by Faye Sonja
He had managed to take a bouquet and an apple pie his mother had made for her and the Davidson household, and they had spoken for a short while. He smiled at the memory of it, he really liked her. Her calm, soft spoken and relaxed, fluid way of moving put his troubled mind at peace and he could see himself waking up to that every day for the rest of his life.
His mother had openly accepted his choice of a date, though that did not mean they were getting married. His father knew as well and had been somewhat hesitant. His choice had been someone else, but as Alan had the right to choose his own partner, his father had reluctantly given his blessing.
It was just another thing to drive a wedge between them, but Alan refused to let it bring him down.
As he made his way back home, smelling like the stables and dying for a shower, he thought of the conversation he would have at the table that night. It was full time he stopped arguing with his parents and started talking to his family about his choices.
The house was in relative silence as he made his way in, everyone no doubt in their rooms getting ready for dinner. He could hear his sisters playfully taunting each other as they usually did, and the silence coming from his younger brothers’ rooms told him they were either outside playing, or upstairs studying. In his family, the girls were the ones who inherited all the mischievous genes.
They would play pranks on just about anyone that would let them get away with it, but even their mother was not spared. He knew they stayed away from their father, because his very serious persona spoke of the love he had for them all, but it did not hint at any consideration for their childish games. It wasn’t that he wasn’t fun to be around, because Alan remembered his life as a child as one where his father always made time for his children. He was just not the kind of father who had time for childish antics.
He washed up quickly as he heard the family moving about downstairs, and as they sat at the table he allowed time for the mundane happenings of the day to be discussed before he brought up the heavy stuff.
“Father,” he said as the table went silent. His four other siblings usually went silent when he spoke. He was not yet sure if that was out of respect for him or the fact that he usually angered his father of late, so they may have been silently waiting for that.
“I have something to tell all of you and I know you will not want to hear it, but it must be said.”
His father looked at him sternly as his mother put her hand over his. He used to sit beside his father but recent disagreements had caused him to change his seat because he could not be bothered with the angry stares he would get.
All his life he had known that his family was a family that avoided conflicts. Theirs was a way of life that promoted humility and peaceful resolutions, but his father could not meet him half way.
“This is not the time for this son,” his father said, resting his fork on the side of his plate.
Alan sighed. “Yes, father it is, because I want to discuss this as a family.”
As he waited for his father’s approval to speak he thought of how he would say it. When his father nodded he simply spoke from the heart like he always had. His father gave a curt nod and all eating stopped as he spoke.
“I will not be a preacher. I have decided tha-,” his words were cut short by his father.
“That is not your decision to make. It has already been decided and you agreed.”
Alan resented the way his father spoke to him. He wasn’t like his father, but he did not say what he was thinking. He instead carried on with what he had been about to say.
“Father, I have decided and I will not change my mind. Wouldn’t you rather select someone else for the task, someone who will enjoy it?”
He casted a knowing glance to his brother, Peter. His younger brother had always had a passion for church and would make a much better preacher. To confirm his thought, Peter smiled at him from across the table.
“I will do it father!” Peter piped up eagerly. Alan had known Peter wanted to for years but had waited patiently in the background while his father demanded Alan take on the responsibility.
“I have already spoken. Alan, you will become a pastor.”
“No, father,” Alan said getting up from the table. “I would rather leave here than become a pastor, so if you cannot accept that then I think I will leave.”
A gasp went up around the table, and Alan could see his father’s face drain of any color it had before. He knew his words saddened his family, but it was simply what it was. He excused himself from the table and went for a walk in the evening air, finding himself outside of Jane’s house.
He already knew he wanted her, now his sub-conscious had pointed at the same thing. The thought that he might have to leave her behind made him sad.
He hoped that when he told her he might leave she would not think him bad for walking away from the life he knew.
* * *
10
Chapter TEN
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“ It was so sad, how life could
sometimes destroy your dreams …”
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It was late evening and Jane felt none of the exhaustion she had felt earlier that day. She took a shower and lay staring at her ceiling. She wasn’t quite sure what she was thinking of but knew that her mind was busy at work.
When she could finally get it to slow down, it went to the lecture Carey had given her earlier that day. It had been a lecture of love. She had finally mustered up the courage to speak to Carey about the issues Alan faced with his family and the impossible choice he would have to make sooner or later.
“So you chose the wrong one then?” Carey asked, trying to make her smile but it hadn’t worked.
Jane had known from the first date she had with Alan that she liked him much more than just seeing where this would go. She had felt a strong connection to him and his willingness to show her his vulnerable side, despite the stone coldness everybody else thought he had.
She bolted upright at the sound of something landing against her window. At first she thought it was just another night owl with poor vision. They had been seeing quite a few of those around lately, but then it came again and she rushed to her window and looked out. Below stood Alan staring up at her with a sad smile on his face and a small bouquet of flowers in his hand. As much as she wanted to just rush out to talk with him, she knew she had to first get permission to do so.
She hopped out of bed knowing tonight was the night she would tell him that she had chosen Byron. They had given each other space but she just knew that the man who had responded to her mail order bride ad, was in fact the man for her and she could not settle with Alan though she thought him to be quite sweet and caring.
“Are you okay?” Gretchen asked her as she lightly ran down the stairs pulling her sweater over her shoulders.
“Yes,” she said with a smile. “Alan is outside and I think it is time he and I spoke deeply about our situation.”
“Is he alright?” Gretchen asked, a look of confusion on her face.
“I hope so.”
The realization at what she was implying flashed across Gretchen’s face, followed by a big grin. “You are not choosing wrong, Jane. Byron is a good man and Jemma seems to like him more and more these days.”
She smiled at the older woman who had become like a mother to her. “Yes, I know. My heart is telling me he is the one and I will not ignore it.”
She excused herself and walked out the door to where Alan stood. For Jane, his presence meant maybe something had gone wrong since he had said he would be speaking to his parents that night, or maybe it had gone well.
“Hi,” she smiled at Alan who had made his way to her front steps and sat down, patiently waiting on her.
He stood up as she walked up to him and handed her the makeshift bouquet he had picked along the way. She could see a strange sadness in h
is eyes, and she knew she was about to break his heart.
“I tried Jane,” he said, “but my father would not listen.”
They sat in silence, Alan trying to understand the look on Jane’s face, but not wanting to say it out loud. Alan took her hand in his as they sat there and she rested her head against his shoulder.
“I told him that if I couldn’t be what I wanted to be that I would leave,” Alan whispered to her.
Her heart stopped beating for a second or two and she turned her head to look in his eyes. She had figured that would have been a possibility before, but she had never thought it would ever actually come to pass.
“And how do you feel about that?”
In that moment, she remembered Carey’s question about whether she had chosen the wrong one or not. Now more than ever she was certain she had not.
“I don’t want to leave my family, but my father would stifle me into misery. I cannot stay in this town,” he said with such finality she knew he had made his mind up.
“Are you sure that is what you want to do?”
“I have to go,” he said to Jane, squeezing her hand. “Will you come with me?”
She sighed at the mere thought of breaking his heart in her response, but it had to be done.
“I am sorry Alan,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I want you to have the life you want for yourself, but I do not think that will be with me.”
He looked at her in shock and she felt like a despicable human being in that moment.
“What are you saying, Jane?” His voice was coarse and she couldn’t tell if it was filled with anger or with disappointment.
“Can I be honest with you and you not hate me for it?” she asked him.
“Yes, please go ahead.”
She went to rest a hand on his but he pulled away from her. “I came here to be with Byron, and my daughter made that hard to begin with and so we had decided that we would part ways. For that reason I was open to courting you and I know you know this. But Byron and I have since reconciled.”
“So I was nothing more than a distraction for your aching heart?”
“No!” she said vehemently. “Never. I was simply ready to move on but as fate would have it, my heart would not let me. I have spent some valuable time with Byron and the more I have the more I know he is who I am meant to be with. And so I would rather tell you this painful truth now than have you disillusioned anymore. And in any event I have a child. I cannot keep moving her around. She needs stability. That is something she has found in Byron who she now dotes on and I cannot take that form her.”
“So this is it then?” he asked her sadly.
She sighed. “I am afraid so, but I wish you wouldn’t go. We will all miss you here.”
He stood suddenly. “This is the life you left Minnesota for Jane, but it is the life I must leave Springfield to find. I wish you and Byron nothing but the best though and know that wherever I go I will always hold you all in my prayers.”
He didn’t give her the opportunity to say much else and with day break he was gone. A sadness went through the ranch as the news spread and for the next two days she spent her time alone or with Jemma, trying to come to grips with the part she had played in Alan’s leaving.
* * *
Byron got up early the next morning due to the incessant squeals of excitement from Jemma, who was not about to allow him to get out of the promise he had made her. Riding that is.
“Do I get my own gear?” she asked him excitedly taking his hand.
He smiled down at her rosy face. “Yes. I bought you your own suit just yesterday.”
She squealed again and skipped ahead of him down the hall to where her mother stood, reeling of the joys of the news she had just gotten from him.
“Thank you,” Jane said to him and he nodded his head at her as Carey came in and took Jemma to don the new clothes she had gotten.
“I love my boots, Mama!” she called to her mother as they walked out of the house moments later. Truth be told they were a little big for her and seemed to swallow her tiny legs, but she would likely grow into them.
“Okay, up you go,” he said to her as her pony was led out of the barn.
“Ooh, is he mine? Is he mine?”
Her joy was infectious and he found himself being caught up in it with her. “He is all yours,” he said with a laugh and ruffled her hair before helping her up into the saddle.
He spent the next five minutes adjusting her saddle and answering her many questions and when she finally got to move the pony forward, her smile was bigger than ever. He found himself hoping that come what may he would be around to put many more smiles such as that one on her face. That was if her mother had decided to stay. Somehow he just could not imagine his life without them anymore.
For two hours he taught Jemma how to ride her little pony and then took her out to the meadow so she could use the knowledge she had just garnered. She was a natural, and though he never let go of the reins to the horse, he allowed her total control of its direction and its pace.
“Look at me Byron! Look at me!” she was overtaken with joy as he ran beside her throughout the long, narrow valley. He was out of breath by the time she was done but it was well worth it. When they jogged back to the barn Jane was looking on with unshed tears of joy and he found himself welling up too. A tired Jemma was whisked away to wash up for dinner and they had a moment together.
“Thank you Byron,” Jemma shouted back to him as she disappeared.
“She likes you,” Jane said.
“I think she is pretty awesome too,” he resigned himself to admitting it.
It was three days later after Alan had left that he broached the topic.
“Do you miss him?” Byron came up behind her as she stood there taking in the view of the valley below.
She turned to him with a welcoming smile. “I don’t know if I am capable of missing him, but I am sorry he left.”
“What do you mean?” he asked her and she realized just how cold those words must have sounded.
She sighed and decided to tell him the truth from the get go. “I think my heart chose you a long time ago and my courtship with Alan was me seeking to deal with your rejection. It was a horrible way to do that and I must do penance for the added pain he must have felt.”
“I heard you the night he came to see you,” Byron confessed.
“You were eavesdropping?” she asked him, feeling like her privacy had been violated.
“No,” he said calmly sitting beside her as Jemma ran back out and into his arms. She was quite happy with the way they had taken to each other.
“How did you hear us?” she asked him when Jemma decided to go down to the stream.
“I came to see if you were okay after Gretchen told me he was there. It was very late and kind of unusual for a gentleman to be calling at that hour so I just wanted to make sure you were okay and I caught the last part of the conversation.
She blushed in embarrassment and he laughed, placing a finger under her chin and turning her face to meet his. “To be honest Jane, my heart chose you too,” he said.
She couldn’t believe he was saying those words and the hot Kansas air just got significantly hotter. “What does that mean?” she asked him, finding it momentarily hard to breathe.
He took her gloved hand from her lap and she stiffened to his touch. When he moved to pull the glove off she stopped him in embarrassment, begging him with her eyes not to reveal the most hideous part of her. He kissed her cheek and then lightly placed a kiss on her lips.
“It means that I have fallen in love with you and the little one over there,” he said pointing at Jemma who was busy peering into the water around her. Then he turned his attention back to her. “It means I don’t see my life without you and never again do you have to hide your scars from me. I want all of you Jane. The good, the bad and the indifferent. I want to know you and love you like my heart is begging me to
do and I will never regret a day of it for the rest of my life. You and Jemma have brought so much light to my life and I would welcome the opportunity to grow and build something exceptional with you.”
Jane could not believe what she was hearing. “Are you being serious or are you playing a cruel joke on me?”
He laughed and brought her scarred hand to his lips yet again. “These words are my bond, Jane Cameron. I would welcome a life with you in it.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. It was a tear of joy as she watched Jemma splash happily about. For what seemed like an eternity of hardship, she was finally getting what she hoped she would. Who would have thought becoming a mail order bride, and reluctantly so, would have blossomed into such a beautiful thing?
“I love you Byron Davidson,” she whispered as he lowered his lips to hers.
“And I am in love with you, Jane Cameron,” he kissed her lightly before dashing off fully clothed to play in the river with the child who she knew had come to see him as her father.
Life had been hard, but as she watched them and saw visions of the future they would have, she knew that she had made the right choice and she thanked Alex for pushing her to go to the place where love had been waiting on her.
* * *
Epilogue
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Three months later
They crept into Jemma's room just before she would wake and placed small kisses on her face, waking her with the kind of love she deserved. Jane was happy to see that Byron had adjusted to her daughter and had taken the time to ensure she had adjusted to him
