by Ravenna Tate
By Thursday evening, she was indeed ready to burst, but not only because she hadn’t had sex since Sunday night. She’d found an odd correlation between the list of names she’d kept on a spreadsheet in her former role and three names that kept popping up on the message boards she had hacked into and was monitoring. During dinner that evening, she told Ace she needed to access her old files.
Ace paused in the act of bringing his fork to his mouth. “Why?”
She told him what she’d found.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier in the week?”
“Because I just put it together this afternoon. I’ve been keeping notes all week, and I’m certain I’ve seen these three names before. Being able to access my old spreadsheets will confirm it, as well as tell you where those names are on your PR message boards.”
He blanched considerably. “Are you telling me three names of people who regularly post on my PR website are also on a hacker message board?”
“It looks that way, but I won’t know for certain until I can review my sheets.”
“How do you remember individual names so well?”
“Are you kidding? Ace, I was very good at that job.”
“We can look at your old spreadsheets from my computer here.”
“Fabulous. But will you give me access to the rest of them at work? I want to see if there are any other names I’ve come across over the past year.”
“I can’t do that. The systems are separate. We did that on purpose.”
“I know, but can’t you email them to me or something? That way I can compare them at my desk, side-by-side.”
He put the food into his mouth and chewed, but she wasn’t upset by his hesitation because she could see him thinking. “But then your spreadsheets would still be on the server for the system you’re working from now. How about if we print them?”
“That’s okay, too. Thank you.”
He gave her a satisfied look. “I’m very proud of you, Harper.”
“For what I just figured out?”
He covered her hand with his, and his touch sent a shiver down her spine, as it had done so all week. To say she was ready to be skin-to-skin with him again was an understatement. “For all of this. For the entire week. I’m impressed with your willpower and your work ethic.”
She decided to ignore the comment about her willpower for a moment. “Have you been checking up on me at work?”
“Of course I have.”
“So now that you know I’m behaving, when are you going to let me return to my former role?”
His gaze darkened. “I’m not sure I will.”
“What?”
“Harper, you’re doing a far more valuable job for me where you are now. Doesn’t what you found this week prove it?”
It was impossible to hide her disappointment. He’d see it. She moved her hand from under his and returned to her dinner.
“Did you think I would do that?” he asked softly. “Return you to the top floor?”
She nodded because she didn’t trust her voice.
“Why?”
She put down her fork again and sighed. “I thought you were just playing a game with me. And I thought both the sex and the new job were part of that. I assumed after you got me to admit what I did was wrong, and when you felt you’d punished me enough for violating your privacy, you’d put me back where I had been and stop all this.”
Harper was totally confused when he looked hurt. Really hurt. Like she’d just insulted him in every possible way.
“Stop all this? So everything you said last weekend about how much you’d enjoyed me in bed was what? Part of the game?”
Shit. Fuck. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’m not upset about the sex. But I didn’t think you’d keep me in that dingy basement for good.”
“So glad to know you’re not upset about the sex. Or the clothes. Or the food. Or the gifts.”
Heat rose to her face. “Ace, please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. You asked a question, and I answered it. I’ve obviously made an incorrect assumption about what this is.”
“No, you didn’t. I told you what it is. An arrangement.” The hurt was gone, and the coldness was back. Harper’s appetite disappeared. “An arrangement that you agreed to. The new job role is part of that arrangement as much as the sex is. Do you have a problem understanding what an agreement is, Harper? Perhaps I should have put it in writing for you.”
Ouch! “All right. You’ve made your point. Again.”
“I wouldn’t have to keep making it if you’d stop sending me mixed signals.”
“I’m sending mixed signals?” Pot, meet kettle.
“Yes, Harper, you are. One minute you claim to understand what this is, and the next you’re telling me you thought I was going to give you back your pretty office on the top floor.”
He was right. She’s the one who kept waffling, not him.
But his damn emotional reactions kept her confused, so she told him so. “You’re sending mixed signals, too. One minute you’re putting me in my place, letting me know in no uncertain terms that this is nothing more than a business arrangement, and the next you’re sending me text messages all day and calling me ‘baby’.”
He stared at her for a long time. Nothing moved. Not even the air in the apartment. Finally, his gaze softened. “You’re doing a really good job on that team. Look what you’ve already found in four days.” His voice was gentler now, too, but he hadn’t addressed what she said about him sending mixed signals. She doubted he would. He was likely as conflicted about it as she was.
But in the end it didn’t matter what he said. There was no emotional attachment for him. She had to remember that or she’d end up in the same place as Traci had been. Harper wouldn’t let that happen to her.
The work issue, however, was one she needed to clarify once and for all. “You intend to keep me on the hacker team, don’t you? I’m not returning to my office on the top floor.”
“Don’t you understand how important this is? I’m a lot older than you. I lived above ground longer than you did. I want to go back one day. I miss fresh air—real fresh air—not the piped in stuff. I miss sunshine on my face, and the sound of the surf. I miss real birds, and real insects, and feeling real dirt underneath my feet.”
“I remember all that, too, Ace. I lived above ground for eighteen years. I lost my parents because I didn’t stay above ground with them.”
“You’d be dead, too, if you had.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You still have yours.”
The pain on his face was horrible. She put a hand to her mouth as she watched the emotions cross his face. It wasn’t anger. She wasn’t sure what it was, but the emotion ran deep and he didn’t want to address what she’d just said. That much was very obvious.
What the hell was going on here?
Chapter Twelve
Something inside Ace snapped. He was so tired of holding all this in. Her comments about him sending mixed signals had struck a chord. He was doing that. He knew it, and she hadn’t missed it. She was too intelligent for that.
But this … the comment about him still having his parents … it was time he set her straight on that issue. It didn’t matter that he’d never told any of the other women he’d seduced this part of his past. Harper was different. He’d known it the first time their lips met.
He wanted her to know this about him. Ace couldn’t have explained the compulsion if his life depended on it. He only knew it felt right to finally divulge this to her.
“No I don’t. I don’t still have my parents. Brent and Caitlyn are my adopted parents.”
She didn’t react. She merely stared at him.
“Okay? Are you happy now? You finally know the truth. Is that what you were looking for with Traci?”
She shook her head.
“My real parents abandoned me when I was an infant. I was in foster care until I was thirteen when the Eastons took me in.” He opened
his shirt to reveal the scars on his chest. “You asked about these and the others Saturday night. They’re not from fights. I was abused so many times, by so many foster parents, that I stopped keeping track.”
Tears ran down her cheeks, but all he wanted to do was get this out and be done with it. He couldn’t stop to comfort her because then he’d never tell her the rest.
“You know why bright light hurts my eyes? Because I was tied down by one of my foster fathers when I was ten. His wife shone a flashlight in my face while he sexually abused me with his fingers, his dick, and then with everything and anything within reach. I couldn’t open my eyes or I’d be blinded. I screamed, and no one gave a shit.”
“Oh Ace…”
The pain on her face was horrible, but he couldn’t stop. He had to get this out.
“You want to know why I push myself so damn hard? Why I’m cold and ruthless, and why I stay away from long term commitments? It’s because no one gave me shit in life. I had to fight for everything I own. Brent and Caitlyn taught me to stand on my own two feet, and they made me work for everything they gave me. I didn’t get handouts from them. When I was still in high school I came to work with Brent and learned his business.”
He took several deep breaths to fight the bile rising up his esophagus. “At home I studied websites he and Cait both showed me about marketing and communications. They were determined to help me succeed so I wouldn’t become a victim. They wouldn’t let me feel sorry for myself. They pushed me to be all I could be because they recognized my talents and my intelligence.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“No! No. Don’t be sorry. I’m not looking for an apology. I want you to understand. This is who I am. This is why I am this way. I can’t change that. All I can do is determine what I do now, from this point on. I can make my own future. And I want my planet back. We all do. That’s why my friends and I have these secret teams, and why we’re working so damn hard to find these bastards.”
She nodded several times. “I understand that. I really do. I’ll stay where I am and will never ask you again to put me back in my old office. I want to help you do this, too.” She wiped the tears from her face. “The same bastards who fucked up The Madeline Project are responsible for my parents dying.”
“I know. And that’s why I think you’re perfect to work on this.”
“So you’re not doing it to punish me?”
He sighed. “I was at first, but I no longer feel that way.”
“Thank you for telling me that.” She rose and walked toward him, but her face was full of indecision. “Thank you for everything you just told me. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
He held out his arms, and she sat in his lap, folding herself against his body. He breathed in her scent, letting it fill the dark corners. It had been one long, lonely week without Harper in his bed. What the hell had he been thinking by making her wait? This girl had crawled so far under his skin he had no idea what to do about it. He only knew he wanted her with him all the time.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I had no idea. I swear to you that wasn’t what Traci and I were trying to find. She wanted to hurt you. She wanted to dig up dirt on you. We weren’t looking for anything in particular. But it was a shitty thing for her to do. She wasn’t really a friend at all, but I felt sorry for her because I assumed you were a cold, heartless bastard who had simply dumped her. She fell for you, and you didn’t want any part of that. I was wrong.”
He didn’t know what to say because his heart was racing, and the urge to beg her never to leave him was so strong right now he didn’t know how to handle it.
“I was wrong about you, Ace. And Traci is a bitch for doing what she did. Her only motivation was to try to ruin you. My motivation stemmed from too much alcohol, and a totally incorrect assumption that you had hurt her. I realize now that you didn’t. She knew up front what you wanted from the relationship, and what you didn’t want. Right?”
He nodded because he couldn’t trust his voice right now. To hear Harper acknowledge all this was more than he had ever hoped for. So many emotions rose up that he had trouble processing even one of them.
“And she’s the one who expected you to change. That was wrong of her. I know I’ve said I’m sorry for what I did, but I’m asking you again to forgive me. It was a horrible thing for both of us to do.”
“Thank you, Harper. For everything you just said. Yes, Traci wanted me to change. I never meant to hurt her. I never meant to hurt anyone. And I do forgive you for what you did.”
“Thank you.” The relief on her face made him sad. This had caused her pain, too.
“You know, you’re the first person I’ve told this to. About my life in foster care. Even my friends don’t know.”
She pulled away and looked into his eyes. “What about Jasper and Alena?”
“Well, yes they know. They worked for Cait and Brent.”
“I’m honored that you told me, Ace. Thank you. Is Arturo your birth name?”
“Yes. The Charles was added by Cait. It’s her father’s name.”
“How did they find you?”
He snorted. “I was on the streets. I’d run away from yet another foster family and decided fuck it. I wasn’t going to be sent anywhere else. I was trespassing. Brent found me sleeping in a building his company had under construction, and he was ready to call the cops. I begged him not to.”
“Why did he listen to you?”
“Because I spilled my guts and told him the truth.”
“And he believed you?”
“Yes. He has this uncanny ability to see right into people. He knew I wasn’t lying.”
“That’s an amazing story.”
“It is. But he’s an amazing man. He could have sent me back anyway. It wasn’t his issue to deal with. He took me home, and I never left. And then he pulled some strings, and within a year he and Cait had officially adopted me. I was fourteen. They never had children, and they were as thrilled as I was.”
“They likely saved your life.”
“Yes. I agree. I needed a lot of medical attention at first. Surgery to repair things that had been done to me. They made sure I had whatever I needed, and they hired a tutor to help me catch up with all the school work I’d missed.”
“Did you go to an actual school?”
“Not until high school. They felt I’d miss too much socialization with people my own age otherwise. They’re incredible people. I’d like you to meet them.” It didn’t feel wrong coming out of his mouth. Brent and Cait had only met a few of his lovers, but Harper wasn’t like the others. She was different. She was special.
As she studied his face for a moment or two, he had the feeling she was choosing her next words carefully. “Do you think you’re like this with women because of all that happened to you?”
“Do you mean because I was abused and treated like shit by strangers for thirteen years, that now I won’t let anyone close to me?”
“Something like that.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. But I don’t want you thinking of me as broken. I’m not. I’m a survivor, but I don’t need pity and I don’t need fixing.”
“I know that, Ace.”
“I like my life now, Harper. I like my privacy, as you’ve already figured out, and I like not having to be responsible for anyone else.”
She shifted her weight on his lap, and the movement had the uncomfortable effect of making his dick even more rock hard than it already was. Then again, all she had to do was look at him and that happened. “Do Brent and Cait love you?”
“I believe they do. But it’s not the same as if I was their biological child. It never will be.”
“Maybe because you’ve never known what love is, I mean real love, you can’t love anyone. You can’t even love yourself.”
“When did you decide to play amateur psychologist?”
“I don’t mean any harm in it. Just trying to help.”
C
oming from any other woman, a statement like that would have had him ending the relationship. But he knew her intentions were pure. Harper had no hidden agendas. Every thought showed on her face and in her body language. And, there was no arguing that what she’d said was true. It wasn’t the first time someone had suggested it.
“Or, it could be that every woman I go out with is interested more in my name and my wealth than in me as a person.”
“I’m not like that,” she said quietly. “You know I’m not.”
“I know you’re not.” If he could love a woman one day, it would be someone like Harper. It would be her. He could love her.
If he let it happen.
Which he wouldn’t do.
Maybe…
Ace sighed out loud as they held each other’s gaze. Deep inside Harper’s baby blues was the certainty that he’d just crossed a line he’d never even stepped close to before.
Instead of scaring the shit out of him, he liked knowing that. He liked it a lot.
****
Harper’s heart went out to Ace. She’d had no idea. None. Not even a clue in the year she’d known him. And to realize he trusted her enough to tell her sent her thoughts racing, but she didn’t try to rein them in this time. To hell with it. She was falling in love with this man, and she was tired of trying to deny that.
As she kissed him, she mentally ticked off all the things he’d missed growing up. Parents who loved their infant. Parents and grandparents who took endless video of his first steps, his first words, and the first time he rode a bike without training wheels. He’d missed birthday parties and social milestones in school. Had he ever climbed a tree or skipped a stone over the water? Did he have a best friend?
He’d never known the safety or security of a real home. Not until he was a teen, at any rate. He’d never known love. Not the kind he’d kept his heart closed to.
He nuzzled her neck. “So much for waiting until tomorrow.”
“I will if you want to.” Please say no!
“Are you kidding me?” He stood with her in his arms, and once more his strength astonished her. “I was an idiot to wait at all. I should have been fucking you every night this week.”
