get in the car,” I told her, feeling the very words. I could never forget that day no matter how I tried. “He knew. He drove all the way to my school and told me it would mean a lot to you if I came over for your birthday. I dropped everything. I didn’t go to class that day and he knew I wouldn’t. He knew I would do anything for you.”
It was at this point she shook her head, her blinking incessant, but even then that couldn’t stop the first tear. A second followed and a third would have but her hand moved over her eyes, stopping them. I let her stay there in silence for only moment. She needed to hear this. She finally did.
“You know I cried the whole time?” I confessed, the words muffled in a large ball in my throat. I wiped my eyes now, catching tears. “He only stopped after I threw up. Only after I covered his entire shirt. He said I disgusted him.”
She cringed, the air from her lungs seeping out in staggered breaths from her chest. “Alex…” she whispered, her voice strained. “Alex, don’t,” she said. “Alex, stop,” but I couldn’t though.
I wouldn’t.
“But he didn’t,” I told her, closing the distance between us. “He didn’t stop after I screamed. After I begged. It took that, Elena. It took me choking on his smell, gagging on the feel of him touching me and violating me until it all became too much. Until I couldn’t take it anymore and vomited all over him. That’s what I had to do to make him stop, Elena! It came to that and only that.”
Her whole body quivered, the tears running in a rapid stream down her face and she didn’t wipe them away. There were so many she didn’t bother and all the while she kept saying no. She kept saying stop, but my words still came. I wouldn’t stop. Not this time. I was tired of her judgment and her blaming me for something beyond my control. The only blame rested with the sick bastard who took advantage of my love for my sister, of a trust I had for the man she brought into our lives and no more could she be allowed to mar me with a past I wouldn’t have had to endure if not for her thoughtless decisions. I refused to carry the weight of it and someone not too long ago made me realize I never should have felt I had to. He loved me and he made me see that.
The words spewed from my lips, every one worse than the next and eventually, the reality of them became too much for my sister. She attempted to leave the room, a mess of salty trails down her face, but I grabbed her arm and made her look at me. Over her shoulder came something I didn’t expect and that something burned more than any words she could have said to me.
Her hand fell free from my face and I let go of her, pressing my palm to the heat on my cheek. She stared at me, a shock rippling through such an exquisite face. And she was beautiful. She always had been no matter how high. No matter how out of it she ever was.
She covered her mouth, her hand still hovering in the air, but she couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t take a lot of things back. She lowered her hand. “Alex, I’m…”
I left the room, down the stairs, and to where I didn’t know. I ended up outside, heading toward the side of the house to catch my breath and think. A water faucet connected to the side of the house and I turned it on, washing the tears from my eyes. Using my shirt, I dried myself off. That’s when I heard his voice; Brody’s and one other.
Inching, I gazed around toward the back of the house and that’s where I caught sight of Brody. Arms crossed and lips tight, he lounged against wood pillars of the house and he had a guy in front of him, a guy that looked a lot like him but distorted. Not in a bad way, but just different. He was leaner and had long blond hair tied back in a ponytail.
And he looked just as tense as Brody.
Brody swung the guy a glance. “You still haven’t told me why you’re here, Hayden,” he said, and the guy, Hayden, shrugged.
He leaned back on barrel behind him. “I could say the same about you, brother.”
Brother. He must be the other one from the pictures. Brody said the one who played basketball lived in Miami and youngest at college.
Brody rubbed the back of his neck like he was over this, tired of whatever this was they were doing outside and Hayden didn’t look too amused himself.
He sighed. “I spoke to Gram,” he said, and that got Brody’s attention again.
“Gram,” he repeated. “About what?”
Hayden waved a hand out like Brody’s answer was obvious. “She told me that you’re here,” he went on. “That you’re not on the road doing what all of us thought you were doing. Working? That is why you’re on the road, right? To work?”
Brody pushed off the wall. “Don’t condescend me, Hay, and so what I’m here. She told you that and you decided to drive all the way out here? To what? Check up on me?”
Hayden shook his head. He put his hand on his chest. “I came here to get Sarah’s school bag. She left it when she came to visit Gram last week. I called to tell her I was coming to get it and she told me about you when I called. And she also mentioned that you weren’t alone.”
“Jesus.” The word left Brody’s lips and I didn’t know what to make of it. It didn’t feel good though. Probably because I had no idea of the context.
Brody kicked a boot in front of the other, falling back to the wall, but like Elena, Hayden wouldn’t let up. Older siblings tended to do that.
“So why don’t you let me in on what you’re really doing, Brody,” Hayden went on. “Who is it you brought with you? Gram mentioned a girl and her family. I mean, are you even still driving the rig or are you just bullshitting around?”
Brody cut him a look. “I can’t believe you just asked me that.”
“I mean, can you blame me? You’re here. You’re not working like you said you were. You’re not doing the very thing you said was the reason you didn’t want to be a part of the family business.”
The family business? He never mentioned that.
“So all I come up with is you not working has to do with this girl and her family. Are you seeing her? Are you guys…”
He didn’t finish and Brody raised his head. “What do you want to ask, Hay? You came all the way here. Ask.”
I hung on the next question, everything around me stopping, waiting.
Hayden leaned back. “Are you guys together?”
“We are.” The words left his mouth so quickly, and when an “I love her” followed, my heart squeezed.
Closing my eyes, I fell back to the house, letting myself go back to that day, the one in which we met. That day had been so horrible at first, then so suddenly so great.
God, I love him so much, too.
Pushing off the house, I opened my eyes, forgetting that someone outside of us was present in the conversation. I didn’t know Brody’s brother and because I didn’t, I had no idea if this news would sit well with him, but then the man with the ponytail lifted his lips. The smile widened and I wondered why I thought Brody’s declaration would even be an issue. He was kin of Brody and that had to mean something.
“That’s great, Brody,” Hayden said in response, and holding the back of his neck, he blew out a little breath. Almost like he was relieved that was Brody’s answer. Hayden tucked his arms over his chest. “That’s really great. Why didn’t you just say that? That you were seeing someone? You didn’t have to be all tight-lipped about it.”
Brody remained silent, his lashes flickering down, and Hayden put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing.
“If you guys just need your space,” he paused, nodding. “If you need time with this being new, that’s fine. Just tell us. We understand. Pop and the business… it will wait.”
He mentioned the business again. What kind of business was it? And why had the very words made Brody’s face tense, his eyes narrow in the corners?
Brody stood to full height and when he did, Hayden’s hand fell from his shoulder.
Brody touched his own chest. “I’m not doing the business because I have other interests. I told you that.”
A mash up of emotions ran across Hayden’s face, confusion bringing his eyebrows together. He rubbed his hand over his mouth. “I know what you said, but that just doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t and I can’t accept that.”
“What about it doesn’t make sense?”
“Brody—”
Brody’s hands flew up. They laced behind the back of his neck, and he spun once before facing his brother. “I don’t get why you just can’t let this go, why everyone can’t just let this go.”
“Because it’s not like you,” Hayden blazed, his nostrils flaring. But it didn’t seem like anger, more emotional. This conversation trigged emotion. His hand scrubbed down his face, and it landed in the air, pointing directly into Brody’s chest. “It’s not like you to completely disregard how this entire family feels to fulfill your own self interests. You know how much this business means to Pop, how much he wanted us all to be a part of this. You, me, Colton, and Griffin. He wanted us all in this together and because he does, you also know how it made him feel when you said no. You know it… You know it hurt him.”
He lost Brody’s gaze with that, his jaw working and the tension flooding his eyes. I considered what Hayden said and I realized something. I hadn’t known Brody long, but I had learned so much about him. His family was his heart and if what Hayden said was true, he was right. Declining something as big as this, didn’t seem like Brody. In fact, it wasn’t like him at all.
Brody’s hands went loose from his neck, his eyes shooting up to the sky.
“I can’t,” he said, his fingers pushing through his hair. Frustration and everything else lined his blue eyes and a breath made just as much emotion flood through his face as had his brother only moments prior. “I just can’t,” he finished, and the words reminded me of something, someone.
I’d said those same words to him.
But they didn’t make Hayden back down. His hand raised, hovering over his brother’s arm. “You can’t? Why, Brody? You—”
“I can’t apologize,” he continued, stepping back from the hand. “I’m sorry, Hayden, but I can’t feel bad for wanting to do something else with my life. I’m sorry.”
He left him, going inside the house, and I wanted to follow. I wanted to, but I heard her voice.
“Do you have room for one more?” she said. Elena said, and a male voice followed, telling her, “Sure. Where are you going?”
An engine kicked up, then rocks and I ran. I ran toward the front of the house. I had always been fast. I even did track a year in school, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t make it. When I made it to the front of the house, bending over to catch my breath, I saw my sister pull away. She was sitting in the open bed of a truck, other ranch hands I recognized from my walk with Brody surrounding her. The last look she gave me was when I called her, but just as quickly...
She looked away.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Elena
Alex,
We should have never been this way, you and me. We should have been close. We should have been friends. We should have been sisters and we haven’t been for a long time because of me. I let you take care of me and Aiden despite you being younger, and then had the nerve to be angry because you did. I pegged you as the problem in my life when really, that had been me the whole time. It’s always been me. I know that now.
I’m sorry I hurt you, Alexa. I’m sorry I let someone into our lives and gave them the opportunity to hurt you. When Nathan hit me, I think I let him because I felt I deserved it. Maybe in the back of my mind I always knew the truth. I knew who the real victim was. I knew all along it was you.
What happened upstairs was another example of me failing you and I have failed you. I’ve failed my son, but most of all, I’ve failed myself. I want to be better, Alex. I need to be better for you and my son. I want you to know things with Nathan are over and your failures with me are done, too. I’ve decided to leave for a little while. I need to get better and the first step I think are the drugs. I’m going to seek out a program, something to help me with my addiction and when I get back, I hope to be what you need. I hope to be what my son needs. In order to do this, I need to ask for a favor I know I don’t deserve from you. But the thing is, I’m going to ask anyway. I’m scared of the alternative if I don’t. I’m scared of how I’ll be if I don’t. I need you to watch over Aiden until I get back. You’ll take care of him just fine. I know you will. As far as what to tell him, say what you feel is best. I’ll answer to whatever you say when I come back. I have no problem with that. I trust your judgment.
Please tell my son I love him and please know I love you.
- Elena
P.S. I’ve left my phone with this letter. Please keep it. I’ll call. I promise.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Four Months Later
Alexa
She missed so many moments already, so many smiles lost. She was missing them now, Aiden’s gentle grin. He’d done it all the whole way here in the back of the truck, a present as big as he was pressed firmly to his chest. Next to him was a book bag with the Batman symbol on the front, a familiar action figure’s head sticking out the top. Normally, that bag held his books for school, but today, along with Joe, it had overnight clothes stuffed to the brim inside. I know because I packed them there myself. She’d miss this, too. Elena. She wouldn’t see him off to his first overnight since he started his new school. She wouldn’t see him grin and pass off that big present to that first friend who gave him a chance, Preston. She wouldn’t see that and I wondered how many more moments she’d miss.
Reaching over, I found the steering wheel while the guy behind it leaned back, letting me tap it. Brody captured me with one of his smiles then and watched as the horn got the attention of a little boy.
I turned to see Aiden’s reaction as well and the sound alerted him like I hoped it would, his smile widening. He didn’t have a reason to smile, not with everything that had happened in such a short lifetime, but my nephew managed the impossible.
He waved at me and Brody, both he and Preston in front of Preston’s parent’s big house. They lived in the suburbs, he and his family.
I lifted my hand back of course and Brody did too, his fingers raising slightly from the wheel. Aiden waved so hard I thought he just might fly away. He’d soar away like my heart always had for him. Eventually, Preston’s mom waved the boys in, her form in between the spaces of the bright yellow balloons she held for her son’s birthday overnight. She gave us a send off, too, smiling behind large black frames before she closed the door. I stared at the wood of it for a while, not knowing what else to do
.
“What if he has a nightmare?” I whispered.
Brody heard me. He always did.
His hand moved over mine in my lap. “Then he’ll call,” came his voice, soft and strong.
I turned, seeing his lips move up into that boyish Brody grin. I breathed. “What if he cries?” I asked him, because Aiden still had his days. These past few months had been hard. They would have been hard for anyone without their mama.
Brody’s fingers moved, looping and creating a web with mine. He gazed above me to the door of Preston’s house. “Then we’ll be here.”
His arm pushed behind my neck after that and then he started his truck. He took us away and I settled into what he said while at the same time resting under his arm. He said “we,” but what I valued in that the most was I knew he meant every ounce of the word.
*
After dropping Aiden off, we pulled up to Brody’s trailer. Brody had opened his space up to Aiden and me for the past few months and though, I didn’t intend on this arrangement being permanent—we would eventually need to establish something of our own as to not overstay our welcome—Brody’s kindness had definitely been that to us lately, a stable home.
Brody parked the truck in the driveway connected to his trailer, his long arm draped over my shoulder. Turning, he brushed a kiss to the crown of my head and I closed my eyes, letting myself fall away in this tiny space with him. He was so big. He was so warm. He all-consumed like a comfy, Brody blanket and I was enjoying every minute I got underneath him. Today, marked his arrival home after being gone for almost two weeks, the road and his rig taking him away from both me, Aiden, and the trailer. Tonight, though?
Tonight, he was all mine.
I forced myself out of my daze, getting started on that. The seatbelt unbuckled quickly and I turned, unfastening his. We’d have our own party tonight, our own sleepover right here at home.
Brody Page 22
