by Aja Cole
“I don’t think Michaela’s that type of woman, and I don’t share, for that matter. Not to mention it’s disrespectful for you to proposition me about something involving her when you don’t even know the nature of our relationship.”
“Hey man, just trying to be a good citizen.” He laughs. “Maybe you should ask her though. In my experience, women like Mickey don’t let themselves be tied down to one thing for long.” With that parting shot, he walks away and I shake my head.
I want to shake off what he’s said because I really don’t think Mickey would be into that.
But I don’t know the full the extent of her past. Hell, there’s a lot we don’t know about each other and she did hint at maybe a wilder past than I’m aware of.
Am I being stupid going in so blind?
All along, Mickey’s been reluctant to move things further with me. Yeah, she lets me kiss her and we talk on the phone for hours sometimes.
But that’s not a commitment.
She’s been showing me that she’s unsure about how she wants to go forward, and I’ve just been thinking she’ll eventually get over it.
That if I’m patient enough and just show her how much I want her, she’ll realize that I’m here to stay and get on board.
Could it be that I’ve spun this entire thing incorrectly in my head, and Liam is more what she wants right now?
Am I chasing something that’s not going to happen?
I watch her put her hands on Liam’s shoulders and cock her hip, tilting her face to the camera. His lips move, and her eyes drop from the camera to the ground. A little shiver goes through her that I wouldn’t have recognized if I hadn’t gotten the exact same reaction from her before.
Son-of-a-bitch.
12
Mickey
I won.
Thinking back on the exact moment Liam crumbled brings a smile to my lips and the sweet, sweet feeling of triumph - especially because he was so sure that I was going to cave first.
I told him I’d decide what I wanted later, but he better be ready to follow whatever whim I come up with.
Tomorrow is Jasmine’s last track meet of the year, and I’m excited to see everyone. It’s been busy, and I kind of miss my crazy sisters, even if I know I can expect some meddling.
Would it really be love if they didn’t grate on my nerves half the time?
For right now, I’m going to pop open a beer and forget that I need to have a candid conversation with Hawk that I’m sure he’s not going to like.
I think your man over there likes seeing us together.
I remember looking over at Hawk’s face and seeing the hint of arousal, and it shook me for a second. But I realized he was probably just thinking of me period, not me with Liam.
I’ve run the mill of intimacy. I’ve been with women, I’ve been with one man, two men, two men who were with each other…it wouldn’t phase me at all.
But I know Hawk isn’t like that. He’s still the conservative southern boy, even if he does have a bit of kink in him.
It doesn’t bother me, having had different experiences before. He would be more than enough for me, I think. I felt nothing but satisfaction the one time we were together, and that was before I knew how caring and patient he is.
With Liam in the picture now…I’m a little worried that I won’t be able to stop thinking about having them both.
No matter what Liam thinks he saw…I know that it’s just not realistic. In a perfect world maybe, but this isn’t one.
The only comfort is that if I do sleep with Liam, there won’t be a danger of him wanting more. He seems very firmly committed to not sticking around.
I feel guilty that Hawk’s efforts aren’t enough to put him completely ahead.
What’s wrong with me that I’m even considering the fun-time guy when there’s clearly a man that wants so much more?
Being with Hawk would prove Brandon wrong.
It’d be proving that I can do more than fuck around and have fun…and yet I can’t take that final step to even go on another date with him.
I know if I do, I’ll be sliding down the rabbit hole. He’s not a man who’d accept anything less.
I’m stuck between who I should be and who I used to be, once again.
But I’m a big girl, and if there’s anything I’ve learned about being involved with multiple people - it’s that you have to communicate.
I have to give Hawk the option of moving on because I’m not sure if I want to pass on Liam. There’s just…I want him. It’s that simple.
But not tonight.
Tonight, I’m going to enjoy being alone.
I un-cap a beer and flip on the TV, scrolling through my apps until I find Netflix.
This is a Hawaii Five-0 type of night. I can stare at the beauty of Chin Ho-Kelly and Steve McGarrett. Last night was for delicious ass Derek Morgan and Criminal Minds.
My timer goes off and I go back to my kitchen, stirring parsley and lemon juice into the juicy pink shrimp. The wine’s already reduced, and it’s seasoned enough. Just need to throw in my pasta.
Knock knock knock
I pause with my tongs poised over the strainer. Anyone who I’m close to has a key, and I’m definitely not expecting anyone.
I glance down at my long shirt and bare feet. I’m not even wearing a bra and I’ve got a Tosowoong sheet mask on my face.
I just put this mask on, I’m not going to sacrifice silky skin just for someone knocking at the door.
I put down the tongs and reluctantly make my way to the door, peering through the peephole.
“I heard you stomping to the door, how long are you going to stand there?”
I rear back, scowling and jerking it open.
“What is it with men who can’t seem to resist invading my privacy? How the hell did you get my address?”
“Nothing nefarious, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Liam winks, holding up a six-pack and a small box. I can’t tell what’s in it. “I read somewhere that women like grand gestures.”
“This is your idea of a grand gesture?”
“No, this is a small gesture. I’m making sure I avoid grand. I want you to fuck me, not like me.” He lifts the box in his hand higher. “But I did bring dessert. What the hell is on your face?”
I haven’t decided how I feel about his candid-ness yet.
But I move back and let him come in.
“What do you mean by nothing nefarious? It had to be borderline illegal.”
“Would you believe me if I said all I did was overhear you confirming your address over the phone?”
“I’d believe you, and still say that it’s ridiculous.” I go back to my shrimp scampi and stir in my noodles, taking down a plate from the cabinet.
“Smells good, you sharing?” He leans against the fridge after he puts two beers in my ice chest.
“Shouldn’t popping up unannounced with food go against some rule about keeping your distance?” I smack his hand away when he tries to reach for one of my shrimp.
“Normally. But I think we’re the same, so I’m not worried. You know how to keep things separate.”
I’m not ready to examine what he means by that right now. Eating first, then we can talk about how exactly this is going to go. If it goes.
Shit, I still need to talk to Hawk.
I open the oven and pull out garlic bread, inhaling the savory smells. If nothing else, I’ve always got food. I slide pasta onto a plate and hold it out to him.
“For me?” He feigns surprise, humor bright in his blue eyes. “You’re so kind.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Get out of my kitchen.” He plucks a piece of bread from the pan and walks away whistling.
I really don’t know what to do with him.
13
Liam
“It was either I came here, or I listened to my best friend talk about how excited he is to marry his fiancee. You seemed like a safer bet.” I twist pasta onto my fork again and s
pear another piece of shrimp.
Good shit.
“I imagine it’s hard for you to keep friends when you have no filter.” She says, taking a pull from her beer and digging into her own food.
“I have an amazing filter. Just don’t see a need for it with you.”
“And why am I special?”
“You want the PG version?” I tease, getting up to grab another bottle. I switch hers out too, dropping the empty ones in the recycling bin.
“What’d you bring for dessert?” She changes the topic, and I shake my head because I can’t take her seriously with this white paper thing on her face.
“Chocolate eclairs. What is that thing and why won’t you take it off?”
“What thing?” She opens her lips gingerly, popping a small piece of garlic bread in.
“I don’t know, the conspicuous white sheet on your face?”
“A sheet mask. And I have 5 more minutes left, so leave me alone about it.”
“What does it do?”
“Saves lives and cures cancer.” She says easily, her lips curving.
“Okay, what does it do when it’s not being a superhero?”
“Gives my skin a little extra love, relaxes me. Usually…when I can enjoy a quiet night alone, uninterrupted by former NFL players.”
“Sounds boring. How relaxing can it really be if it’s not giving you orgasms?” She chokes a little on a swallow and I start laughing. She joins in after she’s finished hacking.
“I might hate you a little.” But she’s fighting a smile.
“Better than love.” I stab another shrimp. “You got another of those things?”
“I don’t feel magically relaxed.” I’m resting my head on her couch cushions and sitting on the floor, eyes closed. “How long does that effect take to kick in?”
“Maybe if you shut up, you’d get there.” She ditched her sheet mask (that’s actually what it’s called) and now she has some pink stuff on her face. Said it was a yogurt mask.
I don’t know why one person would need so many masks.
“I feel like we should bask in this together.” I pat the floor next to me blindly. “Get down here.”
“Next, you’re going to tell me you want to see what it’s like to have your nails painted.” I feel her settle next to me.
“Been there, done that.” I murmur. She’s still in nothing but the long shirt she was in when she initially opened the door. I imagine it’s ridden up some with her being on the floor. “You talked to your guy yet?”
“No.”
“If you’re not together, what are you stalling for? Shouldn’t be that hard if feelings aren’t involved.”
“I never said feelings weren’t involved. On his part, anyway.”
“But not on your part?”
“I don’t know.” She breathes. “I’m conflicted right now.”
“Why?” I lift my head, peeking one eye open through the surprisingly roomy eyeholes of the mask. “I’m good at working through issues. Of other people.”
“I was leaning towards giving him what he wants until you came into the picture, if we’re being real.”
“A little birdie told me you’re not about being fake, so I would hope so.”
“I don’t know what I want right now. Not completely. I mean, I kind of know but it would cause problems so now I don’t know because I really don’t want to make the wrong decision.”
“Do you want me?” I turn to face her and realize just how ridiculous it is that we’re having this conversation with this shit on our faces.
She pauses for a small second. “Yes.”
“Do you want him, or do you want what he represents?”
“What does he represent?”
“Everything we don’t,” I answer quietly, keeping my eyes on hers. When her face shutters slightly, I know I’m not completely off base.
Damage recognizes damage.
“I think both.” She admits, swearing lightly and standing. I let her leave, and relax back on the couch again.
I hear water running, and when my alarm goes off, I peel off the mask and get up to toss it in the trash. I pass a mirror above a table.
“Huh, so this is what people mean when they say they’re glowing.” I turn my face in the mirror. Even my stubble is soft.
I’ll be damned.
“Why do you avoid relationships?” I turn towards Mickey’s voice and she’s leaning against the wall with her arms crossed.
I shrug lightly. “They’re messy. You get yourself wrapped up in someone else and you lose yourself. I don’t need that. I’m lost enough.” Self-depreciation is my favorite.
“You don’t ever want more? Never think about picking one person? You don’t get tired of not having a deeper connection?” She asks.
I walk towards her and stop when I’m right in front of her, close enough to see the beauty mark above her left eye.
“You asking for me, or for you?” She looks away, then turns to me again, green eyes flickering with unease.
“I don’t know.”
“Tell me what you do know.”
“I know you said you don’t chase women, but you’re here when I haven’t accepted your offer yet.” She uncrosses her arms, tipping her chin up. “And I know you give just enough candidness to hide the things you really don’t want to talk about.”
“You learn that trick from your own therapist?” If my words come out a little more biting than usual, she’s not phased.
“I don’t think we’d be good for each other.” Her forehead creases. “You’re the type of man I’m supposed to have grown out of by now.”
“Says who?”
“People.” I watch her twist her shirt in her hands, and I grab one, twining my fingers with hers and raising it against the wall above her head.
“Guess who matters right now?” I lean close to her hair and breathe in her warmth.
“Who?” She whispers, chest rising.
“Us.” I take her hand in mine and raise it to the other, pressing her against the wall with my body so she has to rise on her toes. “This is about you and me right now. Nobody else.”
“I wish that were true.” I let her get the words out, but then I mold my lips to hers, nipping and licking at her mouth to show her without words, a taste of how good we’d be together.
A little persuasion isn’t chasing.
She pulls her mouth away far too soon, gasping against my lips. “We…I can’t do this. I want you, god do I want you…but not at the expense of hurting a good man.”
I release her hands and step away, knowing when it’s time to give things space. I swipe a thumb over her lips softly, taking the shine of our kiss away.
“Call me when you stop trying to be something you’re not.”
I head for the door, but her quiet words make me pause with my hand on the knob.
“And you call me when you do the same.” I inhale and open the door without a second glance.
She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
And I left my goddamned chocolate eclairs.
14
Hawk
“Earth to Hawk, you in there?”
I pull my eyes away from the three grey message dots in the text thread and raise them to Wesley, my good friend.
“Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?”
He shakes his head and picks up his coffee mug, throwing his legs up on the patio table. “Since you’re going to be in town, I wanted to ask you about being a groomsman.”
“Oh hell, you serious?”
“Of course, man. The only reason I didn’t ask before was I knew you were supposed to be in Australia. When you told me you were sending someone else, I wanted to wait to ask you in person.”
“I’d be honored, Wes. Seriously.” He stands and I move in for a bro hug, clapping him on the back as Tara opens the patio doors and comes out with her own mug in hand.
“Morning, boys.” She walks over to Wes and tries to peck him
on the cheek but he slides a hand to the back of her neck and kisses her properly. She rolls her eyes and comes over to me for a hug. “I was trying to be respectful of our company, Wes.”
“It’s not like I didn’t third wheel on more than a few occasions.” I hug her to me and ruffle her short cut lightly before we all sit again.
“So, do I get to pair you with one of my beautiful bridesmaids?”
“You do.” I smile. “Give me one who’s potential bride material, if you can.”
“You on the market?” She narrows her brown eyes, leaning forward. “That’s the last thing you need to tell me, I know some ladies that’d snap you up in a heartbeat.”
“I’m…” I think of Mickey and whatever is or isn’t between her and Liam. And us. “I’m open to seeing what’s out there.”
“That was hesitation. Is it complicated?” Wes asks.
“Is it ever simple?” I look over the garden that I helped plant after they moved in. My mom spent a lot of time in our garden when we were younger, so I know a few things.
She told those flowers everything she wouldn’t tell us.
“Well if I weren’t stuck with this one, you’d be my next choice.” Tara smiles brightly, deep Sienna skin glowing in the early morning sun. “I don’t know another man as good as mine, except for you.”
“That means a lot, Tara. Thank you.” I turn my mug in my hands, shaking my head. “I’m torn between going all in and being cautious. I’m used to seeing what I want and having it. If issues come up, I deal with it. But I think I might’ve bitten off more than I can chew with this one.”
“Ah yes, your tendency to want to fix broken toys.” He snorts.
“Wesley.” Tara scolds.
“It’s fine, we’ve had this conversation before. Wesley thinks my issues with my mother are the reason for me picking up companies doing badly, women, anything that doesn’t come with the pieces assembled perfectly.” I can joke about it because it’s something I’ve already worked through. “And like I keep telling him, most normal people have issues.”
