by Vivian Wood
“I don’t expect you to,” he said. “I’ve been told that you fainted suddenly at an event earlier this morning. And I see from the charts sent over by your OB-GYN that you knew you were pregnant. What we have here is an ectopic pregnancy—unfortunately, this usually happens to women with an IUD.”
“Okay.”
“It can be very dangerous to the mother. The fetus was never viable. The egg implanted in your Fallopian tubes instead of the uterus.” He's lying. Hela was there. She might not have ever been meant to come into this world, but she was there. “Fortunately,” he continued, “there was no permanent damage done. You shouldn’t have any problem conceiving in the future. You did require surgery to remove the fetus. And I’d recommend removing the IUD and choosing a different form of contraception. Once a woman has one ectopic pregnancy, they’re more likely than others to have another.”
“Okay.”
“Eleanor,” he said. A hint of kindness finally arrived in his eyes. “Is there anything you want to ask me? Want to know? Do you understand all this?”
“I understand,” she said.
“Good. I know it’s still a shock, especially considering the circumstances. The side effects came on strong, but that’s ultimately what probably saved your life.”
“She was viable.”
“Excuse me?”
“You said the pregnancy wasn’t viable. And… I know what you mean. But she was alive. She was here.” Ellie ensured he looked at her, commanded he do so with her tone.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said. It was a canned response, but it seemed that was all he could manage. “I—I honestly couldn’t tell you, medically speaking, if the fetus was ‘alive’ or not. You were only a few weeks along, and that would have required further testing.”
“I know,” she said.
“And I’m certain you do,” he said. “I’m just here to tell you the facts of your surgery and treatment here.”
“Thank you.”
He turned to walk away, but paused. As he sorted through his stack of papers, he came back into the room and stood by her bed. “I don’t know if you already have this, but your OB-GYN’s office sent us all of your information when we were admitting you. I have your sonogram if you want it.”
“Thank you,” she said as she took the paper. And this time she meant it. She held the image of Hela in her hands. She was the tiniest of things, a blip on Ellie’s radar.
Wasn’t it always the smallest of things that shook you to your center?
31
“Eli! Wait up,” Henry called down the hall. Eli had his back to him and was surrounded by guards. Some were in plainclothes, but a couple were in full armor as if they had come straight from a battlefield.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Eli said. His anger seemed to have given way to exhaustion.
“Can we talk for a minute?” Henry asked.
Eli sighed and looked at his phone. “You have five minutes,” he said, and nodded to his crew to step away.
“Look,” Henry said as they sat down in cracked vinyl chairs. The occasional passerby had their eyes glued on Eli. They thought they were discreet as they snapped photos of the president. Eli’s crew had already cleared the floor of everyone except a handful of doctors and medical personnel. After one of the guards silently took the phone from a young boy in scrubs and deleted the photo, the rest put their own phones away. They made do with watching Eli out of the corners of their eyes and pretended to be busy. “I never intended this to happen.”
“But it did,” Eli said. “Out of all the… all the women, you had to go…”
“It’s not like I planned it,” Henry said. “I’m—Eli, I’m going to be in Ellie’s life as long as she’ll have me. So it would be better if we put this to bed now rather than sniping at each other forever.”
“Yeah. Maybe,” Eli said. “Let’s go to the roof. There are too many eyes around here.”
The two of them were taken up a flight of stairs while guards dispersed to post themselves at every possible entrance. Above it all, the wind whipped through Henry’s hair and tousled Eli’s normally perfectly pressed suit. When did we get like this? Twenty years ago, we couldn’t have imagined being where we are now. “I’m still the same person, Eli,” Henry told him, and hoped he knew what he meant.
Eli responded by punching Henry squarely in the face. “Fuck! My nose,” he said. He could already feel the blood start to pour out.
“You think I give a damn about your nose?” Eli asked. Rage shot through Henry, but he knew he couldn't do a thing. Even though he couldn’t see any guards, he knew they were around. They were always around. And there was no way they were going to let him get near Eli.
Henry rubbed his face. The shock faded and gave way to pain. “That’s not fair,” he said.
“I could tell you about what’s fair. And neither of us are the same person,” Eli said. “And this… with Ellie… it just makes it worse.”
“Of course it’s still us,” Henry said. He forced himself to lower his hand and take what he deserved as he should. Eli could have done a lot worse. He should have done a lot worse.
“Did you… did you always think of her like that?” Eli asked.
“Jesus! No! She was a kid. I didn’t even think of her much at all until we ended up at the cabin together.”
“So that’s how long you’ve been seeing her?” Eli asked. His eyes bore into Henry and searched for the truth.
“Yeah. Just a month.”
“Just a month,” Eli repeated. “Just a month. A month is a long time. How can I take you seriously when you’ve been doing this for a month and never told me?”
“It’s not like I had many chances,” Henry said.
“Don’t you dare make excuses.” Eli’s eyes had a wildness to them that put Henry on edge. It made him want to lie to keep himself safe, but he could see Eli wasn’t going to allow that.
“Fine. You’re right. I’m… I’m sorry. Truly, Eli. I’m really sorry.”
“Sorry that you didn’t tell me?”
“Yes. And for… fuck, for just loving her. I’m sorry.” The words slipped out of him as if he had no control. Eli’s eyes grew bigger when he heard the word “love,” but he couldn’t nearly be as shocked as Henry. Did he love her? Yes. Of course he did. He’d known it for a while now.
“God, Henry,” Eli said. He sat down on a concrete ledge and dropped his head into his hands. “You think I don’t know my sister’s a great girl? You think I was happy when she’d chosen that imbecile Sean?”
“She told me Sean was pretty much the only guy you’d let around her,” Henry said. Carefully, he lowered himself next to Eli.
Eli let out a snort. “Let her? I don’t know what she told you, or what she really thinks, but there’s no letting Ellie do anything. Ultimately, she’s going to do what she wants to do. I think she just tries to placate me by letting me sometimes go all big brother on her.”
“So you didn’t like Sean?” Henry asked.
“Hell no. Did you ever meet that little weasel? Honestly, I think Ellie was the only one who was surprised by the whole him getting caught fucking some local thing.”
“Why didn’t you say something to her, then?” Henry asked. “You know. Before she was all packed to move in with the guy.”
“Man,” Eli said. “You never stick with first love. Puppy love. It’s stupid. She had to learn that for herself. I was just waiting for the fallout. And just… I’m just glad it happened before they were living together, married or something like that.”
“Yeah,” Henry said, even though he didn’t have any idea. He’d never loved anyone before. Was Eli insinuating that he was stupid to fall for Ellie so fast?
“So you love her, huh?” Eli asked.
“I do.”
“I could have handled you two being together, you know,” Eli said. “I don’t know if it was you or her more worried about the whole thing, but you both should have known bette
r.”
“I think it was more me than her,” Henry said. “She—I think she was scared to tell you about her being with anyone.”
“You really should have known better,” Eli said. “What, do you think I’m one of those creepy older brothers who locks a chastity belt on his baby sister or something? Come on, Henry. That’s messed up. I worry about her, sure. But she’s grown. I just want her to be happy.”
“I’m sorry,” Henry said again.
“I’m not—I’m not pissed about you two being together anymore,” Eli said. “It was a shock, and then when I found out about it because of the whole problem thing. Well, it exacerbated the situation.”
“I get that,” Henry said. “I didn’t—I didn’t know she was pregnant, either. I didn’t know anything about this.”
“But the lying,” Eli continued, “that’s something else. I don’t… I don’t know if that’s as easy to forgive.”
Henry nodded.
“Would you have ever told me? If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, had the emergency, would you have said anything?”
“I don’t know,” Henry said.
“Yes, you do.”
“It depends, I guess,” Henry said. “Before this, I was kind of under the impression she was done with me. It hurt. You know? At first I thought it was just a bruised ego, but really it’s because I’m so goddamned in love with her.”
“So…”
“Honestly? If this was it, if she never spoke to me again, I don’t know if I’d ever tell you. Probably not. And that’s a cowardly thing to do, I know, but I’m being truthful. What good would come of it?”
“Probably not a whole lot,” Eli agreed.
“But… if somehow? We’d gotten back together without this? I’m sure it would have come out eventually. I don’t know how, and I never thought about it in earnest. It was… different at your cabin. Like the rest of the world had stopped.”
“That’s something else I’m worried about,” Eli said. “It’s pretty easy to get all caught up in something when you have no responsibilities, no obligations, no nothing but a single distraction.” Eli looked bluntly at Henry. “What the hell do you think the two of you are going to do now? Here? In the real world?”
“I don’t know,” Henry said. “Up until now, until I found out about everything… I thought we were over.”
“You’re drowning,” Eli said. “Flailing.”
“I know that’s how it looks,” Henry said. “But believe me. I’m not. I was for years, but… now, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m finally getting to solid ground.”
“You’re really in for it,” Eli said. “I know you think you know Ellie, but you don’t know her like I do. She’s a great kid—sorry, woman—but she’s a handful. She’s going to have you wrapped around her finger so tight you’re not going to know which way is up.”
Henry couldn’t help it. He smiled at the idea of it. “I understand,” he said. “All of it. Really, Eli. Thank you for hearing me out, and I get everything you’re saying—I really do. But… I can’t help how I feel. She’s incredible.”
Eli looked at him and just shook his head. “Well. I wish you luck.” Henry watched Eli head back to the stairs. The solid door opened right as he arrived and a guard in all black led him inside.
Henry sighed and looked up at the nearly cloudless sky. Above him, the birds swooped and soared with a mixture of power and grace. The planes taking off and landing from Reagan didn’t even come close to the kind of beauty those wild things exhibited. Up here, the sounds of the world below were dimmed. Henry could make out the occasional horn blaring and the wails of the ambulances as they raced toward the hospital entrance. But it was just static. White noise. He could do this. With Ellie, he could quiet all those other distractions and just be.
His phone buzzed. It was Ryan. Which one of you died? he texted.
Henry sighed and stood up. As he walked down the staircase and back to Ellie’s floor to wait and see if she called, his phone lit up again. Srsly tho u guys cool?? Clearly, Ryan had taken to texting and driving. Maybe he’d get the waiting room to himself then and not be forced into chatter. Or worse, a line of questioning.
The waiting room was empty, save for a young blonde engulfed in last month’s celebrity gossip magazine. She glanced up at him. He knew that look instantly.
“Hey,” she said as she lowered the magazine. “Who are you waiting for?”
“My girlfriend,” Henry said. These were the most beautiful words ever spoken.
32
“Are you sure?” she asked the nurse.
“Of course I’m sure,” the nurse said. “They wouldn’t be discharging you if you weren’t ready.”
Ellie wasn’t so sure. It had only been two days, and she still didn’t feel like herself. Plus, reality waited outside those doors.
“Baby, you’re gonna be just fine,” said the nurse. “I know it’s hard. And I know it’s scary. But you had a close one. I’d call you lucky.” The nurse winked at her. She was in her sixties and had been at this hospital for forty years. Ellie had asked her about it one night when she was on graveyard. She couldn’t imagine being anywhere for forty years.
They were all there again for the big release. Ellie wasn’t certain, but it seemed like things had cooled down between Eli and Henry. She’d asked them both about it when they visited—separately—after that first day, but they both refused to talk. It’s like an entire conspiracy against me. And since Eli was who he was, that was entirely plausible.
“Ellie, you look so good!” her mom cooed in that way only moms could. She knew she looked like crap.
“Thanks,” she said. “Just wait ’til you see this massive scar on my side. I’m sure it’ll be the latest trend.”
“You ready to go?” her mom asked. Ryan picked up her purse.
“Actually…” Ellie said. “I was thinking, maybe Henry could give me a ride.” She thought she heard Eli give a huff, but she wasn’t certain.
“Oh!” her mom said, her face crestfallen. “Well. Sure. If that’s what you want.”
“Maybe you should be with your family—” Henry started, but she cut him off.
“My call,” she said. “Besides, we have a lot of talking to do.” Her family considered the tension between them, but they didn’t protest.
“Well, you take good care of her,” her mom told Henry. In a rush, she grabbed Henry and hugged him fiercely. She’d known Henry as long as Eli had, but it was the first time Ellie had seen her act so warmly toward him. Usually, she treated him like she barely noticed he was around. “Are you two going to be home for dinner at least?”
“I’d rather not make any plans right now,” Ellie said.
“Fair enough. Call me, at least. Let me know what’s happening.”
“Okay, Mom.”
“Well, that was anticlimactic,” Ryan said as he walked to the elevator between their mom and Eli.
Henry helped her into the SUV. It didn’t have a step, so he lifted her carefully and avoided the tenderness from the surgery. “I feel like an old woman,” Ellie grumbled. She’d gotten used to taking care of herself recently.
“You’ll be back up and at it in no time,” Henry said. “Enjoy the pampering while you can.”
“How far is it?” she asked. It was strange that she’d never been to his house before. But after the fallout at the diabetes fundraiser, she thought she never would. Not that she hadn’t fantasized about it. She imagined that it didn’t look like a bachelor owned it. Maybe brick and full of wild vines and plants, hinting that Henry wasn’t incapable of such deep caring after all. Ellie had imagined that his plates were mismatched and some were chipped, but since he never entertained he didn’t care. He’d have a favorite coffee mug, and it would be the most hideous one—but it was special because there was a secret story behind it.
“Not very far,” he said. He was visibly nervous, but she was, too. Ten minutes later, Henry pulled into a reserved space
outside a charming brownstone.
“It’s like I pictured,” she said. Ellie peered up the narrow cobblestone walkway from the passenger seat. Wrought iron rails outlined the concrete steps, and a hanging basket of flowers hung above the front door.
“How you pictured?” he asked.
She shrugged. “I liked to imagine your home. It tells so much about a person.”
Ellie continued to stare out the window. She noticed the beveled glass of the front windows and the hummingbird feeder attached to an upstairs bay window. Don’t chicken out. Tell him. Tell him how you feel. She drew in a breath and forced it past the lump in her throat.
Henry turned off the ignition. When she turned toward him, he already had his hand on the door. “Henry. I… I understand if you don’t feel that way about me,” she said. “I know the whole surgery thing…” she couldn’t bring herself to say baby, “got everything all mixed up again. If you don’t have feelings for me, that doesn’t really matter—”
He quieted her by kissing her senseless. It felt like it had been so long since she’d had him like this. It wasn’t rushed. Better yet, it wasn’t some dirty secret. When he pulled away to gaze at her, his finger tracing her jawline, she felt that familiar tug on her heart again.
“Sorry,” he said. “I had to figure out some way to get a word in.”
She laughed. “Sorry, yeah. I babble when I’m nervous.”
“What have you got to be nervous about?” he asked.
“You know. This,” she said, and gestured between them.
“You’re nervous now?” he asked. “You’ve got a funny sense of things. Come on.”
“But Eli—”
“Eli? Eli and I are good. Or, at least we will be.”
She went still. “Really? When did that happen?”
“Hey,” he said. “Do you really think I would have risked the only real friendship I have, would have alienated my best friend, over anything other than the real deal?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I love you!”
