by J. D. Light
He blinked a moment, still watching my face, and then he shrugged. "I'm in the room next door. I heard my name."
He what? No way.
"These rooms are sound resistant," I said, my eyes probably a bit wider than normal as I tried to determine if he'd actually heard me use his name.
I'd heard dull thumps from the neighbor on my left sometimes, but the man practically had a gym in his bedroom. Nobody was supposed to be able to.
"You shouldn't be able to hear unless you use an amplifier or press a glass against the––" I stopped, narrowing my eyes on him. "Have you been using an amplifier to listen to me?"
But I already knew the answer. Using the device that allowed you to amplify sounds through walls was an oldy but a goody. The devices were a lot smaller than they used to be, and easier to store in overnight bags.
"Yes," he said simply and without an ounce of shame, his face blank.
I licked my teeth in annoyance, a common practice with this man. Someday I was going to lick my gums raw. "Why?" I asked through clenched teeth.
He shrugged, completely unfazed by me. "Security." He leaned closer, closing the gap between us by a few inches. A few inches I didn't feel like we had to spare, really. "Are you guys a thing? I thought he was mated?"
I blinked for a moment, slightly confused as to where we were going with this conversation and battling the impulse to close the remaining distance and press our bodies together, to drop my mouth to his, which honestly didn't sound like me at all.
"How much of my conversation did you hear?" I asked on a choked whisper, before clearing my throat.
He shrugged, once again giving me a blank, dry look. "You don't watch porn because you're worried about people going through your browser history."
My stomach dropped. So much had been said since then. So, so much.
"So, a lot."
"Yes."
I could feel the blush burning a path up my chest and neck and onto my face. "Oh my God," I groaned, dropping my head forward, into my hand.
So, so much. West had teased me about Jax and whether or not he was my type. He'd gotten me to admit I was a…
I groaned again, wishing I had the ability to make one of us disappear. At that point, I really didn't care which of us it was. "Then you are probably well aware I don't have a thing with West," I grumbled, still pressing my forehead into the palm of my hand. "I don't have a thing with anyone."
There was a slight pause, and for a moment I was terrified I was going to have to look up and repeat that since I was definitely mumbling, but then Jax's voice came again, startling me.
"Do you have a thing for West?" he asked, his voice deep and growly, which was something new, and my head snapped up so I could look into his face.
"No," I said slowly, trying to see even a flicker of emotion on his face. "He's a great friend… even after I roofied him."
God! That still made my stomach turn with guilt when I thought about it.
"Is that why you want to help with rehabilitating traumatized chosen? Because of the things you have to do with this job?" Jax asked, surprising me with how soft his voice had gone.
Did he hear the sadness in my voice? Could he see it on my face? I was pretty good at hiding my emotions. I'd definitely had plenty of practice.
I watched his face, trying to understand what he might be thinking, but as usual, his face was blank as he stared at me with those hyper-focused electric-green eyes.
"Yeah," I confessed quietly after a moment. "That and the fact that rescuing them is just the beginning for most of them. The trauma of something like this changes people. Learning how to take care of this new person they've become, or trying to get back to the old one is a long, hard struggle. I hate Darian and his whole clan of horrible people, and I hate watching people suffer every day and not being able to do anything about it because it would mess up this stupid fucking mission." I swallowed hard, taking a deep breath so I wouldn't break down like a fool in front of this man. "I hate this fucking mission."
His eyes were so intense as he looked up at me, his focus so complete, I felt like he could see directly into my soul, and I couldn't help but wonder if he could see my biggest fear. That I'd become like these people I was working for, that I already was like them.
"You've only kissed one person?" he asked out of the blue, and I huffed out a surprised laugh. We'd obviously been thinking in completely different directions.
"You weren't even listening, were you?" I asked, happy to feel the weight of my thoughts lifting off my shoulders, even if it meant facing embarrassment in front of the one person I wanted to be embarrassed in front of the least.
"Yeah. Just the disastrous and completely mortifying kiss with a girl. Did I also mention that I'm gay? Like, not bi. Completely gay."
Might as well get it all out there, so he knew just how completely I'd failed at anything involving sex or intimacy.
His mouth did that little superior smirk thing, and I sighed, not sure the relief in guilt and anxiety was worth this.
"Why have you only kissed one person?"
What do you mean why? Because I'm me. Because this awkward thing I did wasn't new.
"What the hell is this, twenty questions?" I snapped, looking away from his pretty eyes.
After a beat of silence where I could swear I felt his breath on my neck and jaw like he'd leaned closer, I cleared my throat. "I grew up in a small town. You're not gay in a small town. The community college I went to wasn't any better. If you want lab partners and study buddies, or even a fucking roommate, you're not gay."
"And after college?" That time I knew his breath stirred the fine hairs on the side of my neck, warming the skin there and shooting blood straight to my dick.
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, confirming that he really had leaned closer, though I wasn't really sure what the purpose was.
"I've been busy," I said, struggling not to whimper as goosebumps popped up along my skin. Why the hell did he have to stand so fucking close? Why the hell was he even in my room right now? None of this had to do with what we were even at this Godforsaken house for, not West and my relationship with him, not my porn preference and not my inexperience.
"Busy, or scared?" he asked quietly, and I pursed my lips, snapping my head around to glare at him. My pride was really taking a beating these days, and I was getting really sick of this.
He looked so smug and superior, and I was exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster that was every day of my fucking life right now. I just wanted this fucking conversation to be over. I just wanted to go climb in bed and curl in a ball and just not deal with anything for a while.
"Both," I snapped, glaring directly down into his face, pissed that this was where I found myself. "I'm twenty-five and I've kissed one girl and zero guys. That's difficult to bring up in conversation."
"And yet, you've told two people today."
"I didn't tell you," I growled. "You listened in to my phone call."
"You'll be good at helping chosen get back on their feet," he said as he watched my face, a small smile pulling at his lips. "You have a big heart."
I blinked, slowly shaking my head as I frowned. "This conversation is so fucking bizarre."
Deciding I needed to go do something that wasn't standing there trying to keep up with a conversation that was ping-ponging all over the fucking place, I stepped sideways, intent on walking around him and maybe plopping onto my bed and grabbing my phone so I could read… except suddenly, I was gripped around the waist and manhandled backward until my back hit the door.
The air whooshed out of me, but not necessarily from the force of the impact, more the absolute surprise of being shoved around like that, and not only that, but that my natural instinct had failed me yet again where Jax was concerned. I hadn't even tried to defend myself.
I'm still not.
I stood there, blinking down at the man whose bare chest was pressed against mine, the heat of him penetrating th
e material of my T-shirt. His head was tipped back, and his face was so close, if I was to lick my lips right then, I'd be licking his too.
It was a fucking temptation I almost gave in to, but this whole situation had me completely fucked up, and the last thing I wanted to do was make it worse by possibly pissing Jax off.
"What are you doing?" I asked, not really sure what to do with my hands. I wasn't scared, so I was pretty sure I wasn't being attacked or threatened… though my instincts had definitely been off where he was concerned lately.
The thought of putting them on him was appealing. The very idea of settling my hands on the exposed skin above his pants sent a wave of lust through my body, and so did the idea of letting them settle on his muscular ass. In fact, the whole fucking situation was entirely too arousing, and I was glad he hadn't pressed his lower body to mine, or he'd be aware of it too.
"I'm about to give you your first real kiss." Jax’s lips actually brushed mine slightly as he spoke and I gasped, turning my head from temptation even as a shudder worked its way through my entire body.
"What?" I whispered, my eyes wide as I stared over at the wall next to the door, not even daring to look at him out of the corner of my eye. "Why?"
Seriously, what the fuck was happening? I didn't usually have this kind of trouble understanding situations. Even ones that didn't follow the normal pattern of logic, but this was fucking nuts.
Jax was not deterred. He moved forward regardless, pressing his nose to my neck, and taking a long, deep breath before growling lightly. "I wish I could actually smell you." I felt the warm wet heat of his tongue as he swiped it up the side of my neck, stopping to flick it over my jawline and then my earlobe.
"Shit," I whimpered, wishing I could make my body stop reacting. There was nothing but humiliation waiting on the other side of this encounter if I didn't figure out how to hide his effect on me.
Why was he messing with me like this? What the hell could he possibly have to gain from this.
"Let me have your lips, Lane," he growled directly into my ear before sucking on the skin directly below, and my goosebumps got goosebumps of their very own as my dick tightened further.
I shook my head hard, slamming my eyes closed. "No. Why are you doing this?"
He chuckled, and the hand he'd had on my hip, slid slowly around my body before moving down over my ass. "Because I want to kiss you."
My entire body practically lit on fire, and the issue of where to put my hands was solved as I slapped them up against the door beside me, clutching at the wood with no hope of finding a finger hold.
"No, you don't," I choked out, slamming my eyes shut as he nibbled a path down my neck while squeezing my ass.
He growled against the skin of my neck, jerking me forward by my ass until his entire front was pressed to my entire front, and I groaned as my dick pressed against his hip.
"I beg to differ, "he growled, grinding against me again. I desperately tried to understand what he was trying to tell me through the fog of pleasure.
A few more hard, rolling grinds and I was going to come in my pants. I could already feel the pressure building.
"Fuck," he groaned, his lips dragging against the skin of my neck deliciously. "You feel so good against me."
I blinked open my eyes as the feel of his cock finally registered. I'd been so wrapped up in the rising need in my own body, I hadn't realized his own dick was hard and pressed against my thigh, but now that I had, it felt like a fucking branding iron.
"Let me have your lips, Lane," he whispered.
Is this really happening? No, not possible. Stuff like this didn't happen to me. I'd made it to the age of twenty-five with absolutely zero people pushing me up against the wall and demanding I let them kiss me while grinding their amazing bodies against mine. The pain in my fingertips where they were digging into the door told me I was definitely awake, so what was the explanation for this?
A thought occurred to me that sent a disgusting chill through my body, and I turned my head to look at him, pulling it back so I wouldn't accidentally brush our mouths together. "Is this pity?" I whispered, the words making my chest ache.
Jax's head snapped back on his shoulders and when his bright-green eyes met mine, they were shocked. "No," he whispered, his hands leaving my ass to reach up and cup my face. "Why on earth would I pity you? Because you haven't kissed anyone before?" He shook his head, leaning forward to gently rub his nose against mine. "The only thing knowing you haven't kissed anyone has done is make me even more determined to make this first kiss between us even more special."
I blinked in surprise at the sudden gentleness in his tone and actions, the way his forehead pinched in the center like my question had actually hurt him.
"Even more determined? Have you been planning on kissing me already?"
"Since the day we met."
"Bullshit," I said, shaking my head. "There's no way. I'm not falling for it, Jax."
Did he really expect me to believe he'd been pining after me for the last three weeks? For me? No way. It was a nice dream, but I wasn't gullible.
I didn't know what he was playing at, and I could only hope that he thought it was a funny joke, and wasn't just doing it to be cruel, but I wasn't about to believe this man, who could seriously have anyone with his ridiculous good looks and don't-give-a-shit attitude… which of course only made him more appealing, was sitting around pining after me, waiting for… what?
"There's nothing to fall for, Lane." He pressed his hard dick to my hip again, making me gasp. "Give me your lips."
I stood there stubborn for a moment, my dick so hard it ached, and every other part of my body trying to pull me in his direction. I didn't want to give in. To him, it might be pity, or it might be a joke, but I wasn't him, and the risk of me getting hurt from this was high.
He gave me that smug smirk, once again rolling his hips against me, and that's what pushed me over the edge. If he fucking wanted a kiss, I was going to fucking give it to him.
Wrapping my arms around his torso, I squeezed him tight and pressed my mouth hard to his, punishing him with my lips. He gasped and I struck again, swiping my tongue inside and licking at him boldly. He growled against my mouth, his tongue coming out to battle as he angled his mouth a bit more and dove in.
I'm sure it wasn't like most first kisses. There was nothing sweet and timid about this kiss. I didn't second guess myself as I drilled his mouth with my tongue and he didn't take it easy on me just because I was a first timer, giving me as good as I gave.
My fingers clutched at his muscular back and his dug into my thick shoulders before sliding down my chest to my sides and then back around to my ass. He was so fucking strong, he nearly rocked me off my feet as he roughly ground our bodies together. My dick was begging for relief, and I would probably later be surprised to realize the bite of pain caused by our brutal dry humping was ramping me up even more.
One of my hands slid up his back and into his hair, and I clutched it hard, pulling his head back with a jerk before fucking his mouth with my tongue. I might be the one up against the wall, but he didn't get to have all the control. He growled, the sound guttural with the position of his throat.
When my toes actually left the ground with how hard he was driving his body against mine, I gasped, ripping my mouth away and releasing his hair to clutch at him.
"Fuck," he groaned, letting my body slide back down the wall.
It was an indistinct fuck, and I wasn't really sure what to make of it, especially when I couldn't see his face because he had it dropped to my shoulder.
"What?" My body was still thrumming with the need to finish, but guilt and self-doubt were starting to creep back in. "Was it bad?" I shouldn't have kissed him like that. Sure, he was a shifter, and could no doubt take whatever I dished out, but what kind of fucking crazy person tried using their first kiss as punishment on another person? Why was I always so fucking fucked up?
I took a deep breath and held it,
trying to keep from letting the tears build. I'd been on the verge of losing it for so long. So many things pulling at me. So many lies weighing on my shoulders. Every day I woke up surprised that I hadn't succumbed yet. I was not going to let this be the thing that finally dragged me under.
Jax gave a small, clipped chuckle that sent a lance of pain straight through my chest.
Please don't let him laugh at me. Keep it together, Lane. You can do this.
"I knew it was going to be insane," he mumbled against my neck, shaking his head and letting his forehead roll against me. "But I didn't think it would be like this."
"Wow," I said on a choked whisper, clearing my throat and taking another calming breath. "Well, it was your idea to kiss the guy who's never kissed anyone before."
The bitter words had bite, but the anger starting to burn through the pain in my chest was welcome, since the prick in the corners of my eyes disappeared, leaving my eyes shiny, but without tears.
I gripped his sides in my hands, careful not to squeeze too hard, even in my anger. I didn't care if I was hurt, and I didn't care if he was a shifter, I truly didn't want to hurt him. I pressed him away, and I must have caught him off guard because he went easily, stumbling backward slightly and blinking up at me in surprise.
I released him like the atomic bomb he was and moved away, turning to grip the door handle, twisting it until the lock clicked, but before I could pull it open, a hand landed against it, close to the jamb, and close to my face.
"Where are you going?" he growled into the back of my neck, pressing his body along mine from behind.
My anger fled from my body, and I pressed my forehead against the wood of the door, trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me. Why were my emotions all over the fucking place? I'd spent seven and a half months somehow keeping my shit together, even when I'd witnessed chosen being dragged in by their hair to the point of making their scalps bleed and need stitches, or the time one nearly lost his hand because he'd apparently been allergic to something on the metal of his cuffs and it had eaten away all the skin around his wrist in a four inch band all the way around, and it had gotten infected from these assholes neglecting him. By the time one of the guards found it, his hand, wrist and forearm were all red and swollen and he was fevered.
