“You’re amazing.”
I rubbed my stomach and nodded. “You too.”
“I’m not done with you.”
I sure as hell wasn’t done with him either. I’d never known a man like him, and I doubted I would again. He was a more than amazingly gifted lover. Why was I so drawn to him? He certainly had strength and a great deal of personal dignity, which I appreciated.
But he was also the kind of man I’d steadfastly avoided all of my adult life. Aggressive alpha males are too much to control for any length of time. And I figured he was also something of a womanizer. To be honest, I like to be the only player in my relationships. How many women had he left along the way? Was there a woman in his past whom he loved enough to return to, given the chance?
“Penny for your thoughts.”
I laughed softly and rolled to my side. I figured if he knew what I’d really been thinking about he might have run for the hills. “How did you lose your virginity?”
“Well.” He turned his head and looked at me. “I was nineteen and my high school girlfriend gave me one hell of a going-away present.”
“This was after boot camp?”
“Yeah. I’d been trying to nail that girl for two years.”
“Great term.”
“Yeah, well.” He shrugged. “She’s married now with about four kids.”
I shuddered a little. “Four kids?”
“Total nightmare.” He frowned and sighed. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like kids. I’m just glad that I didn’t have them with her. It’s funny how we can think someone is perfect at the time and look back at them later and wonder what the hell we were thinking.”
Laughing, I nodded. “My high school boyfriend turned out to be gay.”
“Ouch.”
“I think I knew.” But having that truth bandied about the known world had been thoroughly humiliating. At eighteen, the news had been devastating. But now that I was older, I didn’t take it so personally.
“So when did you lose your virginity?”
“Twenty-two. It was about six months after the shooting; the guy was a friend of the family. Something was missing from my life; I thought it was a man.”
“It wasn’t.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It was me. I was missing. All that time I’d spent mourning my partner and my own career served only to highlight that I was wasting the time I had. The next day I went out and started shopping around for a college I could afford. My brothers helped when they could, and now here I am.”
It sounded a lot more simple than it actually had been. The decision to leave law enforcement behind had broken my heart. I couldn’t even count how many times I’d gone to the phone to call my brothers and ask to come home. Boston had been a hard move for me. Being so far from the family I had left and knowing that I would never get back the one thing I’d always wanted.
“Must have been difficult getting into the college scene after being a cop.”
I laughed. “Yeah, needless to say I didn’t fit in with those kids. In fact, I really didn’t even understand them half the time. By that time I’d already seen so much and lived to tell.”
“Why art?”
“Because it’s beautiful and intriguing. I find it fascinating that there is so much of ourselves put into the art that we as a species create. It’s amazing that even at our most primitive we were drawn to express ourselves. We see it repeatedly all over the world.”
“And that beauty drew you into the art world.”
“Yes. I want to believe that everyone has that kind of creativity and beauty in them. Those that can’t express it well, like me, can enjoy the work of others.” I cleared my throat. “At first I thought about going into teaching. The man I killed had been a teacher for nearly twenty years. I wanted to give back some of what I had taken.”
“You didn’t make that man come out of that car with a gun.”
“No.” I shook my head. “But if we’d arrested him the first time…maybe things would’ve been different. His behavior was erratic enough that we could have had him evaluated at a hospital or something.” My fingers tightened into a fist.
“I read the files, Jane. I know you and your partner were both cleared of wrongdoing in both incidents that day.”
My gaze snapped to his. “You read the files?”
“I still have friends in the bureau. It only took a few calls to get copies of the official reports.”
Disgruntled, I wondered why neither of my brothers had called to tell me that the FBI had pulled the case files on the shooting. They’d never hesitated in the past to keep me informed of information requests. Since I’d worked in several galleries over the years, my personal records with the Savannah PD had been requested more than once.
“Clark didn’t want to deal with the paperwork of an arrest.” My fingers tightened against my palms. Even saying that much had hurt. “That’s why we gave Leonard Daily a pass on the disorderly conduct. We told him to go home and cool off.”
“That isn’t in the report.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It isn’t. We both made that mistake and there was no way to get it into the report without making my partner look like a lazy cop, and I couldn’t have that. I would have taken all the blame if I could have.”
“So tell me about it.”
I sat up and grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed. “Okay. We’d been on duty about three hours when there was a call from a grocery story in our area. There was a man in the parking lot having hell’s own fit and raging at another customer. They hadn’t come to blows or anything by the time we got there. We separated them and sent them both home. We stupidly assumed they were strangers.”
“And the guy raising hell was the one you pulled over later.”
“No.” I shook my head. “We pulled Henry Jakes over about four hours later for running a stop sign of all things. He’d been on the receiving end of the verbal abuse at the grocery store. I wanted to take them both in and get everyone calmed down. Clark didn’t, and as always I gave in to him.”
“Henry Jakes went home, got his gun, and went after the man he’d argued with at the grocery store.”
“Yes, at least I’ve always assumed so. We should have taken one or both of them into custody, and because I didn’t go with my gut two men died that day.”
“They weren’t strangers.”
“No. There had been two previous physical altercations between them. Apparently, both of them had boys on the same Little League baseball team. Leonard Daily was an abusive loudmouth. Jakes and he had both gotten thrown out of a game over the weekend because Jakes told Daily to shut up and they ended up in a shoving match.” Two grown men who couldn’t let a bunch of little kids play a game like it was a game had caused so much death. I pressed my lips together briefly and then finally met his gaze. “His wife apologized to me. In the hospital after I came out of surgery. She was standing there beside my brother, her face puffy from crying. I think I knew the moment I saw her who she was. She told me that her husband was a good man. A good man who had been pushed around once too often. It wasn’t an excuse for him; what he’d done was wrong…but that was what he’d been. Then she apologized to me.”
“Must have been a hard moment.”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I killed her husband and she’s telling me she’s sorry for what happened. It was insane. I think a part of me would have preferred her screaming and yelling.”
“And your brother didn’t press you for details?”
“The whole damned department knew what happened. Savannah is really a small town that way. They all knew what kind of cop Clark was. No matter what I did, I couldn’t change that. I never committed it to paper and I never will. I won’t have a piece of paper in a file telling anyone that my partner, my dead partner, was a lazy cop. Or that I was a weak one for giving in to him.”
“He was the senior officer?”
“Yes.”
“Following his lead does
n’t make you weak, Jane. You were still quite green. Frankly, you should have never been placed with a cop like him. He certainly wasn’t a good role model for you to observe.”
“Clark was a good man.” I glared at him as if he might deny it. “And not all good men need a badge and a gun.”
I couldn’t argue with that. “Okay.”
“We all have things we’d do differently if we had the chance. Dwelling on the past solves nothing. For all you know, Henry Jakes could have gone home and gotten his gun regardless of what you did that morning.”
“Maybe.” I sighed and hugged the pillow tighter. “I’ve never said this out loud to anyone. I mean, even at the review hearing I just kept my mouth shut and answered the questions they had. But offered nothing additional. It was like we were all edging around the truth.”
“You can trust me.”
I knew that and it made me very nervous. After clearing my throat, I took a deep breath and nodded. “In the end, I knew I had to be true to myself, so I didn’t get a degree in education. Art gives me something that was missing before, something that I didn’t even know wasn’t there.”
“I see.”
“And it might not have value to you…but it does for others. Art can stir the soul and heart if you let it.” I waved my hand around in defeat. Discussing art with him would probably always be really frustrating.
“I understand the value of beauty.” He reached out and ran his finger along my jawline. “I also understand that there is no thing worth your life. I’ve seen plenty of death, and I know you’ve seen your share.”
“Yes.”
He cupped the back of my head with his hand and pulled me toward him. I sighed against his mouth as he kissed me. The danger of losing myself in this man was suddenly so real that I was overwhelmed. I pulled free and lay back against the headboard. Since hiding in the bathroom was not an option, I retreated to silence and tried to figure out why I was letting Mathias Montgomery turn me inside out.
I normally dumped men before they even came close to making me like them. What was wrong with just sex? Nothing. Not one damn thing had been wrong with it before. I glanced briefly at him and forced myself to remain still. All I really wanted to do was jump on him and beg for more. More of everything. “Want some water?”
“Please.”
I left the bed and walked naked into the kitchen. I snagged two bottles from the fridge and leaned against the counter. There were a lot of hours between me and Monday morning. Those hours seemed too short and too long all in the same moment. My body still hummed with pleasure, and I was torn between wanting it to end and wanting to never see it end.
Indecision isn’t something that I’m comfortable with, but I’ve never been above ignoring a problem. I took the bottled water back to the bedroom and found him resting against the headboard of the bed with the television on.
“I have some DVDs in the living room.”
He picked up the remote and turned it off. “I didn’t know how long you’d be gone.”
I handed him one of the bottles and sat down on the bed. “Oh really?”
“Yeah, you looked like you were ready to run.”
“I don’t run from men.” And if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t admit it to the one sitting in front of me.
“No.” He laughed. “Not even ones that might be criminals.”
“Fuck you.”
“You just did.” He tipped the bottle back and drank deeply. “Very well, I might add.”
“I’m good at everything I do or I don’t do it.” I lifted my chin.
“Is that so?”
“It is.”
He put his bottle down on the nightstand on his side of the bed and looked me over. “I like being naked with you.”
“Yeah?” I liked being naked with him too. Beyond the sexual energy, something else lingered. Something comfortable and familiar.
“It’s interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about being naked with a woman outside of a sexual encounter.”
“We’ve had several of those this morning,” I murmured.
He was very close to expressing something that would make me uncomfortable and I knew it. The fact that we were so at ease with one another had me pondering fate and the like. The last thing I needed was for him to be pondering it too.
“But it’s different. It’s a level of comfortable that’s rather foreign to me. I mean, I wasn’t raised to be ashamed of my body, so I don’t have any hang-ups in that area.”
“Well, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Good genes.” He reached out and tugged me from my place so that I rested next to him. “We fit well.”
I glanced downward before I could help myself. “Yes.”
He laughed. “Well, yes, in that way too—but I meant that it’s comfortable to hold you. Some women can’t get relaxed enough to be comfortable.”
I rested my head on his chest and looked around my room, bright with the sun. Yet again, I was struck by my circumstances. Had I really just met him hours before? It seemed like so much longer than that. “We need to talk about the gallery.”
“We can discuss the gallery on Monday. I have to submit a bid to Brooks by the afternoon. There will be plenty of time for you to brush me off and pretend for the world that you didn’t spend the whole weekend fucking me.”
Since that was exactly what I had already planned to do, I could hardly get mad at him for voicing it. Though hearing him say it did make it sound cruel and heartless. “I have a reputation with the gallery to consider. There are plenty of places that need mending because of my foolishness last night. I can’t very well prove that I’m reliable and trustworthy if it’s well known that I spent the weekend having freaky sex with a stranger.”
“We’re going to have freaky sex?”
“Yeah, I figured we might.”
“Want me to spank you?”
I jerked my gaze to him and laughed softly at the grin he shot me. “I actually had a guy that wanted to do that to me.”
“Did you let him?”
“Hell no. But I did offer to beat the shit out of him.”
“Very generous of you.” He rolled to his side and propped his head on his hand. “Have you ever been in love?”
“No. At least I don’t think so. I had crushes when I was younger. I remember being desperate to see this boy in the fifth grade. He didn’t even know I existed. What about you?” Directing the question his way gave me a few seconds to consider how much his simple question had hurt. Even Clark, to whom I’d been insanely attracted, hadn’t inspired anything beyond an unknown sexual thing.
“I thought so once. But then I realized that it was just lust, and lust fades.”
“Yes.” Just like his attraction to me. There would be a day in the future when he would look at me and his blood wouldn’t quicken. He wouldn’t have the urge to take off my clothes and bury his cock in me.
“But I believe in love. I know that there is someone out there that will always have my attention and thoughts.”
“Okay. What kind of woman will she be?”
“When I was younger I dated a series of women that were exactly the same, but now that I’m older I find that I’m over that. Now I look for things beyond the physical in the women I get involved with. I appreciate beauty, as I’ve already said. But these days I have to be able to talk to a woman or I don’t waste my time on her. What about you?”
“I promised myself when I was twenty-five that I would never marry a man who didn’t eat pussy. He also has to have a really big dick.” I grinned when he laughed. “Sex is important.”
“Yes, it is. So beyond your sexual needs, what other things should this man have?”
“I don’t know.” Shrugging, I wondered why I’d lied to him. I had a list dedicated to the perfect man. I knew exactly what I was looking for. Maybe I didn’t want to ruin the mood.
I leaned back in my bathtub and blew at the bubbles covering me. He lou
nged at the other end. “You’re going to smell all girlie after this.”
“There was a time when that would’ve been horrifying. But somewhere along the way I realized that an excellent way of getting a woman naked was asking to bathe with her.”
“You already had me naked.”
“I did, indeed, but I figured you needed a soak in a warm bath.”
Deanna Lee Page 5
