All of my friends would be together today and the festivities promised to be a little bittersweet. In the past months I had made very little progress in repairing my relationship with Falcon. Nonetheless, a seed of hope remained because even a little progress was still something. I waited for him to contact me. I hoped he would once he got over being angry. First a month went by, then six weeks, and still I’d heard nothing. Thoughts of him began to distract me. I hadn’t received a call, text, or e-mail. The more I mulled over the last time we were together the more I examined myself. I was wrong and I wanted to tell him. He was right. I let Blake get away with his behavior that night because of an old pattern. For years, I protected myself by putting a steel coat over my feelings. I let people get away with throwing whatever they wanted at me. I pretended to ignore their actions but it dragged me down emotionally. I thought the coat was an effective barrier but the weight of wearing it was breaking me. The saddest part? I thought that by not reacting I made myself stronger; I wasn’t putting myself on their level by taking the high road. I concentrated on his comments and once I really saw myself through Falcon’s eyes I made a decision; I went for counseling. By seeking help I learned that it wasn’t a steel garment that covered me, it was more a sponge because I was still absorbing every hurtful word. When I finally was so full that I became saturated in the criticism of people who shouldn’t have matter, I wrung myself out by pulling out my hair.
Aria warned me that Falcon would be here today. Although I was hoping for the best, I wasn’t sure how it would go. I was so thankful for the distraction that Karas provided. It was hard to stay in an overly anxious state of mind when in the presence of that sweet baby. I never thought I could love so unconditionally, but she stole my heart from the moment I saw her precious face. When I held her in my arms she was magic. She rocked my world and everyone else’s with her tiny hand. All she had to do was place it on my cheek and everything else melted away. Today was no exception. Beautifully flawless, seldom crying, and perfectly content wherever she was, Karas laid in her daintily decorated cradle observing everything about the day. She cooed and made baby talk with the mobile of butterflies that floated on the handle of her infant seat. She was almost singing to them as they danced above her head. Declan adored her and, just like her mother did, had him lovingly wrapped around her little finger. There was no mistaking that the affection was mutual because whenever Declan held her she lit up by smiling and kicking her feet ecstatically. Whenever I watched the three of them together my heart swelled—making the hole I had in it since I left Las Vegas even more noticeable.
“Do you want to hold her?” Aria walked toward me as she lightly bounced her little bundle.
“Absolutely.”
I held out my arms and she filled them with my little love. Her eyelids fluttered as she fought sleep. I kept up the gentle pattern Aria started and within moments she drifted off. Although she was as gentle as a star filled night, she had the power to chase away my monsters. All through the day I’d been plagued with clouded thoughts but it was impossible to stay in a dark state of mind when little Miss Sunshine was near.
“Aria, open the gift I brought for her. It’s next to my purse.” I spoke softly and tilted my chin in the direction of Karas’ present.
She retrieved the small pink bag and removed the decorative tissue. Inside was a blue velvet box.
“What did you do?” As she opened the box she gave a small gasp. “Paige…It’s beautiful.” She removed the necklace and held it up.
“I would really like her to wear it today if that’s okay. Something from her Godmother.” I whispered so as not to wake the baby.
“Leave it to her Aunt Paige to accessorize her.” She answered with a nod.
I held Karas up so she could fasten the gold cross and chain around her neck. There was a diamond in the middle that sparkled as it caught the light shining through the beautiful stained glass window depicting the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus. It looked so pretty on her. My friends always teased me about my love for accessories and for Karas’ big day I couldn’t help myself. Every girl should have an arsenal of accessories, even sweet petite ones.
I waved Aria off to greet friends and family while I stole a peek around the church. I had a twinge of uneasy anticipation. Almost all of the guests had arrived, yet there was still no sign of Falcon. Would he come? Would he act like nothing happened, or would he avoid me? My mind was working overtime. The reality was that legally, we had an issue that needed to be dealt with. Our first few phone conversations were awkward but with each one I could tell that his anger toward me was lessening. I still got the impression that he wanted to put the matter behind us but he held himself back. I hoped that today would be promising, that I could tell him face to face about all that had happened and that he’d been on my mind. Hopefully, once I told him that I realized he was right, we would be able to move forward. Although we had spoken at his hotel, I never really got the opportunity to tell him how much I appreciated what he did for me that night. That I didn’t realize the value of it until I started counseling. My therapist confirmed that it was a blessing in disguise. Falcon’s disapproval and the loss of his friendship was the catalyst for my self-examination. I discovered that he was the first person that made me face myself. I was drawn to him because he refused to hear my excuses. I missed him. Our first conversation after Las Vegas was awkward.
“Falcon? It’s Paige.” The only thing I heard was the sound of my nervously rapid pulse. “Are you there?”
“I’m here.” His tone was flat, revealing no hint of emotion.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
This wasn’t working out the way I had hoped. My nerves were on edge and he wasn’t making this easy, so I got to the point.
“I don’t want to bother you, so I’ll make it quick. I wanted to let you know that I’m having papers drawn up for our annulment. You’ll be receiving them soon.”
“Fine.” The chill in his voice cut deep.
“Fine.” I waited, but he said nothing. If he didn’t want to talk then neither did I. “I guess that’s it. I hope you enjoyed Vegas. Take care of yourself.” I was about to end the call when he spoke.
“Really, Paige? That’s it? Like nothing happened? Because no matter how I try to wrap my head around it I still don’t understand you. I’ve tried to make sense out of what happened but no matter how I try I still can’t figure you out. After all the shit you went through with Marisol, you gave the police everything they needed to deal with her. So why? Explain to me how you could let Blake get away with the shit he pulled on you? He’s a menace and I tried to tell you that but my opinion meant jack. You kicked me to the curb. I know I can be a cold-hearted bastard but you…I wanted to protect you. I thought we had something. Was it all an act?”
His honesty caught me off guard but he would never understand. “It’s just me. Don’t take it personally.”
“Don’t take it personally? Maybe I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t dragged that bastard off of you. I wanted to kill him. I was the one who held you while you fell apart. I couldn’t help but take it personally, but you shut me down.”
I heard the hurt in his voice and it stabbed me in the heart. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe I wasn’t ready to talk to him. He made me feel like crying and I didn’t want to do that. I almost hung up on him.
“Shit!” he interrupted. “I didn’t mean to be a prick and go off on you like that.”
“It’s okay.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“You made your decision. I’m living with it, but I still don’t understand it. All I wanted to do was…” He paused. “I mean, I can understand it a little bit if he means more to you than I thought he did—and even then, I still think letting him get away with it was wrong.”
“He didn’t mean more to me—and he still doesn’t.” I sighed deeply. No matter how uncomfortable this discussion made me, it needed to be dealt with. “Can we talk?”
>
“It’s been a shitty week.” His tone was strained. I could hear his shoes scuffling sound on the hardwood as he paced.
“I’m not asking you to accept how I handled it, but at least give me a chance to explain.”
“Today’s not a good day.”
My heart dropped. I had just about given up when he started again.
“But how about I call you tomorrow?”
The first few conversations after that were tentative. At first, we both acted like we were walking on eggshells but, eventually, we relaxed a little. I told him about work and the baby; and he shared with me about going fishing on the lake and the business. Each time we talked after that got easier. Usually I was stressed because I had more showings than I had agents, but no matter how tense I was he popped my anxiety filled balloon. Before I knew it our calls were more and more frequent and less and less uptight. I felt the shift as we relaxed into each other’s routine. Today would be the first time we had seen each together since Vegas. I had no idea how it would go but I ached for what we had. I couldn’t wait to see him. I hoped for the best, but expected the worst, and not because of Falcon.
Blake was coming.
I hadn’t told anyone about what had happened, but now I was second-guessing that decision. While Karas still slept in my arms I mulled over the reasons but, just the same as I reasoned back then, I didn’t know how much of it was Blake and how much was the alcohol. I hadn’t heard anything from him, which I hoped was because he had been too ashamed and embarrassed to talk to me. The only other option was that he felt no remorse at all. If that was the case, and I told Declan and Aria what he’d done, it would completely ruin his friendship with them. If I was wrong, and he had no regrets at all, today wasn’t the day to expose him. My friends had gone through so much to have this little girl and today I desperately wanted to help them make wonderful memories. My biggest fear was having Falcon and Blake in the same room. I might be able to ignore Blake, but that would be impossible for Falcon.
Low voices echoed in the sanctuary. I pressed my lips to Karas’ forehead and inhaled her soft, baby scent.
“She is sweet, isn’t she?” Aria laid her hand on Karas’ chest. At the sound of her mother’s voice, she woke up and looped her little hand around her mother’s fingers. “It’s hard to believe she’s mine.”
“And mine.” The confession came from her proud father. Declan stood almost reverently behind his wife. He kissed her head as they both looked over at their daughter. Aria tucked her head under his chin and leaned into him. He spoke so low that only the two of us could hear.
“Everyone’s here, babe. We’re going to get started.”
Aria and I walked around to the baptismal font as the priest welcomed everyone to the ceremony. I cradled Karas in my arms while Carter joined me so that we could stand as her godparents. The ceremony was as beautiful as the baby and flowed seamlessly as we committed ourselves and Karas was baptized into the faith. She didn’t even cry when Father Metzger introduced the newest addition to the church body. The church erupted into applause and Aria and Declan exited to the vestibule. Everyone greeted them to offer their well wishes and congratulations. The crowd thinned out quickly as everyone headed to the Sinclair home for the festivities.
Although the weatherman predicted rain, the day couldn’t have been more beautiful. Under a warm sky, a gentle sea breeze played at the hem of my dress as I walked up to the door. Once again, Declan had allowed his home to be transformed for a milestone celebration. It was the place that had grown to be a home, where their friendships originated and everyone who cared for them felt loved and accepted. The last time a big occasion had taken place here was for the wedding. The house was enveloped within a soft blanket of creamy white sand looking directly on the ocean. In the afternoon sun, the house was infused with light. Inside, the gauzy sheer curtains danced in the light wind. The party planner Declan and Aria had hired reflected their personalities perfectly and had done a beautiful job with the food and decorations. There was one, distinctive fingerprint that was recognized by everyone and that was the cake. Declan had the baker make an edible storybook castle for his perfect, little princess.
While they got everyone started with food and drinks I was left with our sweet girl. I had tucked myself away in a quiet corner and had rocked the baby to sleep.
“Hey.” Declan came up beside me and spoke quietly. “I’m going to take her from you and lay her down so you can mingle with everyone.” He saw my reluctance but wouldn’t take no for an answer. “C’mon now. Don’t argue with me. You’ve been helping us all day.” He took Karas from me, cradling her in his arms as he kissed her.
“God, she’s a sweetheart.” It was obvious as he gazed at his daughter’s face that he was smitten. His expression was filled with such adoration that it brought to mind something Aria told me; that, unless you see it and feel it for yourself, it’s nearly impossible to describe the love a parent feels for a child. I could only hope that one day I would find out firsthand.
As Declan disappeared into the bedroom with the baby, I made my way outside to the porch. It was my favorite part of their house. I couldn’t shake all of the foreboding feelings I was having about the day. I immediately relaxed under the sound of a flock of seagulls. As they ran in and out with the remnant edges of the waves, they took a little of my worry with them. The sounds of the seashore calmed me. They soothed my inner spirit. Although I also lived on the ocean, there was something special about this particular view from their home. I was reminded of the story that Declan told of the first time he saw Aria. He had shared it many times. He said he would always remember how beautiful she was that day as she let the waves crash over her feet, that time stood still. It was a hopelessly romantic story that I didn’t appreciate at the time, but my feelings for Falcon made me realize that there was still a spark of a romantic inside of me. I was thinking of him as I breathed in the pungent salt air.
“Nice party for a baby, wouldn’t you say?”
I cringed as I felt his hot breath against my neck. Memories of him came in like a flood. His voice grated my nerves and my ears and a sickening anxiety made me nauseous. My focus on the serene scene evaporated in the company of Blake’s evil presence. For months I had tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but that all vanished the moment he opened his mouth. He was the same leach he was when he attacked me.
“You’re looking as gorgeous as ever.” He pressed his cheek near the back of my head and I stiffened. I felt dirty as he inhaled long and deep. “Mmmm, you smell good, too.” I turned around, ready to slap him.
“I would have thought you’d seen enough of me in Vegas to divert your interest to other, less freakish, sights. Or did you forget about that?”
He was stunned by my quiet aggression. His memory of that night may have been tested, but mine was perfectly clear. He flashed an evil smile.
“All the more reason for me to show you how sorry I am.”
I was disgusted by his cavalier attitude and began to walk into the house and rejoin the party but, as I went by him, he grabbed the top part of my arm. Instantly furious, I tried to yank myself away from his slimy fingers.
“Get your hands off me before I scream!” I spat the words through gritted teeth. He wasn’t disturbed at all and grinned while he pulled me closer. There was an underlying threat in his tone.
“Now, Paige. You don’t want to make a scene, do you?”
An almost eerie calm came over me and I and narrowed my eyes at him.
“Get. Your. Damn. Hands. Off. Me.”
I raised my hand to slap him in the face, but I barely had time to draw my arm back. A hand, much larger than mine, flew in front of me and clamped Blake’s wrist. As I was released, he bent over in pain. Stunned, I looked up to see the face of my rescuer.
Falcon.
He cocked his head toward me. “You okay?”
I nodded. He turned his attention back to Blake.
“Seems you have a prob
lem with your hands, Matthews.” He twisted Blake’s hand into a painfully backward position, forcing him down to his knee. Although I could tell he was furious, I saw a hint of satisfaction in his eyes.
Just then a crowd broke into laughter inside the house and I was reminded of where I was.
“Please.” I looked up at Falcon with pleading eyes. “I don’t want to ruin their day.”
“I’m sure he was counting on that.” He looked back at Blake. “What were you trying to do? Kiss and make up since you tried to rape her?”
Falcon’s expression didn’t soften. He didn’t take his eyes off of Blake and made him cry out. He bent Blake’s hand back until it looked like it would break. Blake’s cry was only masked by the laughter inside.
“Go back in the house, Paige. Now!”
Obediently I did as instructed, mostly because I wanted to divert attention from the two of them.
As I walked into the house I slipped into a comfortable smile. I used my body to keep everyone’s attention inside while Falcon contained the commotion outside. I used peripheral vision to keep an eye on Falcon. He was explosive. He had released Blake but his jaw was tight as he glared at him. I watched as he escorted him off the porch and around the house. Then a sudden motion from inside caught my attention. Carter was going toward the porch and he looked furious. I quickly intercepted him.
“Carter, please. It’s under control—I promise.” He looked between me and the two men quickly disappearing along the side of the house. I placed my hand on his forearm to assure him that everything was okay. He stilled and we both watched Blake’s car as it took off down the street.
Same/Difference (The Depth of Emotion #4) Page 13
