On a whim, she invited River over for Christmas dinner, remembering how sweet it had been last year; and she wanted to let him know she held no grudge against him. She really did miss their friendship. But as she expected, he refused. River hardly spoke to her anymore.
The holidays passed, the New Year came, and they were back in school for winter quarter.
*****
“The whole school is invited; everyone,” Crystal announced as she tacked up invitations on all the bulletin boards around the school. She had talked her father into sponsoring a senior class fundraiser, she claimed for Stuart’s sake, by hosting a Valentine’s Ball at his country club. It soon became the most anticipated event so far that year.
Sierra and Allison stood in front of one of the invitations while Allison wrote down the details, for she and Peter planned to go.
“Has Dean asked you?”
“No, you know how he feels about school dances.”
“Which is totally stupid. But he might ask you since it’s not actually hosted by the school and he is good friends with Crystal.”
“I don’t really want to go,” Sierra said, although she kind of hoped Dean just might ask her.
A whiff of a familiar aftershave and then sensing someone behind her, she turned to find Dean coming up to them smiling. As much as she tried to suppress her physical responses, she could not prevent the rush of color to her face or the acceleration of her heart. “Dean!”
“You don’t want to go?” he asked mischievously, having overheard her last words.
“Do you want to go?” she countered.
“Sure, if you’ll go with me.”
Sierra gaped at him, astonished. “You don’t like school dances.”
“It’s not at the school,” he winked at her. “So do you want to go?”
Sierra continued to stare at him awkwardly, aware of Allison watching.
Dean picked up her hand. “I want to take you; please go to the Valentine’s Ball with me.” He smiled his disarming smile.
“Okay, I’ll go,” Sierra agreed, her color deepening even more.
“Great, I’ll pick you up.” He winked again, and turned to go.
He was so casual, as if they went out all the time. And of course, he pretended that he didn’t know she wasn’t allowed to ride in his car. “Um, Dean…”
He turned back. “Right, I forgot, your mommy won’t late you ride with me,” he said in a mimicking baby tone. “I guess you’ll have to get her to drive you.”
“We can pick you up,” Allison said, her eyes narrowed at Dean. “Peter’s folks are driving.”
“Great, I’ll meet you at the club. Will that work?” Dean suggested.
“I guess so.”
“It’s a date then.” He flicked his finger under her chin and then up and over her lips before he turned away again and left.
Sierra breathed out slowly.
Allison turned her narrowed eyes to Sierra. “I thought you didn’t want to go,” she said pointedly.
*****
Two days later after school, Sierra and Katrina saddled Fiel and Calliope for a trail ride, taking advantage of a day with clear skies. Sierra never rode out with River anymore and she sometimes wondered how it had happened that it was now Katrina who spent time with River. He still gave both of them lessons once a week, and was coldly polite to her when they cleaned stalls on weekends. It wounded her that her interest in Dean should ruin the friendship between them. They had gone through so much together, and she really missed him. She tried often to re-establish their former easiness together. She asked him questions about the horses and riding which he answered politely enough but with minimal detail. She still helped him and Manuel bring in the horses at night, but Katrina also helped on the days she came to the stable. She noticed how Katrina tagged around after River and he did not seem to mind.
“I hear you’re going to the Valentine’s Ball with Dean,” Katrina said as they led their mounts to the field.
“Where did you hear that?” Sierra had told no one, but maybe Allison had told Katrina.
“It’s all around school,” Katrina answered.
“Really?”
“Yeah. So, I was wondering…” Katrina hesitated.
“What?”
“You wouldn’t mind if I asked River, would you?”
Sierra could not hide the shock on her face as she gaped at Katrina. At least Katrina didn’t know her insides froze in objection.
“I mean, I know you two are friends, but…I thought since Dean, well…”
Sierra composed her features and smiled weakly. “Of course I don’t mind. I think it’s sweet.” River will never agree to go, she assured herself.
Katrina sighed audibly in relief. “Oh, thanks…I mean, well…”
“Katrina, I don’t own River. Why should I mind?” And why do I mind?
“I just thought…well, thanks.”
They reached the mounting block, mounted up, and Sierra let Fiel step out in front to lead onto the trail. She struggled with her feelings. I shouldn’t care if Katrina and River start going out. It would be nice for both of them. River is like my older brother. I should like that a nice girl like Katrina is interested in him. She’s certainly much nicer than that other creepy girl he was seeing. Katrina is very pretty, popular, and she genuinely loves horses. I should be happy if River likes her.
Fiel tossed his head in irritation, drawing Sierra’s attention to how tightly she gripped the reins.
“Sorry, boy.” She patted his neck and released her hold, allowing him to move his head freely with his walking stride. Where is all this resentment coming from and why am I so possessive? I’ve been resentful of my mother’s interest in Ron, and now River? Somehow, Sierra thought if Dean would change into the boyfriend she wanted, that her resentment would disappear. She felt ashamed.
*****
“River?” Katrina found him in the wash stall with one of the horses in training, applying cold soaks to a swollen fetlock. Her heart raced and her palms were damp with nervousness.
“Yeah?” he answered without looking up.
“I was wondering…well, you know the Valentine’s Ball?” Katrina waited but when he didn’t say anything, she continued, rushing her words. “I was wondering if you might like to go with me.” She gulped and bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling.
River sat back on his heels and squinted up at her, plainly surprised. “I don’t usually go to school dances,” he answered.
You never go to school dances. “I know, I was just hoping that maybe…well, it could be fun.”
River started to shake his head no, but something in the wistful expression on her face stopped him. For a fleeting moment it reminded him of how Sierra looked when she first started working at the stable; innocent, vulnerable, so hopeful. When had she lost that sweet expression to the one she wore so often now; sad, as if she hurt? He suspected it had to do with Dean, and River did not want to do to Katrina what Dean was doing to Sierra. Besides, he had heard Dean was taking Sierra so she would be there and… “Okay,” he consented.
“You’ll go?” Katrina’s face brightened, her eyes wide in disbelief.
“Yeah, what time do you want me to pick you up?”
*****
As River walked home with Storm, he already regretted having agreed to go to the ball. He really didn’t want to go…it was Crystal’s party, what was he thinking? Maybe he had accepted because he didn’t want to hurt Katrina; but maybe it was more because he knew Sierra would be there. How would she like seeing him there with Katrina?
“Not a good reason to go,” he said out loud. Storm looked up at him and emitted a soft whine. River laughed and leaned down to ruffle her fur. “Come on.” He broke into a run and Storm raced past happily.
Usually running, like riding, could block out his thoughts. But today, even as his lungs began to cry out for oxygen causing his chest to ache, he could not stifle the confusion in his mind. He had no idea K
atrina was interested in him.
How did he feel about Katrina? He used to despise her when she was Crystal’s friend. But that was a long time ago. He had gotten used to having her around and it really wasn’t so bad. He had been so fixated on Sierra that he just hadn’t noticed Katrina. She was a beautiful girl; and he vaguely knew she was popular at school and that guys talked about her in admiration.
He felt flattered that an attractive, very nice girl was interested in him. Maybe he should try to like her. Maybe that would help him deal with his confused feelings about Sierra. Okay then, he would look forward to this stupid dance. Maybe he could kiss her goodnight; that would be something to look forward to. It seemed like forever since he had been with Laila.
Most of the day, his work with the horses absorbed his attention and he could push thoughts of Sierra out of his mind.
It was at night that anguished feelings over images of Sierra and Dean together overwhelmed him as he tried to sleep.
*****
25 Valentine’s Day
Making a horse defensive is really a simple matter; anyone can do it, just work him too hard. – Michael Schaffer, Right From the Start
*****
“You look incredibly beautiful!” Sierra exclaimed as her mother twirled in front of her in her new red dress. It was true; with her hair down instead of pulled back into a knot the way she wore it for school, her face carefully made up for the evening, and the sleek lines of the dress flattering her slender figure, Sierra, who took her mother for granted, acknowledged that she was still a very attractive, young woman.
Another wave of guilt spread over Sierra, thinking about how selfishly she had behaved in allowing her resentment for Ron to be so obvious, so that her mother had not encouraged his attentions. Well, she still kind of resented him, but she tried hard not to let it show. She greeted him now in a friendly manner and spent a little time with him and her mother when he brought them dinner. She encouraged her mother to accept his invitations out.
Tonight, February fourteenth, was a school night, but being the actual Valentine’s Day, Ron was taking Pam out to dinner.
“Do you think this dress is too revealing?” Pam asked as she turned back to the mirror to study her reflection in profile.
“No, it’s a perfect dress,” Sierra complimented from where she sprawled on her stomach on her mother’s bed, providing moral support during the preparations.
A knock on the door caused mother and daughter to both suck in their breath, and then they both laughed. Sierra followed her mother to the living room and greeted Ron, who wore a suit and presented Pam with a bouquet of red roses. As he stepped in the door, he kissed Pam on the cheek. Sierra noted how her mother blushed. So that’s where I inherited my affliction.
“Wow,” Ron exclaimed, “you look incredible!” Then he turned to Sierra. “How’s the horse rider?” He handed her a package wrapped in shiny, red foil paper.
“Fine,” she answered politely. “For me?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he announced. Sierra took the package, knowing without opening it that it was a box of chocolates.
“Open it,” Ron encouraged.
She politely complied, and appropriately exclaimed over the fancy chocolate truffles inside. “Thanks.” She picked one out and took a bite to demonstrate her gratitude. “Umm, exquisite.”
Pam hugged her daughter and kissed the side of her head. “You sure you don’t mind?” she asked in a whisper.
“Of course not; I’ve got tons of homework. I won’t even know you’re gone,” Sierra assured her. “Have a good time.”
“Okay, I’ll probably be home before ten. Call if you need anything at all,” Pam said over her shoulder as they stepped outside.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” Sierra waved and watched as her mother and Ron crossed the yard to his car, then shut the door and went to her room to tackle her assignments.
*****
The ringing of her phone awoke Sierra from where she had snuggled in her bed with her biology text book. Socrates curled next to her pillow and Charlie lay across her feet. Groggily she glanced at her clock – 9:18. “Hello,” she answered, her voice cracking.
“Sierra.” His voice sounded tremulous.
“Dean?”
“Is your mom home?”
“No, she’s out with her boyfriend.”
“Sierra,” he repeated and she heard a choking sound. “I just found our cat.” The choking sound again. “She was hit by a car.”
“Oh my God!” Sierra exclaimed.
“She’s dead. I found her.” His voice trailed off in a tremor.
Is he crying? “I’m so sorry.”
“Sierra, can I come over?”
Sierra was not allowed to have boys over when her mother was not at home. “Um… Dean…”
“I need to see you. I knew you would understand. Nobody in my family understands. My sister says she’s just a stupid cat; a stray that wandered into our barn five years ago.”
“I do understand, and I’m so sorry…”
“Please,” he interrupted her.
Sierra looked at the clock again, 9:20. Her mother would be home any time and at the latest, within forty-five minutes. Surely her mother would understand. This was an unusual circumstance, and he sounded so forlorn. “Okay,” she consented.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He disconnected.
Sierra jumped from her bed, pulling off her pajamas as she ran to the bathroom to wash her face, comb her hair, and make herself presentable. She pulled on clean clothes, her favorite dark green tee-shirt that she thought was a good color for her. She had taken her hair out of braids for the night and now pulled the sides back with a clip. She had just finished re-brushing her teeth when she heard a knock on the door. How close does he live? It had been barely ten minutes.
When she opened the door, Dean gazed down at her silently with a mournful expression on his face. At least his eyes weren’t red and puffy from crying. That would have been hard to see.
“I’m so sorry,” Sierra said sympathetically and stepped aside for him to come in.
Dean walked over to the sofa, sat down and held his arms toward her. “Can I hold you?”
Sierra joined him on the sofa and allowed Dean to pull her onto his lap and into his arms. He held her tightly with his face against her hair and gently rocked back and forth. He started to stroke her hair and then pushed his hand underneath to fondle her neck.
She tried to think of something comforting to say. “What was her name?”
“Who?”
“Your cat.” It surprised her that he didn’t know who she meant. Wasn’t it his cat he was thinking about now?
“Oh…Tabby,” he answered after a pause. He took her shoulders to turn her toward him and leaned in to kiss her on her mouth.
Sierra closed her eyes, enjoying the closeness of him and the feel of his lips on hers. But the kiss went on and on and he began to use his tongue, making sounds of pleasure.
“Dean,” Sierra pulled away in surprise. “How can you do this right now?”
“I need you, Sierra,” he spoke nuzzling against her neck. “I need you to take my mind off poor Tabby.” He leaned away to look deep in her eyes. “I found her in the road.” His face scrunched up as he moaned, “Blood and guts all over the road. It was horrible! I need to get that sight out of my mind.” He pulled her against him, holding tight and Sierra sympathetically put her arms around his shoulders to hug him back.
It must have been awful! Again, she struggled to think of something soothing to say, but really, words never helped much. Instead, she found herself stroking the back of his head as he nuzzled against her chest and she kissed the top of his hair…until a hand went underneath her shirt.
She pulled away in shock that he could do this while in mourning. “Dean, don’t do that.”
“Please, Sierra…I need you. I lie in my bed at night seeing your face and imagining how wonderful it would be to h
old you; to touch you like this. His hand had moved underneath her shirt again to grope at her chest.
It did feel good…but it also confused and scared her. She pushed his hands away and said firmly, “Don’t.”
With a deep sigh, he dropped his hands, but reached up to pull her close again and kiss her deeply. “Please,” he begged in between kisses. “I need you so badly…you are so beautiful.”
Sierra kissed him back until his hands started roving again. Then she pushed him away and sat up, moving a few inches from him. “Dean, I said no. I don’t see how this is helping you.”
“That’s it? That’s as far as you’ll go…just a kiss?” He looked as if she had physically wounded him.
Sierra nodded meekly.
His wounded look turned to anger; his brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed to slits as his lips tightened into a snarl. “Thanks for nothing.” He pushed himself off the couch violently and stormed toward the door.
Sierra sat frozen, stunned by his behavior. Is this how he deals with grief?
She watched his shoulders heave up and down with his back to her. Then he spun back around and with his face scrunched in an expression of sorrow, walked back to her and gently took her hands to pull her to her feet. He kissed her, just a soft kiss with closed lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
His behavior totally baffled her; one minute sad, then amorous, then angry, and then contrite. She had no idea how to respond to him.
“Do you forgive me?” he asked, tilting her chin up to meet his eyes. His voice was gentle and beseeching.
“Of course,” she answered. “You better go. My mother will be home any minute and I’d rather you weren’t here.”
“Okay,” he whispered and then kissed her hard and passionately before turning to go back out the door. A few minutes later she heard his car backing away and the sound of its motor receding.
Sierra remained standing a few moments, feeling numb with confusion. Is he truly grieving or is he manipulating me? She glanced at the clock, a few minutes before ten. At least she wouldn’t have to explain why she had broken a rule. When she had allowed Dean to come over she had expected a tearful, unhappy boy in need of consoling and she thought her mother would understand if she came home and found him mourning for his cat. But his actual behavior, if her mother had come home, would not have been so easy to explain.
The Boy Who Loves Horses (Pegasus Equestrian Center Series) Page 26
