by Dani Collins
She’d noticed the elevator stopped moving, but the doors had remained shut. His security detail was always one step ahead of any potential problem. She admired that kind of cunning even if right now she wanted off that lift more than just about anything.
A small jerk of his head meant the doors remained closed. “Hardly a discussion when you have not allowed me to speak.”
“No, you are right, it is not a discussion when the man who intends to marry me, despite having never gotten my agreement to that eventuality, starts laying down the law about the way I will be dressing in the future. I don’t remember you asking my opinion on that, you are right.”
With that she gave the bodyguard a look letting him know she meant business, but was sure the King had given his tacit approval, or the doors would not have swished open.
Uncaring of the why, Nataliya swept out of the elevator, heading for the front doors, certain their limousine would be waiting for her outside.
They were in the car and moving through city traffic before he broke the silence between them. “It was not my intention to offend you with my remarks.”
“Wasn’t it? But I’d always believed you were a top-drawer diplomat,” she said with no little sarcasm. Just what exactly had he intended if not to offend?
His mouth firmed. “I assumed that certain things had been made clear to you at finishing school as you were supposed to be prepared for eventual marriage to a prince of my house.”
“Newsflash, I did not agree with everything my mentors said in finishing school and found the university far more to my liking.” In fact, she’d only attended said finishing school so she could attend university and pursue a degree in computer programming and software design.
Something even her mother had insisted was unnecessary and would end up being useless to Nataliya later in life. Solomia had wanted her to get a liberal arts degree if Nataliya insisted on going to college. But Nataliya had fought for the future she’d wanted, while believing that part of that future was out of her control and had been since she was eighteen.
“The reports from the school do not mention a tendency to rebellion.”
She wasn’t at all surprised Nikolai had read Nataliya’s progress reports from finishing school. She had no doubt he’d also read her college transcripts and all relevant commentary from professors and teachers alike.
“The fact I became a computer hacker rather than following a far more acceptable pursuit for a future princess didn’t enlighten you?” she asked, revising her view of his powers of observation.
And not in a positive direction.
“Funnily enough, no.”
“Because I never rebelled against the medieval contract I signed when I was eighteen?” she guessed.
The infinitesimal shift in his expression said she’d got it in one.
“I can’t really explain that in terms of my sense of independent thought. It was just there, this knowledge I had promised to marry Konstantin.”
“A prince of my house, not Konstantin per se.”
“Well, he was the one I thought I was marrying and honestly? I wasn’t keen to date or fall for someone and get hurt like Mama had been by my father.”
“Theirs was a love match?”
“On her side, though their parents were instrumental in bringing them together.” And like so many times in her mother’s life, it was obvious her parents had placed their own social standing and prestige above what was best for their daughter.
Her grandparents hadn’t argued against Mama’s and Nataliya’s exiles any more than anyone else had. Both had died, their daughter never restored to her place of birth.
“So you had family precedent.”
“I’m a member of the royal family of Volyarus—of course I had precedent. Aunt Oxana married my uncle to give him heirs and he never let his mistress go. She made marriage for duty look easy.” And somehow right.
Her aunt had never been happy in her marriage. She couldn’t have been, but Oxana had never complained, had never shown regret for becoming Queen and giving birth to the heir to the throne.
“Your attitude has changed though?” he asked, not sounding happy.
“Not exactly.” She may not have enjoyed finishing school, but Nataliya had been taught from birth to put duty to the royal family first.
She simply intended to do that without losing herself in the process.
She tried to put that into words and was surprised at the understanding that came over the King’s features. Not only understanding, but approval.
“You have a strong sense of integrity and duty, but also an equally strong sense of self. Believe it, or not, Nataliya, I think that is a good thing.”
“Even if it means I wear provocative couture one day and jeans off the rack the next?”
“It will be my preference that my wife dress appropriate to her station on all the days, but how to define that will naturally not only be for me to determine.”
She wasn’t sure she believed him. The guy who thought he didn’t have to ask her to marry him despite her spelling it out to him. And she wasn’t all that impressed with his belief it was not only his to determine, rather than hers in full.
* * *
Despite the argument that Nikolai insisted on referring to as a lively discussion, Nataliya enjoyed herself very much at the charity ball.
She was thrilled Nikolai had purchased an entire table’s worth of tickets and then rather than filling the spots with dignitaries, he’d held a lottery for the employees of the charity to fill the seats. Each seat came along with the privilege of bidding on auction items up to a set amount that the House of Merikov would pay. In every way, he gave the seat winners a fairy-tale evening.
It was brilliant PR, but even with that aspect, she couldn’t help being flat-out impressed.
Who wouldn’t want to be with the guy so willing to make other people’s dreams come true?
In his perfectly tailored dinner suit, he was also the best-looking man in the giant ballroom. She let herself fall into the fantasy as they danced after the auction to music slow enough to justify him holding her.
But the fantasy crashed and burned when a tap on his shoulder indicated another man wanted to break into the dance. That other man? Her father.
She gasped, anger filling her faster than the air refilling her lungs and then she jerked back in involuntary reaction to her father’s nearness.
“No.” She shook her head. “I am not dancing with you.”
“You are making a scene,” her father censured her. He gave his patented smile to the King. “Pardon my daughter, she has clearly spent too many years living like a commoner.”
Panic tried to claim Nataliya, but she refused to let it take hold. Looking around them, she realized they were the center of attention among the nearest dancing couples. Soon it would be the whole room, but she would not dance with her father.
“You will have to excuse us, but I do not enjoy the opportunity of dancing with my intended often enough to relinquish her to another.” Nikolai adroitly pulled her back into his arms and shifted so he stood between her and her father.
Shock coursed through her and she nearly stumbled.
No one had ever stood between her and her father. Not once. Not her mother. Not the security detail hired to protect her family, not her royal relatives.
The idea that Nikolai would risk making a scene to back up her refusal to dance with the Count was so astonishing, she had no frame of reference for it.
This was the man who had spent the beginning of their evening making it clear he expected her to dress the part of his Princess and yet when it came to actions, he was not allowing diplomacy to guide him.
But rather her expressed needs.
Her father tapped on the King’s shoulder again, his smug smile still in place. “I really must insi
st. It has been too long since I have seen my daughter.”
“No.” That was all Nikolai said, but he did it with utter freezing civility and spun her away.
“Do you want me to have my security alert the authorities? Count Shevchenko is breaking the restraining order you and your mother have out against him, is he not?”
“You know about that?” Although when they’d first been exiled, her father had gone to Monaco with his latest flame, he followed Nataliya and her mother to Seattle when he ran out of money.
One trip to the ER later and her mother filed for divorce and the restraining order in the same week.
Her father had settled in New York, unwilling to risk jail time returning to Washington State.
“But apparently no one in your Volyarussian family does.”
“Mama doesn’t want anyone in her family to know.” Her father’s violent nature was never to be spoken of to anyone else. Mama had drilled that into Nataliya from her earliest memories.
While Mama had taken the order out and done more to break away from her toxic marriage than she’d ever done in Volyarus, Nataliya’s mother felt deep shame for what her husband had done to her and their daughter. Mama had never wanted to talk about it, though she had started seeing a therapist.
Nataliya had learned young to carry the shame of her father’s sins as if they were her own.
“Why?” Nikolai asked her.
And it took a moment for Nataliya to order her chaotic thoughts enough to realize what he was asking. “Because she’s afraid they’ll tell her she’s wrong to have filed for it and kept it current? Because she’s ashamed we need one? Because one simply does not talk about things like infidelity, much less abuse? Because she was made to feel like she carried the blame as much as he did for his actions? Take your pick.”
“As you have been made to feel that his failings are yours?” Nikolai asked far too astutely.
“Does it matter? I know I’m not responsible for his actions.”
“Maybe coming to realize that made you less willing to tolerate the claim the contract between our families had on you.”
He could be right. Nataliya had grown less willing to play her part as future bride of Prince Konstantin from the time she’d realized she wasn’t paying the price for her mother’s happiness, but for her father’s sins.
Remembering what else Nikolai had asked, she sighed. “No authorities. The order is filed in Washington, not New York. It would be a hassle and he’d talk himself out of it anyway.”
“I will not let him near you.”
“Why would you promise that?” How could he know that even her father’s proximity sparked irrational panic in Nataliya?
“Did you know that he put his last mistress in the hospital?”
She shook her head, feeling guilt that was not hers to feel. Nataliya was not responsible for the actions of her father. Not now. Not in the past.
It had been a difficult lesson to learn, but she’d refused to spend her entire life feeling shame for her father’s ugly choices.
“Neither you, nor your mother told your family what he was really like?”
“We were already so ashamed of his public behavior, we couldn’t share what he was like at home.”
“You were a child. She was the wife he did not honor.” Nikolai’s tone was certain. “Neither of you had any shame to carry.”
“I know that in my head but getting my heart to believe has been a years’ long process.”
“I did not know he would be here.”
“Me either. Do you think he knew I would be?”
Nikolai inclined his head austerely. “Our plans have been of utmost interest to the media.”
“It’s the fairy-tale story of the decade.” Nataliya’s mouth twisted cynically. “The King who’s courting the lady who lives like a commoner.”
“So you acknowledge I am courting you.”
“I have never denied it.”
“You simply refuse to confirm the outcome.”
“Have you asked me to?” she asked, working not to roll her eyes.
“You’re very much hung up on that issue.”
“And you are very arrogant.”
He shrugged. “It would be stranger if I was not.”
“Haven’t you heard? Humility is a trait to be admired.”
“False humility has no appeal to me.”
She huffed out a laugh, unable to stop herself. “Clearly.”
“You think I should pretend not to know my own mind? Where is the integrity in that?”
“No, I don’t think you should pretend. I think you should not be so sure you know best all the time.”
“But I do.”
“Hush. Just dance with me, all right? I’ve had an upsetting moment.”
He pulled her just a little closer while remaining nothing but appropriate in how he held her. “Hushing.”
“Do you always have to have the last word?” she asked, exasperated.
He just looked at her, as if saying, No, see? Here I am not having the last word.
In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to press her body into his and lay her head on his strong shoulder. Let him hold her and protect her, when she had never expected anyone else to protect her. When her entire life, all Nataliya could remember was doing her best to protect others.
She could still remember being no older than three or four and stepping between her mother and father, yelling at him to stop hitting her mama. He’d backhanded her so hard she’d hit the wall and she could remember nothing else from that night.
She didn’t know if she’d been knocked out or it was just her spotty trauma memory at work again, leaving holes that often made little sense to her.
* * *
They were in the limousine on the way back to her hotel suite when she commented, “I think my father left early. It’s not like him to give up so easily. I was sure he’d try to talk to me again.”
“I had him escorted out.”
“Aren’t you worried he’ll go to the press and accuse you of throwing your weight around?” That was exactly the kind of thing Count Danilo Shevchenko would do.
Nikolai did not look worried. “I think my reputation can withstand anything a disgraced count could attempt to throw at it.”
There went his arrogance again, but she admitted she liked it, if only to herself. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Would you be saying that if I refused to honor the contract?” she couldn’t help asking.
“But you are not going to refuse.”
“You’re so sure.” When she still wasn’t.
“You have more integrity than any woman I know.”
“I know loads of women with integrity.”
“As do I, but not one of them is more honorable than you.”
“Even Queen Tiana?” She wished she could take the question back the moment it popped out.
He’d said he didn’t want to talk about his first marriage. Besides, it made Nataliya sound insecure and she didn’t like that.
He surprised her by answering though. “Yes.” He looked like he was thinking about what he wanted to say next. “Our marriage was not the perfect joining of two hearts the media painted it to be.”
If the fact he’d answered was surprising, the answer itself shocked her. Nataliya remembered how in love he’d seemed when he’d married the daughter of one of the new Russian oligarchy. Nataliya had thought the other woman beautiful but spoiled.
And she’d felt bad for thinking that. She’d always assumed her impression of the other woman was skewed by Nataliya’s own unrequited feelings for Nikolai. And she hadn’t liked knowing that about herself.
“Thank you,” she said now, not sure what else to say in the light of
her own nosy question and his very unexpected, honest answer.
He shrugged, but his expression was forbidding. “I was not flattering you, merely speaking the truth.”
“Still, it’s a nice truth to hear. To be valued for something other than my womb and royal lineage is surprisingly satisfying.” She wasn’t going to mention the comparison with his dead wife where Queen Tiana came out second.
Or his admission his first marriage hadn’t been perfect. That wasn’t the important issue here anyway.
“I am glad you think so.”
She bit back a sigh. It was nice to hear, but could his respect for her make for a strong marriage when he showed no actual desire for her despite having told her he thought she was attractive?
Biting her lip, she studied him and then finally asked. “Are you ever going to kiss me?”
There could be no doubt she’d surprised him. It showed on the handsome, strong features that rarely showed uncalculated reaction.
He gave her a repressing look. “I believe that should come after you have agreed to marry me.”
“You don’t think it might help me agree?” Or not. If they had no chemistry.
Which on her side she had no doubts of, but her doubts in his genuine attraction for her were growing with each date that ended without so much as a kiss on the cheek.
“I will not allow sex to influence my choices and would prefer you weren’t under the influence of sexual need when you make yours.”
“You do expect to have sex though? After we are married?” He didn’t really anticipate using IVF to get her pregnant, did he?
She didn’t realize she’d asked that last out loud until the look of shocked horror on his features told her she had.
“Yes, we will have sex. There will be no test-tube babies for us.”
“Okay. Good.”
“Your lifestyle to this point has not indicated a desire for sexual intimacy.”
“I’ve already explained that to you.” She made no effort to prevaricate.
For whatever reason, she didn’t want Nikolai to believe she’d ever gone to bed with another man while she would have been perfectly happy for Konstantin to make that assumption.
