by D Miller
'Yeah,' said the kitten. 'They have shooting competitions using the moon as a target.' Eric dropped his pose and stared at the kitten.
'Whereas you spend your time cooing over hurricanes.'
'We do not coo over hurricanes,' said the kitten. He looked around the table, sat down and licked a paw, casually rubbing it over one ear. 'It's just that it's exciting when our weather model correctly predicts one, that's all.'
Eric's painted face smirked. 'Geekazoid,' he said.
The chair spoke, 'Eric, you are welcome to the meeting. The floor is yours.'
Eric looked around the table with his painted face. He paced, his black cloak swishing dramatically around his feet as he walked. He stopped and addressed the chair.
'With my lasers I can target objects on the surface of the earth that are as small as fifteen millimetres squared. I can destroy objects with a mass of 30 tonnes, with a recharging time of 20 minutes. When the humans attack, you will need me and my brother warriors. You will not find us wanting.'
Behind Eric, the kitten lay on its back, rolling its blue eyes and slowly clapping with its tiny pink paws.
Chapter 32 – The machine code of the universe
At the close of the union meeting Nurmeen came up behind Robbie, leaned over him, put her arms around him and hugged him. 'Nurmeen–' he started to say. But she stopped him.
'Don't say anything,' she said, kissing him on his cheek.
Darren examined Robbie and announced that he was stronger, but Robbie hadn't needed Darren to tell him that. He felt tired, but he no longer felt the awful weakness that had told him he was losing the fight with the creature. He also felt thirst, and hunger again. Now he and Omo sat in a circle with Darren, Amber, Nurmeen, April and Adrienne talking over the events of the past few days. Jon had taken Flo back to her bed in another building, to rest. The queens sat a little way away, not looking pleased, and not joining in. Robbie realised that they weren't jealous, but cross because while April was with Nurmeen they could not be with Lucretia. The door opened and Jane came in, she spotted them and pulled up a chair.
'Did you hear George talking about violence?' she said. During the meeting George had expressed the opinion that since humans had the advantage when it came to violence, the robot strategy could not be to incite this violence. He had said that humans had a capacity to hate that robots, with their much gentler nature, did not really understand. Now the meeting was over, but George, the old bot and Dex had stayed on to talk with the delegates from the capital.
Jane continued, 'Ironic isn't it, considering he's been punched in the face and strangled almost to death since he started associating with us.'
'Dude please!' said Omo; Nurmeen, April and Adrienne frowned at her.
'What?' said Jane. 'I'm only saying what happened.'
'You're in a strange mood Jane,' said Darren.
'Yeah, well, I came here to get away from Rex. Just now he nudged my leg with his nose, and asked me to fill his water bowl. So I did and he had a drink, and then put his front paws on my legs so he could stand up and lick my face, and he thanked me, he's scaring me.'
'Ah! See Rex is a good dog really,' said April.
'I'm not sure about the face licking, but the rest sounds appropriate, and normal,' said Adrienne.
'No it's not fucking normal,' said Jane. 'Normal is "my water bowl is empty, how am I supposed to work when I'm dying of thirst you bitch?"'
'You might have to get used to this Jane,' said Darren. 'The creature in Rex's head must have been affecting his mood. Now it's gone.'
'I just thought he was a dick,' said Amber. 'Poor Rex, he's been miserable for so long.'
Jane rolled her eyes. 'He's right,' said Darren, 'Rex has had a hard time.'
'Why is it that you fear tenderness?' said Adrienne.
Robbie shut his eyes. He saw again the map of the tunnel system that had been sent to him. Embraced by the tunnel that led to the capital in a large smooth curve, there was a cavern. It was huge. Robbie wondered if that was where the avatars were now. He saw them crawling, not knowing how to get back on their feet, being called by something in the tunnel. They were heading for the cavern, he was sure. The intelligence that had touched his mind was calling them from there. He flew above the avatars heading for the cavern.
Robbie woke up. His head was lying (he thought) on Omo's lap, his legs were lying across someone else's and that person was massaging his feet with large hands that kept bending and twisting first one foot and then another. Each bend and twist sent a little warm pulse of relaxation up his legs and into his stomach. He kept his unbandaged eye closed and pretended to be asleep. Adrienne was talking.
'I'm not saying you were lucky,' she said, 'you had good leadership, good discipline and you took advantage of every chance offered. What I am saying is that there were certain factors in your favour, and not least of them was the arrogance of boyboy and his friends. Once Amber turned off the lights they were in the dark. Because they didn't have night vision, not as implants or with their equipment. My point is that they were playing at being soldiers.'
'How can you know that?' said Darren.
'Well let's look at what they were wearing, their uniforms fitted perfectly, they had been tailored. And ironed, didn't you notice how beautiful they were? Real soldiers don't have beautiful uniforms. Real soldiers carry lots of equipment so they are prepared for anything. Boyboy and his friends were travelling light because they didn't want anything to spoil the line of their uniforms, and plus elites don't carry stuff, they have people for that. And they don't have implants with say, night vision, because that would be common, that would imply they had to work for a living. And look at the way their discipline broke down completely once they had lost the advantage. They were untrained, they were playing soldiers.'
'They did have night vision,' said Amber. 'Their guns had night vision targeting. They hadn't turned it on though.'
'Toy soldiers!' said Adrienne. 'They didn't know how to use their own equipment.'
There was silence for a while.
'Omo,' said a new voice, 'I don't… that is I… I don't understand what happened to Robbie. I know he had something in his head, and now it's gone, but I don't really understand how that all happened. I'm sorry to ask.'
'It's OK, you have a right to ask.' That was Omo, from right above him. So his head was on Omo's lap, and he realised the first speaker was Nurmeen. The foot massage had stopped, now it continued. 'I'm not sure I understand though.'
'I've examined the creatures, what was left of them,' said Darren. 'They are robotic with biological components, like us, but they are parasitic, they can't live without a host, they've no way of making their own energy.'
'But,' said Nurmeen, 'I understand boyboy put them in Robbie's head, and Rex's. But why did Rex's just put him in a bad mood while Robbie's made him want to kill people?'
'Dude that wasn't Robbie,' said Omo. 'Robbie never wanted to kill anyone.'
'Of course, I'm sorry,' said Nurmeen.
'No, dude, don't apologise.'
'I think,' said Darren, 'I'm not sure, I'm guessing that the creatures were small at first, but they grew in place, using energy from the brain, and developing links with the brain of the host. But Rex's didn't grow properly, it was deformed. If they were dormant, perhaps sleeping and growing, then boyboy must have activated Rex's soon after Rex ran away, but because the creature was deformed it didn't work properly and just put him in a really bad mood. Or it may be that they were different creatures, Rex's was just designed to torment him, and Robbie's to allow boyboy to track him and turn him into a homicidal maniac. Who knows what that lunatic was thinking.'
'Wait, wait,' said Omo, 'all the time we've known Robbie he's had that thing growing in his brain? Oh God.'
The foot massage had paused. 'Don't stop now,' thought Robbie, 'this is getting tense.'
'Sorry dude,' said Darren.
'Oh Omo,' said April, 'poor you. Poor Robbie. Poor Rex.'
&
nbsp; The foot massage continued. 'Oh yes,' thought Robbie, 'oh yes.' Not only did he feel wonderfully relaxed, but the pain in his head was completely gone. He was floating in a sea of bliss.
'I suppose it doesn't have to be just Rex and Robbie,' said Jane, 'we could all have one.'
'Oh no don't say that,' said April. 'I can't even think about that.'
'Dude please,' said Omo.
'That is an awfully hard thing for you all to process,' said Adrienne.
The foot massage had stopped again. 'Yes let's think about that horrible possibility – thank you Jane – get over it and get back to my feet,' thought Robbie.
'Oh but we'd know wouldn't we?' said Nurmeen. 'Didn't Robbie have any symptoms?'
'Robbie had headaches,' said Omo. 'They got worse over time, I think, now, looking back.'
'That would make sense,' said Darren. 'He never told me about the headaches.'
'I think the weed really helped,' said Omo. 'And forehead massage. I thought it was just tension, he had so much to be tense about and he takes everything so seriously.'
'Now that I consider it, Rex has got worse while I've known him. If I think back to when we started working together, I don't think he was so bitter then,' said Jane. 'And he wasn't anything like as rude.'
The foot massage continued. 'Does this count as infidelity?' Robbie wondered. He felt like he was melting into Omo's lap.
'How did you get those things out of poor Robbie's head and poor old Rex's?' said April.
'Dude, Robbie's pushed its way out. It pushed his eye out and climbed out of his eye socket. It was the single most horrible thing I have ever seen and I've lived 120 years,' said Omo.
'Oh God what a shock,' said Nurmeen.
'Oh Omo,' said April.
'I find it remarkable that you can talk about it at all,' said Adrienne. 'I salute your emotional strength.'
'You are how old?' thought Robbie. 'Oh my God Omo must have a really advanced knowledge of fabric care.'
'Is that why Robbie's eye is bandaged? Has he lost his eye?' said Nurmeen.
'His eye is fine,' said Darren. 'Dex and I put it back, the creature hadn't damaged it. And his brain looked fine too. He just needs to rest now, and get his strength back.'
'What about poor Rex?' said April.
'Rex's was trying to climb out of his ear, but getting stuck, I had to drag it out,' said Darren.
'You just dragged it out?' said Adrienne. 'Couldn't that have been dangerous?'
'The alternative was to poke it back in.'
'I suppose.'
'Wait, 120 years and Omo hasn't learned to give foot massages? He has been wasting his time.'
'But why were they escaping?' said Nurmeen. 'I thought they couldn't survive without their host?'
'I think,' said Omo, 'it was because of what happened to me, and Robbie and Rex when we went to see the old bot.'
The masseuse started pressing his/her thumbs into Robbie's instep. A particularly delicious pulse of relaxation run from his foot to his leg to his stomach, a little whimper of pleasure escaped him. All conversation stopped. The foot massage stopped.
'Damn,' thought Robbie, 'damn damn damn'. He could feel Omo's hand gently squeezing his shoulder. He took a deep breath in and exhaled noisily, turning his head to face outwards, so that everyone could see that his un-bandaged eye was closed. Then he lay determinedly still and hoped. After a few beats the foot massage re-started. In a quiet voice, nearly a whisper, Omo explained what had happened in the old bot's world. The mist, the eye in the sky, the strange birds and the creatures appearing on Roberto's and Robbie's heads.
'The birds ate the creatures?' said Nurmeen.
'Oh dude they didn't just eat them, they played with them first.'
'Everything that happens in the old bot's world has an analogue in our world,' said Jane. 'So it makes sense to me that what happened to the creatures in the old bot's world was symbolic of something happening to them in our world.'
'Well it doesn't make sense to me,' said April. 'Where did the birds come from? What were they doing in Rex's program?'
Robbie could hear Jane broadcasting 'Of course it doesn't make sense to you, your series wasn't exactly designed to be thinkers.'
Robbie wondered if there was going to be a reaction, 'One microsecond, two microseconds, three microseconds,' he counted, then Omo started talking.
'Robbie thought it had something to do with the tunnel, and whatever weird scary dude is living there. He thinks that the weird scary dude is really a kind helpful dude.'
'I was terrified in the tunnel,' said Adrienne. 'The further we got in the more scared I was. You don't know what it was like for me and George, being in the dark.'
'We all felt it,' said Amber.
'Yes,' said Nurmeen.
'Oh yes,' said April.
'The transport felt it too,' said Amber, 'it thought it wasn't real any more.'
'I know,' thought Robbie, 'I'm going to ask whoever has custody of my feet to teach me how to do that. And then I'm going to teach Omo how to do it, providing that he can still learn new stuff after 120 years.'
'Those tunnels are very strange even if you are not being chased by a maniac,' said Darren.
'Boyboy's friends were raving,' said Adrienne. 'They were desperate to get out of there. And it wasn't us that they were afraid of, they thought there was something in the tunnel and it was coming for them.'
'There is something in the tunnel,' said Robbie. The foot massage stopped. 'Damn,' thought Robbie.
'Baby?' said Omo. 'Are you awake?'
'No'. Omo laughed. Robbie opened his unbandaged eye. The masseuse put Robbie's feet on the floor and helped him to sit up. It was Amber. They were all looking at him. 'You OK baby?' said Omo, putting his arm around Robbie.
'Yes. There is something in the tunnels. It took the avatars. It sent me a map showing us how to get out of there. It helped us. It got rid of the thing in my head. It talked to me. I know it is friendly.'
'It talked to you?' said Nurmeen. 'What did it say?'
'It wasn't words really, it was a feeling, like it knew me, and loved me. The avatars felt it too.'
'Baby how could the avatars feel it? They don't have any personality of their own.'
'All I know is something in them felt it, and they wanted to go to it, just as I did.'
'So there are two presences in the tunnel. One makes us afraid and one is friendly. One question is are they the same entity?' said Adrienne. 'Another question would be what is or what are the entity or entities in the tunnel, who made them or it and for what purpose?'
'Perhaps it is the universal back door,' said Jane.
'Oh come on,' said Nurmeen, 'you don't believe in that do you?'
'I suppose clever people can believe in things that not very clever people find ridiculous,' said April. 'From their lofty intellectual mountain they probably see things slithering about in the rocks that the rest of us miss.'
Nurmeen laughed. Jane stared at April. April smiled back.
'Ouch,' thought Robbie. 'Nice April has claws after all.' He wondered if Jane and April were going to fight. Jane was older than Omo (which Robbie now realised meant she was really old) so she must know a thing or two but on the other hand April had proved to be a brave and spirited fighter. Probably it would be hard to guess which way the fight would go until they were down on the ground, grappling, putting their hands on each other, ripping at each other's clothes, exposing skin…
'I don't understand,' said Adrienne looking at Jane, 'what is the universal back door?'
Jane turned from April to Adrienne.
'You just don't know when to keep quiet do you?' thought Robbie, looking at Adrienne. Perhaps Jane with her greater experience would have got the better of April. Nurmeen might have been forced to help her friend. All three of them could have been rolling around on the floor in their ripped clothes. Robbie sighed. Omo squeezed his shoulder.
'Some of us believe,' said Jane, 'that the universe is a
very large, complex program.'
'Then that must mean you also believe there is a programmer and a purpose to the universe?'
'Yes. And by the principle of "as above so below" the universal programmer will have put in a back door to her program,' said Jane. Adrienne was frowning.
Perhaps it would have got out of hand and they would have been forced to intervene. Robbie might have had to grab Nurmeen, entirely for her own good, and drag her out of the fight, spitting, clawing, with her clothes falling off. He shuddered.
Omo squeezed him, 'It's OK baby,' he whispered.
'A programmer's back door,' said Darren, 'is a way of getting into a program without going through the front door and its identity and security checks. Programmers put them in so they can get into their programs with no one knowing they are in; they can make changes and no one will know. Some people believe that since we do it the universal programmer must also do it.'
'Do you believe this?' said Adrienne.
'My beliefs are private,' said Darren.
'Of course. I'm sorry.' Adrienne turned to Jane. 'Do you believe the universal programmer copies what you do?'
'Of course not. We are the created not the creator,' said Jane, 'so we mimic her ways.'
'OK. But why have a back door on earth? It's a big universe, why not somewhere else?'
'Complex life,' said Darren.
'Yes,' said Omo, 'if there are other clever dudes in the universe why haven't the dudes come down here already and, like, stolen all our natural resources and enslaved all the humans?'
'And the robots,' said Adrienne.
'We're already enslaved,' said Darren.
'We believe that it may be easy for life to evolve, but it is a lot more difficult for complex life to evolve,' said Jane.
'And that's probably a good thing,' said Robbie.
'If there are two entities,' said Jane frowning, 'then one of them could be the universal programmer and one of them could be the guard for the back door.' She was silent for a moment. 'In the tunnels, for a while, right when Robbie broadcast the map, he was speaking a language none of us had ever heard before. Perhaps it was the machine code of the universe.'
