by D Miller
'If only I could say the same for you.'
Looking around they found one of the cupboards containing washed and pressed clothes, they quickly dressed, agent Alex in a dark conservative clothing, and agent Ross in a cream silk shirt and plain black trousers and jacket. They also found slim electric batons and holsters to conceal them under their jackets, with credentials that identified them as agents with the Office of Special Investigations in the capital.
'Remember,' said Jane's voice in their ear, 'you don't ask, you demand. There is no please and thank you in Agent Ross and Alex's world.'
Agent Ross walked over to the room's standard plastic door, and tried to open it, it was locked. She heaved on the door handle, the door held firm, more than firm, it was immovable. She took out her baton and struck the door repeatedly, her blows becoming more frequent, accompanied by some truly inventive swearing. She stopped.
'This fucking thing isn't plastic, it's steel,' she said.
There was a small plastic cover at shoulder height in the wall next to the door frame, the new and improved agent Ross flipped it open to reveal a code panel. 'Fuck,' she said, 'fuck!'
'Can I help you agent Ross?' said the new and improved agent Alex, pushing up his sleeve to show a string of numbers written on the avatar's arm.
Dex slowly put away the baton, without taking his avatar's eyes off the new and improved agent Alex, who entered the code, pulled opened the door, bowed and indicated to agent Ross to go first.
'Outstanding monkey security,' said agent Ross, walking through the door with her shoulders back and her head high.
They found themselves in a badly lit corridor, also with a plain concrete floor, and with uncovered pipes and cables running along it at head height. Robbie thought that it was good that the new and improved agent Ross did not have big hair, or it would be scraping along the ceiling. They walked down the corridor, and turning the corner found a staircase, this time the building's caretakers had gone so far as to paint the concrete steps a dull green colour. The ceiling was the floor of the stairs above, it skimmed over the green stairs, barely allowing them room to stand upright as they ascended. The stairs turned the corner into a new flight, at the top of which they found themselves in the basement of the Civic Centre. They made their way to a side door, on the opposite side of the building to the one they usually used.
'Open up,' said Robbie aka the new and improved agent Alex, 'and be quick about it.' The door grated open in a fluid but slow movement, until it was completely folded back against the wall of an alley. It added a little tremble, so that it was not quite steady against the wall, but kept drifting a millimetre or two away and then back again.
'Don't think we don't know you're being sarcastic,' said Dex aka the new and improved agent Ross. 'We'll deal with you later. For now we have the future of the continent to secure.'
Agents Ross and Alex marched away with their heads held high. Robbie could hear Jane laughing in his ear. 'The door told the other doors that he was being ironic, not sarcastic, and he called you a pair of clueless wankers. I think you're pulling it off so far.'
'What does "wankers" even mean?' said Robbie out loud.
'It's a very old British insult,' said Jane in his ear. 'This is the former British part of Antarctica. Originally it meant masturbators.'
'Hmm,' said Robbie. 'I think masturbation would present an interesting technical challenge to me right now.'
'I think the lower orders need some discipline,' said Dex, his hand stroked his jacket above where his lightweight electric baton was hidden.
Walking fast, and giving no quarter to any pedestrian they met, they quickly came to the hospital. They marched in through the front entrance, showed their credentials to the human at reception, and demanded to see Dr Yukano. Their first task being to find out where the surgery was taking place, Dr Tam and the hospital did not know, so their only chance lay with the standalone electronic paper record kept at reception in case of emergency.
'She is in surgery,' the receptionist told them.
'Where?' said Dex.
'You can't go in there.'
Dex leant forward, shoving his credentials under the receptionist's nose. She was a woman in her early years, with pale, unhealthy skin and dark circles under her eyes. Her long, lank hair of indeterminate colour was pushed back behind her ears. She looked more like a patient that a worker.
'Do you see my credentials?' said Dex. 'They say I can go wherever I like and no waste of skin provincial know nothing has the right to stop me – understand?'
The woman looked at him with tears in her eyes. 'Why are you talking to me like that?' she said. 'I'm only telling you that no one is allowed in to the operating theatre.'
The woman touched something on her screen 'I'm calling Dr Rogers,' she said.
Dex took out his electric baton. He put it under the woman's chin, and tipped her face up. 'Last chance,' said the new and improved agent Ross, smiling.
'Tell us where Dr Yukano is,' said Robbie, 'and let us go about our business. We're just going to wait for her outside the operating theatre.'
'She's on the top floor in theatre five,' said the woman.
Dex leaned forward, his hand going past the woman's screen, continuing towards her breasts as the woman sat frozen. Dex's hand continued down, disappearing briefly under the edge of the receptionist's desk and ascended grasping an electronic clipboard from the woman's lap. He consulted it briefly before tossing it onto her desk. 'She's on the third floor in theatre one,' he said. 'If this wasn't a matter of urgent national security I'd arrest you right now,' he told the now sobbing woman.
The new and improved agents got in the lift, Dex stood in the way of a doctor wanting to board with them. 'Take the next one champ,' he said as the doors closed.
'Um agent Ross, do you think you are perhaps a bit too much in character?' said Robbie.
'We have a plan, we have a mission, it will go much better without your whining,' said the new and improved agent Ross.
'Oh fuck off.'
Dex hit Robbie around the head with his electric baton – although without arming it. Robbie staggered back against the wall of the lift. He steadied himself and then launched himself at Dex with his arms outstretched, his hands aimed at agent Ross's throat. The lift pinged and the door slid open. A nurse with a teenage boy in a wheelchair together with an older woman stood at the door, wanting to board. The older woman let out a small scream when she saw them. Dex and Robbie stared at their audience for a moment, frozen in place with agent Alex's hands around Agent Ross's throat, and agent Ross with her baton raised to strike. Agent Alex lowered his hands, the two new and improved agents turned to face their audience, pulling out their credentials and holding them out in front of them like shields.
'Official business,' said Dex.
'Coming through,' said Robbie.
They exited the lift and Dex quickly led them to the operating theatre, without speaking. Coming to the outer door he stiff armed it open, then strode through the ante room to the inner door, kicking it open and striding into the middle of the theatre, holding up his credentials.
A gowned and masked surgeon looked at them in amazement. 'What the hell is this?' she said.
Lucretia lay on the table, surrounded by medical staff. A cable had been plugged into her ear socket leading to where a young man sat off to one side, monitoring something on a screen. Lucretia's face had been pushed up, exposing her brain and the electronic hardware it interfaced with.
'I need that robot conscious and ready to go in one minute,' said Dex.
'What? I can't complete the procedure in a minute.'
'Did I say I wanted you to complete the procedure? The plan has changed, fifty seconds.'
'What? Do you know the trouble you put me through to be here now? Because you said it was urgent national security? And now you just march in with no warning and say the plan has changed? Your arrogance is breath taking.'
'I need that robot, conscious
and ready to go, right now,' said Dex. 'The plan has changed. That is all you need to know.'
'Fine,' said the surgeon, 'you heard the woman. I'm sorry, I know you've all had to make special arrangements to be here, but the government just doesn't care about the sacrifices you have made because you were told this was a top priority–'
'Ma'am,' said Robbie. 'If you could just put her face back on and wake her up without the passive aggressive commentary we'd be very grateful.'
The doctor gave Robbie a look that could have boiled mercury, but five minutes later the new and improved agents had Lucretia between them, dressed only in a hospital gown, walking although barely conscious, and were hurrying through the ground floor of the hospital to a back exit. As they walked Robbie heard Jane's voice, dropping in and out, but he could make out 'police… front entrance.' He looked at agent Ross.
'Interference will not be tolerated,' said Dex.
'Agreed,' said Robbie.
They sped up, coming to the back exit Dex had been aiming for.
'Halt citizen,' said the door. 'The hospital has ordered that no one shall be allowed to enter or exit until further notice.'
Dex left Robbie to support Lucretia, and pulled out his electric baton again, this time he turned it on, and began to beat the door's lock, steadily, almost monotonously.
'Ow, ow,' shrieked the door swinging open. 'I'm telling, I'm telling the hospital, they'll put you in jail.'
Dex put away his baton and helped Robbie to support Lucretia through the door.
They exited into a yard with recycling and laundry bins lining two sides, turned a corner, ran along the hospital building as fast as they could, between them dragging Lucretia who alternatively laughed and moaned. They came to a stone staircase, with steps leading down to basement level, where a path laid with stones led to a door into the hospital's lower levels. Halfway along the path was a large storm drain. Robbie supported Lucretia while Dex knelt and hissed 'Darren' into the drain.
'Right here, dude.'
Robbie could barely see anything, he realised that the avatars didn't have night vision. He tried to ping, and broadcast, but couldn't do either. He helped Dex feed Lucretia, feet first, into the drain, trusting that Darren and the queens were catching her.
'Good luck,' shouted Darren as they sprinted away, freed from their burden.
The new and improved agents ran along the side of the building, coming to a corner they looked around to see police and hospital officials swarming around the front entrance.
'How are we going to get back in?' said Robbie.
'We had better go back to that door–'
There was a shout from behind them. 'There they are!' They turned and light splashed onto their faces from a group of police and hospital security officials who started to run at them. Robbie looked up. Dex was climbing, having kicked off agent Ross's shoes.
'Get moving,' hissed Dex.
Robbie quickly pulled off his nu-leather shoes, with their smooth soles and started up after Dex, grasping the same outlet pipe. He tried to use the window ledges to give himself other places to put his feet and boost himself up, but the standard porthole windows didn't give him much traction. Nevertheless he had quickly reached the third floor, when one of the porthole windows banged open and a man leaned out, his uniform identified him as hospital security. He looked at Robbie and pointed something. Robbie felt that he had been punched in the chest, he looked down, and saw a hole in his shirt, with smoke coming from it. He pushed his hand into the hole and found that it went through the nu skin covering of the avatar, and straight onto its metal breast plate, now somewhat dented. Robbie pulled his hand out of his chest, and looked at the nu blood coating his fingers. He looked at the man, who was struggling with a weapon, frantically fiddling with a knob on the side of it. Robbie put his bloody hand over the man's hand and gun, and squeezed. The man gaped at him.
'Citizen, I'm going to have to have this dent in my breast plate beaten out, and I'm going to see to it that your government sends you the bill,' said Robbie, squeezing harder. The man screamed, and Robbie let go. The gun fell to the floor, but something soft remained in the avatar's hand. The man staggered backwards, then he turned and ran, bent forward somewhat and cradling his hand. Robbie looked down at his prize.
'Citizen,' he shouted, 'don't forget your finger!' He threw the useless digit at the man's back.
Robbie climbed again, he could see Dex above him struggling with someone, then he heard a bang. He climbed faster, reaching Dex he saw that one of his avatar's legs had been almost detached at the thigh, and was hanging on by two cables. As he watched Dex pulled it off completely, and used it to club two men who were leaning out of one of the porthole windows. They both tried to get out of the way at once, but since the windows were so small they ended up stuck for a few vital seconds as Dex clubbed them and roared 'You are–' club, 'interfering–' club, 'with an officer–' club, 'of the law–' club, 'and her legitimate business.' By now there was no one left to hit, as both men had managed to retreat. Dex dropped the leg, and Robbie swung out of its way as it went down. He moved up so that he could help Dex climb the rest of the way with only one leg, however as he watched Dex grasped the window sill and slid through the open window the men had just vacated.
Dex disappeared, then his head re-appeared, looking down at Robbie. 'Come on, we can use the stairs now.'
Robbie followed Dex, climbing through the window to find himself in a large office, with a table for meetings that almost looked like real wood. The non-smart door was wide open. Dex knelt to one side of the window, on his one leg. Robbie looked at him. His silk shirt was rumpled and stained with something dark, his eyes were wide and a mess of wires protruded from his right thigh, where the avatar's leg used to be. His trousers were gone completely, he had managed to pull them off with the leg.
'Agent Ross,' said Robbie. 'You'll never get that stain out of silk.'
Robbie helped Dex to stand, supporting him he slowly put his head around the door of the office – outside was a corridor, with a little knot of people standing and talking at one end. He withdrew back into the office.
'They're not looking this way. No problem if we're quiet,' said Dex.
Robbie eased through the office door, he watched the office workers carefully while, with his arm around Dex, he turned the other way and walked as quietly as he could down the corridor, helped by the thick carpeting. He heard a shout behind them, and froze, but then realised he was hearing a woman's laugh, he started moving again, reaching the end of the corridor and easing around the corner. Dex indicated a door, which opened on to some stairs. They started up as quickly as possible.
'The cameras will have alerted them by now,' said Dex. At the same instant they heard shouts below them.
'Not very subtle are they?' said Dex.
'Robbie, Dex,' said Jane, 'we've been having terrible trouble keeping the connection, but we're back now. However they are definitely on to us, and in 96 seconds they will have our location. So you have 95 seconds to complete your mission, then we're pulling the plug.'
'Understood,' said Robbie.
'Don't talk, move,' said Dex.
Robbie stopped. He realised that he would go faster if he carried Dex, and the only thing that was stopping him was the idea that he, Robbie, could not possibly do that to the mighty Dex. He turned to Dex's avatar and holding its arm, he bent and pulled it over his shoulder. Then he ran up the stairs as fast as he could.
'Good thinking,' said Dex from somewhere between his shoulder blades. Despite his burden, Robbie had managed to pull out his electric baton by the time he reached the door to the roof, which swung open without argument or violence.
'Which way?' said Robbie.
'Straight to jail,' said the door.
'Shut up,' said Robbie. His hand itched to pull out his baton and teach the door a lesson about talking out of turn.
'Sixty seconds,' said Jane.
'Over there,' said Dex.
'Where?'
'Where I'm pointing.'
Robbie carefully set Dex on his avatar's one remaining foot. 'Now that I can see where you are pointing why don't you point again?' he said.
Behind them shouts from the stairwell were getting closer, with one voice clearly yelling, 'They're on the roof.'
'Forty five seconds,' said Jane.
'I'm waiting,' said Robbie.
'Oh my God,' said Dex's avatar, 'how have I not smashed my fist through your smug face all these years?'
'All what years?' said Robbie, 'I've only known you for four weeks.'
The avatar was looking at Robbie narrowly. 'What's your name?' she said.
'Fuck you,' said Robbie.
The avatar turned and shouted through the open door 'We're on the roof – hurry!' Agent Ross's sideways motion overbalanced her, and she fell. Lying on the ground she raised her one leg and stared at it intently. 'What have you morons done to me?' she said. 'Oh you'll pay, I'll make sure of that.' She turned her head towards the door again. 'Hurry up – we're not armed!' she said.
'Fifteen seconds,' said Jane. 'Robbie, Dex says go to your left – that's where you need to be.'
Robbie looked to his left. He saw that where the roof ended there was a chest high fence, with hopefully a long drop on the other side. He grabbed agent Ross's hand and hauled the avatar to her foot, then, while she screamed, 'Help me, help me,' he lifted her with all his strength above his head and ran at the fence. Reaching it he threw her over it. She disappeared screaming. He heard shouts behind him, and knew that his pursuers had reached the roof and were running towards him.
'Five seconds,' said Jane.
Robbie grabbed the top of the fence, and tried to use his feet to push his body up, so that he could get his torso over the fence and let gravity take its course, but in his impatience his bare toes could not get a grip on the wire of the fence. He gave up, turned and faced his pursuers, a small group of policemen and women, then ran at them. Stopping when he had almost reached them he turned and began running back at the fence, leaping at the last minute before everything went dark. He felt a hand on his ear, and blinked his eyes to see Jane holding the cable. He looked up at the screens, one was dark, but the other showed the ground coming up to greet agent Alex, with agent Ross's smashed avatar already spread over it. The second screen went dark.
