by Renee Dyer
It didn’t work. Apparently, a country girl taking in a movie star is big news in paparasshole land. Even though they thought I was gone, they stuck around so I had Eddie continue the security team. As long as the bloodsuckers were going to stay, I was going to make sure there was a security team here to protect my angel.
As it got closer to my time to head home, I felt the tightness in my chest getting worse. I didn’t want to leave her. I couldn’t picture my days without her, without her smile to greet me every morning. We had talked about how we would make this work. Three thousand miles is a long way and our schedules are hectic, but I want her in my life. My nerves started kicking in though. I couldn’t help but wonder if phone calls, texts, and Skype would be enough to tide her over between seeing me. Having no physical contact for weeks, maybe months. Will it be enough? Am I enough for her?
My last night there everyone came over for a “see you later” dinner. They all said there wouldn’t be any goodbyes because they’d see me soon. Mickayla of course told me I had to see her soon because we had to make plans to get me fitted for a tux. Thinking about being in her wedding always made me feel like a part of me was mending, like the child in me who was too afraid to let anyone in had finally let go of that fear. And I had Adriana to thank for that. Alahna no longer looked at me with ice shooting from her eyes. I think I may even be able to start calling us friends soon. All of the guys considered me one of them and I’m still not sure what to think of that. I’ve never been part of a group. Each of the boys, even little Kaleb, gave me hugs before Deidre and Kale brought them home to bed. It’s nice to see her feeling a little better. Adriana tells me she has to take nausea meds all day, but at least she’s able to get out a bit more now.
My nerves get the best of me after everyone is gone and Adriana and I are alone. There’s something I’ve wanted to ask her all day and I don’t know how she’ll react. I watch her finish picking up the kitchen from the couch where she banned me to. She told me that for tonight I’m to relax and act like a guest. Something has been off about her all night. She’s dodged my kisses and slipped her hand out of mine. She’s avoided my touches. I wonder if she’s dreading tomorrow as much as I am.
“Will you stay with me tonight, sweetness? In my room, that is?” Her arm stops in mid swipe of cleaning the counter. I can see her breathing, her shoulders moving up and down with her breaths. The indecision is clear in the set of her body and I hate that I asked. Staying with me means she can’t go to Alex. I should have never asked her to choose. “Never mind,” I whisper and start to stand from the couch needing to separate myself from her.
I walk up the stairs and close myself in my room. A few minutes later, I hear her go to her room and I hear her voice. I know she’s talking to Alex and I can’t stop the tears that fall down my cheeks. I prepare for bed, strip down, and climb in for a night I know will involve very little sleep. My nerves are too shot for that.
Will I survive without her beside me?
Chapter Fifty Five
Adriana
Something changed in me the night Tucker asked me to try. I don’t know if it was good or bad, but it changed. I opened up a small piece of my heart and let him walk in. Only a small piece because I knew letting him have too much would be the end of me. That night, oh, that night was one of the most amazing of my life. He gave me more orgasms than I can remember and we had sex in more places that didn’t involve a bed—Mick would be so proud of me—geesh Dee would probably ask me if all the areas were sterilized. He said some of the most romantic things, things I never pictured coming from him. He’s normally so gruff, but I saw a whole new side of Tucker. This tender, sweet guy broke through that night and my heart didn’t stand a chance.
I wasn’t ready for the paparazzi to show up the next day. I don’t think he was either. The anger that emanated from him had me frightened for whoever it was directed at. I stayed away from him as much of that day as I could. It was hard because I wanted to touch him so bad, even though I was sore from our sexcapades from the night before. It was a good sore, a sore that made me want to strip naked and let him lick his way across my entire body. Or I could lick his—I’m not picky. But, I was afraid of him and the hatred that was burning in his eyes. It was like nothing I had ever seen before and I prayed he would never look at me like that.
Tucker started leaving me little notes. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted me to get to know him and I loved that. Not loved– no love yet– just really liked—a lot. My favorite, even though it was painful for me, was the night he snuck in my room. I knew the second he came in. I’m a light sleeper. My heart clenched because I knew he saw me clutching Alex’s t-shirt in my sleep like I always do. I heard his soft gasp and felt him stand there staring at me a few seconds. I could feel his hurt hanging heavy in the room. I wanted to say something, but what could I really say to him knowing a few hours earlier, I had been in his bed and now I was snuggled up to my husband’s shirt. He tiptoed out of my room and I heard him slip the note under my door. I listened for his door to close before I turned on my lamp and went to get the note. His note made me laugh and cry.
Adriana,
I have a confession. The day I first met you, my GPS didn’t crap out. I thought you had such an amazing ass that I had to meet you. Then, you turned around and smiled at me and I thought I was meeting a real life angel. Your beauty has the power to bring me to my knees.
Tucker
I saved every note he wrote to me in the short time we had together. I want to be able to reread them after he’s gone. Nothing in life is a surety and I want to have those to hold close to me always.
We fell into a routine, but the more we did, the more I worried. It was easy, comfortable, but I found myself comparing him to Alex. A lot. It was scaring me.
In the mornings he would be up and showered ready to have breakfast with me. Alex always had breakfast with me. Then he would kiss me stupid and try everything in his power to get me naked and try to convince me to stay in bed with him for the day. It brought back so many memories of Alex doing the same thing. He started pitching in making dinners which Alex did too on the nights he beat me home. It was like we were playing house and he had filled in the spot Alex vacated. But what got to me most was him playing video games while I lay in his lap reading. He would stop every now and again to run his fingers through my hair or touch my face or kiss me. These are all things Alex did and Alex and I used to do. He would play his games while I laid in his lap reading. This was our thing. The first night Tucker pulled me into his lap I should have stopped him, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I wanted to feel closer to Alex. I used Tucker and that was so wrong of me.
I started taking pictures of him here and there to take up some time, not make him feel like such a prisoner in my house—damn paparazzi. I can’t believe his ex really called them. I thought she was spouting because I jumped in Tucker’s lap and attacked his face. She pissed me off. Guess the bitch got the last laugh.
The pictures were fun and I was able to see sides of Tucker through my lens that he didn’t show the public. He turned the table on me when he asked me to get in front of the lens with him. Those pictures will forever be my favorites.
Staging my bathroom while he had his hands roaming my body was nearly impossible. I’m surprised we ever made it into the tub to take the pictures. The look on his face was priceless when I told him he had to wait ten minutes before he could do anything sexual because that’s how long the camera would snap shots. The pictures were romantic, sexy and playful, everything I could have wanted them to be. I taught Tucker how to process photos in my dark room with me. He was like a child learning something new. The excitement lighting up his blue eyes as the images came to life before him.
He decided he wanted more pictures of us, but he wanted them on the beach because he loved the water and one of the days he had the most fun with me was our day at the beach. I didn’t know how I was going to make this work, but I knew I would need
help. I talked to Alahna at work the next day and she said to leave it to her. She and Preston set the whole thing up. Preston had a client who lived in Rye with a private beach on his property that he had told Preston he was welcome to use anytime and Alahna took the photos for us. I was uncomfortable having my friends see me so intimate with Tucker, but his joy won me over and I let go. I don’t know what to say about the pictures. They were sensual and made us look like we were in love… a real couple.
When I saw those pictures, I panicked. I saw my eyes and how I was looking at Tucker. I saw the happiness in them, the longing to be with him, but I know in my heart that he’s only getting half of me because half of me still belongs to Alex. Every day I grow closer to Tucker, but every day I build a bigger wall to protect myself… and him. Those pictures showed me why it’s important. I could fall in love with Tucker. I may already be falling, but it wouldn’t be all of me. Part of me will never be his and it’s not right.
So much of what has been happening with Tucker is wrong. I have sex, incredible, my body has never felt so alive and cherished sex, but then I go to my room so I can talk to Alex. I can’t let him go. I do this every night. Every night except his last night.
I know he thought I was going to blow him off after he asked me to stay with him. I thought about it. I was so torn. I went to my room and talked to Alex, went searching for him, for his presence, but it wasn’t there. That was my answer. Alex wasn’t there because he’s gone. Tucker needed me. The guilt still ate at me knowing I wouldn’t be in my and Alex’s bed in the morning and I had to force myself to not look at it as I changed into pajamas. I went to my bathroom, brushed my teeth, did my nighttime routine, and made my way to Tucker’s room.
I didn’t knock. Maybe I should have, but instead I slowly opened the door. In case he was already asleep, I didn’t want to startle him. I heard him shift on his bed and knew he was awake. The sniffle from across the dark room went all the way to my heart. I caused that. My feet carried me across the room lightning fast and I was on the bed wiping his tears away, apologizing for hurting him, kissing him.
We made love slowly that night with so much passion. It was different from all the other times. I fell asleep in his arms.
But, before I did, my brain reminded me that he is not the first man to claim me, although he is winning over my heart. Another man has before. Another man promised me the world, showed me what true love is. Another man is my soul mate.
And that man is not Tucker Stavros.
Epilogue
The silence in the car is starting to suffocate me. She hasn’t said two words to me since we made our great escape into the darkness twenty minutes ago fooling the paparassholes. They had no idea I was still there or that Adriana is taking me to the airport this morning. I thought she’d be a little giddy at sticking it to them, but she’s so solemn. I hate knowing in a couple short hours I’ll be leaving her, but I’ll take this small win. We beat the bad guys.
Reaching over, I take her hand in mine and flinch when she stiffens under my touch. WTF? After last night, I thought we were good. Why does it feel like we’ve taken fifty steps back this morning?
“You alright, sweetness?” Do I really want to know the answer to this question?
She briefly glances at me and then back to the road. That quick peek shows me so much sadness. “I can’t believe you’re leaving already.” Her voice catches and I squeeze her hand. She doesn’t stiffen this time and I don’t force her to talk anymore. There’s nothing else I can say. I am leaving and I will be over three thousand miles away. Our schedules will be hectic the next couple months, leaving us little to no time to travel or visit each other. We’re in for a very trying start to this relationship.
I turn my head to the window and watch as everything floats by in a blur. I wish my life were different. I wish I didn’t have a contract. If I didn’t have that I would move to New Hampshire, buy a house there to be closer to her, and really see where this could go. Not have to try to start building a relationship seeing her through the damn computer.
The airport comes into view far too soon. Why on earth did I let her talk me into flying out of the local airport? That’s right. She doesn’t like driving in Boston. She parks in one of the public lots so she can walk in with me, giving me a little more time with her. I want forever, but I can’t say that to her yet. She’s not ready. I throw my two duffel bags over my shoulder, slide my hat down, and adjust my sunglasses before grabbing her hand. Together we walk into the airport and up to the ticket counter. The lady at the counter can’t hide her enthusiasm at waiting on me and I want to tell her to be more professional. She calls security up so I can have an escort to make sure I don’t get mobbed. I explain to Adriana I’ll be seated in a special area until boarding and security will make sure no one harasses me. She cracks a joke about how nice it must be to be so important. I can’t believe how much I’m going to miss her.
“Mr. Stavros,” a male voice sounds behind me. I turn around to see two security guards. I ask them for a couple minutes and they nod. I walk a few feet away to get a little privacy with Adriana.
“Did you set up Skype on your computer, sweetness?” I don’t know why that’s all I can think to ask. The tears in her eyes have me at a loss for words.
“Pres, set it up for me.” She’s trying to fake a smile, but it isn’t there.
“Okay– good. I’ll call you as soon as I land. Let you know I made it home.” The first tear falls down her cheek and I wipe it away. Oh, shit. This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. My heart can’t take leaving her behind. I want to ask her to come with me, but she has a life here, friends, family, and a business. I would be a selfish bastard asking that of her.
“It’s okay, sweetness,” I say, pulling her into my arms. “We’ll talk every day. I promise. You may even get sick of me I’ll call you so much.” I’m trying to joke about it, but I’m struggling to keep from crying myself.
“Just kiss me now, Tucker.”
I do as she asks. Crushing my lips to hers, I kiss her with all the emotion I feel for her. I don’t care that we’re in an airport with hundreds of people walking by. All I care about is her knowing how much I want to make this work. That she is my world.
I can feel her tears on my face, hear her sobs through our kiss and before I can stop her, she pulls away. “Have a safe flight.” She’s wiping at her cheeks, trying again to smile at me, my tiny warrior.
“I will.” I kiss her quickly again. “See you soon.” She shakes her head and I walk over to the security guards.
They offer to take my bags, but I decline. I walk a few feet and turn around to get one more glimpse of her, but she’s gone. I stop walking and frantically search everywhere, but she’s nowhere. She’s vanished like a rainbow when the sun gets too bright after the rain. My eyes dart left to right, sure I must be wrong. She must still be here trying to capture that last glimpse of me, too. She wouldn’t just leave. My hearts races and sweat beads on my forehead as I frantically pace side to side in search of the angel who brought me back to life. But, everywhere I look, everywhere I turn, there’s no sign of her.
I guess I thought it would be like in the movies when you turn around and the person you love is running toward you calling your name. But she’s just gone. My heart plummets in my chest and shatters. Reality dawns on me.
That kiss was her saying goodbye.
Acknowledgments
I would like to say I’m going to be witty and charming with my thank yous, but I have too many people who helped me along the way and my brain might implode if I have to come up with that much awesomeness so how about I just get to it. . .
First I have to thank my husband Marty for always supporting me. For the endless hours he cuddled beside me on the couch, him playing his video games while I wrote, tried to write, and screamed at the laptop that it hated me because I couldn’t come up with a thought. Although he’s a private guy he overcame his discomfort for me to chase
my dream and publish a book and share so much of myself. He’s watched me create public pages and he’s stood by me through it all without fainting. I live every day with a real life book boyfriend at my side who I love with all my heart.
To my three sons- Tannis, Aiden and Samuel, thank you for understanding that at times I was so lost with the voices I was having conversations with in my head that I couldn’t talk to you. And thank you for knowing when I was typing I couldn’t hang out or play. I loved every time you asked me about my book and for my younger boys I loved when you asked why you couldn’t read it. I’m so proud to be your mom. I love you all more than you know. You inspire me every day.
Mom-there is never a day in my life that I won’t thank you. You’ve been my rock, my biggest fan, my best friend and the person who told me I can do anything. Well, I just did the thing I’ve always wanted to do and I did it because I had a mom who raised me believing I could. I love you.
Amie-What can I say that is a big enough thank you? Without you Waking Up wouldn’t have been written. I didn’t even read romance novels until you introduced me to them. You reawakened my need to write and you haven’t stopped supporting me since. I’m beyond lucky to have you as my friend, neighbor, admin, beta reader, #1 and book bitch (did I miss any titles). I’m just lucky to have you in my life. I love you lady!
My betas-Mom (sorry, I can’t call you Ellen), Amie, Michelle, Desiree, Tonya, Diane, Amy-Lynn, Lori, Stef, Dawn, Maria & Allison- I can’t thank you ladies enough. You were at the start of this journey with me when I wasn’t sure I could do this. Well… I did it and I owe so much of it to you. Thank you for listening to all of my babble(we know I can babble-it’s my super power), helping me pick songs, put faces to my characters , critiquing my work and continually supporting me. Knowing I had all of you in my corner made this journey so much more fun. I love and treasure each of you. I know a few of you read that line and are singing Bruno Mars right now.
