Their time was quickly passing, and standing there as she looked at the back of Aidan’s head, waiting for his reply, was a sharp reminder of that. Finally, he ran his hands across his face in an exhausted gesture and rose. He came over to her and took the aluminum container out of her hand and placed it on the counter, as his other large arm snaked around her waist.
“I know you’re hungry, but can it wait? I want you now.”
“But—” The rest of what she was about to say was cut off by his kiss. He lifted her easily by reaching under her behind and grabbing her ass with both hands. Her legs, as if on instinct, smoothly wrapped around his waist. “Dammit, Aidan. I know what you’re trying to do. I want to eat and talk, and you’re trying to avoid it.”
“Good,” he said nibbling at her neck and totally ignoring her words.
The worst was that her body was totally ignoring her words too, not connecting with her brain as her nipples hardened and wetness immediately flooded her center. The food was immediately forgotten as Aidan carried her to the bedroom. As if ravenous, he quickly tore her T-shirt up and over her head, barely taking time to look at her before he reached for the edges of her panties and pulled them down, going to his knees.
As with every time they made love, Eva was lost, her mind dissolving along with her body as everything went to goo under his hungry kisses and soft caresses. She wanted him so much it scared her. She thought that by now some of the newness or novelty of it would have worn off and they would have settled into a nice routine of mind-blowing, could-be-counted-on orgasms, which she enjoyed but wouldn’t have a problem walking away from. Right now she was feeling anything but in the mood to walk away from the feelings she was having. They were mind-blowing, that was for sure, but they were also filled with scorching-hot passion that sent her heart racing like nothing and no one ever had before.
But Eva knew she couldn’t hold onto that thought, because if she did, the fear of it would paralyze her. It was something too close to love, and if she went there, she knew there would be no coming back. Already she felt herself slipping too far, going too close to the edge and scarily slipping out of control.
Pulling away and out of his embrace, Eva lifted herself up and nudged at Aidan’s chest, pushing him back. Enough of this; it was time to get back into control. He came up, licking his full lips and looking at her with a daze that seemed sort of like a wild hunger. She let out a frustrated sigh and briefly looked away. Shit. No one in her life had ever looked at her like that, and in that moment she had a feeling that no one ever would again. It both made her bloom with power and also want to shrink away with dread over the fact that it was fleeting and would soon end. Just two more dates and she’d have to choose, narrow it down to the best of the mediocre and take it to the next . . . her mind paused over what to call what she was doing, and all she could come up with was the next whatever with whoever would be her groom for the moment. Images suddenly flashed through her head as she flipped through the guys at a rapid-fire pace, shuffling through them like a deck of cards of potential grooms. But where it all ended up did not really matter.
None of them were Aidan.
Her belly seemed to seize and knot, and Eva closed her eyes against the useless thought.
“Don’t do that,” Aidan said, as if reading her mind.
She looked at him again. Damn him for his ridiculous mind-reading abilities. And damn this whole stupid situation.
Suddenly her anger at Kevin for humiliating her hit her anew. Eva knew it was irrational, but if only he hadn’t done what he did, in the way that he did it, she wouldn’t have met Aidan and be stuck unpacking these feelings. If only he’d been a man and at least told her his feelings beforehand, or, at the worst, gone through with it and let her down after the show, she wouldn’t be in this mess, stuck falling for a guy she should have never even encountered. Hell, Kev the coward still hadn’t even picked up his things. The box she had packed for him was still waiting, untouched, with the doorman. It would seem, after she’d received the text about him and that girl, that he’d fallen off the freaking radar, flown the coup to who knows where, and was lucky enough to not be followed by a TV crew of paparazzi. His reputation was fine. It was hers that had ended up in shreds.
Aidan ran a hand slowly along the length of Eva’s arm, and in that moment she stiffened under his touch as she thought of Kevin and his betrayal, the fact that there was no closure, that he’d done what he’d done to her with no explanation. It still stung like the devil. There was a part of her that still itched as a result, like a rash that hadn’t cleared up.
She stared at Aidan, her confusion mounting even in her fuzzy clarity. She knew what he was doing with tonight’s seduction, with his refusal to talk about even the most superficial of things, like his friend’s food on the beach. His eagerness to just come in and screw her and get it over with. And silly her, she jumped in with two feet and went right for it. She was already so tangled up with him, both physically and emotionally, that there was no way she’d say no. But there it was. Aidan was doing the same thing she had done earlier on in their “let’s not call this a relationship, but keep it only a sex thing” arrangement. He was distancing himself, seeing the end and making space for it, making a door that would be easy for them both to walk through. Though it hurt her to her core, at least he was being the smart one. A painful smile pulled at the corner of her lips. She could and should take a cue from him.
Eva looked down at her empty left-hand ring finger and thought of her ring still tucked away in the drawer where she’d re-hid it. She swallowed, then brought her gaze back to Aidan and smiled full on. “You’re right. What’s the use of talking or thinking when there’s much better things we could be doing with our time. Now let’s get you out of that shirt and pants. I think you’re terribly overdressed for this party.”
Chapter 20
Aidan lay in the quiet darkness for a while, holding Eva while listening to the calming sound of her breathing in her sleep, relaxing to the mellow rumble of her low and steady snore, something he was sure that if he told her about, she’d surely deny. The thought brought a reluctant smile to the corner of his mouth. He was turned on his side, holding her back to front, a position he’d come to find way too much comfort in. But she fit perfectly, tucked under him with her head resting on his arm. He knew he could stay for a few more hours and leave around five or even five-thirty, before the day-shift doorman came on, and head to his apartment to shower and change for work. He wanted nothing more than to stick with their usual routine and do just that, but today changed all that, and he knew it was time for him to head home now.
They were sunk. And it wasn’t because of what Carter had said. Hell, he couldn’t give a damn about what Carter said, and if truth be told, the pic from the paper didn’t bother him all that much, but he knew it would bother her. A lot. And he also knew that for all that Carter had said, the pain in the ass was right. Aidan didn’t need the distraction or the entanglement, and neither did she. She’d mapped out the plan from the beginning, so why was he going around it and playing out some waste-of-his-time, midnight-to-daybreak, happy-hubby fantasy, and possibly jeopardizing both their reputations in the process? Shit, if he wanted to bet on a sucker fantasy and gamble at the same time, there was pay-to-play fantasy league football. He didn’t have to fool himself with this pretend game of daddy’s home that they were playing. Besides, she wanted a husband, someone to complete the perfect picture she had in her head, and he wanted his freedom, a chance to move on and pursue his stories with freedom and no fear of entanglements. They both deserved to have what they wanted. So this had to come to an end.
Eva yawned and stretched a bit, wiggling her behind and causing his dick to jump to attention once again. Damn, it was amazing how he responded to her, though. He inwardly groaned and his fingers flexed. He was aching to reach out and grab her thighs, pull her creamy mocha skin closer to him and just bury himself in deep, go on and get lost in her sweetness one mo
re time. Instead Aidan leaned down and softly kissed her shoulder, before easing his arm from under her head and slowly turning over onto his back and lifting up in order to put on his clothes. He was bending down to pick up his boxer briefs when her sleepy voice floated over to him.
“You’re leaving?” Her tone wasn’t angry or accusing. No, it was worse, soft, low, and full of sad disappointment.
She turned over to her stomach and now faced him.
“Yep, I’m going to head out and get an early start.”
Eva turned away and looked at the bedside clock, causing him to look too, even though he already knew the time. 1:48.
“Does it really matter now? Can’t you stay? Wait until morning?”
Aidan looked toward the window at the darkened sky and the never-quite-dark view of New York below. So many of her neighbors’ windows were still lit bright and blazing against the midnight sky, so much so that when you looked up you couldn’t see a star if you tried. As it was, the almost-full moon had to fight for its share of attention. It was so different from the calm skies he’d seen from the most devastatingly war-torn countries.
Aidan turned back to Eva. God, she was beautiful. Looking at her now, with her tousled bed hair and her half-sleepy eyes, all he wanted to do was get back in the bed with her. There was something about being here with her, while the rest of the world was blocked by a layer of concrete and steel, the haze of her being made him somehow feel—maybe, just for a few brief moments—that there was not a tense world living on the edge, ready to blow that sweet haze away. But there was, and at some point they’d both have to face it. He might as well be the one to make the leap and do it now. She gave him a smile and crooked her finger, beckoning him to come back to bed. Yeah, he needed to be the one. If not now, then he might lose his nerve, and his delay could turn into never. At least this way he wouldn’t have to watch her find her perfect mate on camera and play the part of an innocent bystander in the train wreck that was sure to come.
Aidan leaned down and kissed her, enjoying the sweet honey and cream flavor of her that he’d come to love so much. He drank it in, getting his fill before he pulled back once again. “I’m sorry, princess, but I’ve really got to go.”
Eva didn’t say a word but just looked at him, her eyes glistening, and his heart did a flip and something in his gut twisted.
It didn’t take him long to dress, and he did so in silence. When he was ready to leave, she spoke. “I would walk you to the door, but I’d rather stay here. Let you remember me this way when you’re sitting at your desk today.” She was doing that light thing she did with her voice, but he detected a falseness that he’d hadn’t heard from her in a long time, at least not in the hours from midnight to six AM.
Aidan laughed at that, his throat uncomfortably dry. “Okay, Miss Ward. I’m sure you’ll be on my mind all day as you are every day.”
Eva’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not even out the door yet, and already I’m back to being Miss Ward?”
Aidan leaned down and kissed her, then pulled back and looked into her now-sharp eyes. “I’m practicing for work. Making sure I have my lines right.”
“Are you now? Because if you ask me, it felt like you were saying good-bye. Good-bye for good.” She laughed nervously, and Aidan couldn’t help but look away.
She took his hand, and he looked down at her. “Stop being silly. We have work to do. It’s not like you won’t see me again.” He leaned down and quickly kissed her once more and smiled, letting go of her hand and quickly squeezing her beautiful thigh. “One thing you have to know about me is I always finish my jobs.”
* * *
What am I supposed to do now? Eva thought as she swiped at her cell to check for incoming texts, knowing good and well the answer to the question before the swiping. You’re supposed to get your act together, find your groom, and move the hell on!
It had been a week, and she missed Aidan terribly since he’d left her last week feeling unsettled, though completely sexually satisfied. She’d somehow managed to get to sleep around three-thirty AM after tossing and turning, her mind going over the little bit of conversation they had had more times than she could count. What did he mean he always finished his jobs? The question was, had he finished with her?
When she had been hit with the newspaper picture of the two of them, she had called him immediately, only to have her call returned by Carter, who said that Aidan was out of town for the day on business, but he was on the case and not to worry about that photo. It was nothing. They were just two colleagues having breakfast. The fact that Carter had used Aidan’s exact words infuriated her and gave her more answers than it hid.
She needed to just go ahead and admit what she’d known as soon as she’d opened the door and seen it on his face last week. He was through. With her at least.
But now here it was date night once again, and the crew was here, though quite scaled down, as it would seem they’d gotten the process streamlined to a bit of a science. And surprise of all surprises, this scaled-down crew didn’t include Aidan. Once again.
That was it. He was now in full-blown avoidance mode. He had sent her a couple of texts over the past week about being swamped with work and using that as an excuse for getting out of their late-night trysts. And for her last date, Peter, a shy but surprisingly engaging literature professor and writer, whom she met for coffee and a stroll uptown at the Cloisters museum and gardens, Aidan was a no-show as well, citing another work commitment and leaving Louisa as the point person in charge.
Eva tried her best to hide her disappointment over not seeing him that day, and for the most part she thought she’d done well. It was at night, when she was alone yet again, that it really got to her. When midnight came around, and there was no buzz at the door, or when she looked up and realized she was hungry because she’d neglected to eat, since she was hoping to share a relaxing meal with him, then fall off to sleep in his arms after making love. Yeah, that’s when the fact that she was alone—and not just alone, but without him—really hurt.
And now here it was, the day when she’d have yet another date, the last one before it was time to narrow down her options, and he wasn’t there again. Dammit. This time hiding her feelings was almost impossible to do. It took all she had to not ask Louisa or Stan or even to whisper to one of the PAs and find out where he was. Had he flown the coop for good? Given up on her and her segment all in one fell swoop, without a word? Her mind began to spiral, though she tried to act all unaffected and nonchalant when the makeup artist happened to ask Mitzi where “that hot Aidan Walker” was today. But with the tension in her lips, and the rigidness of her spine, she was sure it was a dead giveaway.
It was Louisa who chimed in. “He’s being pulled in a lot of directions, from what I hear. He has some high-priority assignments for the network, so he’s asked me to step in and take over where I can.”
Eva blinked and felt the muscles in her eye twitch.
Her eye twitch did not escape Lou’s notice. She quickly came over and gave Eva’s hand a pat that was not entirely comforting, but Eva knew it was a big step for the no-nonsense Louisa. “You don’t have a problem with that, do you? Because I assure you I can handle the job. You’re in safe hands with me. You can trust me.”
Safe hands? Trust? Eva felt the floor shift beneath her feet at those words. They were eerily similar to Aidan’s, and look what had come of that? One last night of passion and then a no-show. She looked sharply into the petite powerhouse’s eyes and from the all-knowing look she got back, she knew with every fiber in her being that Louisa knew too. She could feel the moisture threatening to well up in the back of her eyes, and imagined pinching herself in order to make it stop. She blinked and smiled softly at Louisa while willing her voice to remain steady. “Of course I don’t have a problem. I’m sure you’ve been doing most of the work anyway. I know how these suits are.”
Louisa continued with her hard stare for one beat and then another, and then one beat
too long after that. “I do what I do. It’s my job.”
The makeup artist took Eva’s chin in hand then and lifted it higher to the light, coming at her to swipe more blush onto her cheeks. “And I’ve got to do my job if we’re going to keep on schedule. Can you turn my way and give me a smile? I need to rosy you up a bit. Add some color to those cheeks. All of a sudden you’re looking a little washed-out.”
Eva nodded as she waited to be done with makeup. Washed-out wasn’t the half of it. At that moment she felt washed out, used up, and wrung out. Makeup finally done and her fake smile feeling like a clay mask that could too easily crack under the pressure, Eva headed to the bathroom, where she’d change into her dress for the evening.
That freaking bastard! Eva hung the black sausage dress on the back of the bathroom door and paced, cell phone in hand. Frustrated with the confined space and starting to feel like a cloistered criminal, she finally gave up and leaned hard against the edge of the vanity, staring at the phone and contemplating texting him. More than anything, she wanted to not just text but call and give him a piece of her mind. But the little entourage was just outside her bathroom door, and it would be certain they’d hear her heated exchange. And what would she say anyway? Would she yell at him for not being there? Accuse him of being a wimp and avoiding her? Or would she throw it all to the wind and beg him to come be her groom, get her out of this mess, take her in his arms and never let her go.
Shit. Well, that wouldn’t do at all now, would it?
These were all questions and requests that Eva knew she couldn’t ask and really didn’t have a right to. They were over the line and broke the rules she’d put in place when she’d started this whole thing. And really, besides the annoying avoidance, he wasn’t doing anything wrong. It wasn’t like they were a couple or exclusive or had any type of claim on each other at all. During the course of their murky meetups, that much was abundantly clear.
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