by Faye Sonja
“No,” came his flat response and in that instant she saw a bit of his brother in him. It made her wonder what had happened to them both for them to have such adverse reactions to the suggestion of something good, but she didn’t ask. It was not her place to do so.
She let him go and didn’t bother him anymore.
“He is a little damaged,” Mrs. Potter said behind her as she finished feeding Cameron. “Be gentle with him, his heart is in the right place.”
“What happened to him and his brother?” she asked against her better judgement.
“That is not my story to tell. If he wants you to know he will tell you. Just be gentle with him.”
That night she went to bed a little sad, wondering if she had offended the man who had been gracious enough to offer her a place to sleep. She would apologize in the morning, but for now she would sleep. But when sleep did come, it was filled with unwelcomed nightmares.
* * *
“Help me!” a little girl screamed as a man hovered over her and Agnes ran to her side just as he turned and stabbed at her. The knife cut her face, and then he turned back and gripped the girl by the throat.
She felt a warm sensation spreading throughout her body, and had it not been for the excruciating pain of the wound the knife had left she would have kept going after him. But with the pain her eyes shot open, and she screamed with the intensity of it.
“Poison,” the man sneered at her. “You will be dead soon.”
She had known pain like this before, the pain of her first transformation paled in comparison to this and as she looked at the man standing over the girl as he lifted the knife to stab her she screamed.
* * *
“Agnes,” she heard a gentle hand shaking her awake. “Wake up!”
She grabbed at Charlie’s shirt momentarily disoriented and unsure of where she was, but his big warm hands cupping her face and his concerned eyes were enough to tell her she was okay as Cameron wailed next to her.
“Just a dream,” she said almost like she was convincing herself. “Just a dream.”
He nodded his head and behind him she could see the night’s sky. “Yes, just a dream.”
“How long have I been sleeping?” she asked him instantly worried about the baby as she reached for him.
“It is morning. Just before dawn,” he said looking at her worriedly as Cameron continued to cry. “Let me have him.”
She didn’t want to, but somehow she felt safe with him right there and she was a bit too tired to fight it. He took the child from her arms and walked around her room rocking him back to sleep.
“Will you stay for a moment?” she asked him acting out of character and patting the space beside her. “Just for a bit, stay.”
He nodded and crawled into bed beside her, maintaining a respectful distance. She pulled him over to the center of the bed and he laid his head on the pillow with his arms beneath his head staring at her. She looked back at him with droopy eyelids.
“What was that dream about?” he asked her softly, running a thumb over her cheek bones.
She looked at him and smiled. “The kind of evil you want nothing to do with.”
She closed her eyes to still the tears that spilled down her face and she felt his long fingers run through her hair and massage her scalp. She was expecting him to comment but he did not, and now she wasn’t sure what to think, but it felt wonderful to no longer be the only one to carry the burden of that knowledge anymore. Had she been in her Amish community, it would have been unheard of to have a man she was not married to in her bed, but she felt she could be weak for a moment. She had earned the right to be after everything she had been through. She turned away from him and got comfortable, staring out the window.
“Thank you,” she whispered. She could feel the strength of him shuffle closer to her.
“For what?” he asked. His breath caressing the back of her neck.
“Thank you for being here, for having me here and for being a father figure to little Cameron.”
His hand rubbed her shoulder in response and she pulled his arm around her. He moved closer to her and wrapped his body around hers protectively. At least for a little while she had someone with her. She fell asleep while she prayed and dreamed wonderful dreams.
“Agnes,” he said, “you know you will be okay, right?”
She came around slowly. She thought about it for a moment, but she wasn’t so sure. “How do you know that?” she asked.
“Sometimes we all need people to help us out a little,” he said to her. “Some people are better than no people and I don’t know what you have been through but I am here for you.”
She fought the tears that threatened to well up at his kind words. “But you don’t even know me.”
He fell silent, and she had a feeling he knew exactly what she meant. “I don’t have to know you to care. I see you as a beautiful soul who came into my life for a reason and as long as you allow me to, I will be here for you.”
“Thank you,” she whispered to him, still trying to fight her tears. “Thank you for being here today and for caring enough to want to help.”
For the first time in a very long time she did not feel alone.
“You mean to tell me you have finally accepted that I am here to help?” he asked, his breath stirring strands of her hair.
She chuckled in his arms feeling the strength of him hold all her broken pieces together. She was really warming up to him, and appreciated the fact that he truly did care.
“Yes,” she whispered back. “And I am sorry if I offended you earlier.
He fell silent. “You didn’t offend me, but some words are a reminder of the things and people we have lost. I am sorry if I made you feel you had crossed a line. Truth is, I am happy to have you here, and anything you need I will do my best to provide.”
“Just be here for now,” she said to the man she barely knew.
When the sun finally rose she was alone in bed, but the smell of breakfast was a welcoming scent. Cameron was nowhere to be found and as she jumped from her bed in panic she heard his squeals outside. Walking over to her window she looked down to see him rolling about in the fresh morning grass with a doting Charlie watching over him. Her heart felt at home, but her mind kept reminding her that she was just a visitor to this little paradise and soon she would have to face reality.
It was not a thought she enjoyed having and she pushed it away as she turned from the window.
* * *
5
Chapter FIVE
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“ … The child in her arms screamed… ”
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Breakfast was a sort of rendezvous with love date. She stared at him smiling at her over his coffee cup and her wondering the entire time how she had managed to stumble upon such good fortune. She wondered too why a man like him was single. He had hinted at loss and she yearned to know what loss he had suffered, but out of respect she would not pry. At the same time she was wary of the fact that he was having such a big impact on her emotionally. She had only known him for a little over a week and already she was becoming attached. While Cameron cooed in his arm she made a mental note to keep her distance. Again she reminded herself that she was just a temporary visitor to his domain. He was very good at making her comfortable and even better at making her like him, but she was going to lock it down before it went any further. She had never had long relationships or even meaningful ones, but from what little experience she had, this is how distraction and heartbreak started and she was not interested in either of them.
“So what are you going to do today?” he asked her after a few minutes of silence.
“Take over the world,” she responded getting up with her empty plate and full belly to help Mrs. Potter do the dishes. He watched her every move and somehow she felt he was trying to figure her out.
Good luck
with that!
She hadn’t been able to figure herself out in all the years she had been alive so if he could she would welcome the manual. There was something oddly warming about him that made her want to sit and talk with him all day and the thought was compelling, but again she warned herself against it.
“I am serious,” he said. She assumed that was meant to be him repeating his question about what she planned to do.
“I was too,” she said, leaning against the counter and staring at him. He was gorgeous and lovely and she wanted to be in his arms, and all those other lovely things.
“What will you be doing?” she asked him. “Some important business to handle in town?”
He smiled up at her. “Actually today I just have some deliveries of goods to make and some money to collect from my buyers. I was wondering if you and little Cameron here would like to come along for the ride. It has been over a week since you both arrived and you’ve been cooped up here the entire time.”
She didn’t know what to make of that suggestion. As far as she knew about the things of the English world, men only invited women to do things with them when they fancied them.
“Hmmm,” she replied thinking about it. She could see his expectant face waiting to be told something wonderful.
“Or you could stick to attempting to take over the world and all the other mischief you seem to want to be up to.”
She feigned shock and continued into the kitchen with her plates. “Mischief? Do you not see the halo over my head? To what mischief are you referring?”
He laughed at that. “Taking over the world was never attempted by anyone who didn’t have an affinity for mischief.”
“I will be the first,” she smiled and walked to his side to place a little kiss on Cameron’s cheek.
He stared at her suspiciously. “I really doubt that.”
She giggled as Cameron reached for her and she pulled him into her arms. She realized then how little time she had spent with the child she had come to love and care for as her own. Another thought hit her just then- when it was time to return him to the comfort of George’s ward, how would she ever be able to? It was not like she could afford to keep him on her own in any event.
“Come keep me company today,” Charlie again asked her.
“Yes! Go!” Mrs. Potter piped up. “I don’t think I will be needing you much around here today.”
The determined look on his face made it clear that arguing that point was going to get her nowhere so she rolled her eyes and conceded for the moment. She could use the time in town as well to go see how the library was getting on and pay a visit to George who had sent her here without so much as a check-up. It was either he was happy to have gotten rid of her or he was very confident that she was safe with Charlie. She wondered what her mother or the elders in her Amish village would think of her if they ever found out what was really going on.
Pushing the thought from her mind she turned back to the gorgeous man standing in front of her and peered into his kind eyes that were nothing like the cold of his brother.
“Okay on one condition.” She turned to him with her hands on her hips and she could see his appreciative gaze run up and down her body.
“I am listening.”
“You tell me about yourself and all this mystery that hangs around you,” she said with absolution. “If I have to get used to you being around, then I want to get to know my knight in shining armor.”
He laughed and threw his hands up in surrender. “Fine. As long as I get to know a bit about my damsel in distress.”
They laughed shaking on the presumed agreement and Cameron took that moment to place his tiny hand covered in his saliva over theirs. A deal sealed with the sense of hope that could not be broken.
“Agnes,” he called to her as she walked up the stairs. It was a small whisper that spoke to her core. She turned to him and waited for him to continue.
“I know I haven’t known you for very long, but I just wanted you to know that your presence in this house is appreciated and your friendship is an honor to have.”
She stood shocked. “I-I,” she stuttered. “I should be the one thanking you for all you have done. I would have been sleeping on the streets had it not been for your kindness and hospitality. Please know I appreciate you and what you have done for me beyond what words could ever explain.”
With a fleeting look of mutual appreciation she turned and made her way up the stairs to her quarters where she sang to Cameron as she dressed him for a day on the road. When she was done she found Charlie waiting on her downstairs with a bag packed for the baby and an arm to help her into the carriage.
“Mrs. Potter we are off!” he called back and she turned to see his brother frowning at them.
“He doesn’t like me very much,” she said sadly, looking at Jared who was glaring at the carriage as it moved away.
“He doesn’t like the world very much,” Charlie said with a sad laugh.
“That is not funny,” she replied. “I don’t want to infringe on his space. If he wants me gone, don’t you think it is best that I leave?”
Charlie sighed in frustration and before he spoke she knew that his frustration was not entirely all her doing. “What happened to you that you can’t just accept that someone would care enough to want to help you?”
The question caught her off guard and for a moment she couldn’t answer. “You know nothing about me so do not presume you do. Stop holding the fact that you are helping me over my head. I didn’t ask for your help.”
Charlie smiled at her. “I seem to remember you screaming for help when a beam had you trapped. Oh how quickly you forget.”
She glared at him uncertain as to why his words angered her so much. “I am just saying Charlie that I do not want to be some place I am not wanted. I know how it feels and I would rather not experience it ever again.”
He turned to her and looked at her as if his life depended on the words that were next to flow from his mouth. “I want you here Agnes! I don’t care who else doesn’t. I want you here!”
She stared in shock at him unable to respond to the words that flowed from his mouth, for she felt its meaning deeper than she ever thought she would, and to that she had no response.
* * *
Charlie kept silent for the hour ride into town. Unsure of what to say to ease the furrowing in her brow, he said nothing and instead let the birds who sang on the path they rode to fill the silence with music. The sound of the horses’ hooves provided the rhythm and the baby cooed and played with anything he could catch including the leaves that fluttered through the open window on the whisper of the wind. He stole glances at Agnes who seemed to be torn between enjoying the moment and worrying about their future.
“You are going to get worry lines,” he pointed out to her after he had made his first delivery and pick up.
She turned to him in surprise as if she had all but forgotten he was there. “Worry what?” she asked.
He touched her cheek before ruffling Cameron’s hair. “Worry lines, my love. You have been frowning at the world since we left home. Do you find my company so undesirable?”
She looked back at him. “Undesirable? No! I am just thinking of home...”
Her words trailed off and he offered her a few moments in silence before speaking again. “I know you are Amish from the way you carry yourself. Want to tell me why you left home?”
She began with a sigh that broke is heart just a bit. “I saved my mother’s life with English medicine and for that I was shunned.”
“What?!” he asked. “How ridiculous!”
She turned to him and he could see a flash of anger in her eyes. “My customs are not by a long shot ridiculous, but they are harsh consequences for breaking a law or tradition.”
“I am sorry I meant no offense,” he said, noting that he would have to be more careful with the things he said.
“It was a secluded community, and the seclusion serves a great purpo
se for preserving our culture. It is a culture I hold in high regard and dear to my heart. Had I been able to choose what I would have done, I would have chosen to stay there.”
“Because of your mother?”
She smiled at him. “Not only that, but because I love my home. I love the teachings of the ordung and the simplicity of the lives we lead. And the community togetherness.”
“It can’t be very together if you would be put out into a world you do not understand just because you chose to save your mother’s life.”
Again the flash of anger in her eyes came, but this time he was a lot less apologetic about it. He respected her instinctive defense of her culture. It showed she was a woman who knew and loved her roots, but he could not accept a community who would treat one of their own so harshly. No wonder she was so hurt by the thought of his brother wanting her out of their home. Something he would not permit.
“I knew the consequences of my actions before I took them. I just did not expect to be judged so harshly for them, but I accept things as they are and I have not been suffering here in the English world.”
They fell silent as he directed the coach driver to take them by the library. As soon as the carriage pulled up George was the first to greet them.
“Ooh I thought you all had forgotten me,” the old man smiled his toothless smile at them before pulling Agnes into a hug. “Look at you with that rosy glow. The ranch has done you well.”
“It has,” she admitted and Charlie made a mental note to see to it that that never changed.
“And this young man here,” George plucked a happy Cameron from his arms and tossed him the air. “He seems to be quite the happy little camper. No need for him to come back to the small room at the back of my library then.”
