by Xyla Turner
"What's this about Dessy, dreams and voodoo?" I pointed to the wide-eyed prospect.
"Voodoo?" he exclaimed. "I know nothing about that shit."
Then recognition hit him and he said, "Oh, this must be about what I told your sister. Yeah, she bought me a lot of drinks and was asking all these questions about Dessy. I thought she just wanted to get to know her better but then I wasn't sure." The boy looked puzzled.
"So, what's the shit you were talking about?"
"It's nothing really. I just told her that Dessy's a dreamer. It sort of runs in her family. They have dreams that can show the future or what it could be. Shit like that. It's nothing really. She rarely gets them and usually Dessy don't pay much attention to them. Except when she had the dream about Haz setting me up and coming for us. That shit saved my life. I'm forever in debt to her about that."
He nodded like he was done.
"What's the shit about her and using drugs. She on something?" I asked.
"What?" His nose crinkled. "Oh, no. I just told her, we had dabbled in some hard shit, but It made both of us feel so bad, we didn't do it anymore. That was it. Dessy used to party hard, but she don't do that shit no more. Manor looks good on her. You know?" He was smiling. "She’s working out, being independent, and doing her thing. I'm happy for her. She always wanted a life with no worries. You know. She wasn't cut out for how we were living."
"You know about this?" I asked Bronx.
"Yeah, Shay and Dessy shared it with me." He nodded.
"You didn't care to share that shit with me?" I asked.
"Fuck no," he answered. "That's for her to share and if she didn't, then you should ask yourself why?"
"You trying to say something?" I asked.
"Not trying, I said it." Bronx raised an eyebrow.
"Fuck," I yelled.
My fingers ran through my hair as it hit me that I was head over heels in love with the woman and didn't know these key things about her.
"Bear," Razor called. "I've heard of dreamers before. This is nothing new or even creepy."
"Yeah," Bronx added.
I sat down as the world seemed to be turned upside down on me.
My head felt heavy as I realized that I was a little dizzy. I said aloud, "Why didn't she tell me?"
"Well, if it makes you feel any better? She didn't tell me until that shit went down with Haz," Jeb offered.
"No, that does not make me feel any fucking better. We share a bed every goddamn night. She had access to everything of mine; house, family, and businesses. She's intertwined in every fiber of my life and she keeps something like that from me."
"You're in love," Razor noted. "I get it."
My eyes met his and for once I admitted it to myself. I had fallen in love.
"Does she know about Grace?" Razor asked.
My eyes hit the floor again. She didn't. I hadn't shared that because I didn't think it was time. I hadn't planned to share that with her until I knew where we were headed. She might have felt the same way.
"Is she staying with you?" I asked Bronx.
"Not sure," he answered and pulled out his phone. "Kitten, is Dessy there?...yeah...okay...I'm putting you on speaker."
"Bear, why would Dessy be at my house?" Shay asked accusingly.
My hand extended to get the phone and I pressed the button.
The red one.
"Fuck." Bronx shook his head.
"That woman of yours threatened she would shoot me if I messed around with her cousin," I informed Bronx.
"Yeah, I talked her off the ledge of the other things she had planned if you fucked her over." He nodded.
"She's fucking crazy." I raised an eyebrow at him.
"No, she's badass," Jeb added.
"Until she's gunning for you," Razor inserted. "How about you let Dessy rest for the night? You sleep on it and she does too. You guys talk tomorrow. We can easily check her schedule if she doesn't show up at home. Plus, Shay will know something by then."
I nodded but still had to figure the rest of this shit out.
"Any of the brothers got a place for rent?" I asked.
"Yeah, Shiz just had a tenant go study abroad, so he needs a renter." Razor nodded.
"Great," I said.
THE NEXT DAY THERE was no word from Dessy and since I hung up the phone on Shay, she wasn't telling me or Bronx shit. Finally, I texted her:
Me: Please tell me if she's okay
Shay: She's fine, you grizzly bear
Me: thanks
I had been by her house three times and still there was no sign of anyone being home. Peppers and RIGOR would have reminded me of her, so I steered clear and went to the compound where I tried to get some rest. That never worked out because my mind was on full speed and there seemed to be no slowing down. She had no shifts that day, so I found myself at the diner peppering Apollo with questions about settling down. There was so much shit on my mind, I just needed to talk to someone who could understand where I was coming from.
I'd been down that road before and lost but this thing with Dessy felt like I needed it to breathe.
Again, no sleep came but since Dessy had both shifts the next day, I planned to be prepared. If she planned on coming back, she would either do it at night or go straight there in the morning. Either way, I camped out on her porch while hiding my bike behind a bush. No need to spook her and have her keep driving. Around ten at night, I saw headlights and then heard footsteps on the stairs.
"Dessy," I called, so I wouldn't scare her.
Then I stood and came from out of the shadows of the wooden porch.
She kept walking toward the door, so I said in a stern voice, "Stop, Dessy."
My girl obeyed me.
Thank God.
When I neared her, I went to move her hair but she flinched out of my reach and put the key inside the lock.
"Des..." I tried to call to her but she quickly walked inside and was about to close the door.
Moving swiftly, I blocked it and pushed It open. She turned and yelled, "Leave me alone, Bear!"
"Sweetheart, that's not happening," I answered calmly.
I kicked the door closed and stalked to her. "We're talking this out. You hear me? You don't get to up and leave me. Dessy. I've been looking all around for you and that damn cousin of yours wouldn't tell me shit. Anything could have happened."
"What does it matter to you? Huh?" she snapped as the tears started rolling down her face. "Carol done spewed her shit so go on and believe it. I'm done." She raised both of her hands.
"The fuck you are," I yelled. "You do not come in my life, turn it upside down and leave. You do not make me fall in love with you and decide you are going to leave me. You don't show me something new, something different, something real and fucking leave, Dessy. You wanna run, sweetheart? Fine. But know I’ll be right behind you."
The tears were dropping out of her eyes like a shower head was dripping. Her head was shaking back and forth when she said, "What?"
"You fucking heard me! You're not leaving."
"I'm not staying with your sister. I will not sit under the same roof and continue to be verbally abused by her any longer. She did it from day one and I didn't want to tell you because she's your family. I would never compete against your family. So, you see, we can't, Bear. She doesn't like me for whatever reason and I'm not going to compete with her for you."
Dessy was outright sobbing by that point.
Fuck it.
I moved toward her, pulled her in and hugged her tight, while whispering in her hair, "Dessy, stop crying. You're not leaving, okay? I won't let you. There's no competition. Carol's gone, okay."
"No," her voice was muffled. "I won't make you choose."
"Dessy, you're not making me choose. I made a decision and she's gone. She is moving tomorrow morning to one of Shiz's apartments. That's not on you, sweetheart. That's on me. My sister is bitter but she's my sister and I love her. You, Dessy, you're my own personal heaven, baby.
You're my future and I want you. I've been bitter. Fuck, I was raised to be bitter but it wasn't until you that I started to live. Really live." I kissed her forehead and held her face with both of my hands. "You taught me that. Life is not all fucked up. You dream, baby. Keep fucking dreaming. You just don't get to leave me."
Dessy's red eyes met mine, finally and the hurt in them broke my heart.
"Fuck," I murmured and picked her up.
"Bear," she sighed and laid her head in my neck.
We made it to her bedroom, where I laid her down and started taking her clothes off. Tugging my shirt off, I climbed in bed and pulled Dessy into me. Then I began to rub her back and whisper that I was here and not going anywhere. How I wanted her to stay with me forever. It was fine if she wanted to carry my seed and that I’d build a house for her. I told her everything on my mind except about Grace.
That was for tomorrow.
When I woke, Dessy was not in bed. My heart skipped for a beat until I took a whiff of the air and smelled the aroma of delicious bacon and coffee. After relieving myself, I found her in the kitchen bending to get the bacon out of the oven. After she finished placing the hot tray on the counter, I wrapped my hand around her stomach and said, "Good Morning."
"Morning," she said as her body sagged into mine.
"What time do you need to be at work?"
"Ten o'clock," she sighed as her hand covered my large one on her stomach.
"Okay, we gotta talk, sweetheart." I kissed her hair.
"I know," she breathed. "Can we eat first?"
"Yeah, you're on my lap though."
She nodded and I let her go so she could finish cooking the food.
Once I finished feeding the both of us, I continued to rub on her stomach and finally broke the silence and said, "Okay, so you're a dreamer."
She nodded her head and replied, "Yes, it sort of runs in my family. My mom and her mom were dreamers. We can dream about something and it will come true days or even years later. Usually something is off about the dream, like the place, the timing or even little things that may seem insignificant." She sighed. "Anyway, it's good and bad sometimes."
"How so?"
"The dreams aren't always good. You know?" She looked at me. "It's like with Haz coming for Jeb and me. All I heard was a shot and saw blood. In my head that meant one of us was going to die. I didn't know if it meant him, but see, either way it wasn't good. I don't like waking up to that shit."
"You ever dream about me?" I asked. “Before we got together, I dreamed about you all the time.”
Her face turned and I quickly brought it back in my direction.
"Tell me. I can handle it."
"Bear, promise me you won't freak out?" she asked.
"Sweetheart, I don't freak out." My eyes leveled with hers.
She blew out a sharp breath and said, "One and a half years ago, I had a dream and before me stood two paths. One was filled with lights and a big city and the other was filled with woodland and a big grizzly bear sitting under the tree. I decided to walk down that path because the bear intrigued me. As I walked past, he looked sad, as if he was stuck there, even though he was free. He watched me walk down the path and then it turned to night and all of a sudden, I saw two wolves. Their eyes glowed in the dark, a bright yellow, and the closer they came to me, the bigger they seemed to get. Then, they suddenly stopped and ran away. When I turned to find out what stopped them, I saw the bear standing on two feet because he had been following me. I kept walking and things kept coming but the bear served as my guardian. Then I reached my destination; it was a door and it was filled with people. As I walked through, the only face I saw was yours. When I turned, the bear was gone, but your face was the only one that I remember."
She stopped talking and searched my eyes.
"So, that's why you chose me?" I clarified.
"Partially," she corrected. "You're just, I don't know. Bear. I mean, one you were the only familiar face I knew from the dream and two, it was this connection. I can't explain it. I felt drawn to you. Not sure if it was because you reminded me of the sad bear sitting and not running the forest like he should or if it was because you just are who you are. You're not young and figuring your life out, you have your shit together and I admire that about you. It's not something that comes with age. I've seen people who are older than you and still lost. That's just who you are and those are the kind of people I want to be around. I don't care that your forty-seven. I'm going to be thirty soon. I don't care, Bear."
I had that feeling in my chest again. It was warm and spreading. My forehead hit hers as I kissed her lips.
"My own personal heaven, since my life has been hell. Parents were bitter, raised us to be and the cycle continued. Had a wife who left me because I wouldn't change. Had a sub because I figured if everything was on my terms, I could control what I lacked control of, including women. Don't get me wrong, I like the lifestyle but I don't need it with you. Don't want to control you, sweetheart. Just want to be with you." I sighed. "I had a daughter with my first wife, her name was Grace. She was one beautiful little girl and she lived to the age of three."
Dessy gasped as her eyes watered.
"No, Bear," she murmured.
I looked up to the ceiling and exhaled, "She died of cancer and we made sure she went pain free and at peace. I couldn't control it, you see. Crazy thing is, for a while I did sit under an oak tree outside of our house and thought of taking my life many a times. Marie eventually left me because my depression had spiraled out of fucking control. Then my brothers found me, about to turn a bar inside out and instead of beating the shit out of me, the old Manor president, Tank, brought me in. Taught me about the brotherhood and since then I've been a faithful member. Even when the leadership changed, I remained there because they are the real deal. But I was still stagnant, not running in the forest like you said, until you. Like the dream, you gave me purpose, someone to protect, fight for, be with, and companionship. Something I never thought I'd have." I chuckled. "That dream was spot on, sweetheart. I'd follow you wherever you went. I'm going to."
"Honey, I'm so sorry about your daughter. Why don't you have any pictures or her? We have to get some things around your house to remember her by. Where is she buried? Do you go visit her?" Dessy started peppering me with questions about my deceased daughter.
"Did you hear me?" I asked. "I said your dream was right."
"Yes, I know, Bear." She smiled the smile that I’d been missing. "You're my own personal grizzly bear."
Her fingers pulled on my ears as she kissed my nose, then my cheek and finally my lips. I deepened the kiss because the words she spoke to the townie played back in my memory.
I'll stick with my bear.
Goddamn.
She pulled back and asked, "Is Carol really moving out?"
"Yes," I laughed.
"Okay." She shook her head. "Dream or no dream, I wasn't going back to that."
"I wouldn't ask you to either." I nuzzled her nose. "Sorry you had to go through that. I wish I would have known earlier. She is moving out today, though."
"How do you feel about that?" Dessy asked me.
"I'm good with it. Not sure why she's in town in the first place, but the plan was never to stay with me permanently. She fucks with you, that is fucking with me. Can't have that."
I thought about our last conversation.
After I told her that she would be staying at Shiz's place, she nodded and said, "You chose her, huh?"
"Her?" I repeated. "Dessy. Yeah. She's going to carry your nieces and nephews. Going to be a permanent fixture in my life. You want to be a part of that, Carol? I suggest you put whatever shit you have to the side and move on. That woman means everything to me and if you can't get with that, then you won't."
She nodded, which ended our discussion.
"You know what I want?" Dessy turned to straddle me.
"Let me guess." I laughed. "It has one eye, hard as a brick and will have yo
u calling me daddy."
"Yes, that, but the question is where do I want it?" She raised an eyebrow.
"You want me to have everything?" I held her tighter.
"Oh yeah," her pink tongue snuck out to rub against her lips. "But I need a shower first."
Fuck me.
Picking her up, I noted the time and took her to the bathroom, so we could shower and fuck. Since we were already wet, I started the prep in there, with one then two of my fingers in her ass. When we finally graduated to three, she erupted around my cock.
Grabbing the lube from the drawer, I poured it on her butt so that some could slide down her crack.
"You ready, sweetheart?" I asked.
"Yes," she purred. "I'm ready."
"Hold your cheeks open for me, Dessy." I lined my dick up to her puckered hole. "Relax sweetheart. Just relax. Daddy won't hurt you."
Her chest went further down as her fingers spread over her ass. It looked like a picture I wanted to remember forever.
"Relax," I coaxed her as I pushed in. "Relax, Dessy."
I pushed in some more, then out and back in further. My dick was in but it hadn't passed that threshold that held my goal.
"Baby, rub your clit for me with one hand."
My hand held her other cheek as she started to rub her nub.
"Fuck," she breathed.
"Keep rubbing it, baby." I pushed some more, pulled out and boom, I passed it as she wailed loudly.
I stopped because this was the hardest part. It burned and that shit could hurt.
"Don't stop," she said. "I want you to have it."
Fuck.
My hips started to move as I applied more lube until I was sliding in and out of her ass. Dessy's moans were spurring me on.
"Yes, like that," she kept saying. "Fuck my little ass hole."
My girl was wild and I fucking loved it.
"Dessy, I'm cumming, baby." I grunted. "Where you want it?"
"Right there!" She started shaking her ass around my dick.
I slapped it and growled, "Ride me home, baby."
My girl gyrated and shook her ass all over my cock like a damn porn star. At one point, I think I was hyperventilating but that was because I was about to coat her other walls for the first time.
