“I just feel like I’ve blown the last decade,” she said. “When I got out of nursing school, I was on fire. I was going to be a great nurse, I was going to marry a doctor, live in a fantastic house, and we were going to have these two perfect children.” She sipped her pina colada. “Instead, here I am, still single, still living in a tiny apartment, at least for now, still childless, and at the moment I don’t even have a boyfriend. But even if I did, the relationships never go anywhere. I’m not sure why I even bother.”
Caroline finished her beer and stifled a small burp. “Maybe you just needed to get some other stuff in order first before you were ready for Mr. Right.”
“That’s Dr. Right,” Lori corrected her.
“Why does it always have to be a doctor with you?” Caroline asked. “Johnny is a plumber. Do you think I shouldn’t have moved in with him?”
“I’ve got nothing against men who aren’t doctors. I just have always seen myself being married to a doctor, though.”
“What about Jake, though? He’s gorgeous, isn’t he? If I weren’t with Johnny ….” Caroline smiled and signaled to the bartender, Ashley, that she was ready for another beer.
“Jake is pretty damned full of himself. I invited him to meet me here for a drink the day I decided to buy the house, and I will be damned if he didn’t turn me down! I didn’t mean it as a date-date, for God’s sake. I just wanted to celebrate. But he said he couldn’t ethically date me. As if!”
“Well, yeah, of course he can’t date you now. I’m sure it goes against some ethical professional code or something. Wait until your real estate deal is all done. I betcha he’s interested then. What man wouldn’t be? Have you looked in the mirror lately?”
“Thanks, but I’m not interested in him. He seems very money-grubby. He actually gave me his business card when he was in the ER! And one night I accidentally texted him at 3 a.m. And he answered back immediately, and he would have done business right then if I hadn’t said it could wait until morning. I’m not so into the greedy type.”
“Is that what you think about him? You are so wrong.” Caroline picked at the popcorn Ashley had brought them earlier. “He’s the least money-grubbing man you’ll ever meet.”
“That hasn’t been my impression.”
“Johnny and I looked at a shit-ton of houses before we settled on the one we got. And one time we were touring this house and Jake had to take a personal call. I wasn’t eavesdropping on purpose, but it was a small house and I couldn’t help but overhear. Do you know he has an institutionalized brother?”
“Institutionalized as in?”
“As in, his mom had complications during the birth. He talked to me a little bit after taking that call. So his older brother has severe brain damage. Poor guy never learned to walk or talk. His parents took care of him at home as long as they could, but physically they just couldn’t do it forever. There’s a reason Jake is always trying to make as much money as he can. He knows that once his parents are gone, he’ll be the only person around to look after his brother. He does a lot for him, and the big one is, he pays for a home health nurse to come on the weekends so the brother can come home and visit. The state used to cover stuff like that, but with with all the budget cuts, they won’t anymore. The brother wouldn’t really be able to make home visits without Jake paying for the help. You have no idea — well, being a nurse you probably do — how hard it is to take care of an adult who needs total care like that.”
Lori felt a chill. “I had no idea. I have totally misjudged the man.” She had cared for patients like that during her training and knew full well how much work it was. They had to be fed and bathed and lifted to change their bedding or to move them in and out of wheelchairs. They had to have their diapers changed, and that was a whole different ball game than changing an infant’s diapers. It was hard physical labor and hard emotionally, too. That slick guy in the fancy suit always looking to drum up business had a developmentally disabled brother he helped look after? She never would have guessed. He was more attractive to her now, but she realized he probably had good reason to turn down what she privately acknowledged now had been an invitation to a real date — no doubt he didn’t see her as the serious type.
Any woman he got involved with would have to accept that he had a commitment to taking care of his brother for the rest of his life. That would mean she’d be devoting a good chunk of time, energy and money into helping out. Did she look like the type of woman who would do that? She had to admit that he probably didn’t see her that way. She was a woman whose finances and personal life were something of a mess. She recalled dancing on the big round bed and cringed. No, she probably didn’t appear to him to be a serious person. A good nurse, yes. He had noticed that much. But for the first time she realized that her party-girl persona might not be appealing to a man looking for a serious partner.
“I need to get home,” she said to Caroline.
“But the night is young! Are you sick or something?”
“Not exactly. Well, kind of.”
Caroline looked confused. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Well, everything.” She looked around the room, casting a critical eye at the other patrons. “You ever realize that you’ve been living your life all wrong?”
“Can’t say as I have,” Caroline said. “I think I live a pretty good life. Why? You don’t sound like yourself at all.”
“I don’t feel like myself. I feel like … I don’t know. I’ve been thinking of some things. I’m not where I thought I’d be, and I think … well, I think I need to go home and think.”
“Well, OK,” Caroline said doubtfully. “I hope you feel better soon about whatever is bothering you.”
Chapter 7
Lori grew up in a poor family. She had three younger siblings she’d had to help take care of, because her mother and father were always working. She and her little sister shared a small bedroom with bunk beds. Her two younger brothers shared a room carved out of the basement. There was never enough money for the extras, but from an early age Lori had done babysitting to pay for the things she wanted. Cheerleading uniform. Dance lessons. New clothes. She always had a thing for beautiful clothes, and as soon as she could earn her own money, she ditched the thrift-store clothes her mom had always dressed her in. She even used babysitting money to paint the bedroom she and her sister shared and to purchase an area rug, bedspreads and curtains. Her bedroom was by far the best-decorated room in the house. The living room had a sofa with ripped and saggy cushions and mismatched chairs either bought second-hand or hauled home after somebody put them out for trash pick-up. The drapes were lined with peeling vinyl backing, because her mother had washed them one too many times. They let mottled sunlight into the room through the worn parts. The kitchen table had a chipped top and two different kinds of chairs. Lori’s mother always said it was love that made a house a home, but Lori privately thought that love was a poor decorator. Despite the house’s shortcomings, it seemed her parents were always struggling to make the house payments and repairs; the place seemed to be a money pit. More than one Christmas her parents had had to scrimp on gifts because of a broken furnace or leaking roof they needed to take care of. She was embarrassed by the house she lived in and never brought friends home. She always went to their houses to hang out.
She knew from an early age that she wanted better. She saw the way her friends lived and didn’t understand how her hard-working parents could struggle so hard while so many of her friends’ parents seemed to have so much. Her friend Diana lived in a huge, beautiful house and Diana’s mother was able to fill her days with bridge, golf and lunches out with her friends. Diana’s father was an anesthesiologist. Lori got the message: Marry a doctor and she could live like Diana’s glamorous mother, who always looked like she’d just stepped out of a salon. Of course, once a week, that was just what she had done. Diana’s family had a housekeeper to do the cleaning, giving Diana’s mom plenty of time to dedicate herself to keepin
g herself beautiful and well entertained, but also to do lots of volunteer work in the community. Lori quite pragmatically worked out that if she wanted to marry a doctor, her best bet would be to become a nurse: She could make a good living and keep up appearances while keeping an eye out for the doctor who could give her the ability to step into the kind of world Diana’s family enjoyed. She wasn’t all about appearances, though. She absorbed enough of her parents’ values to respect that doctors earned their high income through doing good for others as well. She didn’t, for example, want to pattern herself after the parents of her high school friend Belinda, whose parents were rich because they were both stockbrokers. Lori had nothing against stockbrokers, but she didn’t like the way Belinda’s parents were never around, took vacations several times a year without Belinda and, as far as Lori could see, never lifted a finger to help anyone but themselves.
Lori felt comfortable with Diana’s mother but felt that Belinda’s parents only cared about themselves. Lori didn’t just want money. She wanted a life of respectability and she wanted to help others. She didn’t mind working hard; she knew Diana’s dad worked as hard as her own parents did. He just had a lot more to show for it. Lori remembered working out her plan when she was still in junior high. Tucked into an old yearbook, she still had the little list she’d written out in her 13-year-old script:
1. Always look good. Keep hair and makeup pretty!
2. Get good grades.
3. Do not date loser boys!
4. Go to college. Find out where Diana’s dad went and go there if possible.
5. Wear nice clothes! Do not wear ugly clothes.
6. Be a nurse. It is easier than being a doctor and you get to do a lot of the same stuff.
7. Make boys laugh. They don’t like girls who don’t have a good sense of humor. Do not be like Marcy. She is pretty but doesn’t know how to talk to boys. Also, her ponytail is boring.
8. Do not fall in love with any loser boys!
9. Do not live in crappy house. Have doctor husband buy a big one.
Nowadays, she recognized that much of her list was ridiculous and some of it had been pretty bad advice; she regretted that she hadn’t learned how to manage her money at all. Sticking so closely to a plan made at age 13 was probably not her smartest move, she recognized.
Still, she was supporting herself and now she was about to have a house; a house that, if Jake was right, she could either live in as it was or remodel and sell at a profit. A lot of her friends had beaten her to the altar, but about half of them were already divorced. Lori was thankful that whether she ever married or not, she’d always be able to support herself, and she regretted that she’d stuck so closely to a silly plan that had kept her in a tiny apartment all these years.
The house excited her. On one hand, she would be moving into an incredibly dated and old-fashioned house, but on the other hand, the cost wasn’t that much higher than her rent and she’d build up equity. She’d been reading up on real estate and thought her willingness to live in a house most people passed up because it hadn’t been redecorated in decades would pay off big eventually. But for the short term, she decided, she’d have fun living in a house that looked like a funky ’70s museum.
She wondered what else in her little list she needed to re-think, and one big inescapable conclusion hit her over the head: Why, oh why, had she been so darned set on marrying a doctor? Here she’d been trying to do nothing else all these years, and she was still no closer to her goal. How many good men had she passed up while chasing doctors? How many had she unfairly judged? Jake came to mind again. He was handsome and intelligent and kind. She could see that he was a good real estate agent, too. And yes, she had had ulterior motives when she asked him out for a drink. She recalled what Caroline had said about him — maybe he would be interested in her once she was no longer his client.
“Lori needs to open up a new category,” she said to herself. “Lori also talks to herself too much,” she added. The closing date was only a week away now, and she knew just what she’d wear to knock Jake’s socks off — there was a little navy blue dress she hadn’t worn in a while. She’d look serious but still sexy in it. It was a plain blue sheath, severely tailored but cut just low enough to hint that the wearer wasn’t all business. That was the image she hoped to present to Jake: Serious but with a hint of sexy. She’d pair it with pearls to up the classy quotient, too.
Then she realized she was doing it again: Putting effort into trying to hook a man. Well, so what if she was? She was well on her way to getting her life organized and on track. Wasn’t looking for a partner part of that? Besides, Jake wasn’t a doctor. He’d be the first non-doctor she’d made a play for since she was 20.
Maybe she needed to make a new list of goals. She rummaged through her junk drawer — another thing she needed to clear out — and found a notebook with a few unmarked pages toward the back. She dug deep for a ballpoint pen, the first two being dried up and worthless — and found one that would write after she’d scribbled on the back of the notebook a few times.
“Lori’s Goals,” she wrote at the top, feeling ridiculous.
1. Make a budget. Only buy clothes and shoes I really need.
2. Stop trying to date doctors. Give any decent guy a chance.
3. Stick to budget!
4. Keep new house organized and clean. Pay for maid if work hours justify it.
5. Find out how much is going into retirement account. Increase if possible.
She paused. Maybe that was enough for now. Making lists was easy. Sticking to them was hard.
She conjured up Jake’s image in her mind. He was good-looking, professional, made a good living and, as far as she could tell, seemed to be a good person with good values. He would be her first non-doctor conquest, she decided. She’d throw a party as soon as she’d gotten settled into the new house, and Jake would be invited.
Chapter 8
Lori felt guilty that she hadn’t visited her best friend, Molly, in a while and arranged to stop by the next night after work. Molly answered the door wearing a sort of maternity tent.
“I outgrew all my cute maternity clothes,” Molly confessed. “I’m down to tents for the duration.” In spite of this, Lori thought that Molly looked wonderful. She was glowing with health and happiness and her belly looked like an over-sized watermelon. Her face and ankles weren’t swollen — her weight was all baby.
“If I ever have a baby, I want to look just like you,” Lori said, hugging her awkwardly. It wasn’t easy with the big baby bump between them. Molly led her friend into the kitchen.
“The midwife says I’m right on track,” Molly said. “The baby is big but not so big she’s worried. At least not so far. I’m starving all the time, though. I’m about to have some tea. It’s red raspberry leaf tea the midwife recommends for pregnant women but it’s not bad. You want to try a cup?”
“I guess so,” Lori said. “Since wine is out of the question for now.” Molly busied herself with the electric kettle and tea cups. “This is supposed to be help me have an easier labor. It tones the uterus. It’s also supposed to be good for preventing bad menstrual cramps.”
“Hit me, bartender,” Lori said. “I usually just down about half a bottle of ibuprofen each month.”
“Maybe I’ll have a quick and easy labor and you’ll have a quick and easy period next month,” Molly said, pouring boiling water over the teabags. “I’d offer you a cookie to go with but I know you won’t eat sugar and I shouldn’t.”
“I’ll eat one if you do,” Lori said. Molly brought out a package of shortbread cookies.
“Hopefully this will hold me over until dinner,” Molly said. “I swear this kid uses up a thousand calories a day. I feel like I’m eating for three.”
“Sure you aren’t having twins?” Lori teased.
“I’m sure. I’ve had every test known to man, including sonograms. I’m supposedly high risk because of my age. Although so far, every single thing has been pe
rfect.” She patted her enormous belly and bit into a shortbread cookie. “David and I interviewed doulas last week. Julie Simmons came highly recommended and we both like her. Do you know her?”
“I know the name. I haven’t seen her in action. We get a few deliveries in the ER, but when we do, it’s obviously because things are moving faster than expected and there’s never been a doula present. But yeah, research supports them. What were your other deliveries like?”
“Pretty textbook. Suzie was a long, hard slog, but Beth wasn’t too bad. With Tommy, things were fast. Hank barely made it to the delivery. But that was 18 years ago. So no telling what’s going to happen this time.”
“Julie has a pretty good reputation. A lot of obstetricians don’t like doulas, or midwives either, some of them. They like to think they’re the only one you need. But that’s starting to change. Some doctors figured out they can make more money if they have a midwife in their practice, because the midwives handle all the routine deliveries and they can just do the sections and the more complicated deliveries. But really, it’s what you feel comfortable with, as long as there aren’t any complications.”
“The midwife is all for them. I’d never heard of them until she encouraged me to get one,” Molly said.
“Do you know, I haven’t ever dated an obstetrician,” Lori said. “Which is kind of funny. I’ve dated anesthesiologists, cardiologists, a couple of family doctors, a podiatrist … um, an orthopedic surgeon, even a proctologist.”
“Was he a little too interested in your backside?” Molly joked.
“Ha. I was worried about that, but he was totally normal,” Lori joked back. “But I’ve turned over a new leaf. I have made a decision.”
“Well, let’s hear it,” Molly said. “Drum roll, please,” she said, lightly tapping her belly like a drum.
“I have decided to date non-doctors,” Lori said dramatically.
Kiss & Tell (Small-Town Secrets-Fairview Series Book 2) Page 4
