by Nicky Shanks
Now I can’t ever think about not having her love.
She deserves someone that can take her pain away and make her smile.
I’m that person for her.
All of these perfect dreams of what our life could be—or might be—are just teasers to what our future must hold. I’m going to do everything in my power to give her the future she deserves…the future we both deserve.
I’m going to ask her to marry me. I know it’s completely insane and way, way too soon. I just have to wait for the right time to do it, so it won’t push her away.
She was made for me…I know she was.
I just need her to start believing it too.
She has to stay for more than a few days before I can trust her not to break my heart with an actual commitment attached. I feel bad because I’m lying to myself. The truth is, I do trust her. I trust her with everything—my life, my heart, and my future.
I just don’t trust myself to not get in my own way and ruin it all.
***
“You assholes better let me in there! She said I could see him! Ask that guy, he’s knows! He’s my son—that gives me rights!”
My mother’s horrendous voice breaks through Julie’s sunshine in my head, and she disappears. “You go in there and ask him. He wants to see me! Oliver! Oliver, help me!” My eyes flick open and I cringe at her scratchy voice, making me wince in pain from the sudden movement. I think about closing my eyes and pretending I don’t know who she is, but the screaming outside finally forces me to push the call button for a nurse to come in. Nurse Mary is flustered as she enters the room and shuts the door behind her.
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Jackson. We’re trying to make her leave. She says that your wife gave her permission to see you.”
I wave her off. “Just let her in. She only wants money.”
Mary does what I ask and opens the door for my mother. I prop myself up so I can get a better look at her when she saunters in and gives Mary a dirty look. “I told you so, little girl.”
“I thought you were dead,” I say to my mother, not ready for niceness. “Or maybe I just hoped you were dead, I don’t know.” At this point, I don’t have the patience for a conversation that doesn’t get straight to the fucking point. I know what she wants—I’m just not going to be like my father and grandfather and give it to her.
She scoffs and looks around the room nervously. “I’m sure you wish I was dead, kid. You always did have shitty luck, didn’t you?” Her snarl is unnerving; she sits down in the chair Julie planted herself in for days. “You almost died chasing after some bitch that doesn’t even deserve you, didn’t you?”
“More like I don’t deserve her. What do you want…why are you here?” She is so far gone it’s sad. She doesn’t even look like the woman I remember anymore—everything about her has changed and gotten worse. “The last time I saw you, you were climbing out of my window after trying to kidnap me. I distinctly remember telling you I never wanted to see you again.”
She laughs.
Laughs.
“Well, I paid the price for that. As for never wanting to see me again…you don’t get to make that decision. I do what I want and go where I please.” Even though she licks her lips, they are still cracked with deep splits. “Why do you think I’m here? I need the money your grandfather left me in his will. I know what I’m entitled to. Don’t fuck around with me.”
Her face is sunken in from the long-term drug use, and the eyes that we shared—the wide, emerald green eyes—are now a mismatched pair. Hers are dull and lifeless. It would be easy for me to take pity on her like my father and grandfather did all those years ago. Unfortunately for her, I don’t pity her as much as I fucking hate her.
“Like I told you, Vic didn’t leave you any money. So, if that’s the only reason you’re here…you can leave the same way your sorry ass came in. Oh, and don’t ever fucking talk to Julie ever again, you understand?”
Her laugh is really annoying the shit out of me. “Like I said, I do what I want. If I want to wait for her downstairs, I will. Mac is doing just that right now.”
Fire-red heat flashes through my body. “You’re not going to intimidate me, Veronica. You think you have all the power, but trust me, if you even come within a hundred feet of Julie, I will eviscerate you and your little drug dealer boyfriend.”
Our scowls match even if our eyes don’t. It’s going to take nothing for her to reach out and choke the hell out of me while I’m incapacitated. Wheels turn inside her head and thinking too hard is making her eyes roll around like a crazy person.
“Just give me what I want and I’ll leave her alone. You’ll never see me again.”
I scoff. “Yeah, because I was fucking born yesterday. I know you, Mother, and you’re not one to keep your fucking promises. Exactly how much are you trying to extort from me?”
“Three million.”
I laugh so loud that the guard standing outside the door looks into the window. I nod toward him to call him off. “Three million dollars…wow. You really are a piece of work, aren’t you? Look, this has gone on long enough. I’m not giving you shit, so you can leave now.”
The anger rises in her throat and blows out of her mouth like invisible fire. I realize that I’m still immobile enough not to be able to defend myself if she gets too crazy. I hit the call button and Mary comes back into the room with the guard that was looking into the window only moments before. My mother fakes a smile and calms herself down enough to hover over me, pretending to tuck her beloved son into bed.
“You will give me what’s mine one way or another, son.” The hiss from her lips reaches my skin and burns my flesh. “Just give me the money and I’ll walk away. I’d hate to see anything happen to that little blonde tart that’s been crying over you up here…what did you call her? Julie? Mac likes young blondes, you know.”
“You fucking bitch! I said don’t touch her,” I hiss back at her. “If anything happens to her because of you, I’ll spend every penny I have making sure you rot in jail.” If I could move my arms quickly, I’d catch her neck and squeeze the life out of her. She’s already dead to me and now she’s threatened Julie again. The security guard pulls her away before I can get to her. This time she doesn’t go kicking and screaming—she has a wicked smile on her face.
“Wow, she’s really crazy.” Mary snorts. “Like psycho thriller movie scary.”
I exhale deeply. “You have no idea. I haven’t seen her for twenty years.”
Her mouth falls open. “Twenty years? How can you even recognize her?”
“It’s hard to forget someone like that when they make such a huge impact on your life.” I pick up the phone from the bedside table. I need to talk to Julie; I need to make sure she’s okay. I need to hear her voice and know that she’s coming back to me soon. “Like my wife.” I smile at Mary because she knows better. “I’ve only known her a short time and there’s nothing about that woman I will ever, ever forget.”
My Julie.
The phone rings a few times before she answers. “Hello.” Her voice is drained and I feel bad for her exhaustion the last couple of days.
I try to laugh and get her in a better mood. “Miss me yet? I miss you like fucking crazy. When are you coming back?” My lips move so fast that I don’t realize how clingy I’m being; I just want her to be safe. I want to make sure she knows to stay away from my mother and her drug dealer boyfriend.
“I just left you less than an hour ago. Of course I miss you. I’ll be back soon, okay? Casey…is here.” She trails off and I know it’s to make me aware that she has no secrets. I can’t trust Casey with her—I couldn’t even trust him with Heather, and she didn’t mean as much to me as Julie does.
But I do trust Julie.
I make a quick decision not to tell her about the scene my mother just caused. Instead, I take the jealousy route so she doesn’t suspect anything else is wrong.
“Why is he there? Let me talk to him.”
“No, you need
rest. He’s here helping me with something for you. Don’t worry.”
I know I’m not going to win this. “Fine.” I pout, but she can’t see me.
“I’ll be back soon, I promise. Is there anything you need?”
The medicine that flows through my IV is making me sleepy again. “Yeah, you. I fought like hell to come back to you…I don’t want you away long.”
“I promise I will be there.”
My yawn stretches my entire face. “Casey needs to leave. I don’t want him there alone with you.”
Her whisper is so low that I can barely hear her. I press the phone deeper into my ear. “Don’t you trust me? I think you just need sleep.”
“I had sleep when I was dying, remember?”
She stays silent, seething at me for bringing it back up.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
I can hear her smile from miles away. “I’ll be back by nightfall, okay?” She clears her throat. “I’ll tell Casey what you said.”
“Thank you. I love you, Julie.”
“I love you too.”
Then, she’s gone.
It’s just me again.
I want her to hurry up and come back.
I want to fucking go home.
I wish this accident never happened.
Julie has twisted me into someone I never dreamed I could be.
There’s a knock on the door and it opens slowly; someone doesn’t know if they should come in or not. I see Nora’s soft, curly black hair and gold hoop earrings before anything else. She’s still walking with crutches, so it takes her a few tries to open the door and come through without tripping herself.
I laugh as she blushes, nearly falling flat on her face. “Hey, be careful. If you fall, I can’t help you up. Then we’ll need to get you a bed next to mine.” I motion to the wires and things running from my body. “Do you need me to call a nurse to help you?”
Her forehead wrinkles. “No, I’m fine. I just need to sit down.” Her small body falls into the chair next to me and she takes in a deep breath. “Not that I wouldn’t want my own private suite. They stuck me with a roommate who coughed so hard I thought parts of her were going to come out and splatter on the floor.”
I laugh. “That’s fucking gross. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have seen that you’d gotten a private room.”
“Oh, that’s too much trouble.” She waves me off. “I just wanted to come and see if Julie needed anything.” Her hoops make a clinking noise as she looks around the room. “But I see she’s not here right now.”
“No, she’s not. She went home to shower. She’s with—”
Nora’s eyes meet mine and I don’t want to finish the sentence, but I have to.
“—Casey.”
“I can talk about him.” She rolls her big eyes back into her skull. “He’s a real-live person…he’ll come up in conversations.” She laughs to herself and looks at her lap nervously. “It’s just sad that we were so good and then…well, you know.”
I can’t help but smile at her. Nora isn’t the person I thought she was: She’s kind and hopeful enough to be unapologetically vulnerable. “Nora, I don’t have to tell you that Casey is a mess. I mean, fuck, I’m a damn mess…you’re a mess…everyone’s a mess.” I start to laugh, and her lips finally turn up into a smile. “No one is perfect. I’m not saying that you should forgive him for what he’s done, but…I guess I’m saying that you don’t have to be sad about it. It’s not your fault. He didn’t do it because of you.”
Her laugh is comforting; I really needed someone to talk to like this. “I guess you’re right,” she says. “I mean, it’s not like we were in love like you and Julie.”
“No one is in love like me and Julie are.”
Her smile is warm, and she wipes a few stray tears from her flushed cheeks. I obviously didn’t think very highly of her when we first met—hell, I didn’t even remember her—so I never really noticed how pretty Nora is, with her thick and curly jet-black hair and light-brown skin. Her eyes are really expressive too—they’re sparkling even while she’s trying to choke down tears. Not for the first time, I think how much of a jackass Casey can be. He fucked up big time…again.
“I just really thought Casey would be the one, you know?” Even though I get it, her sudden outpouring of emotion makes me a little uncomfortable, because we hardly know each other. But it’s not like I can go anywhere, so I listen to her and try to help her the best I can. “At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough or sexy enough—” Her eyes dart to mine and she blushes. “—for him to have to sleep with Heather. But really…it’s her. She’s just not a good person.”
I nod. “I can agree with that. Heather is a succubus.”
Nora’s laugh is free and easy now. “I wish I never met her. I still feel responsible for bringing her to Lake Reed and causing so much drama.”
“Nora, it’s nowhere near your fault. Heather knows how to work the game—she knows how to get what she wants, trust me. I was in love with her at one point in my life, but it felt nothing like what it feels like with Julie.”
She bites her inner cheek, embarrassed. “What does it feel like?”
I suck in air and notice the hope in her eyes. “With Julie? It’s hard to explain. I pushed her away so hard at first because I didn’t want to want her….and I wanted her so fucking bad it consumed every single thought I had. But I had to make sure it was real and it wasn’t going to go away. The feeling only got stronger the more time we spent together, and it was literally unlike anything I’ve ever felt before in my life. Like I said…it’s hard to explain. I just…knew she was the one.”
She gives me a doe-eyed look—if she were a cartoon, little hearts would’ve popped up in them. “That’s beautiful.” She sniffs and wipes her cheek. “I’m glad you two found each other.”
“It was because of you and Casey—never forget that. I owe you, Nora.”
She smiles and relaxes in the chair. “Good, because I’m too exhausted to walk all the way to the elevator right now.” We both start to laugh, and the air between us gets easier to navigate.
I never thought about things like that—Julie and I are together because of Nora and Casey.
Now I just have to keep Casey away from my girlfriend.
Again.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Brandon
Even before I wake up completely, I know my arm is clenched tightly around someone. I don’t even have to open my eyes to know it’s not Julie. It’s never Julie. It will never be Julie again, and that is something I will have to face in the long run. For now, I keep my eyes closed and think about her golden hair and how sweet she smells in the morning.
I feel my good morning mood float away from me as I relive my stupid decisions with her. The hate I have for myself creeps back into the sunny room and taunts me, letting me know again that it’s not Julie next to me.
I’m with Heather in her bed.
This purple monstrosity of a bedroom.
I screwed my life up so bad that it won’t ever not bite me in the ass.
I wonder if Heather even really likes the room and think maybe she’ll be more comfortable in my bedroom with me. Thinking that makes me groan, nearly waking the woman clinging onto me. The sunlight is burrowing into my still-closed eyes and I have to make myself calm down a little as Heather starts to yawn and stretch against me.
She isn’t Julie.
I need to be everything with Heather that I wasn’t with Julie.
That’s how I survive this.
The first rule is: Treat her differently.
I don’t know how I’m going to fake loving someone when I’m yearning for someone else, but I have to try. I tighten my grip around her body and let her relax into me. She lets out a small sigh and it actually excites me as she stretches her body against me on purpose.
I open my eyes and whisper into her ear, “Good morning.”
She doesn’t open her eyes to greet me, but she snakes her hand down my body and into my boxers. “Whoa, hey!” I say in surprise. She starts to giggle but keeps her hand in my shorts. She turns to face me and I see her in a whole new light. Half of her makeup had smudged off during sex last night, but she just looks like a normal girl—fresh-faced and naturally beautiful.
Her long nose perks up at me as she grins. “I thought you would’ve gone back to your room by now.” She blushes, and it’s nice to see her act like she has normal feelings for once. “I’m surprised to wake up with you.”
I breathe in deeply and let it out slowly, brushing hair from her eyelashes. “Do you not want me here? I can go back—”
“Don’t you dare.” Her smile is amazing.
And it’s just for me.
That’s a nice fucking feeling to have.
“I thought it would be better for us to stay together sometimes, is that okay?”
Her eyes grow so wide they remind me of Julie, and that’s not okay. “Better for us? So…there’s an us?” I didn’t realize that I’d said it like that, but I don’t want to take her happiness away from her. I roll onto my back and pull her closer into my chest, letting her lie with me so she can’t see the fear in my eyes. She takes her hand back and cuddles into me with so much hope that it’s hurting my head.
I don’t like this immature flirting dramatic shit.
“Isn’t there an us?” I ask and try not to cringe. Surprisingly, it isn’t as horrible to say as I thought it would be. I could see myself with Heather—but I’ll have to give up Rachel too.
I almost forgot about Rachel.
Young and willing, the boss’ daughter.
No responsibility or commitment.
I wasn’t strong enough to give her up when I was with Julie…and it cost me more than I’ll ever be comfortable with. “Is this room okay? I wasn’t sure if you liked purple. We can go and you can pick another color out and I can repaint it for you.”
She places her finger over my mouth to shut me up. “I like the color—it’s nice that you painted it for me, and it’s nice that you want to make me feel comfortable.”
