I know that this is unconventional and certainly nothing my mother would have wanted for me but being a single mother doesn’t scare me. As far as I can tell from last night I doubt Mason will be as receptive to this as I am, and frankly that’s fine with me. I have been on my own for years even while I was still married to Scott.
We had a good relationship the first couple years then everything started to slowly change. He would come home late, and leave early. His evening meetings and dinners became more frequent and he started to need to go on weekend trips more often. I knew he was cheating on me long before I confronted him, I just didn’t want it to be real. I had fooled myself into thinking we had a good marriage and with time we would rise from the rough patch. I was wrong. Finding out that he was not only cheating on me but that he had another family almost killed me.
I could still hear him telling me how he wasn’t cut out to be a father and that it wasn’t anything he ever wanted. Well I guess he was only half telling me the truth. It was nothing he ever wanted with me. He had two kids with her. I followed him one day and they were outside playing in the front yard, running around, laughing. When he drove up their smiles were huge and they came running to him with open arms. She was there too. He picked her up and spun her in a circle kissing her and smiling the way he used to with me. I knew it was over. I may have been able to pretend when I only had suspicions, but after seeing them I couldn’t turn a blind eye.
When I confronted him, he told me that he hadn’t wanted me for years, he was just trying to find a way to get out of our marriage without me robbing him blind. The fact that all our marriage was at that point was a financial inconvenience to him only hurt me more. It’s not like he hadn’t told me because he didn’t want to hurt me, no. He just wanted to make sure I took as little of his as possible. My soul shattered that day. To come to the realization that you were just a placeholder. Something that he had to work out before he could have the life he wanted. He took years of my life for nothing.
I didn’t want his money. The only thing I wanted was my real estate office and to never see his face again. I moved out of the house, didn’t petition for alimony, and cut all ties with him. Contrary to what he believed I was not materialistic nor was I vindictive, although I had every right to be. I contemplated asking Brian to beat his ass, but that would have only been a temporary fix. It wouldn’t have eased my hurt any in the long run. Nothing has.
As stupid as it is I still miss him. Not the distant stranger I divorced, but the man that I loved who loved me back. He was gone long before our relationship ended. He disappeared the day he met her.
The showings go well and one couple even put in an offer. After I get home I shower, eat dinner, and am just settling in when I hear a knock at the door. I live in a good part of town, but a knock on the door in the dark is still something that makes me nervous. For some reason my door has no peephole and so I latch the chain, grab my Louisville Slugger I keep by the door and open it. When I see the face looking back at me I’m in shock.
Mason.
Chapter Six
What the hell is he doing here?
I close the door and unlatch the chain before opening it again. “What are you doing here?”
“You wanna put that shit down slugger?” I realize that I’m still holding the bat up and let out a nervous laugh as I stand it back up against the wall. When I look back at him his eyes are fixed on me. “You gonna make me stand out here all night or can I come in?”
“Nope. No coming for you buddy, just going. You remember how to do that right?” I cock my head to the side and feel completely confident. Until I see the fire in his eyes. The heat seems to almost penetrate me in an unreal way making me fidget with my hands in nervousness.
“Don’t pretend for a second you regret that. I was there.” He leans in close to my ear his hot breath tickling my skin. “I felt your pussy squeeze me so fucking tight when you came. I know that you have been thinking about it just as much as I have.” His hand gently grazes down my arm and somehow I feel that shit in my pussy. “Let me in.”
It’s not a question. It’s a command. It’s fucking hot. I sidestep allowing him entry and he takes full advantage shutting the door behind me. He walks into the living room and sits down on the couch. Sure, make yourself at home.
“What are you doing here Mason?” I try to steady my voice and cross my arms over my chest trying to assert myself.
“I think that’s pretty damn obvious angel.”
Angel? Where did that shit come from? “Well you might as well leave then. I am not one of these sluts that you boys pick up on weekends.”
His eyes narrow at me and this time when he speaks his voice is hard. “Don’t pretend you know me when you don’t have a fucking clue. I’m not Hunter and I’m not Jake. I don’t chase all these stupid ass bitches around for sex, I don’t care enough to put in the effort. You are under my fucking skin woman, and I need more. More sex, yes. More of anything else, hell no. If you can deal with that then this will be a very pleasurable arrangement. If not as much as my dick wants me to stay I’m gone.”
Well, who said chivalry was dead? “That is probably the most romantic proposal I have ever gotten. Who the hell says that shit and expects not to get their ass kicked?” I wave my hands at him in complete shock at his arrogance.
“Me. I am not like these other pricks you might have dated. I say what I mean, and I don’t sugar coat shit. I also have very little patience.” You don’t say. I could have never guessed. “I want an answer, now.”
I swear I should flip him off for ordering me around but first I would need to stop thinking that it is so damn sexy. “I don’t have one right now.” He moves to walk past me and when his hand touches the door knob I yell for him to wait. “Can I say yes for tonight?”
He turns to face me and takes a couple steps forward, until he is almost touching me. “No. Yes or no.” His fingers grasp my chin as his mouth connects with mine. It’s soft which is completely unexpected. His teeth drag over my lip causing a whimper to escape my lips. A chill runs through my body as I contemplate his offer.
Would I be willing to be at his sexual disposal? Hell fucking yes.
Would I want more? Probably
Would I get my heart broken? Most likely.
“Yes.” I whisper and he freezes.
His eyes seem to be searching mine for something, but I’m not sure what. “Are you sure?” No.
“Yes.” He grabs my hand and leads me to the couch to sit down.
“There are some things you need to understand about me. I should have told you this first, but you can back out after this if you need to.” Unless he is going to tell me he was Hitler in a past life, I’m good. “First, I will not talk to you about anything personal. My past, my family, my life, it’s all off limits.” I open my mouth to question him. “No, you can’t ask why. I am the farthest from an open book you can get and no amount of questioning will change that, it will only piss me off. Second, when we are having sex the lights are off. This is once again non-negotiable and will remain unexplained. Lastly, I do not share my business around town. You keep our shit between us, not everyone else.” He looks at me waiting for a response.
He won’t tell me anything about himself. He won’t let me see him with the lights on. I’m not allowed to tell anyone about us. “So basically I’ll be your dirty little secret.” A part of me is hurt, I have already been second to someone and I’m not willing to do it again.
“You’ll be the gorgeous woman I have my way with at night. The one screaming my name because it feels like she is being ripped in two. The one who I will leave so spent that she can’t move for hours. If you want to be that woman just let me know. I changed my mind though I don’t want an answer now. Think on it tonight.” I expect him to get up to leave but he moves closer to me nudging my shoulder down so I’m lying on the couch.
His hands grip the waistband of my pants and he eases them down taking my panties with
them. “I want to taste you and give you a taste of what you’re agreeing to.” Before I can respond to him I feel his tongue run up the length of me. “Tell me you want it.”
I look down at him and it is a beautiful fucking sight. “I want it.”
He chuckles before I feel two of his fingers enter me. They are circling and stretching me to a point that I buck my hips unable to control myself. It feels so fucking good. His tongue flicks my clit and I scream out. His fingers start moving at a faster pace and his tongue follows suit. My body is climbing fast and I know I will be breaking any minute. When he sucks my clit into his mouth then drags his teeth over it I explode. I feel his tongue lapping up my juices as I ride out my orgasm.
He stands so he is hovering over me. “Think about what I said, angel.”
I hear the door shut a second later.
Holy shit. He wasn’t kidding. It’s only ten o’clock but I don’t want to move. Maybe I’ll sleep here remembering the way he sinfully assaulted me. He wants me to think about his proposal tonight?
No thinking involved.
I want Mason Brooks.
Anyway I can fucking have him.
Chapter Seven
It’s been one month since I accepted Mason’s offer. One month of the best damn sex I’ve ever had in my life. It’s also been one month of me falling for a guy I barely know. He wasn’t kidding when he said it would just be sex. He comes to my apartment, always at night, we have mind-blowing sex then he leaves. And he doesn’t linger at all, he pulls out gets dressed and jets out the door. I have tried to engage him but he wants none of it. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this. Is amazing sex really worth feeling worthless? If he just gave me a little bit I would be happy.
I feel so cheap, and used when he just leaves like this. It makes me feels like I’m not worth sticking around for, or that he can’t stand me after he gets what he needs from me.
My emotions are all over, thank you little peanut. I feel like a mess ninety percent of the day and the other ten percent Mason is here. I have been throwing up and feeling so weak some days I don’t even want to get out of bed. I honestly don’t know if that is the baby or the cancer. Either way it sucks. Jules came over the other day and I had my head in the toilet. I convinced her it was food poisoning, but she can’t catch me like that again. I haven’t told Mason about the baby which is obviously why he is still coming over.
I’ve been getting crazy headaches and body aches, but today I actually feel good. I agreed to go to Jules’ house for a barbecue knowing that Mason will be there and that I’m supposed to act like everything is normal. Like we haven’t been going at it five nights a week. I look at myself in the mirror in my red bikini. I wasn’t sure that I could pull it off but you can’t tell that my peanut is in there, just that maybe I had a few too many pieces of cake. I slip on my cover up and take a deep breath before going out to my car.
I can totally do this. I can go there and pretend like everything is normal. Like I’m not pregnant. Like I don’t have cancer. Like Mason and I haven’t been doing the dirty.
Maybe if I say that shit enough I’ll actually believe it. It’s doubtful, but it’s the only thing keeping me sane right now. When I pull up to Jules and Brian’s house I have to work up the nerve to get out of the car. After a few minutes I walk toward the backyard. Everyone is already here and I walk into a crowd full of smiling faces from the people who mean the most in the world to me.
“Hey guys!” I walk over and give all the boys a hug aside from Mason, but that’s the norm. As I am passing though he reaches his hand out a couple inches and his fingers brush against my bare thigh. I freeze for a minute in complete shock that he just made a physical move toward me. I mean sure no one saw, but I did. I walk over to Jules giving her a hug and following her into the kitchen.
“Alright girl, it’s Margarita time!” Shit. Every time I come over she makes margaritas and we drink them until we are so giggly that boys want to tape out mouths closed.
“I cannot handle any margaritas today lady. I just started the south beach diet, trying to purge the pudge.” I wink at her and I can see her physically assessing me. Please believe me.
“Girl, what pudge are you talking about?” Her hands are on her hips.
I lifted my cover up I grasp at the small belly I have. “Seriously this thing is like Kim Kardashian’s ass. It’s my butt up front. I can’t deal, so no goodies for me.” She starts to laugh and I follow her out to the back yard.
I’m standing by the pool imagining what things would be like if they were different. If I was still in remission, if I was having a baby with someone who loved me, if-
“I know your secret.” A voice whispers in my ear and I jump letting out a yelp. Jake is standing behind me laughing. “Damn Lace, jumpy much?”
I push his shoulder making him stumble back a step. “Maybe I wouldn’t be so jumpy if you weren’t sneaking up on people like a damn ninja. What are you talking about, anyway?”
“I know your secret, the one you’re trying to hide from everyone.” Fuck. There is no way he could know. Could he? No, it’s not possible.
“Oh yeah, and what would that be?” I arch my eyebrow at him and try to sound as collected as possible.
“That you have been a very dirty girl, with a certain person in this backyard.” He knows about me and Mason? That asshole told me I couldn’t tell anyone but he gets to? That’s bullshit. “Don’t worry your secret is safe with me.”
“Thanks.” I shoot him a smile before storming off toward Mason. “We need to talk. Now.” He looks at me, before standing up and walked around the side of the house. I stomp after him my blood boiling. Once I catch up to him he is leaning against the siding, silent as usual, but his eyes haven’t left me. “How dare you tell Jake and tell me that I can’t tell anyone. You are such a damn hypocrite!”
He pulls me to him hard and I catch myself against his chest. “You need to lower your voice. I didn’t tell him the fucker figured it out somehow and I may have many faults but being a liar isn’t one of them.”
I’m not sure how much I actually believe him, but I am done with his games. “Either way it doesn’t matter. I was going to tell you tonight but now is as good a time as any. I’m done. I will not let you use me anymore.”
“Angel, as far as I remember you get more orgasms then I do, so how am I using you?” he leans in to kiss me but I turn my head.
I push off his chest needing space. “You are using me as a hole to bury all your problems in. I refuse to let you use me anymore. I deserve more than this and if you won’t give it to me someone else will.”
I walk away expecting him to chase after me, to tell me that I am not allowed to walk away from him. He doesn’t. I feel a pang in my chest because even with as little of himself as he’s given me I feel something for him. I can see something deep down inside of him no matter how much he tries to hide it from me. Even though he doesn’t know it, we’ve made a life together. That means something to me.
Guilt washes over me that I haven’t told him about the baby. He has a right to know. In the same thought I know that he can’t handle this information right now, at least not without completely imploding.
I have already been someone’s placeholder, someone’s stand in, I refuse to do that again. I say goodbye to Jules and the guys claiming I have a showing I forgot about and I need to go home and change. As I climb into my car I see Mason walking toward it. I pull out of the driveway before he has a chance to get to me.
I meant what I said and I don’t want him trying to change my mind.
Chapter Eight
I head home wanting to forget this day ever happened. When Jake said he knew my secret I almost passed out. Luckily he knew the lesser of the three that I’m keeping. It’s exhausting trying to watch what you say and how you act so that you can keep up the facade that you’ve built. I don’t know how I will be able to do this for extended periods of time. I was never a liar.
Now I feel like all I’m doing is lying. I’m lying to myself that everything will be sunshine and rainbows when I have some serious shit going on. I’m lying to everyone that I care about and pretending I don’t need their support. My parents live states away but even when my mom calls I’m lying to her.
I think that’s why I enjoyed what was going on with Mason. I never actually had to have a conversation with him so there was no need to lie. I didn’t need to put on an act with him. He was here for my body and that was it. I swear it was almost like a mental vacation. He gave me no expectations to fulfill, just one. To be his. I can’t be though, at least not in the way that he wants. I feel like if I let this go further he may crush me and I already have enough on my shoulders.
The rest of the night goes by without incident. I spend it the way I have most of them with junk food and even junkier TV. I want to call Jules and have her come over, spill my guts to her, lean on her. She was my rock throughout the two year ordeal last time. I know that if I come clean to her about everything she won’t understand my decision. Neither of us have siblings so we have always thought of each other as sisters. I know this would scare her and I’m not ready to deal with her reaction. My thought process is completely selfish but it’s just easier for me like this.
A knock at my door makes me jump. Only one person has ever knocked on my door at this time of night. What is he doing here? I told him not to come. I open the door and standing in front of me is the man who haunts my dreams and my every thought lately. The only one I want and the one I can’t have. My heart wants me to go to him but my head is yelling at me to close the door. It never ends well with Mason, it always just seems to leave me unfulfilled and upset.
“What are you doing here?” I narrow my eyes at him hoping if I start out like a raging bitch I’ll scare him off.
Saving Her Page 3
