“I’ll be fine.” I glanced back around. “I hope I can come up and visit for a longer period some day when you’re feeling better, that is. Will you be back tomorrow?”
“Hai, I am already feeling better.”
“Good, because if you’re not, I’ll come get you. I really need your help!”
“I somehow doubt that, Tobias-san. Well, good night.” She turned and went back into the house.
Aoki was preparing supper when I got home. “Ah, Tobias-san! You are home earlier than I expected. Jomei is out tonight meeting with some friends so we will be eating alone.”
“This looks delicious, Aoki-san.”
“Hai. Come and sit, Tobias-san. Tell me about your day while you eat.”
I tucked into the food, slurping the noodles as per custom. This was a sign of respect, quite the opposite of what we in the West think of proper manners. The noodles were very good, thick and chewy, and the beef broth had big chunks of meat and some sort of radish that warmed my insides. Still, I couldn’t help but worry about Matsuri.
“Aoki, according to the legends how does one know if a kitsune likes him?”
“Kitsune live in a world we can’t always understand, Tobias-san. All we can do is honor those foxes who do good deeds. We trust that they appreciate our meager offerings in return.
Still, the world of a fox is a world of illusion, Tobias-san. They make things for mortals, watch over them and take human shape. The objects they make are seldom real, but the love they feel is as true as yours or mine.”
I finished the last few noodles before she took my plate. “There’s dessert if you want it. It’s apple pie, just like you probably have at home.”
“That sounds wonderful, but no thanks. I didn’t finish my grading or lesson plans.”
“Well, all right. Come back downstairs if you change your mind, Tobias-san.”
Back upstairs, I opened the sliding glass door to allow in the cool evening air. I was about to sit and do some work when gentle laughter disturbed the tranquility behind me.
“Hello, Gaijin!”
“Matsuri?” I couldn’t see her, but the kitsune’s presence was familiar to me now. “Where are you?” A hint of movement in the tallest branches caught my eye. A pair of bushy tails slipped down from the top of the maple tree in the front yard. I followed them upward and saw Matsuri lying in the branches. She glanced down at me, her golden eyes twinkling from behind her mask. “I am right here. No need to worry, Gaijin.”
“I wasn’t worried,” I lied, smiling. “I take it that you got your jewel back?”
“Yes, I did.” Her arm vanished back in her sleeve returning a moment later with the familiar pearlescent jewel. It glowed brightly with a blue fire in her hand.
“You seem to be in the habit of placing me in your debt, Gaijin. To lose a jewel is a very bad thing for any kitsune. It is a gracious blessing of the gods that you found it rather than someone else.” She slipped down and knelt before me. “It is a debt I can never hope to repay.”
“Come on and get up. You’re my friend, Matsuri.”
“Hai, I apologize. It is just a great relief to have it returned. I was so careless to lose it in passing by the shrine yesterday.”
“Was it that serious?”
Matsuri paused a moment propping herself to sit on the iron balustrade. “Indeed it was. We kitsune place some of our power in these when we … take human form. We have to hide the jewels to keep them safe, but the Hoshi-No-Tama often has a mind of its own.
If a kitsune is careless and loses one, it can roll away and be found by humans. That stone can make us do things against our will or even against the laws of Inari. In the wrong hands, my own jewel would make me become a slave, fully conscious of what I was doing, but without recourse to fight the power.”
So that’s what the shadow was in my dream, warning against dark desire for power and telling me about the jewel’s nature. With such a thing, I could have hurt Matsuri.
I felt my stomach drop in realizing it. I hadn’t really known how dire her situation had been, and there I was a few hours before holding an object of such power.
“You can’t fight it, Matsuri?”
“I am pledged to serve Inari and the worshipers of Inari. Humans are a higher caste than I am. I cannot physically harm mortals even if they do harm to me, and if a human holds my jewel, I am even more helpless to their power.”
She sighed placing her hands in my own. “In return for your momentous favor, I am obliged to offer you my life and protection for as long as you should live, Tobias Blackwood. It is not a thing done often in this modern day.”
“Really?”
Matsuri nodded, glaring at me. “Hai, but don’t let it go to your head. I’m not your servant to be called upon at will. Don’t get any half-brained ideas.” She chuckled softly and shifted her feet balancing her pads on the rail.
“Before I go, I have one piece of advice. It is not my business, but you should tell that human girl how you feel.” Then with a flick of her tails, she vanished into the leaves of the maple tree like a breath of wind.
I stared after her a moment feeling strangely empty, but then I felt eyes upon me from behind. Turning, I saw Aoki in the doorway. She was smiling ear to ear.
“So, you do have more to you than meets the eye, Tobias-san.”
I stood there for a moment not sure what to do or even say. “How long were you watching us?”
“Long enough, Tobias-san. Do not worry. Your secret is safe with me.” She smiled warmly. “So, that is your kitsune friend?”
I blushed feeling a bit sheepish. “I’ve only known her for a short time, but she’s always been warm and kind, protecting and watching over me.”
“I told you a little faith helps one find the most wondrous things. I never thought how close to the truth I was. You are a very lucky young man to have such a guardian. I was a shrine maiden at Fushimi for years, and I never once saw a single fox. Count yourself blessed, Tobias-san. She is right though. You should be honest about your feelings for your friend.”
“But I don’t even know how to approach her, Aoki.”
“Have faith, Tobias-san. Give something from your heart. It has gotten you this far.” She stood and closed the door leaving me alone.
I worked for a little while after that then got up and tested the weight on my leg.
Not too much pain. Maybe I’ll try walking without those crutches in the morning.
I sat down at my desk and opened my journal. There was so much to remember, and it was a dizzying prospect to write it all down. I’m not exactly sure when I nodded off, but I distinctly remember the dream I had that night.
I was alone in the Yoshida house, but something was very different now. The walls were strung with ivy, worn and tattered around the edges with the roof half-caved and walls bent and twisted with age. It felt like it had been abandoned and forgotten.
There was no color to any surface as if the living energies had been sucked away leaving everything gray. Here and there torches cast a flickering glow on an earthen floor beneath me, but the light that came from within was as lifeless and cold as death itself. Long distorted shadows streamed through gaping holes everywhere.
I found myself moving out into the distended hallway toward what should have been the family room. The pictures on the stairway were dulled and warped with no indication of the living people they’d once portrayed.
Downstairs, I found Aoki’s kitchen was nothing but a tangled mess of black, thorny vines that grew from appliances and around the kitchen table. It was the family room that was the most changed though.
Jomei’s favorite chair was covered in dark green moss. A pond filled with black water sat in the center of the room surrounded by rocks that jutted out like jagged teeth. A stench like rotting carcass or methane gas slowly crept out.
The far wall was completely gone. The Buddhist shrine lay toppled on the floor. There was something else partly hidden in tall grass that
grew around it. It was my white fox statue.
Crouching down, I reached to pick it up and stopped cold. My own skin and clothes were pale and dull without a spark of soul or color to any of it. My fingers were stiff and my movements slow, leaving a strange ethereal shadow in their wake like a murky reflection.
I reached out and took it. The statue felt light as air in my grasp, but it looked very different. The features were faded, the snout smashed, and the tails torn in chunks. The bottom had been ripped away, leaving only a hollow space inside where the talisman should be.
Then the statue began to change. Tall pointed ears slimmed and paws became feet and hands. A tattered kimono gray with age lingered like a dusty remnant upon the body. The face remained transformed into that of a fox, but I saw the eyes roll open staring lifeless at me.
“To-bi-as.”
The sound startled me, and I dropped the statue to the ground. Until now everything had been silent. Not a sound or whisper but a strange ringing silence screamed in my ears as loud as any earthly noise. The word was broken, garbled. The voice sounded hoarse, like something worn away over time.
Something stirred behind me, back up the stairs, a hint of movement in the otherwise motionless environs. Footsteps followed a gentle creaking on the worn, wooden steps.
A woman appeared from the shadows there, and I was immediately struck by her brilliance of color and vivid shades against the lifeless surroundings. Her silk robes piled on top of each other like sheets of varied colored paper.
Long raven black hair cascaded down to the floor, partly concealing the train of her heavy silken garment like a dark inky cloud. The sickly stench of bad perfume hung around her body like a thick cloud.
“Wary should you be,
Mortal child in distant land,
A little boy lost.”
Her voice was low and soft, speaking in Japanese words that dripped from her mouth like slowly melting ice. Somewhere in my mind, however, I understood all too clearly what she said. As she spoke, a strange metamorphosis transformed her.
The clothes gradually began to decay, looking old and worn. The colors dulled as long brackish stains crept down her breast and front to her feet tarnishing the surface. Raven hair turned golden, wild and untamed like a great shaggy mane and two great points of ears stood tall amid the mange of what was now fur.
“This little boy finds
Friends in the Inari fox
Demon enemies.”
Her crimson stained sleeve lowered, and our eyes met. In that fleeting moment, I felt myself filled with the deepest and darkest despair. Dark eyes stared at me with the knowledge of lonely millennia I could only imagine.
I felt as if I were looking into a black sun, a gaping void of a star that gave no light, yet in which darkness was as bright as the sun.
“Tread not, mortal feet,
Beyond the open gateway
Where kitsune wait.”
Nine golden tails rose in succession, writhing in serpentine coils around her body, their ashen furred surfaces coated with black flames.
“Lest he desire stay
Far from his distant homeland,
The gate closed behind.”
I awoke in a cold sweat at my desk. My heart hammered in my chest, and my lungs screamed for air. I paused, panting, trying to regain my composure.
It was just a dream, no a nightmare. I’ve never had one like that though. I shuddered. I never want to again.
I got up and padded over to the sliding doors and went outside trying to clear my mind.
Nothing stirred in the street, and somewhere a dog barked while another answered. Everything was quiet and peaceful. I moved back inside and glanced down at the desk. The black and white kitsune statues still stood guard where I’d left them by my journal. I picked up the black coated male and considered his comically stoic gaze. It made me smile, remembering that I had a hand in making this, and I felt a little better.
Maybe I should give Michiko one of my statues?
It seemed like a good idea. Setting it back down on the table beside my bed, I plumped my pillow and lay back. For a moment, I feared more nightmares, but I fell sound asleep and had far more pleasant dreams of dancing with Michiko beneath the flowering cherry blossoms in Kyoto’s streets.
Morning came as a welcome relief. I woke up groggy, but luckily for me, Aoki had a fresh cup of tea and a bowl of oatmeal waiting downstairs.
“Jomei-san, I was wondering. Would it be all right if I gave my translator friend the black fox statue? I wanted to give it to her in honor of all she’s done for me.”
He looked puzzled as to why I’d need permission from him to do such a thing, but he merely nodded and went back to his newspaper. Aoki placed a generous portion of tempura fish into a box for my lunch. “Good luck, Tobias-san.” I felt my heart catch in my throat. I certainly was going to need it.
I paused and looked up above the door to the little shrine. A prayer couldn’t hurt, so I closed my eyes a second and tried to direct my thoughts to the one creature I thought could carry my wish.
Matsuri, you have watched over me and been one of my truest friends. I don’t know if you will hear me on this day, but guide me so I don’t make too much of a fool of myself with Michiko. This is all I ask. I smiled knowing she would get the message.
A brisk walk to the train station was just the solution to my stiff leg. I found it feeling better by the time the train pulled up, and I shuffled aboard.
Michiko was waiting for me at the station. Her hair fell over a gold and white cashmere dress ending in a braid tied at the small of her back.
She looks as beautiful as ever.
Chikako was there too, her school uniform as spotless as always beneath a bright cherry red sweater. She hopped up and down when she saw me.
“Tobias-Sensei!” she called out, smiling.
“Hello, Chikako. Have you been practicing those lessons?”
“Hai, Tobias-Sensei! I have been practicing very hard.” She looked up to see if this was acceptable, and a simple nod proved Michiko’s satisfaction.
“That’s excellent. You’re a great teacher yourself, Michiko.”
“You are too kind, Tobias-san, but why are you smiling so? Have I done something funny?”
Smiling?
I felt my cheeks burn. I was smiling all right, smiling at the thought of seeing her. “Oh, it’s nothing. I like what you are wearing, Michiko-san. It’s a lovely dress.”
“Oh, thank you.”
Why was I being so bold?
Wait, she’s blushing, trying to hide a smile behind her hand! Maybe that’s a good sign.
The day went well, the same routine as always. It was funny to think about, but I was starting to get the hang of a little Japanese. At lunch though, I found myself drifting off into my own thoughts again.
“Tobias-san, is something wrong? You are staring off into space again.”
I blinked myself awake. Michiko stared at me from across the desk. It was just the two of us this afternoon since Chikako and her friends were down on the field playing soccer.
I cleared my throat. “Well, I have been thinking, Michiko.”
“Thinking what, Tobias-san?”
I suddenly felt boxed in. “Mind if we take a walk? I feel a little stuffed up in this old classroom.”
“Not at all, Tobias-san.” We made our way down the hallway and up the stairs. It was quiet with only the hushed mutterings of other teachers eating in their classrooms. The dull, reverberating sounds of the children echoed faintly from outside. I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going, but Michiko seemed to have some idea even though she walked beside me at the same pace.
We walked up onto the roof of the school. We were high now, right next to the clock tower, beyond the mass of students and teachers on the playground below. The city of Yamashina seemed like a distant gray skyline next to the green mountains and pastel of cherry blossom trees in the neighborhoods around us.
“This is
an amazing view!”
“Yes, I come up here often to get away.” She shook her head. “Ah, I apologize Tobias-san. Wasn’t there something you wished to say to me?”
I felt my stomach go numb. “I don’t know how I could possibly thank you for all you have done for me, Michiko. I wanted to give you something to express my appreciation, but it’s more than that.” My hand went for my pocket, and I felt the bulk of the fox statue in my fingers. “What I mean to say Michiko, is that … I really, really like you. I’ve never felt this way about a girl before.”
I saw her eyes widen as a deep blush touched her cheeks. Instantly, she turned away, and I felt my stomach drop.
Oh, God! I’ve been too forward!
I slumped against the wall like a dead weight utterly rejected. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that, Michiko. I’ve just felt this way about you for a long time, but I’ve kept it bottled inside waiting to get out. I even have this little gift to give you.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the statue in my open palm.
What was I think …
She kissed me. I just stood there like the buffoon I probably am, and my arms gently wrapped around her. I felt like some kind of second sun ever brighter than the first for just this little moment. Her hands folded around my own, around the statue as she leaned up on tiptoes, her eyes bright as starburst.
I can’t believe it …
The sound of giggles interrupted us. Chikako and a bunch of her classmates were sitting in the half-opened doorway gawking delightedly at the two of us.
“Looks like we have an audience,” she said breaking the kiss.
I just smiled to myself like a happy fool. “So we do.”
By the time the bell rang, I had a feeling that word of our little foray on the roof would be all over school. My only concern was how it reflected on my being here. I wasn’t teaching at Maeda to find romance, and I certainly hadn’t come to Japan to find it. Yet, it had found me.
As it was, there was nothing I could do to stop the inevitable tidal wave of possible rumors, but if I were not ready to ride the wave, I wouldn’t have taken the risk of sharing my true feelings.
Kitsune Matsuri: The Open Gateway Page 15
