Sophie's Voice

by HELEN HARDT

Yes, no part of Sophie remaining. That was what she truly wanted. If she could only meld into Zach, become part of him, perhaps she would like herself more, be able to respect herself.

  Zach continued to nibble at her nipples. She arched her back, mentally forcing him closer to her. Oh, the joy, the ecstasy. How could anything be better?

  In a flash, Zach had gently pushed her onto the soft grass. He hovered above her, piercing her eyes with his own. Had a more handsome man ever been created? One auburn curl fell off of his forehead, and she resisted the urge to reach for it.

  “You are delicious, Sophie. So very luscious.” He trailed his fingers down her arm, across her abdomen, and then reached into her drawers.

  Sophie gasped.

  Zach nodded his head slowly. “Please, sweet, let me.”

  The softness of his finger against the most private part of her shocked and enlightened her. Her skin bristled and tightened, and lightning flashed between her legs.

  “You are so wet. So wet for me.”

  Wet? What did he mean by that? She would need to talk to Ally later. Right now, she was overwhelmed with feeling, emotion, sensation. And then her breath caught as something slid inside of her most private place.

  “Just a finger, love. Don’t you worry. Your maidenhead is still intact. Please, let me pleasure you this way.”

  Sophie faded into the grass, becoming one with her surroundings. Yes, yes, this was it. No more Sophie, just the pleasure, just the marvelous torment. This was what she wanted… What she needed.

  Slowly Zach slid his finger in and out of her while something else—was it his thumb?—teased a tight bundle of nerves at her center.

  “Oh, my!” Although she lay still, her hips were moving of their own accord, reaching, running, wanting something more than anything else… What was it? What was she running toward? Her body yearned for something… Just out of reach… Just out of—

  Holiness! Something inside her shattered, and tiny sparks started at her sexual center and radiated outward through every nerve ending to her skin where she tingled all over. She was airborne, even though her body was still melted into the ground. She soared higher, higher, higher, reaching the precipice.

  Oh, yes, holiness. Anything this beautiful and amazing had to be holy, didn’t it?

  What on earth had happened to her? She stretched, grasped, tried to seize the awareness and make it last. She held on, gripped the grass at her side, wanting more, more, more…

  “Yes, yes, Sophie, that’s it. Come for me. Come all over my hand.”

  Come? Zach’s words didn’t make sense. But at the moment, she didn’t care. She wanted to hold on to this sensation as long as she could.

  She continued to climb, fly, spread her wings…

  When she finally began to float downward, Zach was still caressing her most private place, murmuring words of comfort to her.

  “That’s it, my love. That’s it.”

  Sophie smiled, completely sated, completely one with the earth beneath her. Though her eyes were closed, vibrant colors danced against her eyelids, and an ethereal sense of peace consumed her, unlike anything she’d ever experienced.

  When she finally opened her eyes, Zach sat beside her, looking down at her, his eyes dancing.

  “You’re so beautiful, Sophie.”

  Suddenly, embarrassment overwhelmed her. She was lying here in nothing but her drawers, and his fingers had been beneath them. She sat up quickly and covered her breasts with her arms.

  “A shame to cover such beauty,” Zach said, smiling.

  “My goodness,” Sophie said, “I have no idea what’s gotten to me. Why did I let you…? Why did I…?”

  “I’m afraid I can’t answer that, sweet, but I’m very glad you did. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Did you?”

  “Why… A lady wouldn’t… I…I shouldn’t say…”

  “It’s perfectly natural for a woman to enjoy such encounters.”

  “That is what my sister always says…”

  “Your sister happens to be correct. Now tell me, Sophie love, did you enjoy yourself?”

  “I…I cannot say that…”

  Zach grabbed her, turned her over his knee, and landed a smack on her bottom. “My lady, for every lie you tell me, I will give this charming rump of yours a slap.”

  Sophie cried out, more from shock than pain. What was he doing? A jolt of energy rushed through her, surprising her even more. This was far from the first swat on her bottom she’d ever received, but… The others had been courtesy of a man she despised, a man who’d wanted to hurt her. But this? A handsome and kind man who had just shown her pleasure beyond reality was the perpetrator. It felt different, too. Oh, yes, it stung as any slap would, but the sting was oddly…pleasurable?

  What on earth was she doing? Letting a man she hardly knew kiss her, touch her intimately, and now…spank her? Before she could voice her disapproval, his palm came down on her bottom once more.

  And once more, energy coursed through her, culminating in that secret spot between her legs that was still sensitive and pulsating.

  “Sir,” she said, “I have not lied to you. I do not lie.”

  “Oh, my lady, but you did. You experienced a climax, and there is no woman in the world who doesn’t enjoy a climax.”

  Climax? She would ask Ally about that. Whatever it was, she had enjoyed it—had reveled in it, actually—but a lady wouldn’t admit to such things.

  “No, of course I didn’t enjoy any of this.”

  Slap! Another spank on her bottom, and oh, the sting, the pleasure, the pain… Tiny little convulsions launched between her legs… Could it be? Not the… Oh, yes! She soared again, spiraling out of control! Such a heady sensation! What was happening to her?

  “My dear Sophie, you are a rare treasure indeed—the voice of an angel, and a woman so responsive to my every touch. You are something special.”

  As she came down from her high, she processed Zach’s words. Special? She was far from special. A rare treasure? Zach Newland had obviously gone dotty.

  “Let me up, please.”

  Zach helped her into a sitting position. “Absolutely, my dear. I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

  “Then why do you persist in asking me to sing on your stage?” Sophie asked, hastily pulling her chemise over her exposed skin.

  He smiled, a gleam in his eye. “A fair question. I keep asking because you auditioned for me. And the fact that you auditioned means singing is something you want to do.”

  “I auditioned because I lost a bet with my conniving younger sister.”

  “Lady Xavier? Yes, I know of her. Quite the beauty.”

  Sophie nodded. So much more striking than she would ever be.

  “However,” Zach continued, “I find you infinitely more beautiful.”

  Sophie rose and fiddled with her corset. “You smacked my bottom when I lied to you. Should I smack yours now?”

  Zach let out a laugh. “I might enjoy that, actually. However, whatever makes you think I’m lying to you?”

  “Ally is far more beautiful than I. You must be lying.”

  “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sweet, and as I behold you, I see beauty as infinite as the stars in the sky.”

  Sophie warmed all over, turning her back to Zach so he couldn’t see her blushing. “Could you please help me with my corset?”

  Zach stood. “Of course, though I must say you’re far more enchanting out of it.”

  Quite the charmer, this one. Quite the fabricator as well. Once her corset was tightened, Zach helped her into her gown and buttoned it up in the back.

  She said little as he walked her back to the house. What had gotten into her? Zach Newland was no gentleman. She would never be alone with him again. And she certainly wouldn’t sing in his production.

  How could she have been so self-indulgent? And how could she have let herself be so aroused? Gratified? A lady wouldn’t…

  No use crying over a b
roken teacup. It had happened.

  But it could never happen again.

  * * *

  After a brief nap before supper, Sophie strolled to the library of the Brighton estate. Ally was still resting, and Sophie didn’t want to disturb her because of her condition. However, Ally had told Sophie many times about all the reading she had done…about…

  Gracious, Sophie. You were just nearly nude in front of a man, and you can’t even think the words to yourself?

  Well, she didn’t have to actually think the words to find the books, did she? The Brighton library was vast, and Sophie hadn’t ventured into it often—only when she wanted a new novel to read. She read mostly from her own private collection of novels, and occasionally she would borrow from Ally, Lily, or Rose. She adored having her nose in a book, and she frequently reread her favorites.

  Where to begin? This room was wall-to-wall books, literally. She inhaled. The crisp scent of parchment and the rich aroma of leather bindings wafted toward her. Burgundy brocade chairs sat in each corner, flanked by tables and lamps. She drew a match and lit a lamp.

  Where exactly did one look to find books on…those words she couldn’t bring herself to form in her mind?

  Novels… Yes, she knew where those were, as she had borrowed some previously. Books of history, religion, philosophy… Giant leather-bound tomes filled the shelves. However, those weren’t what she was looking for. Biographies… Memoirs… A giant book of maps—an atlas… All fascinating, but not what she needed.

  The sciences—botany, chemistry, zoology… Human anatomy… That might be a start. She grabbed the book off the shelf and began perusing it, finding only graphic depictions of the circulatory system and skeletal system. No, clearly not what she had in mind.

  Yes! A book sat just out of her reach on one of the higher shelves, but she could read its spine. An Introduction to the Marriage Bed by Lady Margaret Mead. Sophie stretched, standing on tiptoes—

  “Oh!” She lost her footing and fell.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “My lady!” One of the downstairs maids hovered above Sophie. “I was walking by, and I heard you take a fall. Are you all right? Can you get up?”

  Sophie gathered her wits. “Yes, I’m fine. Thank you for asking. I’m afraid it’s my own clumsiness. I was trying to reach a—” She could say no more. She couldn’t very well admit which book she’d been reaching for. Of course, this maid was taller than she and perhaps could…

  No. Absolutely not. Gossip among the servants traveled faster than the rail.

  “Were you trying to reach a book, my lady? Perhaps I could help.”

  “Oh, no. Thank you for your offer, but I am no longer interested in reading material this afternoon. Do be on your way now.”

  The maid curtsied politely and left.

  Should she try again? Why not? Sophie grasped the shelf for support this time, stretched upon her toes, and grabbed the book from the shelf. Now, how to get it to her chamber without anyone seeing her? Ally was still abed, and she didn’t know where Evan was. Her mother and the earl had gone out for the day although they would be returning soon. If only she had a shawl with her to hide the book in.

  Well, it couldn’t be helped. She’d have to put the book back. As she stepped toward the shelf to return it, she dared to open it in the middle.

  The sage wife will permit no more than one or two sexual experiences per week. Little by little, she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. A wife should not allow her husband liberties at all during the week of her courses.

  Confusion muddled Sophie’s brain. Sexual activity should be reduced? But Ally, Rose, and Lily seemed to like it so much. In fact, Ally had told Sophie many times that women had just as many desires as men. Was Ally mistaken? Or was Lady Margaret Mead?

  Sophie closed the book and hugged it to her chest. She had to read more. She stole out of the library and down the hallway to the servants’ staircase. As quietly as she could, she ascended and walked swiftly until she finally reached her own chamber on the second level. She silently closed her door and flopped onto her bed.

  The book sat next to her, beckoning. Each time she reached for it, she drew her hand away quickly, frightened.

  Oh, for goodness’ sake, Sophie. It’s a book. Just a book.

  She opened it to the first page.

  If you are reading this book, may I congratulate you on finding a husband. You have begun fulfilling your ultimate duty as a woman. Your duty now is to serve your husband, bear his children, and raise them. Your sole reason for existence revolves around this new man in your life. His needs are now your needs, his goals your goals, his likes and dislikes are your likes and dislikes.

  The marriage bed is, unfortunately, now a part of your life. Do not delude yourself into thinking it enjoyable. Perhaps some women find it such, but most do not. But you must succumb to your husband’s baser desires. To understand the male human, think of animals copulating in the wild. The male human is not unlike his creature counterparts. He has urges, urges that must be met or he will become violent. While you may have been lucky enough to find a man who is gentle in most areas of his life, he may not be gentle in the marriage bed. You must lie back and allow him to do as he wishes, especially this first night. Get through it by hoping that he gives you a child. Once you are with child, he will most likely sate his desires elsewhere until you have given birth.

  Sophie shook her head, confounded. This sounded nothing like what Ally talked about. And what in the world was that phenomenon that had happened to Sophie today in the alcove—with feelings so intense and pleasurable she thought she must be drifting into the heavens?

  She closed the book. She would wait and talk to her sister. Perhaps Ally could show her some of the books she had read.

  She startled at a knock on her door. Quickly, Sophie threw the book under her bed and then casually—or so she hoped—walked to the door and opened it.

  Her maid, Hannah, stood there. “Supper is served in ten minutes, my lady.”

  “Very well. Thank you, Hannah.”

  Sophie was far from hungry. Her body was… She couldn’t find the words. Perhaps Ally would be at dinner. Of course, their parents and Evan would also be there—not the opportune time to speak of what she needed to speak of.

  She descended and joined her family for dinner.

  * * *

  “So have you all heard the good news?” Ally asked.

  “And what good news would that be?” Her husband, Evan, cocked his head.

  “Yes, by all means, Ally, tell us,” the girls’ mother, Iris, the Countess Brighton, said, smiling.

  Sophie groaned inaudibly. She knew exactly what was coming.

  “Our own Sophie auditioned for Mr. Zachary Newland for his upcoming musicale, which was written by our esteemed cousin, the Earl of Thornton. Mr. Newland was so impressed, he wants to make Sophie his new lead soprano.”

  Evan smiled broadly. “Why, Sophie, that’s excellent news. I’ve always wondered why you keep your angelic voice to yourself.”

  “Indeed,” the earl said. “Congratulations to you.”

  Iris simply smiled, nodding.

  “When do you begin rehearsals?” Evan asked.

  Sophie swallowed a mouthful of potage. “I don’t.”

  “What do you mean?” Iris asked.

  Sophie opened her mouth to respond, but Ally was quicker.

  “Sophie doesn’t want to take the post. She wants to give up this amazing opportunity.”

  “Ally, I’m still a lady of the peerage, and I shouldn’t be singing for an audience.”

  “I agree,” Iris said. “Of course, if it were something you wanted to do, Sophie, I would support you. But as it’s not, I think, Ally, that we need to support Sophie’s decision.”

  “Evan, you agree with me, don’t you?” Ally batted her eyes at her husband.

  “I think Sophie would be wonderful, but I’m sorry, love. I have to agree with your mother that it’s her dec
ision. Not yours, and not mine.”

  Sophie gulped. “Thank you, Evan.”

  Ally pressed her napkin to her lips. “Sophie, you sit in the house all day. Don’t you want something more? Wouldn’t it bring joy into your life to know you are bringing joy into others’ lives with song?”

  “Ally, I would faint away on that stage, and you know it. Performing is simply not in my nature.”

  “You’re being silly. You made it through the audition, and Cameron said you were brilliant.”

  “I nearly lost my breakfast during that audition,” Sophie said. “If I have to feel that way every time I get on stage, I may starve to death.”

  “Don’t be so melodramatic,” Ally said.

  Sophie ignored her sister and continued with her dinner, saying little. Part of her—a part of her she hadn’t known existed until a few hours ago—longed to take the role. She had taken a risk this afternoon, and she had found pleasure unlike she’d ever imagined.

  “Goodness, Sophie, you’re blushing,” Ally said. “What is there to be embarrassed about now? You got through the audition.”

  Sophie locked her gaze on the second course the footman set in front of her—salmon croquettes, one of her favorites. Yet she had no desire to eat. The warmth in her cheeks rapidly spread to her neck.

  “Leave her alone, Ally,” Evan scolded. “Let her eat in peace.”

  Conversation rambled on around Sophie, but she didn’t join in. This day had turned into a conundrum. She’d auditioned for a musicale, gotten her first kiss from a man, and then let that same man molest her in broad daylight!

  All very out of character for her. Who was Sophie now?

  She did love singing, and if her voice could bring joy to others… But dear Lord, she would be ill every time she went on stage.

  But being on stage… When she’d finally started singing, nearly forgetting anyone was watching her, and then the thunderous applause that followed—all of that had been truly heaven.

  When supper had finally concluded, Sophie did not retire to the porch for tea with her mother and sister. Instead, she went back to the library. Surely she could find another book. Ally had told her of volumes that spoke of a woman’s sexual desire, and the book about the marriage bed certainly did no such thing.