by Sara Jolene
Nora tried not to smile, but failed. She looked at the floor. “Thank you.”
JT stepped a step closer to her. He reached up … Nora thought he was going to touch her face, or maybe her hair. She held her breath as her heart hammered in her chest. Her mouth was dry. She was nervous. Nervous was an emotion she could identify easily. He leaned forward a bit, and just as she started to close her eyes, she saw him move the curtain to the side. He smiled at her and nudged his head toward the window.
“Look here. He’s arrived and on horseback.”
It took a moment for Nora to process what the man in front of her was saying. When she did, she spun so fast she lost her balance and stepped on the doctor’s foot.
“I’m terribly sorry,” she whispered as looked out the window and watched her eldest son walk a spotted horse into the barn.
JT’s room was in the back corner of the cabin. He’d taken the largest room as his bedroom and combined it with his office. It allowed him to have the other two rooms for patients. Nora and her children were out in what was once a living area. He had a few cots set up in rows, and though the other rooms were empty, being out there allowed them all to stay together. JT had gone back to his room the first moment he’d had the opportunity once Willie had come inside and he’d introduced himself. Willie had been worried over his brother’s well-being. It had taken some convincing, but between Nora and himself, they’d been able to reassure the boy.
Nora had been a complete surprise. He hadn’t been sure what he would find when he’d knocked on the Clays’ door that afternoon, but the woman that had opened it hadn’t at all been it. When he’d found the children so disheveled and ill, he’d assumed the worst, and though he was thankful that she had been more than he’d dared to hope for, he suddenly had found himself hoping for something else.
“She’s a good woman, Nora is.”
JT almost flew from his bed. He’d been staring at the rafters, counting the knots in each post.
“Who let you in here?”
The man shook his head. “I don’t exactly have to knock.”
JT’s stomach flipped. He’d been wondering about the curious stranger ever since he’d found those kids in that tent. Hannah had said that if Tommy’s fever hadn’t been brought down when it was, he would have died. The stranger urging JT to go to the Tent City had saved that boy.
“How’d you get in, then?” He didn’t like that his voice shook, but it did no matter how hard he worked to steady it.
“You did like I asked. Thank you.”
JT stood and went over to his desk. He pulled the top right-hand drawer out and lifted a bottle of brown liquid from its depths. He tipped the bottle into a glass, just a splash in the bottom, before he lifted it to his lips and upended it into his mouth. The whiskey burned as it slid down his raw throat. He realized then that he’d never gotten the water he went looking for earlier. Willie’s arrival had stalled him.
He offered the man a drink, and when he declined, they both sat, JT on one side of the desk and the stranger on the other.
“It was good what you did. Savin’ the boy.”
JT stared at the man. His skin was graying, unless the light was tricking JT’s eyes. He waited as silence settled over the room, comfortable but penetrable. Narrowing his eyes, he focused on the movement of the man’s hands. He was still spinning that hat, just like he had been in the kitchen.
“Why are you here, and how do you know the things you know?”
The stranger smiled and stood. “Listen to your instincts. You’ve got good instincts, Doc.” The man made to move toward the door.
JT stood and opened his mouth to stop him from opening the door and waking Nora and her children, but then the stranger disappeared, and JT’s jaw was left flapping in the night.
The sun was just barely peeking over the mountain, the light starting to brighten his room, when the sounds of happy children woke JT. Feeling himself smile immediately jolted him a second as he swung his legs over the bed, but then he decided it was a good thing. Anything that brought joy was good.
He cleaned himself up and started to dress, all the while thinking about the things that brought him joy. He was thankful to include his job on that list. He didn’t really see being a doctor as a job, though. His father had a job. He’d have a job as well if he had stayed and lived the life that everyone had planned for him. That would have been work. What he did now wasn’t. He loved being a doctor. It was who he was.
Helping people got him thinking about little Tommy and his sisters and brother. He really should get out and check on them. He fastened the last button on his shirt and pulled his suspenders over his shoulders. He wondered if his hair was a mess. He tried to flatten it with his hand as he left the room.
Someone had built a fire and put water on to boil. JT was grateful because that meant coffee. A tiny little hand reached up and was trying to grab his as he stared at the stove in the center of the room. “Joy. Let’s let the doctor wake up.” Nora slid over and picked the girl up, settling her on her hip.
Joy. He’d forgotten the tike’s name was Joy. “She’s no bother,” he told Nora as he took in the room around him. Everything was spotless. Even the children.
“We’ll be leaving soon. I didn’t want to wake you, but I wanted to thank you again before we left.”
JT was having a hard time registering everything. How had the kids gotten so clean? The littlest one was downright cute with her two braids and pretty purple dress. He went to the small table where there was a mug waiting for him full of hot, strong coffee. He sat and took a sip. “You needn’t go. Tommy should stay until his fever breaks. Scarlet fever can intensify rapidly.”
Nora nodded. The little girl was still hanging onto her mama, her hands wrapped tightly around Nora’s neck. “Tommy’s fever broke in the night. We’re truly grateful for all you’ve done and for your hospitality, but we really should go now.”
JT knew that he shouldn’t want them to stay. The cabin was small and he’d not been in it long but waking up to the sound of the kid’s laughter had created a longing deep inside him he hadn’t felt since leaving back east. He missed living with his kin. There were a lot of them, so it was always noisy. Since he’d been in Creede, he’d gotten used to the silence and stillness … but now that it had been disrupted, he wasn’t sure he’d find the same sort of peace in it again.
“Please stay. I know you have to meet Mrs. Clay, and Willie is probably already at the store. The girls and Tommy can stay with me. I don’t have anyone coming in that I know of.”
Nora looked at him; dark circles rimmed her eyes, and though her dress looked as if someone stitched it with an expert hand, the material was worn and fading. Her lips were pale, and he noticed there was a trail of freckles that ran across her nose and widened on both cheeks.
“We don’t want to be a bother.”
JT stood and went to where the baby was playing on the floor. Tommy did look better. As JT looked him over, he noticed the redness behind the spots was fading. The spots were still there, and he was a tad warm, but it was nothing compared to the heat of his skin yesterday.
“It’ll be fun. Plus this way, if one of the girls start to get spots, we’ll be prepared.”
Nora smiled just a little bit, and JT thought back to the night before, when something he’d said had caused her to smile in a way that had lit her entire face. She’d been changed in that moment. A sparkle had twinkled from within her. Though he could see a spark of it now, it wasn’t like before. She was holding back. She leaned down and set the little girl next to where her sisters were playing with a doll on the floor.
“If you’re sure it’s not a bother. I am worried about Joy and Vicky especially. They’ve not been around the fever before.”
“Go. We’ll be fine here. I’ve loads of nieces and nephews. I can handle it.”
That did the trick. She rewarded him with a bright grin. The light she held inside her was blinding. He wondered why she so often held it back.
She was beautiful bathed in it.
Chapter Four
The walk to town that morning was cold. Nora curled her shoulders against the wind and wrapped herself tighter in the thin shawl. She had been hoping that with the money she was making cleaning for folks she’d be able to buy some fabric, but now that she had to pay the doctor, that wasn’t going to be possible. Having that moment the night before, seeing her children the way that others surely saw them, it had made Nora’s heart ache. She’d always wanted the best for her children, and she wasn’t giving them anything close to it.
The Clay’s house was small, but it still took Nora all day to set it to rights. There were a few things that she wanted to accomplish by the next day, but she was still hard at work scrubbing the kitchen floor but by tomorrow evening she’d have things so that she could come every few days and the house would stay clean. Nora slid the pail of murky water closer to her and put the scrub brush back to the wooden planks on the floor. She fell into the motion, allowing the rhythm to lull her into a daydream of sorts. She was back home with her parents. She’d just told them she was going to marry Nathaniel . Her mother had turned redder than Nora had ever seen her before, then she’d grabbed Nora by the arm roughly and dragged her into her room.
Her mother had made her sit and listen to her lecture about how marrying a miner and moving to a brand new, basically unsettled town was not what her parents had wanted for her. They’d wanted her to do well for herself, move east, marry a banker. They wanted her to use her education and step up in the world. Marrying a miner would be a step down, her mother had told her. She also had gone on about how she’d be caring for children before long, and that doing so in a place like Creede, where there wasn’t even a school, would prove difficult.
Nora hadn’t heeded a single one of her mother’s warnings, but looking back she knew she should have. She had been so smitten with Nathaniel . He’d been a very attractive man, and though it may not bode well for longevity in life the fact that he was a miner, a man that worked with his hands was part of what she loved about him. She’d had no idea what Creede would be like, or that being a mining wife would be so hard.
Nora was still scrubbing the same spot when she realized that she’d not been paying attention. She’d stayed in the same place so long the wood was beginning to change color. She slid over further, moving her brush and widening the circle she was working with. She quickly fell back to that dream state where she was seventeen and naive to the world. She wondered if she had it to do over again if she would.
He’d spent the better part of the day at the cabin, watching. He’d not gotten to watch the children much during his life. He’d spent most of his time in the mines, and what little extra he had, he was now ashamed to say, was spent—along with most of his money—at the Nugget. He was trying not to reveal himself to the doctor too often, but it was hard seeing his family so unhappy. He knew the doctor was the answer … always had been, even from the very beginning.
He’d known at the time that Nora was too good for him, but he hadn’t cared. It was one of the reasons he spent so much time at the Nugget. If he was drowning with his throat aflame and losing himself in another woman, he didn’t have to think about how he’d ruined the one he had at home. He was the reason she no longer shone. But though he knew it, he didn’t think his lovely Nora had figured it out yet. He wasn’t willing to be there when she did.
She was wonderful with their children, but he hadn’t been. He was a piss-poor provider. He made next to nothing in the mines, and what little he did make he usually squandered before any of his charges saw a penny of it. Watching now as he was, a ghost in the shadows, while another man tended to his children, he couldn’t help but realize how awful he’d been.
Sure he’d never put a hand on his wife or talked harshly to the young’uns, but his lack of concern and overwhelming amount of self-indulgence did more harm than he’d ever been able to see while he was still alive. When he’d been tasked with returning to fix what he’d left broken, it had taken him a long time to realize just what that was. He’d been excited to be an angel. Who wouldn’t be? But now he refused to consider himself such. Angels were good. They did good deeds and helped people find their way. He’d never done any such thing. He was nothing more than a shadow of his former self, trying to find enough pieces so that even though he would never be whole, his family could be.
Knowing the children were safe and happily running around the doctor’s cabin, he decided to see how his wife was faring. He really needed to stop thinking of her that way. She wasn’t his anymore. Shadows couldn’t claim anything. He realized as he watched her scrub the floor at the Clay’s house attached to the livery that he’d never had the right to claim a single thing, including her. He hadn’t been strong enough to keep a drink out of his hand and other women out from underneath him. He’d been a horrible husband.
Nora had been the love of his short life, though. He remembered the first time he saw her. Her hair had shone brightly in the sun. It had made him take notice of her. Then through school, he hadn’t been able to stop watching her. He’d found himself going just so he could see her and be near her. She’d barely spoken to him … but then one day, it had all changed. She’d allowed him to court her. He’d moved quickly, thinking that if she’d had too much time to think about being with him, she’d realize she could do better and move on.
They’d been walking home from the fall dance. They’d been courting for a short while. Nathaniel had been enthralled but Nora seemed to be wavering. He’d decided to take a chance. If it worked, then maybe he’d be able to hang on to her—and if it didn’t, well, he’d already started to lose her anyway. They’d almost arrived at her house. They’d passed the post office, but hadn’t gotten to where the school was when he reached for her hand. She’d shyly allowed him to hold her delicate fingers with his. When they reached the schoolyard, the place where he’d seen her that very first time, he’d pulled her close to a tree so they wouldn’t be seen. They stood there for a long while talking and holding hands before he made his move. He’d caught her off guard. She’d shuffled her feet and stared at the place where their hands were joined. He’d lifted her chin with a finger so he could see the brightness in her eyes.
He’d waited a moment, judging how he was being received before he’d slowly started to move in. He’d leaned closer, their bodies moving together as his lips had gently came over hers. He’d held them still until he’d felt her start to melt against him. Then he’d kissed her in earnest.
It had been that moment, when she’d leaned into him and encouraged the kiss, that he’d known she would be his wife; less than six months later, she was. They’d moved to Creede, and soon after her belly had started to round with the swell of their first-born son.
He watched as the best thing in his life hunched over someone else’s kitchen floor and scrubbed it, knowing that he never provided her a place where she’d been able to scrub her own floor. If his heart had still been beating, it would have stopped in that moment.
JT was enjoying his day with the children. Things were easier with little ones. They didn’t ask anything of you that you had to think about giving. That didn’t mean they weren’t demanding, though. He was worn out but the time he got them settled down in the afternoon. Hannah hadn’t come by and no one else had come into the clinic, so he’d spent the entire day entertaining them. They played with the dolls the little girls had brought with them and they raced around the cabin, inside and out. JT made them all lunch. Hannah had left some soup in a big pot out in the snow. He warmed that, then gave each of the girls a thick slice of bread to go with it.
Tommy slept most of the day, but when he woke, JT had Bekka help him bathe the baby and make sure he was fed. He didn’t eat much, but anything that could help him keep his strength would be better than nothing.
He heard Nora coming onto the porch just as he was about to sit down after cleaning up from lunch. He didn’t sit, but went straight to th
e door and opened it quietly instead. He hadn’t realized until that moment how much he’d been looking forward to her return. He tried not to examine it too hard, though, because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see her or wanted help with the children.
“I just got everyone settled down.”
There was that smile he’d wanted to see. It seemed that if he caught her off guard, she didn’t have enough time to tamp down on the walls she’d built to hide behind. He returned her smile.
“I’m sorry I was gone so long. How’s Tommy?”
JT let Nora into the cabin, and they whispered as she wove through the cots and checked on each of her children. He noticed she had an armload of what looked like fabric. “Can I take that for you?” he asked, nodding toward the pile in her arms.
She shook her head. “No, thank you. But if you have a small sewing kit of any kind, that would be helpful.”
JT went to the desk in his office. He didn’t have much other than the few needles and spool of thread he used to stitch wounds except for a small kit Sophia must have left. He didn’t know how to sew anything but skin, but he’d hung onto Sophia’s kit when he’d moved into the cabin incase he was desperate, or had lost a button.
He handed the lot to Nora. “There isn’t much. Only what Sophia left. I have some other thread but it’s black. I use it to stich up the men when they come in from their tussles over drink. ”
Nora laughed. “I hope she sews better than she cleans. She’s such a sweet woman, and I’ll be forever in her debt for the opportunity she’s given me, but she’s not much of a domestic.” Nora was shuffling through the pile over her arm, examining each piece and setting some in one pile and some in another.
“Whatcha got there?” he asked, moving over to take the seat he’d almost sat in before she’d returned.
“All the women in town have been so welcoming. Not that I’m new or anything, but they’ve been so kind, given how I’ve been lately. Lord knows I don’t deserve …” JT really wanted to know what Nora felt she didn’t deserve, but she stopped, then picked back up someplace else. “Anyway, these are old dresses the ladies hadn’t been able to mend. They thought I might be able to make some things for the girls out of them.”
