Sage lets out a strangled cry before falling down to her knees and covering her face. “This can’t be happening. I don’t . . .” She sucks in a breath. “I don’t know what to say. I’ve wondered about you my whole life.” She shakes her head and cries harder. “Tyler . . .”
Falling down on my knees next to her, I pull her into my arms and press her face into my shoulder as she cries. Holding her next to me makes me want to bawl like a baby, but I fight it. It’s so damn hard. I let a few tears fall as the anger and relief floods through me. I’m relieved to have Sage in my life, but angry as hell that Onyx would do this to me when she knows how badly I’ve been hurting.
I look up to the sound of Stone’s voice. “Holy shit. I’m going to go and give you all some time. I don’t need to be here for this. Sorry, man.”
I nod my head and pull Sage closer as she wraps her arms around me, her whole body in a shaking mess. “I’m never letting you out of my damn sight again.” She lets out something between a cry and a laugh and I can’t help but to smile. “I mean that, Sage. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you. I love you so damn much.”
Her grip on me tightens, but she doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t have to. It may take her a while to remember me as much as I remember her and that’s okay. I’ll give her as much time as she needs, but she’s not leaving Chicago. Her home is with me, like it should have been over ten years ago.
After what seems like a lifetime, Sage pulls away and looks at my face. She lets one last tear roll down her face before reaching for my hair. “This hair,” she says with a laugh. “I think my big brother needs a haircut.”
I let out a small laugh and help her up to her feet. I still can’t believe she is here and standing in my damn house. The feeling is so surreal.
We both stand here for a moment, taking each other in with smiles before turning to find Onyx pacing around the living room. She’s biting her nails and shaking as the tears pour out.
As much as I want to hold her and tell her that it’s okay, it really isn’t. She just made the worst mistake of her life and it’s going to take a while for me to get over this. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is. She hurt me, knowing that she was, and in the worst way possible.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That’s all I can say. You don’t think I wanted to tell you? I did. Trust me, I did.” Onyx walks over to us and looks between the both of us. “I love you both so much,” she cries. “I never meant to hurt anyone, but you have to understand that Hemy is a different person than the one I knew years ago. I couldn’t put you through what I had to go through. That’s all I can say. I was going to tell you as soon as I knew things were different for real this time.” She sucks in a breath and walks past us. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what to fucking say,” I seethe. “I trusted you.”
She swallows hard and fights back more tears. “I’m going, just please don’t hate me. I can’t survive knowing you hate me.”
Exhaling, I watch as Onyx walks down the hall and disappears into my bedroom. I’m so fucking mad right now that if I open my mouth again I will probably say something I will regret forever.
So . . . I just watch as she walks away . . . again.
Chapter Fifteen
Hemy
It’s been three weeks since I found out Ash was really Sage and I watched as Onyx walked out of my life again. Not a second has gone by that I haven’t thought of her and missed the shit out of her. I have wanted to call her so many times and tell her I forgive her and I understand why she did it, but the pain is still too fresh. As far as I know, she has known about Sage for over a year, over a fucking year. How am I just supposed to forget about that?
A part of me knows that she didn’t find me right away because she was scared of getting hurt again and didn’t know if she’d be able to handle being around me without losing control, but it hurts like hell. I could have had Sage back in my life that whole damn time. I just can’t get over that as much as I want to.
Everything has changed in the last few weeks and besides not having Onyx in my life, things have been good. Sage has been staying with me and I spend most of my time at Mitch’s shop instead of at the club. I’ve told the boys I will stay on for two days a week until they can find someone else to take over. After that, I will stay and bartend. I guess I’m pulling a Slade.
It didn’t take long for me and Sage to get comfortable with each other again and we have actually been spending a lot of time together talking about our childhood; only the good stuff though, I’m not reminding her of the all the fucked up shit our parents did to us. She doesn’t deserve that and I won’t put her through it.
I’ve been pacing around my living room with a beer in hand for the last three hours, trying to drown out the damn noise in my head. Nothing has been working. “Shit!”
I’m just pulling out another beer when I hear the front door open, so I pull out three beers instead. Sage and Stone have been spending a lot of time together and I need to keep my eye on that slick motherfucker. I won’t hesitate to hand him his ass.
“Yo!” Stone calls out while stepping into the kitchen, instantly spotting the three bottles of beer with a grin. “This is why I love you so damn much, man. Always looking out when a brother is thirsty.”
I slap him upside the back of the head as he reaches for a beer and pops the top. “Where’s Sage?”
He lets out a sigh and quickly takes a drink of his beer. He’s hesitant for a moment before he replies. “With Onyx. They’ve been talking a lot. She’s meeting me here in twenty.” He takes another drink of beer before setting it down and focusing his attention on me. “That girl loves you, man. I know what she did hurt you, but you have to look at it from her point of view too, man.”
I take a gulp of my beer and clench my jaw. “Keep talking.” Maybe I need this.
“Alright then. The truth hurts, but . . . from what I’ve heard, you had a lot of fucking issues. You were never really here.” He points to his head and looks me in the eyes. “You can’t expect her to risk hurting someone she cares about by bringing them into your sick fucked up world. I know you’re not like that anymore, but for someone that experienced it every day for ten years, it’s a little harder to convince. You ripped that girl’s heart out and stomped on it and she still brought your sister back in hopes that you would be able to meet her one day. She just wanted to make sure the time was right for all of you; not just her, or you, but all three of you. You can’t be mad at that, man. That’s a good ass woman.”
I close my eyes and run my hands through my hair, lost in thought. He’s fucking right and hearing someone say it out loud really opens my eyes. She was there for me every fucking time I needed someone.
“You don’t have to fucking tell me. She’s the best woman I’ve ever known.” I pause to let out a sigh. “I’ll never forget that shit.”
She’s always done what she felt was best. This isn’t any different. If I would have gotten Sage back while I was high out of my mind and always fucked up, then I would have probably lost her for good, just like everyone else; her and Onyx. Maybe I can’t blame Onyx for being as cautious as she was. Maybe, I should be blaming myself and thanking Onyx. I always was the one to fuck shit up. Still am.
“I fucked up real bad, man. I’m not proud of the things I did one bit. I had a lot of shit I was dealing with and I couldn’t handle it without getting out of my head.” I open my eyes and grip onto the counter, realizing that I’m the one that fucked up once again. “I need to go find her. Fuck, I can’t live without her. I’ve loved her since the day she attacked me in the alley with a hug. I fell in love with that girl and it took me what seems like an eternity to figure that out. It might be too late now. Fuck me!”
Gripping my shoulder, Stone nods his head in understanding. “Better late than never, asshole,” he says jokingly. “Never too late, not when you have the kind of love you two have. I have heard it all, man. Now, I’m no mushy p
ussy or anything, but it’s real, bro. Even I can see that.”
Shaking off Stone’s grip, I pace around the kitchen, trying to get my thoughts in check. I really can’t fuck this shit up again. At some point I’m going to be out of chances. No one gives an unlimited supply. I need to let things go and chase after what makes me happy. That has always been her. Always will be.
“I need to go.” I rush past Stone and through the living room, slipping on my leather jacket. “Tell me where she lives.”
He hesitates.
“Now dammit!”
“Uhh . . .” He closes his eyes in thought for a moment. “1623 Spring Drive.” I open the door and get ready to walk out. “Dude, you want me to go with?” he asks.
I turn back around. “Nah. I need to do this alone.” I give him a nod. “Thanks, man.” Then, I turn around and rush out the door, jumping in my truck.
I’m about two blocks away from Onyx’s street when it starts pouring outside. It’s coming down so hard that it’s making it hard to see out the window. “Fuck! Please be here.” I pull up in front of the house and jump out, leaving my truck running. I don’t want to waste anymore time being away from her. I can’t do it.
I run up to the porch and reach for the handle, but it’s locked, so I knock loudly, hoping that Onyx will answer. If it were unlocked then she wouldn’t have much of a choice.
A few seconds later the door opens to Sage. She steps out, holding her car keys. “Hey. What are you doing here?” She sounds a little panicked as she looks around. “I’m sorry-”
“It’s fine,” I cut her off. I don’t have time for this right now. “Where is she?”
She shuts the door behind her and holds her hand up in an unsuccessful attempt to block the rain. “I don’t know. We were talking and then she just took off on her motorcycle like twenty minutes ago. She seemed upset and in a hurry.”
Dammit! I hope she’s not caught out in this downpour.
“Fuck!” I punch the porch railing and fist my hair. “I’m going to find her. Where would she be at?”
“I don’t know. Maybe at Vixens’. She didn’t say . . . or maybe at Jade’s.”
“Alright. I have to go.” I grab her head and quickly kiss her on the forehead. “Love you.”
“Love you too, Hemy,” she screams after me as I run over to my truck and hop in.
Riding around, I start to panic at the thought of Onyx out riding in this weather. Two wheels on slick roadways doesn’t mix. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her.
I pull up to Vixens’ and drive around the whole parking lot in search of my old motorcycle. My heart sinks when I don’t spot it anywhere. “Dammit, Onyx! Fuck, you better be at Jade’s.”
The rain doesn’t let up any as I pull back out onto the street and head over to Jade’s house. I pull up in front of the house that changed my damn life. If it weren’t for Jade’s birthday party then who knows when I would have seen Onyx again.
I notice immediately when I pull up that the motorcycle is nowhere to be seen, but I jump out anyway and run through the rain to the door. I knock as hard as I can, losing every bit of patience I have left.
As soon as the door swings open, I rush inside and look around. “Is Onyx here?”
Jade gives me a confused look. “No. What the hell is going on?” She watches me as I run my hand down the front of my face, wiping the rain off. “I haven’t talked to her all day.”
“Shit!” Without saying another word, I rush back outside and to my truck. Reaching in my pocket, I search for my phone, but come up empty. I must have left it on the kitchen counter at home. “Of fucking course!” I slam my fist into the horn before gripping the steering wheel and letting out an agitated breath. There’s only one last place to check and this is a long shot.
Back when we dated, she would surprise me by showing up at Mitch’s shop when I was working. She always loved watching me work and I loved having her watch. It was our place. We both made a lot of memories there.
Taking a chance, I head over toward Mitch’s shop, looking around for signs of her out on the street, but come up empty. It’s already past nine so the shop is closed. Mitch would have left at least an hour ago. That’s another reason I have a feeling she’s not there either, but I refuse to go home until I look.
When I pull up to the shop, I quickly park and jump out. I look around me, but don’t see the bike anywhere. Jogging, I turn around the corner of the building and freeze when I see Onyx standing there in the rain, leaning against the building. She’s soaked and more beautiful than if she were dolled up to perfection. The air gets sucked from my lungs at the sight of her and for this moment, I feel more alive than I have in years.
She pushes away from the building and looks at me. “I’ve been waiting for you,” she whispers. One sentence and my heart feels like it’s about to burst at the seam.
Well, she’ll never have to wait again. That is a promise. . .
Chapter Sixteen
Onyx
Keeping Sage from Hemy was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I just wish he would understand that I did it for Sage, because I love her like a sister myself and was only thinking of her best interests. I could never hurt her in any way. As much as I love Hemy, I had to think of Sage too. Hemy may hate me forever, but I did what I felt I had to do, even though I knew it would end up with him hating me in the end.
I just hope he’ll give me a chance to explain, because I don’t want to leave here without him. I never want to be without him again. I’ve lived day after day without him, years on end, and I can’t do it anymore.
I’ve been here for the last half hour or so thinking about us; thinking of all the time we have missed out on and it hurts my heart so bad knowing that I left him and let him down. It kills me. I was scared and young back then. I didn’t know what else to do but remove myself from the situation. I should have stuck around and tried to get him help, but I was just a kid trying to deal with something bigger than myself.
I walk closer to Hemy as he stands there in shock and relief, just looking me over as if he can’t believe that I’m here. “I was hoping you would come here. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take back what I did, but I can’t. You hate me and I don’t blame you.”
Stepping closer to me, Hemy runs his hands through my wet hair before pressing his forehead to mine, something he always did. “You’re wrong,” he whispers. “What if I told you I could never hate you, no matter what you do? What if I told you I have loved you since day one, but was too afraid to say it?”
I look up into his eyes and cup his face in my hands. Looking at him makes it hard for me to breathe. The pain I put him through kills me. “How could you even say that, Hemy?” I can’t hold my emotions back anymore. Being here in his embrace makes me lose all composure. The tears rush out as I wrap one arm around his neck and hold on for dear life. “I hurt you. I walked out on you when you needed me the most. I never stopped loving you. I thought about you every day and not one day went by that I didn’t fear for your life. I was so damn scared.”
“I know,” he breathes. He rubs both his thumbs under my eyes, wiping the smeared mascara, before cupping my face and hovering his lips above mine. “I was a fool for the way I acted and I should have done the right thing by you. I should have been the one to let you go. I hurt you so damn bad and I’ll never forgive myself for what I put you through. You did the right thing. You had to for the both of us, because I was too weak. Watching you walk out of my life and waking up alone is what woke me up. I realized that you were more important than the drugs. No high is better than the high I experience when I’m with you. I’m a different person and I have you to thank for it. Don’t ever question what you had to do. Do you hear me?”
His warm breath kisses my lips as he presses his body closer to mine and waits for me to nod. “Hemy,” I manage to get out. “I love you so damn much. I’ll never-”
Hemy crushes his lips against mine, cutting me off. My bo
dy feels weak in his arms as he pulls me as close as possible, kissing me with so much passion that the tears start falling for a whole different reason. I love this man with all my heart and after all that we have been though, I know he feels the same way.
Pulling away from the kiss, Hemy searches my eyes before kissing my tears. “I love you more than life itself. I promise to never hurt you again. All I want is to be with you. I’ve never wanted anything else besides having Sage back in my life. I have Sage now,” he pauses to give me a deep look, his eyes glassing over, “Let me have you. That’s all I ask. I need both my girls.”
Looking into his eyes makes me weak in the knees. There is so much promise behind them that I know being with him would be different this time. I’m just not sure I can get over me hurting him and Sage. It’s myself that I’m angry with now, not him. I’m mad at myself for leaving.
“Are you sure you want me,” I ask, my heart pounding.
He kisses me softly before pulling away and smiling. “More than life itself.”
We both stand here in the rain just looking each other in the eyes before Hemy sucks in his lip ring and smirks. “Stay here with me tonight. Do you remember those nights?”
I let out a little laugh and nod my head. “How could I forget, Hemy? I can’t even count how many people’s trucks we had sex in the back of.”
“Twenty three,” Hemy says with a grin.
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