by Michelle Lee
We lay there, panting, sweating, and completely spent. I feel him twitch on top of me and my inner self is speechless, but has the hugest smile on her face.
He rises up and gazes into my eyes, "Kassidy, that was, that was…"
"I know," I breathe in his face.
"I never thought, I mean, it's never felt…" he trails off.
"For me either," I confess.
"Will you stay?" he asks as peace flashes across his face.
"I would love to." And I don't want to be anywhere else.
Davis rolls off me, pulls me into him and cradles me against his chest. He rubs circles on my back and before I know it darkness comes and I drift off into Davisland.
***
As we lay there in the early morning light, our bodies meld together. I feel warm and at home. I realize that he isn't asshole, sexy hair guy, or even Davis, he is Ryan. I feel safe in his arms, in his bed. How far have we come. Only to think it was only months ago that I hated him and now….now….
Oh my God!
You do, don't you?
I…I…I
It's okay, no reason to be scared, I feel it too.
I love Davis? I do. These feelings that have been building for so long, it's been love hasn't it?
It only took you awhile, but it's always been there, even in the beginning when you were being irrational about all things Davis.
You've known all along but never said….
You would have had me locked up for sure if I ever hinted to the fact that you loved him.
You're right, I probably would have.
And then that would have made things worse.
Probably.
You're not gonna jump are you?
God no, I'm not ready for that.
I didn't think so. When you are I'll be here.
I know and again thanks.
Anytime.
We continue to lie there, as he sleeps. I drink him in, relishing in the fact that this man is mine to have and that I truly do love him and for the first time in my life I know truly what that means. My head rises with every breathe he takes as his fingers have started to trace the contours of my body. He peers sleepily at me through his eyelashes and smiles. Then without realizing what is happening, I am overcome with a flood of emotions, joy, peace, happiness, lust, wanting, needing and above all love. I lift my head, tuck my hair behind my ear and gaze into his smoldering, emerald eyes. With a deep breathe, I am actually ready to jump, my earlier statement nullified, and the words I have been afraid to say just moments ago, float from my lips, "Ryan, I love you."
My inner self does a happy dance and cheers; however I am met with silence. He just stares at me, while silence continues to fill the room; a silence that seems to last for an eternity, a silence that rips at my core. My heart sinks to my stomach and I suddenly feel my world crumble.
Oh God, he doesn't feel the same!
I shift away from him, pulling the sheets off as I make my way out of the bed. I quickly scurry around the room gathering my things. Tears threaten to spill and I hold them back as best I can, although a couple manage to escape. With shoulders hunched, I walk into the bathroom and quietly close the door.
He doesn’t feel the same. How could I have been so damn stupid? Everything was fine before he came into my life. What in the hell was a thinking? I love you, seriously, why did I say that?
My inner self is too stunned to speak; she just has a look of shock on her face. I guess, like Chloe, she was betting he felt the same. They both were wrong. I turn on the water and splash some on my face, mixing it with the tears that are coming more easily. I get dressed in a daze. I usually can get a read on a person; that’s why I’m such a good lawyer—I can read a jury like no one else. I thought I had a good read on him. That’s what happens when you let emotions dictate what you think. You get screwed and apparently added to the harem in his cell phone.
As I continue getting dressed and calm myself there’s a knock at the door. “Kassidy?”
I say nothing.
“Kassidy, um, are you….” he trails off.
What? Am I okay? Is that what he’s going to ask me? Stupid asshole.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid…” I mumble over and over. And I’m not sure if I’m just talking about him, myself or both.
Both.
I hear something thud against the door and know I can’t stay in here much longer. Besides I need to escape this hell I’ve just created for myself by not only sleeping with him, but also by making the bigger mistake of telling him I love him.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
I finish getting dressed, take one last look at myself in the mirror and choke back the emotion threatening to overtake me. I open the door and quickly brush passed him. I so need to get out of here, like now.
“Kassidy?”
He stops me dead in my tracks. I look back at him and realize this is it, this is my last moment to be with him and I need to be strong and brave. I reach down and pull out the lawyer-tude I’m known for and are comfortable with. “Davis, it’s okay.” I easily lie. It’s scary how easy it is. I turn away and walk with purpose down the hall, with the purpose of leaving as fast as fucking possible. He follows, trying to catch up.
“Kassidy, hang on, wait a sec,” he pleads.
I ignore him and finally make it to the door. With a trembling hand I reach for the knob as I try to make my escape. The door opens only inches before he closes it shut from behind me, blocking my way out.
“Kassidy, wait, let me….” he rushes out.
“Kassidy…” I cut him off.
“I get it. You don’t have to explain. I get it.”
He just stares at me looking confused, like he doesn’t know what to do or what to say.
“Kassidy, please?” he questions.
“Please what? Please let me fuck you so I can add you to the fucking harem in my phone? Please don’t expect anything, anything more? Don’t worry, I don’t. I was stupid to think that maybe you were different, but I was wrong. Forget I ever said anything; it was a moment of weakness, a weakness you will never fucking see ever again. Once a fucking asshole, always a fucking asshole!” I yell with my back to him. I shudder and struggle as I finally open the door and leave.
***
"Miss Marshall, there's another delivery," announces Elaine.
"What?" I am lost in thought and don't exactly hear her.
I have been pretty much lost the past week. Like a fucking moron, I jumped, and told Davis that I loved him.
How could I have been so stupid?
You weren't stupid.
Like hell I wasn't!
You were finally honest, honest with yourself.
Well, look where it got me.
I just know he felt or feels something for you.
What he felt was his dick in my pussy!
Oh, now you can say that word. Fucking figures. But it was more than that. Trust me I have a feeling…
Well fuck you and your feeling! I'm fucking done! I should have known better. He was or is the same asshole that I met months ago; he isn't different.
Kassidy, don't!
Don't what?
Don't put them back up; you've come a long way.
Yeah, and again look what it's gotten me. Nothing but pain and heartache.
Kassidy…
And before my inner self can continue, I start to build my walls back up, brick by brick. Davis will be the last man to ever hurt me.
As I sit there, alone in my office, my concentration is interrupted. "Miss Marshall?"
"What!"
"I didn't mean…" Elaine cowards.
"Elaine, I'm so sorry. What is it?" I apologize.
Before she can reply I notice the extraordinarily large bouquet of flowers in her arms.
"The delivery?" she nervously questions.
"Just put those in the lobby with the others," I insist.
"And the card?"
"Shred it."
&nb
sp; "Yes, Miss Marshall."
Over the past week I have been getting regular deliveries of, I guess, "I'm sorry" gifts from Davis. The lobby is beginning to look like a florist. Besides the ginormous floral arrangements, Davis has sent a bouquet of balloons, which I enjoyed popping a little too much, boxes of chocolates, which Elaine and the other assistants thoroughly enjoyed, and various gigantic cards, that meet their demise in the shredder. He must have spent a small fortune and it serves him right. However, I’m not buying or falling for any of it.
Along with the truckload of unnecessary gifts, my phone is inundated with about a hundred, if not more, texts and voice messages, all of which I delete before reading or listening to. And quite frankly, I wish he would lose my number, but I guess that is the price to pay for being added to his harem.
"Miss Marshall, there's someone here to see you," Elaine giggles.
When I step out of my office, there is a man standing before me dressed as…as…as a bunch of red grapes?
"Um, can I help you?" I chuckle.
"Kassidy Marshall?" the strangely dressed man questions.
"Uh huh," I simply reply trying to contain the huge laugh that is about to erupt.
"Well, this is for you. I'm sorry I hurt you, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry I hurt you, I regret it, I do. What I did, I regret, so let's make up and forget," he sings.
My eyes somewhat prick with tears, as the little song replays in my head. But before I can become overwhelmed with the tearful emotion that threatens to make itself known, anger raises its ugly head. Who the hell does Ryan Davis think he is? Did he really think I would really give into this sappy song? And why the fuck would he send a guy dressed as a bunch of stupid red grapes?
The grapeman stands there staring at me, waiting.
Oh, he wants a tip.
Just perfect asshole, send another ridiculous gift and this time I have to contribute? Seriously?
It is a sweet gesture.
No. It. Isn't.
Well, I think it is and I think…
I don't give a fuck what you think, traitor!
Traitor?
Yes, traitor!
I am no traitor! I am trying to get you to see things from a different perspective, since you are so damn narrow-minded!
Narrow-minded?
You heard me.
Unfortunately. And now I'm done listening.
But…
No 'buts'. Silence is golden and duct tape is silver.
And before I can tear the first strip she is quiet, for once.
"Uh, hmmmm," the bunch of red grapes clears his throat.
"Give me a sec," I bark, shaking my head.
I step back into my office to retrieve a tip from my wallet. My cell vibrates when I reach into my purse. I look at the screen; it is him. I hesitate, but eventually push ignore. No song is going to undo what he has done, or didn't do. I shove the phone back into my purse, grab a five and go back to the grapeman.
"Here you go." I hand the singing grapes his tip.
"Thanks. Have a 'cherry' terrific day," he cheers.
"What did you say?" I ask thrown off guard.
"Have a, uh, 'cherry' terrific day?" He seems to question.
"Why would you say that? You're a bunch of grapes." I wave my hand up and down him.
"Nope, I'm a bunch of cherries. We didn't have a cherry costume, like the guy wanted, just red grapes. So voila, instant cherries," he quickly explains.
I feel the crimson wave make its appearance and wash over my neck and cheeks.
"Well, thanks Miss and again have a 'cherry' terrific day." He waddles his way through to the lobby.
Elaine just stares at me with this strange look on her face. I don't like it.
"Back to work," I order.
"Yes, Miss Marshall."
I head back into my office and close the door behind me. I slump in my chair, throwing my head back in annoyance.
What the hell?
It was sweet. He didn't have to.
He didn't have to and even if it was sweet, it doesn't change anything.
Really?
Really.
God, you are so damn stubborn!
Deal with it.
Like I have a choice.
Oh, but you do. Now butt out.
You would so like it if I did.
Whatever gave you that idea?
Look, I know you're upset, frustrated and pissed all at the same time; I get that. But in all honesty, what did you expect him to say?
I don't know, something, anything.
Kassidy, I'm sure you took him by surprise. Shit, you surprised me.
Ugh! This, you, him…UGH!
"Knock, knock," a voice interrupts as the door opens.
I straighten up to find Mr. Remington and Jackson standing in the doorway.
Oh shit!
"Yes, Mr. Remington, what can I help you with?" I promptly ask.
"Well, Kassidy, Jackson here has finally decided he would definitely like to pursue a career in law and attend law school. And since you're quickly becoming the best young attorney we have here at the firm, I would like Jackson to assist you on your next case. Get his feet wet so to speak, if you don't mind?" Mr. Remington presents.
Hell yes we mind!
"Not at all Mr. Remington, I wouldn't mind," I say as politely and sincerely as possible.
Are you fucking kidding me?
This is my career.
So?
So, remember duct tape….
My inner self purses her lips, locks them with an invisible key and throws it away.
Finally.
I finally look to Jackson and he has the biggest "Ha Ha" grin on his face. I so want to reach out and smack it off of him. But I restrain myself, much to my inner self’s dismay.
"Thank you, Kassidy, I really appreciate this as I'm sure Jackson does too." Mr. Remington winks and then leaves, leaving Jackson behind.
"So," he starts.
"So," I mimic.
"Look, Kassidy, I'm sure you're not thrilled about this. Believe me it truly wasn't my idea; it was all my dad's. Don't worry I'll be on my best behavior," he eagerly promises.
"You better be," I snap.
"Cross my heart," he again promises as he crosses his heart.
"I swear Jackson if you…."
"No need to worry," he cuts me off.
"Fine," I say.
Are you seriously going to do this?
I really don't have a choice.
Oh, there's always a choice.
Afraid not, besides if I was able to give asshole a third chance, I certainly can give Jackson a second one.
My inner self throws her hands up in frustration, as she mumbles, "I give up, I fucking give up."
"Um, should we get started?" Jackson hesitantly asks.
"No, not today, I'm heading out early actually," I inform him.
"Hot date?" he teases with an underlining hint of annoyance and jealousy.
"No."
"Touchy. Sorry, I didn't mean…" he defends.
"Sorry, Jackson. I shouldn't have…I mean…it's not you," I try to explain.
"Don't worry Kassidy, no harm, no foul."
"Good. Listen, I gotta go. We'll talk tomorrow?"
"Most definitely," he says with great confidence.
"Fine, I'll see you first thing." I grab my purse and leave Jackson alone in my office and make my way to the elevators happy to know that I will be going to meet up with Macy for drinks. God knows I could really use one after the day I’ve had.
***
I make it home, anticipating the evening. After my night with him, Macy has been great. Since Chloe is on her honeymoon, I unleashed my barrage of emotions on Macy. She was there for me when I really needed her. Macy isn't usually touch feely, but her mama bear came out and I actually fear for his life if she ever runs into him. Part of me, however, relishes the idea.
I shower quickly, pick out something to wear and head to the bar when I g
et a text from Macy saying there’s been a change in plans and I am to meet her at After Dark instead. At first I’m not too thrilled, I really just wanted to sit in a booth at a regular bar, have a couple of drinks and chit chat about anything mind numbing. But now that I think about the wonderfully delicious martini I had that one night my mouth waters and the idea of dancing my ass off, even if I will embarrass the shit out of myself sounds like something I need right now—just to let loose and have fun. I take a cab to the club and bypass the long line of waiting patrons. Monroe nods and lets me in without hesitation. I immediately make a beeline for the bar and order my first of many dirty martinis. As the cool elixir hit my lips and envelops my tongue, an immediate sense of calm flash over me. Usually, I don't look to alcohol to calm me or sedate me, or to just take the edge off, usually I would be up to my elbows in Lysol and Pine-Sol, but tonight is an exception, a Ryan Davis exception. The music pulsates and I feel myself sway to its hypnotic rhythm.
"Hey, Bitch," a familiar voice calls from behind.
I turn to find Macy and Chad standing there wrapped around one another.
At least one of us picked the right guy. Too bad it wasn't me.
You don't know that, for sure.
Yeah, I do.
No, you don't.
Yes, I…just shut up, you're gonna kill my buzz.
Mr. Dirty Martini has already begun to work his magic.
"What up, Skank? Hey Chad."
"Come, VIP." Macy pulls on my arm.
We make our way up the stairs to the VIP room. I am more than ready for a good time. Apparently Macy thought ahead and reserved us a table. She doesn't realize it, but she is definitely taking on the role of Chloe in her absence. I quickly inhale the rest of my martini and before I can put the empty glass down; Dodi brings me another one.
"Here ya go, Kassidy," she says as she places the drink carefully down.
"Thanks, Dodi. You're the best."
"I know. Just let me know if you need anything else." She disappears as quickly as she had appeared.
"Hey, Kas, Hottie at three o'clock," Macy nudges my side.
"I don't care," I flat out tell her.
