by M. E. Nesser
I had never been on a date before, and I think that was what this was going to be. I didn’t know if I should shower again. So I did. I didn’t know if I should change from my school clothes. So I did. I brushed my teeth and my hair longer than I have probably ever brushed either in my entire life. I put on a little makeup, and then rubbed most of it off. I didn’t want to seem too eager, and I most definitely didn’t want to look like a floozy. I practiced talking into the mirror. I needed to know if I had any strange habits, gestures, or quirks when I spoke. This was probably the most nerve-wracking preparation to go eat a hamburger in the history of the world. I started feeling paranoid about eating in front of him, and I worried that we’d have nothing to talk about. That would be so awkward. I seriously didn’t know if I could do this.
I thought about calling Janey, but I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to her. I didn’t want anyone to know how nervous I was going out with Bryce. In fact, I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone to know that I was going anywhere alone with him. I liked that it was my secret. He had been my secret crush for so long that I wanted it to stay that way for just a little longer. So I watched the clock and counted the minutes until he came to pick me up.
16
It was the second longest practice of my life. The first one, only the night before, seemed like an eternity ago. They had us lifting weights for an hour, but I swear it felt like ten. Who would want to lift weights when there was a beautiful girl like Katie waiting for me only a few short miles away? I was having such a hard time concentrating that I wasn’t able to lift half of the weight that I normally did, and the coach was totally pissed off at me. I couldn’t have cared less. I just wanted the practice to end. I had a date with the girl of my dreams.
During our scrimmage, when I was so distracted that an underclassman was kicking my ass on the court, my coach yelled, “Collins, you need to concentrate or get out of here and hit the showers!” I was seriously tempted to take his suggestion and go, but since I was the captain, it would have been a lousy thing to do. I knew I was a role model for the other guys on the squad.
I tried to put Katie out of my mind after the coach yelled at me and was able to come from behind and beat my opponent. The coach pulled me aside after my match and told me that he was very disappointed in my performance—I needed to learn to leave my problems at the door. That’s the worst thing a coach can say to an athlete. On the one hand, I felt really bad because I loved squash and knew it could help me get a scholarship to college. On the other hand, I couldn’t get to Katie quickly enough. I apologized to the coach and told him it wouldn’t happen again.
I hurried off to the second fastest shower of my life; the first had been the day before. All of the guys knew something was up, but when they asked me, I told them I just needed to get out of there. Surprisingly enough, nobody bugged me. I was on a mission, and I think it was obvious they needed to stay out of my way.
I tried not to speed to her house, but that was an impossibility. I was so focused on getting to her that a UFO could have landed in the middle of the street, and I would never have noticed it. I couldn’t wait to see Katie again.
17
There was a part of me that wished I had made plans after school, so I didn’t have to wait as long before Bryce would pick me up. While I was getting ready, I called my mom and told her I wouldn’t be home for dinner.
“Are you and Janey doing something, dear?” she asked me.
“Uh, no. Actually…Bryce asked me to go grab a burger with him at Johnnie’s,” I told her.
“Really? Is there something going on between you two?” she asked.
“No, it’s nothing like that, mom. It’s no big deal. We’re just friends,” I said as calmly as possible.
“Well, he seemed like a nice enough fellow. There’s money in the drawer if you need some. I’ll see you tonight.”
I hung up and stared at the phone. I had so many friends that were guys, there was no reason I couldn’t treat tonight the same way. The problem was that I didn’t like other guys the same way I liked Bryce. I’m not sure how long I stood at the kitchen counter staring at the phone, because I had so many scenarios running through my brain that I got completely lost in thought.
Would he try to kiss me again? If he did, I would be very happy. What if I got food all over my face and didn’t notice it? I’d probably die of embarrassment. Then again, maybe he’d touch my face with a napkin and wipe the ketchup off. That would be so hot. What if I burped? Yep, that would definitely add to the embarrassment factor.
But what would I do if he tried to touch me? Billy Tamerlane had tried to touch my boobs last year, and all I’d wanted to do was run away. It was awkward. We were at a party and started kissing. His kisses were a lot different than Bryce’s. His lips were thin and dry, and I remember he had bad breath from smoking cigarettes. While we were making out, he let his hand wander over my chest then squeezed one boob really hard. It didn’t feel good at all. His hands felt clumsy, and they made me feel dirty. I couldn’t get away from him quickly enough. And that was second base. Ugh. Since then, I’ve been pretty gun-shy about going to second base with any boy.
But now all I can think about is kissing and touching. Hell, I’ve been so obsessed with Bryce, I could imagine doing more. So much more. I was working up a sweat just thinking about him. This was getting ridiculous. I could not believe how nervous I was. I seriously doubted that this was such a big deal for Bryce. I imagined he’d probably had gone out with a ton of girls—and even gone all the way with some of them. But wouldn’t it be amazing if, by some crazy chance, he were a virgin, too?
I wanted him to like me so badly, and deep down I knew he did, but I had so many worries wracking my brain. This relationship thing was probably the only area of my life where I felt insecure. I rocked at the debate club. I did really cool work on the yearbook committee. I was an excellent student. I loved working at the homeless shelter. But crushing on someone was pretty terrifying. There were so many unknowns. What if I disappointed him? Would he like my body? I was pretty thin, but most boys seemed to like that. I knew my boobs were pretty nice, even though I hadn’t seen a lot of girls without bras on so I could compare. And what about the hair between my legs? I didn’t know if it was a normal amount, too much, or not enough, so I was freaking out about that, too. I couldn’t believe how many things there were to worry about. He just needed to get here.
18
I knocked on Katie’s door, my palms sweaty. This was crazy. I had gone on plenty of dates and even had some heavy-duty make out sessions, but I’d never felt this nervous. What if she thought I was moving too fast and wanted to take it slow? No, that wouldn’t be the case. She’d thanked me for kissing her. Also, I was pretty sure she wanted to do more, just by the way her body was responding to me. I knew I could probably kiss her as much as I wanted. OK, I had that one covered. But what if I started to smell? I was already sweating like I was in the middle of a squash match. I couldn’t believe how worried I was about every little thing. It was unsettling.
Katie opened the door, and I don’t think I had ever seen such a beautiful girl in my life. I just stared at her like the biggest dope ever. She smiled at me then looked concerned. “Is everything all right?” she asked. I muttered, “You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen.” Oh my God, what was wrong with me? But I meant it, and there was no way I could have stopped the words from pouring out of my mouth. She blushed as red as I’ve ever seen her and whispered, “Thanks, B.” Holy crap, she even had a nickname for me. This was so cool.
My stomach was so knotted up that eating was the last thing on my mind, so I asked her, “Um, can I come in?”
“Sure,” she said.
“Can I please kiss you?”
“Sure.”
I approached her like the most delicate piece of china in the entire world and pressed my lips against hers. Her lips were so soft that it was impossible for me not to increase the pressure. I cupped my hands on th
e side of her face so I could feel her skin. I pulled her closer to me, and she let out a little moan that made my heart race and my dick throb.
“You have really soft lips,” I told her.
“Yours aren’t so bad either,” she said.
The kissing continued. It was amazing. All of a sudden she whispered, “Am I doing this all right? I’ve never really kissed a boy before.”
I couldn’t believe it. I knew she didn’t have much experience, but I thought for sure she had to have had at least a few boyfriends; she was so totally amazing. Her inexperience made me feel so special.
“You’re probably the best kisser ever,” I told her. It was the truth. The truth made her blush again. God, she was so freaking adorable!
That must have made her feel more confident, because the next thing I knew she was pressing her body closer to mine and opening her mouth so I could find her tongue. The touch of her tongue was probably one of the most erotic things I had ever felt in my seventeen years of life. It made me feel like I was a dying man in need of her taste to keep me alive. I couldn’t get enough of her mouth. It was soft and hot and sexy as hell.
She pressed even closer to my torso, and I could feel her stiffen. She must have noticed my boner. I’m not sure, but I think it might have scared her. I didn’t want to make her nervous, but I also didn’t want the kissing to stop. I felt like I could kiss her forever and ever, and it still wouldn’t be long enough. All of this kissing was making us both warm and flushed. I knew that I should probably stop, but I didn’t want to. I wasn’t sure what to do next, especially since we were still standing in the entrance of her kitchen.
While we kissed, I moved my hands away from her face and down her body. I rubbed my hands up and down her back. I loved how petite she was. I think she liked me touching her, because I could feel her whole body respond. She was pressing closer to me, caressing my muscles. It felt so good. Her hips started dancing against my midsection. It was such an amazing feeling to have our bodies rub together that way. The room was silent, but we were moving to a rhythm, as if music was playing.
What I was feeling was so much more intense than anything I had ever felt before. Katie was so soft and sexy. She even smelled like something forbidden and intoxicating. I knew, at this moment, that I had it bad. Really bad.
19
If I knew kissing would be this awesome, I would have started kissing boys eons ago. Or maybe it was just kissing Bryce that was so incredible? Either way, it was the sexiest thing in the whole world, and I wanted to keep doing it until the end of time. Screw the burger. Food was not what I wanted. I felt like I was starving, and only Bryce’s kisses could satiate me. Making out is totally underrated.
Bryce also seemed to really like kissing me, which was super exciting. At first, I was afraid that the only reason I was enjoying it so much was because I was so new at it. But I knew better. And I knew for certain that I couldn’t have stopped even if I’d wanted too. When I tried to get closer to him, I could feel the effect I was having. I couldn’t believe how hard he was and how big it felt against my stomach. Feeling his penis against me was thrilling, but also scary as hell. How do girls fit things like that inside of themselves? I was so baffled, and so intrigued, by sex.
His hands started roaming up and down my back, so I did the same thing to him. I liked exploring his body. He felt very strong and very lean. I wanted to take his shirt off more than anything. As I felt his penis getting harder, I used my hands to pull his body closer to me. It must have been instinct for me to rub my hips against him—nothing could have stopped me from doing it. It felt incredible. As I rubbed against his crotch, I heard him gasp. That was a sound I would never forget.
As shy and timid as I felt, passion made me daring. While our tongues explored each other’s mouths, all I could think about was the bulge pressing against my stomach. I really wanted to touch it. In fact, I’ve never wanted to touch something so badly in all of my life. Suddenly, my inquisitive instinct took over, and I put my hand over the front of his pants to get a better idea what it was like. Holy crap, it was like a baseball bat! I rubbed my hand up and down to get a better sense of how long it really was. By this point, my heart was pounding out of my chest, and I was having a hard time breathing. I had no clue how I could handle what I was feeling, but I definitely wanted to.
Suddenly scared, I stepped back and realized we were still standing in my kitchen. We were both breathing hard, and he was as flushed as I was. I think he noticed how nervous I was, so he said, “We better get going.” Shit, that was the last thing I wanted to do.
I excused myself and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t have to pee, though. I was really wet between my legs, so I blotted myself with toilet paper and tried to get myself under control. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize the girl looking back at me. I was so flushed in the face and neck that it looked like I had gotten a splotchy sunburn. My eyes looked wild, and even darker than usual. They were dilated and crazy looking. What was that all about? There was nothing I could do about it, though, so I took a deep breath and ran back into the kitchen for my date.
20
Thank God Katie ran out of the room: I was so horny, I thought I was going to blow a load in my boxers. I couldn’t believe she touched my dick. She said she had never kissed a boy before, so I figured I would have to go really slow with her—and then she put her hand on my crotch and rubbed it from top to the bottom. I thought I was going to fucking explode! I loved making out with this girl, but I wanted so much more. It was awesome. She was awesome. I was over the moon ecstatic.
When she went into the bathroom, I tried thinking about all kinds of things that would make my dick soften. I thought about my coach yelling at me. I imagined her folks walking in on us. Then I thought about the taste of her mouth…Oh, that wasn’t helping at all. I couldn’t help thinking about the way her boobs felt as they pressed against my chest. I could hear her heart beating, pounding as hard and as fast as mine. It was so hot. By the time she came back into the room, my tension had subsided a little, but I was still too flustered to speak. Fortunately, she was able to form a complete sentence.
“Ready to go?”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” I said. I was lucky I was even able to get that out.
When we got in the car, I felt calmer. It was time to start acting normal again.
As I pulled out of her driveway, I asked her, “Did your mom say anything about yesterday?”
“Just that you seemed like a polite young man. She was impressed that you stood to greet her, shook her hand and looked directly at her when you spoke. She is big on manners so you scored big-time with her yesterday,” she told me.
“I’m glad. My parents always drilled etiquette into me. They said being polite would get you much farther in life.”
“I wish more people had good manners,” she said thoughtfully.
“Yea, me too. Are you hungry?” I asked her.
“Starving. I think Johnnie’s has the best burgers in town. I’m psyched you suggested it,” she said.
I pulled into the parking lot and had a tough time finding a place to park. The diner was crowded, and once we started eating, we were able to talk more. And, boy did we talk. We had so many things in common. She was funny and bright. I was blown away by her enthusiasm for just about everything. It’s funny: I thought she was really shy, but I was so wrong. Once she got over the nervousness of being with me, she was a total chatterbox. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen. Most girls acted reserved around me, like they were afraid to be themselves. Katie had the most vivacious personality of any girl I had ever had a conversation with. She wasn’t afraid to let me see who she was. It was so refreshing. I was getting more smitten by the minute.
She told me how she always dreamed about going to law school, even though her dad wanted her to go to medical school. She’d hated every math or science class she’d ever taken, and the thought of blood, guts, and needles made her want to cry
. Still, she worked hard to get good grades in her math and science classes so she could keep her overall GPA up and get into a good college that would prepare her for law school. She loved arguing and debating and knew she had to be a lawyer someday. She was addicted to watching CNN and HLN; she thought our government was fascinating. She loved reading newspapers like the Wall Street Journal and the USA Today because she had to know what was going on in our country and around the world. She was so smart, and I couldn’t believe how much her brain was turning me on.
I told her about my love for math and how I had always wanted to work with numbers, which probably seemed strange for an athlete. I was using sports to help me get a scholarship to college, since my folks really couldn’t afford to pay for it. My dad got a good pay increase when we moved to Connecticut, but it still wasn’t enough to put both of their sons through college. I knew if I worked hard enough in school and on the court, I would be able to get a good scholarship and eventually become an accountant. I dreamed about living in New York City and was hoping to work for a Fortune 500 company one day.
We’d been sitting at the diner for over two hours when she noticed the time and said she had to get home and do homework. I felt my heart sink. I didn’t want the night to end, but my parents would be pissed if I didn’t get home soon. So I paid the bill and drove her home.
I walked her to the door—not because I was being gallant, but because I wanted to spend every possible second with her. Besides, I didn’t want the night to end. I wanted to kiss her one more time. We could both see that her mom was in the kitchen doing dishes, but I decided that it didn’t matter. I’m not sure what came over me at that moment, but I didn’t care if her mom saw me kiss her daughter. I couldn’t leave until I had the taste of her on my mouth again. I felt like a drug addict who needed just one more hit. So I kissed her and instantly felt the stirrings between my legs. I knew that if I didn’t stop, I’d be totally embarrassed.
