A warm smile crossed my lips. “That’s very…sweet.”
Nikki briefly closed her eyes. “I know, but… I’m not sure that’s what I want to do. I mean, we’re not together like that, and we’re not going to get married. I’d always have a different name than my child. That’s weird to me.”
I bit my lip, reconsidering. She made a good point, with no chance of them getting together, she’d have to continuously explain why her child had a different last name than her. It would disconnect her from the baby. But on the flip side…it would give Myles a more profound connection than he’d typically have. “Damn…that’s a tough one, Nik.”
She tossed her hands in the air. “I know, that’s why I need advice.”
She looked between Hayden and me. Hayden lifted his hands in the air. “I’m not touching this one. Myles is finally talking to me. Willingly. I’m not messing that up by getting in the middle.”
Nikki grunted, then looked over at me, hope in her eyes. While Hayden disappeared to get his things, I walked over to her. “You’ve got time…you don’t have to decide anything right now,” I tentatively told her.
With a frown, she plopped onto the couch. “Yeah, I know…”
I sat beside her, silently sharing in her misery, until Hayden came out of his recently-furnished bedroom. Smile on his face, he pulled me to my feet. “Come on, let’s go check out Tony’s house in the burbs. Because I’m never going to believe it until I see it.”
I laughed in agreement, then said goodbye to Nikki and followed him out the door.
Twenty minutes later, we approached a cute, split-level house on a dead-end street. Izzy and Hookup’s new home had a huge fenced-in backyard complete with a swing set and a trampoline. The neighborhood was so quiet that when Hayden and I shut off our bikes, all I heard was a lawnmower somewhere in the distance. It was peaceful and subdued—about as different from Hookup’s old place as you could get.
Izzy’s car was in the driveway, along with Hookup’s. When I peeked inside Hookup’s car as we walked past, I couldn’t help but spot the crayons, toys, and Happy Meal boxes, clear evidence that he’d been hanging out with his niece. That was also a far cry from the old Hookup. I was extremely grateful to see that he’d changed. But the most mindboggling thing in his car was the uniform tucked in the backseat. Hookup had somehow convinced Glenn to hire him on as a cook at Oysters, and from what I’d heard…he was good at it. Even still, I’d never get over the fact that Hookup had an honest-to-God, legit, W2-providing job. It almost seemed against the laws of nature.
Hayden and I held hands as we walked up the flower-lined walkway to the front door. When Hayden rang the doorbell, a small, spritely face greeted us. Hayden’s favorite little girl—Antonia. “Uncle Hayden! Aunt Kenzie! Come see my room!” She grabbed Hayden’s hand and pulled him inside. They disappeared downstairs so fast, it was almost like they’d teleported.
“Izzy? We’re here,” I shouted into the rest of the house.
Izzy appeared seconds later, at the top of a short set of stairs. “Kenzie, hey. Glad you could make it!” she exclaimed, hurrying down the dozen steps to give me a hug. “You’ve been so busy lately. Where’s Hayden?”
“He got dragged away,” I said, indicating downstairs with my thumb.
Izzy smiled as she listened to her daughter showing off her space. Turning back to me, she said, “You’ve got to see the kitchen. It’s at least twice the size of my old one.” The joy in the home was so contagious, I couldn’t stop grinning, and I was instantly glad I hadn’t gone into work today.
Grabbing my hand, Izzy pulled me up the steps to the kitchen, dining, and living area. A slider in the kitchen showed me the large backyard; Antonia’s dog, Sundae, was back there, barking at a squirrel. “This is amazing, Izzy. Just what the two of you need. And Hookup, too, I guess.”
Izzy nodded. “Yeah, and I haven’t even shown you the most amazing part yet. Follow me.”
Curious, I followed as she walked down a hallway that led to the upstairs bathroom and bedrooms. Izzy stopped at the last door and pointed inside. “This is my room, the master. Tony’s is across the hall.”
Not following why this was “amazing”, I shook my head. “I don’t…”
Izzy nodded her chin and walked over to Hookup’s room. “Tony took the smallest room. He could have claimed the master, or taken the massive room downstairs, but he didn’t. He insisted we take them, then set himself up in this tiny place. I feel kind of bad about it, but I also understand. He’s trying to atone.” She smiled, and there was both pride and empathy in the expression.
As I glanced into Hookup’s miniature bedroom, I marveled at the rapid turnaround his life had taken. I couldn’t help but wonder if Hayden had helped spark the change when he’d cut him out of his life. Even if it was only a temporary removal, it had to have affected him. I know my own temporary removal from my loved ones had been devastating.
Looking back at Izzy, I gave her a beaming smile. “I’m so happy for you. For all of you.”
Izzy put her hand on my arm. “For all of us, Kenzie. We are where we’re supposed to be, and you and Hayden are where you’re supposed to be. Everything is finally falling into place.”
I kept the smile on my face, but it was a struggle. My life felt like a swiftly flowing river recently, and I was doing all I could to not be pulled under. And Hayden… I’d barely had time for him. But we would make it through this. So long as neither one of us gave up…we’d be fine.
“Come on, Uncle Hayden. You’ve got to see the doghouse Uncle Tony made for Sundae. It’s amazing!”
I looked down the hallway to see Hayden being pulled toward the slider. It was hard to tell who was beaming brighter—Antonia or Hayden. He glanced down the hallway as he walked past, then winked when he saw me. My heart skipped a beat, and warmth exploded over my chest, filling me with hope and love.
Hearing Izzy’s soft laughter, I looked over at her. “Want to go see it? Tony actually did a pretty good job.” With a laugh, I nodded, and we followed Hayden and Antonia outside.
Hayden was being coated in sloppy puppy kisses when we got there. He was laughing, and Antonia was grinning so hard I was sure her cheeks would be sore tomorrow. “Isn’t she cute, Aunt Kenzie?” she asked.
Smiling at the frail child, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “Yeah, she’s pretty adorable. Just like you.”
Antonia giggled while Hayden stood up. He swiveled his head when he noticed Hookup walking around the corner of the yard. He was holding a pair of pruning shears, of all things. “Hey guys, good timing. I just finished trimming all the bushes. This place could be in one of those fancy home magazines now.”
Hayden shook his head as he stared at his friend. “Who are you, and what have you done with Tony?”
Hookup smirked at Hayden, then flipped him off. Laughing, Hayden pointed at the sturdy wooden doggie hut. “Not bad, man. I didn’t know you even knew how to use a hammer.” He frowned. “In the right way.”
Hookup gave Hayden a grin that hinted at all the nefarious ways he’d probably used the seemingly innocent tool. Brushing the past off with a wave of his hand, he told him, “It was easy, nothing to it. I’m gonna finish the deck next. Make a kickass outdoor kitchen. You guys will be practically living here, we’re gonna have so many barbeques.”
“Barbeques, decks, tools…” Hayden slid his eyes to Izzy. “I think you broke him.”
Izzy slapped his arm. “Be nice.”
As I laughed at the trio, I happened to notice movement from the corner of my eye. Twisting my head, I looked over to the gate in the fence that was slowly opening. A tall, leggy brunette stepped through the opening and my heart sank. Felicia. I hadn’t seen much of her since Hayden and Nikki had moved over to my side of the track. In all honesty, I’d kind of forgotten she was still at the track. Of course, I had a lot to do there now—running Cox Racing was enough work for about three people.
Seeing her now was a shock to the syste
m—she was one of the major reasons why Hayden and I had broken up, and for the longest time, I’d been positive they’d slept together. She’d definitely wanted that outcome and had tried her best to make it happen. Even though I’d made my peace with her, I’d never be able to forget what had happened. Not completely.
As I stood there, staring at the gate, I felt Hayden’s hand wrap around mine. I squeezed it back, hard. “We can go,” he said in my ear.
God, that was tempting. But I hated the idea of fleeing every time she came around. And, unfortunately, there would be times when she would come around. Hayden may have cut ties with her, but Izzy and Hookup hadn’t. They’d accepted her back with open arms, and unless I did the same, our group would be forever divided.
“No, it’s fine. We can stay.”
Hayden looked like he was just about to ask me if I was sure, when something caught his eye, making him frown. Dread and curiosity made me turn to look too. Then surprise hit me. Felicia wasn’t alone. Rodney, one of Keith Benneti’s riders, was walking in behind her. And after closing the gate, he reached out and grabbed her hand. Were they dating? And if they were…would Hayden be okay with that?
My eyes instantly returned to Hayden’s face, searching for some clue to his emotional state of mind. His expression was blank now though. If he was feeling anything, I couldn’t tell what. And rather than reassure me, not seeing a reaction filled me with dread.
“Hayden, Kenzie! How’s it going?” Rodney said, his expression bright and carefree.
Hayden’s face effortlessly morphed into a relaxed smile. “Hey, man. I didn’t expect to see you here.” With her. The unspoken words hung in the air as Hayden’s eyes drifted to Felicia. Was he mad? Sad? Relieved?
Felicia pulled Rodney into her side as she lifted her free hand and curled her fingers in a wave. “I’m sorry if we’re intruding. I didn’t expect…everyone to be here.” She briefly met Hayden’s gaze, then mine, then snapped her eyes back to Izzy. Tension swelled in the air. It was so thick, I could almost see it hovering between our two groups.
Izzy’s eyes darted from Hayden and me to Felicia and Rodney. She looked at a loss over what to do—apologize to us or invite them over. Knowing I was the only one who could diffuse the situation made a tremor of irritation run up my spine. How had I somehow become the peacekeeper? But moving on and moving forward were two incredibly different things, and I had to make a choice right now which way our group was going to go. Damn it.
With a concentrated effort, I made myself smile. “Hello, Felicia. It’s…good to see you.”
Hayden looked at me with surprise on his face. Izzy and Felicia looked equally stunned. Okay, maybe that had been a little too much good will. It was too late to take it back, though, not without stepping on some toes.
Felicia’s shocked face slowly shifted into a smile as she finished walking over to us. “Thank you, Kenzie. It’s…good to see you, too.” I expected her to steal a glance at Hayden after saying that, but surprising the hell out of me, she didn’t. Her warm gaze was still on my face, and it was clear she’d meant what she’d said. “Ready for Daytona?” she asked, excitement flashing in her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m…almost ready,” I answered, wishing I had a more solid reply. And wishing I had more time to train. I kind of missed the old days, when all I had to worry about was my track times. Not that I would confess that to Felicia.
Felicia giggled and looked over at Rodney with affection and interest clear in her eyes. “I can’t wait to get back out there.” She sighed, and the sound was laced with regret. “I don’t ever want to miss another race.”
Hayden shifted his feet, and his hand clenched mine tighter. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but I wasn’t 100 percent sure why he felt that way. “It’s been nice catching up,” he said, looking at everyone in turn, “but Kenzie and I have a…thing we need to get to.”
Confusion coursed through me as I looked up at him. Our only plan today had been to hang out with Izzy and Hookup. I’d told him I was fine staying. Clearly, he didn’t feel the same. And that worried me.
Hayden gave me a pleading expression as I searched his eyes. He was practically screaming, Let’s just go. Irritation and fear bristled throughout me. He wanted me to trust him, but how could I, when his ex still affected him like this? “Yeah, that’s right… I almost forgot about that…thing.”
Pulling my eyes from Hayden, I looked over at Izzy. “I’m sorry, Iz. We’ll stay longer next time.” Antonia immediately started whining, but Hayden scooped her up, promising we’d be back soon.
Izzy’s eyes were concerned as she studied me. “Okay.” She flicked a glance at Felicia, then mouthed, Sorry. I nodded, since it was all I could do.
Once Hayden had perked Antonia’s spirits, he said goodbye to Izzy and Hookup. Grabbing my hand, he slapped Rodney on the shoulder. “See you at the track, man.”
Rodney looked confused, but he nodded. “Yeah, see ya.”
Hayden started to walk away, then sighed and looked over at Felicia. “Bye,” was his short response.
Brows furrowed, Felicia nodded. “Bye, Hayden. Kenzie.”
I waved a goodbye, then let Hayden lead me to the gate. As soon as the wood closed behind us, my fear and confusion got the best of me. “What was that?” I snipped.
Hayden’s face compressed into a mixture of confusion and anger. It was a look I hadn’t seen on him in a while. “What was what?”
Yanking my hand away, I stopped and stared at him. “You’re running. Why?”
Hayden scowled, then sighed. He briefly looked over my shoulder before returning his eyes to mine. “I’m not running,” he said. “It was just time to go.”
“Bullshit.” My hands balled into fists, and my heart started pounding. “Is this because she’s with Rodney now? Are you…jealous?”
He immediately shook his head. “No, of course not. I wanted them together. When it was obvious he was interested in her, I told him to go for it.”
My anger faded at hearing that revelation. “Oh…then why…?”
Hayden grabbed my fingers and interlaced our hands. “I know what I did to us. And I know what you’re trying to do by…accepting her. And it’s not fair to you. You’ve already sacrificed so much for our relationship. I won’t ask you…no, I won’t let you sacrifice more. You don’t have to hang out with her. Ever.”
I bit my lip, moved and unsure, all at the same time. “I don’t want to be the reason your friends are split.”
Hayden smiled, then tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re not. Felicia is the one who split us. Izzy and Hookup, they don’t expect us to all be like we were before. And if that means that we miss out on a few barbeques, then I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with is you putting up with something that hurts you, because you think it’s what I want. It’s not. All I want is your happiness. Yours. Above everyone else’s. Do you understand?”
I did, and it made tears spring to my eyes. He wasn’t uncomfortable being around her, or jealous because she’d moved on. He was worried…about me. In the end, his feelings always swung back around to me. I knew I should excuse myself and go back to work—get some much-needed crap done—but instead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered the words that were surging through my heart. “Spend the night with me.”
Hayden tilted his head as he regarded me. “Are you sure, Kenzie?”
Biting my lip, I nodded. “Yes. I’d like… I’d like you to come over. And stay. I want to wake up with you.”
Hayden smiled, then placed a soft kiss on my lips. “All right, sweetheart. Whatever you want…or don’t want…is yours.”
God, I loved this man.
CHAPTER 6
Hayden and I spent the next several hours enjoying each other’s company in my home. It was still a little strange having him in my living room, and the thought of him being in my bedroom later made my palms sweaty. I was cracking open a piece of my heart, letting him inside fully and completely,
and that was terrifying. The thought of getting hurt again chilled me to the bone. He was so sweet, though, so warm, loving, tender and patient. Even if it scared me, I wanted this to happen.
Unfortunately, I also had work on my mind, so I found myself being frequently distracted. As much as I wanted to be 100 percent in the moment, I was closer to 75 percent. Sometimes 50.
“Kenzie? Did you hear me?” Blinking out of my trance, I looked over at Hayden. He was standing in front of me, holding a couple of movies in his hands. Tilting his head, he said, “I asked which one you wanted to watch.”
I gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry… I was thinking about something else.”
With a sigh, he sat beside me. “Work…or Felicia.” He cringed after he said it.
Oddly, she hadn’t been on my mind at all. I shook my head. “Work. And…having you stay here tonight. It’s been a while… I’m kind of nervous.”
With a soft smile on his face, he brushed his fingers over my cheek. “Don’t be nervous about that. Like I said, I’m not expecting sex. In fact, I’m taking sex off the table. Banning it.”
My amused grin was uncontainable. “You’re banning sex?”
He nodded, his face firm. “Yep. All I’m going to do tonight is wrap my arms around you as we fall asleep. And no matter how much you beg and plead, you’re not getting in my pants. Sorry.”
With a laugh, I shook my head, then picked out a movie. “Let’s watch that one.”
Hayden kissed my cheek, then got up to start the movie. And as he sat back down next to me, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. Having him take that worry off my plate was surprisingly cathartic. And for the rest of the night, I allowed my mind to completely shut off, and I just enjoyed the simplicity of his fingers tangled in mine.
My newfound peace faded at precisely 4:23 in the morning, when I woke up with a jolt. Hayden was sleeping peacefully beside me in my dark room. Lying on his side with his back to me, his breath was slow and steady, untroubled. I blinked back tears as I tried to calm my shaky breaths. Considering how wonderful my evening had been, my dream had been particularly cruel.
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