Without even thinking, she opened it up and began to look through it. There were so many pictures of him laughing, pictures with his brothers and his friends. His wife was beautiful with alabaster skin and golden hair. What a stunning couple they had made. In all of the pictures he was staring at her with such adoration. It was plain to see how much he had loved her.
“Look, Evie,” Seth said. He handed her the other album.
She glanced at the front. It was a baby book. “Leanna Alison Whitelaw,” she read softly. She opened it and stopped when she saw a black and white photo taken of Traevyn holding his baby girl. He was asleep and she was sleeping on his chest. She reached out to touch it. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
“What are you doing?” Traevyn’s voice came.
Evie jumped and snapped the book shut. “Oh.” She stood and put the albums back in the shelf. “Seth and I were messing around and he accidentally knocked them down.” She frowned as she realized that Seth seemed to have taken a convenient leave of absence.
Traevyn‘s scowl was fierce. “So you decided to take a guided tour?” His voice was a snarling hiss.
She shook her head. “Oh no! I was just curious—”
“I did not give you permission to look at those!”
Evie was taken aback. She knew she shouldn’t have been snooping, but he really didn’t have to yell at her like that. “I—I’m sorry…I just—”
“Keep out of my things!” he exclaimed. “You take enough liberties as it is!”
She stopped for minute and her apology died on her lips. She felt anger well up inside of her. Liberties? What the crap? “Excuse me?” she cried. “I take enough liberties as it is? There is not one thing I’ve done in this house that I haven’t cleared with you first, and I didn’t know that trying to be friends with you was taking a liberty!”
He met her gaze, his eyes cold and flat. “I never asked you to befriend me, Evie.”
She stared at him, unable to believe what he had just said. Hurt washed over her. She had been so certain that they‘d been growing closer, building a relationship that went beyond the student/teacher role. Had he just been tolerating her all this time, pretending to care when he really didn’t? “Oh okay,” she said, her voice full of bitterness. “I guess that’s why, when I asked you if it bothered you that I was trying to be friends with you, you said no. You said you enjoyed my company.” She folded her arms and looked away. Had that all just been a bunch of bull? Had his compassion the night she’d been sick just been a temporary lapse of sanity on his part?
He sighed. “Evie, those pictures,” he indicated the albums she had replaced. “Those memories… They are from another lifetime. They are the memories of a man I don’t even know anymore. I don’t want to remember them.”
Evie watched as he drew in a shuddering breath and hung his head. She felt her heart soften. “Traevyn,” she said quietly as she approached him. “You can’t deny your own memories. Embrace them, learn from them, grow…” She placed a hand gently on his arm. “Become whole again.”
He whirled, anger and pain burning in his eyes. “I will never be whole again!” he cried. “What could I possibly have to learn from those memories that I haven’t already learned? I learned that love is pain! It is a razor sharp blade! A scorching, burning dagger that stabs and stabs again! And the wound never stops bleeding!” Tears brimmed in his eyes and he shook with the violent torrent of his emotions. In the brief second before Evie had closed the book, he had seen. He had seen the picture of him holding his daughter, and below it he had seen a picture of the three of them in a park together. Amy, Leanna and him. His family. The one he no longer had.
He looked down, feeling lost and hopeless. He wanted to leave, to lock himself in his room and not emerge until he got a grip on himself. But Evie… She was staring at him with such compassion and concern. A very small remnant of his shattered heart wanted to reach out to her, to cry within her embrace. He didn’t know why, but her arms seemed the only place that was safe at the moment. That horrified him more than anything. That he would even have that desire meant trust. Trust meant friendship. Friendship of any sort meant love. Love meant pain.
“Traevyn,” Evie murmured, stepping forward. “Tell me what happened. Help me understand. If I understand, I can help you.” She laid her hand on his arm again, a gesture of comfort.
Everything inside of him tensed at her touch. Too close. She was too close. She was asking him to trust her, confide in her. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He pulled away from her touch and met her eyes. “Stay away from me.” His voice was much more sinister than he had ever heard it sound.
She couldn’t mask the hurt in her eyes. “I only want to help you.”
“I’m broken!” he shouted. “Something inside of me died! I can’t fix it! You definitely can’t fix it! Who are you anyway? Nobody. Just a college student I’m supposed to train for the summer. I’ll never see you again. You know those memories you told me to learn from? You know what they taught me? Let no one close enough to hurt you! No one! And that’s what I have done. No one but my brothers can get close to me. Certainly not you. You are no one to me. Just my apprentice. Not my psychiatrist, and definitely not my friend.”
Evie folded her arms as he turned and started to walk away. Hurt at his words was replaced quickly with her flaming temper. She snorted in disgust. “I guess that’s why you went to the beach with Seth and me and laughed and played. I guess that’s why you took care of my while I was sick. Or, here’s one in case you forgot, I guess that’s why you poured your heart out to me on the anniversary of your daughter’s death! You did all of those things because I am nothing to you, right?”
He met her eyes with a dark glower. He said nothing, but he had no problem dismissing her as he turned his back to her again.
Evie reached down and pulled her shoe off. It was just a flimsy, black flip flop. She hated the image of his retreating form, of him walking away from her. She wasn’t finished yet! He was going to listen to what she had to say whether he wanted to or not. Stubborn, prideful, ridiculous man… She flung her shoe at him and it hit him between the shoulder blades. He whirled, looking half perplexed and half infuriated.
“I am so stupid!” she bellowed. “I am a stupid, stupid woman to think you could be anything other than the insensitive jerk you were when I met you! You know what, Traevyn? You can tell yourself whatever you need to make you feel better, but the real reason you won’t revisit your memories or let me in has nothing to do with me. You just take it out on me because I’m a good scapegoat and me being here to lash out at prevents you from having to face the culprit in the mirror. The real reason is because you’re a coward.”
He strode back to her, his green eyes smoldering with anger. “I am no coward.”
“You are a coward! It’s easier for you to lock out the world and miss out on everything beautiful in life than it is to just take a chance and risk getting hurt again.” She shook her head. “You’re pathetic.” The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them, heated words of anger that she never would have said otherwise. She saw hurt flash across Traevyn’s features, but she didn’t show weakness. After all, he had said hurtful things and not cared.
They stared at one another for an agonizing moment, then Traevyn stood to his full height and fixed her with an icy scowl. “Go to bed. We’re leaving early in the morning.”
“Oh, you’re still taking me?” she said with sarcasm.
He started out of the room and up the staircase. “Not out of desire, out of obligation.”
“Oh! Well I’ll be sure not to sit too close to you in the car!” He said nothing and she watched him disappear up the stairs. She sat down on the couch, still fuming. After a moment, her anger abated and she sighed. Instant regret over what she had said set in and she pondered whether or not she should apologize. She decided against it. After all, she had only been trying to be supportive! He was the one that had gone off like a
loose cannon! If anything, he owed her an apology!
She grumbled to herself and made her way up to her room. Seth better not even think of showing his face to her. The little turncoat. If he’d stayed, Traevyn might not have lashed out at her like he had. It had been just as much his fault as it was hers anyway. He’d been the one trying to kung-fu her on the couch.
She thought seriously about apologizing several more times before she went to sleep, but she told herself she was too pissed to give him that much. In her heart she knew the real reason why she wouldn’t do it. Other than her own stubborn pride, he had hurt her. She’d thought she was at least a friend to him and he, more or less, said she meant nothing. That stung, stung more than it should have, but she tried to ignore it and pawn it off as anger. It was an easy emotion to hide behind.
Chapter Eleven
The ride to San Luis Obispo was a silent one. Neither of them spoke a word the entire drive down and, when they got there, all Evie got to do was stand around while Traevyn talked to the art dealer for upwards of two hours. When she decided she couldn’t take it anymore, she just left. She walked out of the gallery and wandered the streets until she found a coffee shop that caught her interest. San Luis Obispo reminded her of a coastal Ashland so she felt very at home. She went inside and lodged herself into a corner where she just drew. It was the only thing that would make her feel better.
* * * *
Traevyn’s first reaction when he realized that Evie was missing was great irritation, but as the hours went by and he still couldn’t find her, his irritation grew to concern. A cold lump of guilt sat in the bottom of his stomach as he searched. He had driven her away. He couldn’t find her because she didn’t want to be found. He wouldn’t either if someone had spoken to him the way he’d spoken to her the night before. He hated how cruel he had been to her and had thought seriously about apologizing, but she had hurt him too and didn’t seem to show great remorse for it.
Besides, she had pelted him with her shoe.
Still, he couldn’t help but feel like her hurtful words were more of a retaliation than an assault. He’d absolutely lost it when he’d seen that picture. It had caused such inner turmoil that all he’d wanted to do was shut it out and run. Evie’s presence made it impossible to do that. So, because she wouldn’t let him run, he’d attacked her. It was his defense. It was what he was used to… And it made him feel terrible.
After nearly two hours of searching, Traevyn went into a coffee shop that was almost invisible it was so small. He scanned the premises and spotted Evie in a corner with her sketchpad. He suddenly felt like he could breathe easier. He strode to her out of elation, but halfway there, remembered he was angry at her and scowled. “What do you think you are doing?” he spat.
She looked up at him and gave him an icy glare. “Drinking an iced mocha. What does it look like?”
“I have been looking for you for two hours!”
“And I had to listen to you BS with that art guy for two hours! We’re even now!” She looked back down at her sketchpad.
“You could have at least told me where you were going. Something could have happened to you.” I’m lecturing her. Why? She isn’t a child. She is a grown woman. I’m not her keeper. A tiny voice in his head told him to stop being ridiculous. He’d been worried. That was all there was to it.
She turned her eyes up to him in a lazy movement. “What do you care? I mean nothing to you, remember?”
He sighed in exasperation. He really couldn‘t argue with his own words hurled back at him. “Do you want anything to eat?” For some dumb reason, that was all he could think of to say.
“I already ate. Thanks.” Her words were laced with venom. “But by all means, go find yourself something.”
He scowled. “Will you be here when I get back?”
She rolled her eyes. “As your lordship commands,” she mocked.
He let out another sigh and started to walk away.
“Jerk,” she muttered.
Traevyn gave her a frigid glower over his shoulder, but she just gave him a giant fake smile and fluttered her eyelashes at him. He let out a growling sound and went on his way.
* * * *
They left San Luis Obispo around seven in the same state of silence as when they’d arrived. The fog was rolling in, thick and unrelenting. By the time they were about an hour away from Traevyn’s home, it was completely dark save the soup they were driving through, and Evie was a nervous wreck. She couldn’t see more than a foot in front of the car and had no idea how Traevyn was managing to navigate. After several minutes of her almost chewing her lip off out of sheer terror, Traevyn pulled the car to the side of the road and shut off the engine.
“What are you doing?” Evie asked.
“I don’t really want to die tonight. I can’t see anything. We’ll have to wait here until the fog lifts.”
“Great,” she muttered. She was happy they weren’t continuing their suicide mission through the fog, but was not thrilled that she was stuck with him for who knew how long.
“If you hadn’t disappeared, we could have left when I wanted to and avoided this,” Traevyn grumbled.
“Oh cram it,” she shot back.
He sighed and stared out the window at the all encompassing fog. For some reason, his mind returned to the night he had told Evie about Leanna. He remembered how she had held him, offered him comfort, a soft place to fall. He had felt such warmth from her that night. And that had been after she had lured him out with her and Seth, after they had made him laugh. He remembered how good it felt to laugh.
She had told him she would never criticize or condemn him, that she would give him space if that’s what he needed. Evie had never pried. She had only ever been understanding… She had never done anything to deserve the words he had shouted at her the night before.
Returning to the past was not something Traevyn liked doing. In fact, he avoided it at all costs, but he couldn’t run from it forever. He actually couldn’t run from it at all. Try as he might, his ghosts always caught up with him. Evie didn’t deserve his venom. She had done nothing to him. She was not the enemy. He shouldn’t take his anger at his wife and his anger at life in general out on the one person who had offered him genuine, unadulterated friendship.
He closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “My wife was one of those women men would have done anything to be with,” he began softly. “One of those blonde goddesses straight from Mt. Olympus.”
Evie frowned and looked over at him in bewilderment.
Traevyn didn’t meet her eyes. He couldn’t. Keeping his eyes away from hers was the only way he was going to make it through this. “When she showed an interest in me, the stoic artist, I was dumbfounded. She was spectacular, so elegant and sophisticated. The day she became my wife was the day I felt like my life had started. The day she left me… Time stopped.
“Four years into our marriage she began to act strange. Distant and cold. I tried everything in my power to make her happy, but nothing seemed to work. We were living in San Diego then. One day I came home and found her with another man…in my bed. Actually, it wasn’t just any man. It was my best friend. Someone I had trusted and relied on since high school. Naturally, I was pretty upset. Amy and I started fighting. She told me she didn’t love me anymore, that she hadn’t for the past year. She said she wanted a divorce.” He winced as her stinging words reverberated through his memory. “She told me she had been seeing Robert for the whole last year of our marriage.” He shook his head. “For one whole year she lied to me. While I was lying beside her at night, whispering my undying words of devotion, she was sleeping with my best friend.
“She told me that she couldn’t be with someone who put his family second to his career.” He looked at Evie then, out of necessity, as if to convince her. “I never put my family second, Evie. Never. I would have done anything for that woman. If she’d told me that, in order to keep her, I had to stop painting, I would have laid down my brush a
nd become a… I don’t know, a janitor, or an accountant. Anything! Nothing was more important to me than that woman and that little girl.” He whispered the last part as raw emotion gripped him and his eyes filled with familiar tears.
Evie nodded, indicating that she believed him.
“As we were fighting,” he choked, “Amy took Leanna and started to leave with her. She told me that she was going to live with Robert and get full custody of Leanna, that I would never see her again. Leanna didn’t know what was happening. She was only four years old.” A tear streaked down his cheek and he closed his eyes, his chest feeling tight. “Amy took her out of the house and across the street to Robert’s car. Leanna was upset; she didn’t know why her mother was making her leave…” He drew in a shaky breath. “Leanna was…Daddy’s girl, you see…” He shook his head as waves and waves of agonizing grief washed over him. “She was crying for me, reaching out for me. I was still on the other side of the street, waiting until it was clear to cross. Amy set Leanna down to open the car door and she bolted…straight across the street without looking… Straight to me…”
Evie stared at Traevyn in horror, obviously figuring out and dreading the next part of the story.
“…Straight into the path of a diesel pickup truck… It snapped her spine and killed her instantly.”
A tear rolled down Evie’s cheek, and she put her hand over her mouth.
Dark Masterpiece (Serendipity Series 3) Page 10
