Resigned, Gavin said, “Aye. I only saw her the once in yer absence. She was furious with ye, and in my defense, I did try to justify the reasons ye’d gone. In the end she still claimed to want nothing to do with ye; said she wouldna wait idly by, pining for yer return.”
Reliving the moment in his mind, Gavin continued, “With emotions high, and quite a bit of drink in the both of us, I confessed to her my feelings. She didna say a thing. Just stood there shocked.” Gavin gave his head a shake. “I kissed her… by the gods, I kissed her ‘til I thought my soul might catch on fire. And then she asked me to leave.” He had left with no argument, devastated, his heart broken. “That was the last I saw of her until the other night, may lightning strike me if I’ve told ye a lie.”
Seth said nothing for what felt like an eternity, leaving Gavin to stew in his guilt. Finally Seth pinned Gavin with a stare. “Do ye still love her?”
Without meeting Seth’s eyes, he put his head in his hands and said the only thing he could.
“Aye, I do.”
Chapter Twenty Nine
Phoebe opened her eyes to find Seth sitting on the bed next to her, still fully dressed, looking at her. There was enough moonlight coming through the windows for her to see that his hair looked disheveled as if he’d been running his hands through it. She blinked a few more times to wake herself more fully from her sleep, and then propped herself up on her elbows. Her stomach clenched with dread, suspecting Gavin had spoken to him.
“Were ye going to tell me, Phoebe?” The stiffness and hurt in his voice tore her heart to shreds.
She sighed. “Gavin had a bit too much to drink is all. It meant nothing, Seth.”
“What meant nothing, Phoebe? His kiss or saying he was in love with ye? Is still in love with ye.” He looked at her when she gasped. “Did ye not know? He still loves ye, my dear.”
Feeling guilty, she turned her gaze away from him. “No, I had not known.”
“Why did ye not tell me? When we were aiming for honesty and trust, why did ye not tell me? Was it not the only thing I asked?”
“Nothing more came of the situation, and I did not think the issue would arise again. I’m sorry I was mistaken, but I did not want drunken words and a kiss to ruin your friendship with your closest friend.”
“Unless Gavin fell into a barrel of rum and drank his way out of it, the lad wasna drunk.” Seth tilted her chin so that their eyes met. “Do ye love him, Phoebe?”
She shook her head, exasperated. “Of course I do. He’s a good friend and a close one at that, but if you’re asking if I love him the way I love you, then the answer is no.”
“Do ye still want to marry me?” It tore at Phoebe’s heart to hear his uncertainty and fear.
“Nothing has changed, Seth.” Phoebe leaned forward and rested her head on his chest, his arms closing around her to hold her close. “I should have told you.”
“Aye, ye should have.” He let go of her and got undressed before sliding under the covers. He stayed on his side of the bed, though, and did not approach Phoebe or say anything more.
The silence between them was deafening, the space between them immeasurable. With each passing moment, Phoebe felt more and more miserable, until she could take it no longer. “Seth—” Her voice caught, leaving her unable to say anything else.
“Try and get some rest, Phoebe. ‘Tis been a long night.”
But sleep refused to come. It felt like she tossed around for hours, while Seth lay next to her, his breath slowing as he slipped into slumber. Hoping a drink might help her sleep, she got up and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders to protect her from the chill that had crept into the air.
The sitting room was deathly quiet, with only the moon for illumination. Phoebe found the bottle of brandy and poured herself a generous glass in hopes of settling her nerves. She then eased herself onto the velvet chaise, taking in the view through the window. The stars sparkled up above, the moon hanging in the sky, three quarters full.
She sipped the brandy, savoring the molten glow that spread through her body, trying to ignore the thoughts and fears that battered her soul. Seth would forgive her. He had to, for she could not live without him. Forcing her fears away, she distracted herself from her troubles by gazing at the stars, trying to find the constellations she could remember. Her body relaxed joint by joint and she finished her glass, her eyelids heavy with sleep.
She awoke with a start sometime later. Outside, the sky had lightened considerably, though dawn was still hours away.
“Ye canna be comfortable. Why do ye not get yourself to bed, love?” Gavin stood across the room, half hidden in shadow.
“I could not sleep and thought a drink might help. It appears to have worked.” She managed the faintest smile, before it faded from her lips at the thought of returning to her bedroom. She did not think she could manage lying next to Seth, when he obviously wanted to be left alone.
“I’m sorry, Phoebe. I’d have left it for another night, but the conversation strayed in that direction. I had kept the truth from him far too long and didna want a lie between us if I were to marry the two of ye.” He took a few steps closer, now only feet away from her. She was suddenly self-conscious of being dressed in only her chemise, and shifted the throw so she would not be indecent.
“It’s no one’s fault but my own. I should have told him when he first returned.” She felt crushed for making the wrong decision, her tears threatening to fall. “Gavin, what if he’ll not have me?” She couldn’t keep the hitch out of her voice.
He closed the distance between them and sat next to her, but there was still an awkwardness in the air, leaving them not quite comfortable in each other’s presence.
“Of course he’ll have ye. He loves ye, and nothing will change that, lass. After all, ‘twas not yourself, but rather me that crossed the line. He’s only feeling a bit cross with us both. He’ll come around soon enough, aye? At least where you’re concerned.”
The worries that had been needling her all night long finally got the best of her, and Phoebe couldn’t stop her tears from flowing. “I just don’t know if he’ll ever be able to forgive me for lying to him.”
“Hush, love. It’ll be all right.”
He brushed the tears from her cheeks and put an arm across her shoulder, ignoring her protests. Worry had her choking on her tears, but he held her close with her head nestled against his chest, while he murmured to her in Gaelic to try to sooth and calm her.
“Dinna go worrying yerself, lass. I promise, it willna be long before ‘tis all forgotten.”
She knew she should pull away, get as far from him as possible, but with the tears still flowing and the prospect of having to go back upstairs to the deafening quiet of her room, she could not do it. She was exhausted— exhausted and spent— and along with her tears, sleep finally came and took her in its mercy.
Chapter Thirty
Seth awoke to find himself alone in bed. His anger and hurt crashed over him, and he could not help but wonder where she’d gone and whether Gavin was with her. The quietest of knocks sounded, and Seth fumbled on his pants, cursing as he wrenched open the bedroom door.
He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. A queasy nausea mingled with a sickening emptiness as he watched Gavin carry Phoebe into the room, asleep in his arms. “What’s happened?”
Gavin laid her down on the bed, and covered her with the blankets, before turning to Seth. “She fell asleep downstairs, and I didna think it wise or appropriate to leave her there sleeping in a chair in nothing but her shift.”
Seth cursed, his anger and jealousy getting the better of him, fists clenched at his side. “What was she doing there in the first place, Gavin? And why were ye with her?”
“Hush, man. Ye’ll wake her.” Gavin stepped out into the hall, and Seth followed suit, closing the door behind him. “And ye can wipe that look off yer face. Ye act as if ye dinna ken me.”
“I’m not sure I do, anymore.”
&nb
sp; Gavin headed down the stairs leaving Seth to follow, cursing behind him. Once in the sitting room, Seth could clearly see Gavin was upset. It was also clear Gavin’s temper was starting to get the better of him.
Gavin spun on him. “Now what was it ye wanted to ken? What was she doing and why was I with her, aye? Well I’ll tell ye what she was doing. She was crying her eyes out over ye—”
“And ye decided to console her, aye?” Seth’s body coiled tight, ready for a fight.
Had he been so oblivious to what was happening around him? He’d always known Gavin harbored a certain fondness for Phoebe, but had thought it nothing more than harmless flirting and a close friendship. Perhaps he had misjudged exactly how close.
“Is that what ye’re thinking?” Gavin’s hands curled into fists. “That I’d take her right there on the chair, with ye sleeping away right above us? What kind of animal do ye take me for?” He gave Seth a shove, and through gritted teeth, said, “And what exactly are ye saying about Phoebe, to think that of her, aye? What’s happened to ye, man?”
The words hit Seth like a slap in the face. He shook his head, his hands up, calling a truce. “I dinna ken.” He sank into the nearest seat. With his head in his hands, he said, “I just canna think straight when it comes to her. I left her for a year, knowing she might very well move on; half expecting her to do just that. With her refusing to marry me at the time, I had no hold on her, and if she chose to accept another’s advances, I could not fault her. Yet the thought of her with any other man is enough to make me see red and turn my guts inside out.”
Gavin sat across from him, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smile. “Aye, I ken what ye mean. No?”
Seth looked at his friend, and saw the irony of the situation. He couldn’t help but let out a weary laugh. “Ye poor bastard.”
***
Seth crept into the bedroom, easing himself onto the bed and kissing Phoebe lightly on the lips. He knew he should let her rest, but he needed to make things right between them. She stirred as he covered her in gentle kisses, trailing down between her breasts, her back arching in response. She buried her fingers in his curls, his name escaping her lips in a sleepy sigh.
“I’m sorry I got upset with you, Phoebe. I had no right to. The time in question was while we were apart, and even then, you did nothing dishonorable.”
He pulled her into his arms so she lay there, half-propped on his chest. “What about Gavin?” She did not need to go into any more detail. He understood.
He took a deep breath as he muddled through his thoughts. It was a good question, though not an easy one to answer when such raw emotions were involved. Finally, he said, “I do not know, love, but I reckon, that too will work itself out. Though I do not like it one bit, I cannot blame the man for surrendering to charms I myself was helpless in succumbing to. I know he meant no insult by it.”
She shifted so she could kiss him, a slow and sweet kiss, full of promise. Pulling back a little, she said, “Thank you.”
“For what?” His eyebrow perked up in question.
“For being understanding enough to forgive Gavin. I think he’s been pretty hard on himself regarding the matter. He’d be devastated to lose your friendship.”
“Perhaps, but I think it’d depend on whether or not he got you in exchange, aye?” He smiled at her, but only for a moment. He needed her to know he was serious about what he was about to tell her. “And let me make myself clear, Phoebe. There are to be no more secrets between us. No lies and no truths left unsaid, aye?”
Phoebe nodded. “You have my promise.”
“And you have mine.” He linked his fingers with hers. He knew it would be difficult to tell her what he was about to, but it had to be done. “Listen, love, if ever anything happens to me—” he put a finger to her lips, to stop her protests. “We have uncertain times ahead of us, Phoebe. The Cause may end up in revolution before long, and if that happens, it’s going to get bloody and dangerous. I’ll need to know you’re safe and taken care of. I spoke to Gavin about it. He’s to take care of you and make sure you’re safe. Maybe get you to the continent, or perhaps to Scotland now that they’re a sovereign nation. Out of London, at the very least.”
She sat up, her anger and indignation mottling her delicate skin red in the light of the coming dawn. “I’m not leaving, Seth. I will not go! If there’s to be a revolution, they’ll need as many people as they can get. I’m not going to have you shuffling me off like some frail and feeble-minded female.”
He tried to reason with her. “Phoebe, love, do you know what they do to traitors? I’ll tell you, since the last thing I’d ever think you is frail or feeble-minded, aye?” He reached out and took her hand in his, running his thumb across the ring he’d placed on her finger. “They are hung, my love, but not from a height as to be merciful enough to snap their neck. Instead they slowly suffocate, dangling at the end of a rope as they struggle for air, their eyes popping as the blood bursts the vessels, their bowels letting loose in the final throws of a death— a death that can sometimes take over a quarter of an hour to come. Just be glad they no longer draw and quarter traitors, though I would not put it past them to reinstate the practice if a revolution breaks out.”
When he looked up at her, it was to find she was white as a sheet, trying to keep herself upright, her body swaying. He reached out and pulled her into the safety of his arms, holding her tight. He would not, however, be able to keep her there indefinitely, and needed to know she would be safe if anything should happen.
“I need you to understand the gravity of the situation. I will not have you come to harm if I can prevent it.”
Her jaw was set in stubbornness. “So hanging is a perfectly acceptable end for yourself, then?”
Frustrated, he said, “We’re talking of a revolution, with blood and death, the numbers not in our favor. By virtue of the fact that you’ve already contributed to the Cause, you would be tried for high treason if the revolution fails. I’ll see you safe, Phoebe, and you’ll not win on this account.”
“You cannot make me go, Seth.”
“In a few days time, I’ll be able to do just that. Or will you disobey me as your husband?”
“Hmph! I did not know I was agreeing to obey.” Her arms crossed in defiance. Again, he’d taken the wrong approach with her, yet this time he did not care.
He cursed, his own anger getting the better of him. He grabbed her arms and refrained from shaking her until her teeth rattled and she finally saw sense. “Phoebe, by the gods, if I need to gag and bind you to get you safely out of London, I’ll do just that!”
She struggled to free herself from his grip and it was like holding onto a hellcat. “I swear to you, Seth, I’ll cut your liver out if you do! I will not go and leave you behind.”
Their struggles had freed the tie on her shift, leaving her breasts exposed, her hair loosened in a wild mass of mahogany curls. She looked, in all her fury, like a goddess of wrath getting ready to devour his soul, a soul he would gladly offer up to her in sacrifice.
He kissed her full on the lips, not able to help himself from doing so, and half hoping it would quell some of her anger. He felt her struggles lessen and she softened in his arms, his kiss slowing until he pulled away. Expecting some of her anger to have dissipated, it caught him off guard when sheer reflexes caught the hand whistling towards his head.
Still holding onto her hand, he gave her a sly smile at having foiled her attack, her anger now compounded by frustration, as she released a scream of indignation through gritted teeth. He couldn’t help but laugh. “Phoebe, love. What are we doing here?”
“Ugh! Let go of me, Seth or, by the gods, I’ll—”
He cut off her threat with another kiss, his cock now hard as her body rubbed against him, trying to get free. They fell back onto the bed in their struggles, Phoebe landing on top of him. Getting an elbow free from his grasp, she landed the point of it in is his ribs, the weight of her body giving it the force it w
ould otherwise lack. The air shot out of his lungs with a groan, and Phoebe immediately sat up, a look of fear on her face.
“Seth? Are you all right?”
He seized the opportunity, and with a swift move, reversed their positions so that he was now laying on top her, her hands pinned to the mattress, her body writhing to get free as her shift rode up over her hips in the process.
Ignoring the precariousness of their situation and her curses, he tried to reason with her. “Phoebe, could you please calm down. You’re going to do yourself an injury.”
“If you don’t let go of me, Seth, I swear I’ll scream.” Phoebe glared at him and he did not doubt her threat. He had visions of Gavin bursting into the room and happily planting a dirk in his back. But with her firm body squirming to get free from under him, millions of years of evolution had his hips grinding against hers in search of the slick heat between her legs. It took all the self-control he had to keep from thrusting into her, his hard length pulsing with need.
He bent his head to hers, his breath now ragged, his words but a whisper. “Phoebe… I love you so.”
She rose up to meet him, her mouth now hungry on his. Still not quite ready to fully believe in her surrender, he kept hold of her wrists, though he was happy enough to lose himself in her kiss. Her hips tilted towards him, seeking him out, her legs easing open to take him in.
No longer able to hold back, he buried himself to the hilt, her body tight around him as he filled her. By the gods, she was so slick and hot with want, he felt any semblance of self-control vanish, Phoebe his only thought as he took her, his need far too great to take things slow.
Her legs wrapped around him to pull him in even deeper, her hips rising to meet his every thrust. A moan escaped from her lips, muffled by his greedy kisses, her body tensing under him as his onslaught continued, her hands now struggling to get free. Shifting both her wrists into his one hand, he let the other run down the length of her body, pausing momentarily to tease a nipple erect through the sheer fabric of her shift, before continuing its journey to scoop her perfectly rounded bottom, enabling him to sink his cock even deeper.
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