by K. Webster
“Are you okay?” the woman asks, her panicked eyes meeting mine in the mirror.
I swallow and nod. Relief floods through me as realization sets in. I’ve escaped. I’ve finally slipped from Vaughn’s death grip.
“I am now.”
“Baby,” a deep voice coos, dragging me from my nightmarish past. “It’s me, Gray.”
I chance a peek and am thankful to see his concerned blue eyes darting all over me. My face is cradled in his strong hands as he regards me.
“Talk to me, Violet,” he murmurs, worry in his tone. “You scared the shit out of me.”
With hot tears welling in my eyes, I blurt out the memory of the night I escaped. Detail by horrifying detail. I don’t stop until I finish. The room grows silent for a few moments before I chance a look at him.
Gray’s features are positively manic with hate and fury. He’s clenching his jaw so hard it’s a wonder it doesn’t break in two. But the way he drags his thumb across my bottom lip is gentle and reverent.
“I’m going to obliterate his goddamned skull into a thousand pieces,” he seethes. “That is my vow to you.”
Again with these intense proclamations—proclamations that should scare me but instead warm me to my very soul. I want him to hurt Vaughn. I want Vaughn eliminated from this earth so he doesn’t hurt other women.
“I’m fucked up,” I tell him, my voice wobbly. “You’re the first person I ever told that story to. My therapist knows the gist and the women’s shelters I bounced around to in the beginning had an idea. But nobody knows, in detail, what happened.” I bite on my bottom lip and frown. “Maybe I should have spared you the graphic details.”
His grip is firm on my jaw and he shakes his head. “I need to know every single detail about every single thing that ever happened to you. I want to steal those horrific memories and wear them like the burn scars on my back so you don’t have to fucking carry them around anymore. Please,” he pleads, his lips pressing to mine. “Give them all to me. Let me take them and replace them with something good. We can be good together. Don’t you feel that, Violet?”
I nod and smile because I can feel it.
His presence overwhelms me with safety and warmth.
A giant security blanket.
I’ve been shivering with the chill of my past for far too long. It’s long past time I relied on someone else to help carry that burden for me.
He starts kissing me feverishly once again until his phone rings. A growl escapes him. “That’s Gwen’s ring tone.”
I miss his body pressed against mine the moment he pulls away. His body is all lean defined muscles hiding beneath tattooed and scarred flesh. He’s beautiful—like God created a special masterpiece and named it Gray. But Gray is far from boring, he’s colorful and bright and charming.
“Fuuuuck,” he hisses into the phone. “I’ll be right there.”
“What is it?” I demand when he tosses the phone onto the bed and begins rapidly throwing clothes on.
Sadness flashes in his eyes. “Mom. She fell. The paramedics won’t come into the house anymore so if she gets hurt or falls, Gwen or I have to help her.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I’ll be back when I can.”
I jolt from the bed and hurry to my dresser to hunt for some panties. “I’m coming with you.”
He stalks over to me and hugs me from behind. His slacks are back on but he’s still bare chested. The warmth radiating from him calls to me. Sings to quiet parts deep within me.
“Baby,” he coos against my hair. “She’s worse than Gwen. You need to stay.”
I twist in his grip to face him. My palms find his stubbly cheeks and I shake my head at him. “Not a chance. I was being inconsiderate of your family’s illness before. But now…” I trail off and stand on my toes to kiss his lips. “I want to help. You’ve listened to me unload my past on you. This is the least I can do.”
Emotion shines in his eyes. “Really?”
“Really,” I assure him with a smile. “Let’s go help your mom.”
I’m still seething with rage as we drive to Mom’s. The things that Vaughn did to her…sick. The things I’m going to do to him…sicker. From the passenger seat, Violet nervously chews on her nail. She’s similar to me in the way that she is neat and orderly. Because of her past, she’s been driven to keep her life organized just so. I hate having to take her to Mom’s but she seems so willing to help.
It fucking moves me.
I knew Friday when I locked eyes with her that I’d sentenced us to death. After a lifetime of love of course. But she’d be mine until the end. A crooked piece inside of me seemed to straighten the moment she became the main fixture in my life.
I’m trying desperately not to move too fast. The last thing I want to do is scare her away. But keeping my shiny little Violet on her pedestal in front of me is where she belongs. I want to cherish her forever.
I reach over and grab her thigh through her jeans. Her palm covers the back of my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. This woman is the filling for the void that’s sat inside my chest for as long as I can remember. My life feels complete now. I’m going to work myself so far into her heart, she’ll never want me to leave.
As we drive, I can’t help but feel disappointed about earlier when she wanted to use a condom. Doesn’t she know I want to put my seed inside of her? That I want her pregnant with my child? I’d suggest we marry tomorrow if I didn’t think she’d send me packing. Violet is like an abused puppy. It will take time to gain her trust. I want to cuddle the fuck out of her and put a collar around her throat that says she belongs to me.
“What are you thinking about?” she questions, her thumb stroking across the back of my hand.
How crazy you make me.
How my heart beats only for you.
How my brain won’t let your face leave its presence.
How I’m going to blurt out that I love you long before the socially acceptable time because the internal raging fires that burn for you are out of fucking control.
“How beautiful you are,” I tell her with a smile.
She laughs. “Somehow I feel there’s more, but I’ll let it slide since you’re so sweet.”
She has no idea just how much more…
“We’re here,” I tell her, my smile fading as anxiety sets in as I park next to my sister’s Camaro.
“This is a nice home,” she murmurs.
It’s more than nice on the outside. My childhood home sits at the end of the street in an expensive neighborhood. The homes in the area sell in the millions.
The neatly manicured lawn and fresh paint job hide the horrific secrets that lie inside. The chaos and disorder. The absolute madness. The hired lawn people on call help keep up pretenses.
“Do you want to sit in the car?” I question.
She’s already climbing out. “No. I can handle this. Your mom needs you.”
I scrub my face with my palm and inhale a fortifying breath. This is going to be difficult. Last time I came by was when one of Mom’s shelves fell on her. My skin still crawls from having to pull all that shit off of her.
I hop out of the car and stalk across the lawn to the front door. Behind me, Violet is quiet but I know she has my back. I’m embarrassed, but she’s already seen Gwen and she’s been warned.
“Breathe through your mouth,” I mutter as I push through the unlocked door.
One of the only few clean rooms in this house is the foyer but I can tell that will soon change. Her mess is starting to spill out of doorways into the space. Soon, there will be no hiding this from people. I cringe to think about that day when a postman or nosy neighbor spreads the news about what lies in this house.
A scent that’s part feces and part rotting garbage immediately suffocate me. Despite breathing through my mouth, I can’t help but choke on the disgusting smell. Violet doesn’t let on her disgust because she’s quiet.
“Gwen?” I call out.
“In the basemen
t,” she hollers back from within the house.
“Fuck,” I hiss under my breath. “The basement is the worst.”
I stalk down the hallway until I reach the dining room that leads to the kitchen where the basement door is. As soon as the dining room comes into view, I shudder. There is a small walking path but garbage and shopping bags and boxes are stacked waist high. You can’t see the dining room table—the same table my father made me eat Wail at. The entire room is a sea of junk and trash.
“This way,” I utter, grabbing Violet’s hand. I guide her behind me so she doesn’t fall.
“Oh,” she chokes out upon reaching the kitchen. More of the same in here. Trash and a pile of stinking dishes are bulging from the sink. There is a small walkway to the refrigerator and one more to the basement door that’s been wrenched open. I grab the handle and pull it open more so I can squeeze through. Light illuminates the stairwell but there is so much crap piled up on the stairs that it’s no wonder she fell. At the bottom of the stairwell, Gwen sits in a pile of garbage with Mom’s head in her lap.
“Mom,” I call out. “You okay?”
She waves a hand at me dismissively. “Of course, sweetheart. Just being clumsy again. I told your sister not to call you and that when I catch my breath I’ll get back up.”
“Nonsense,” I grumble. “I’ll carry you out of there.”
“Do you need help?” Violet questions, her breath merely a whisper.
I look over my shoulder and shake my head. “Just hold the door open when I make it back up here.” Once she nods in confirmation, I squeeze through the door and begin my descent.
“Shield her from anything that falls,” I instruct Gwen.
My sister scrambles into a standing position and moves in front of our mother. “Okay. Ready.”
I’m larger than both of them so when I begin climbing down, boxes and bags and garbage start crashing down to the bottom. I nearly knock over a stack of magazines but right the wiggling tower before it topples over.
The smell gets worse the farther down I go. Stinks of raw sewage. Fuck. I don’t know what to do when it comes to Mom and Gwen. Once, I tried to get people out here to clean up and they were both so distraught, I pulled the plug immediately. But the thought of Mom getting sick from leaky pipes creating mold or something worries me.
When I reach the bottom, Gwen hugs me tight. “Thanks for coming, big brother.”
I kiss the top of her head and grunt. “You just use me for my muscles,” I tease.
Mom laughs. “Oh stop, you two. How’s work been, honey?”
“Good,” I tell her as I slide my arms beneath my mom’s slight frame. “Just closed on a property recently. I’m going to go out of town to see it for a few days.”
“How wonderful,” she says beaming at me. “You look so handsome. Just like your father.” Her smile fades and her eyes grow distant. “How is he, anyway?”
I’m not going down that rabbit hole.
Not now. Not ever.
“He’s fine. He told me to tell you hello,” I lie.
Her blue eyes flicker with light. “Oh, how I miss him. Tell him I’ll come visit him for lunch in the city next week.”
I nod and smile back at her. We both lie to each other. She’s never leaving this house except on a gurney. He never asks about her.
I trip over something and crash toward the wall. My shoulder hits the drywall, but it’s better than her head. With more exertion and grunting, I manage to climb the mountain of trash until I reach the top. The door gets wrenched open, and I step into the narrow pathway.
“You need to lie down. Where are you sleeping these days?” I question. The bedroom upstairs has long been filled and abandoned.
“Laundry room beside the front bathroom,” she tells me.
I wince. “Laundry room it is.” I twist my body to face Violet. “Mom, this is Violet. My girlfriend.”
“Oh…” Mom chokes out, embarrassment causing her to tense up. “Oh…”
“Violet?” Gwen squeaks out in surprise when she emerges from the basement stairwell. “What are you doing here?” The terror in her voice makes my heart rate quicken.
“We were together when you called,” I tell Gwen gently. “She wanted to help.”
Gwen’s features harden and she shoves past me disappearing out of the kitchen. I shoot Violet an apologetic look.
“Excuse my manners,” Mom says to Violet. “And Gwen’s. We’re just not used to visitors. Had I known you were coming, I’d have straightened up a bit.”
“Violet doesn’t care about a little clutter,” I assure Mom. “Do you, baby?”
Violet shakes her head. “Nope. Your home is lovely. Were those begonias I saw by the front porch?”
Mom nods and beams at her. “Enrique planted those. I’m quite fond of them.”
“They’re beautiful,” Violet murmurs.
I flash her a look of gratitude before wading my way through the hoard of junk toward the laundry room. Once inside, I’m irritated to find that my mom folded up a bunch of blankets to make a makeshift bed on top of the side-by-side washer and dryer. Even the laundry room is filled with junk. I’ve long gotten over the fact that Mom doesn’t wash laundry or dishes or anything. I pay the city to take the trash two times a week but my gut tells me Mom never has anything to put out at the curb.
Violet pushes past me into the laundry room and smoothes out the blankets and situates the pillows. I set Mom down on her bed and Violet proceeds to cover her up. Mom, no longer embarrassed, stares at Violet as if she’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.
I glance over at my woman.
She’s sure as fuck the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
“I’m going to go check on Gwen. Can you stay and make sure she’s okay?” I ask Violet.
When she smiles and nods, I lean forward and kiss her forehead. “Thank you, baby.”
I can hear Mom chattering to her as I exit the laundry room. The mere idea of climbing the stairs has me shuddering, but I know Gwen is upstairs in my old room. It’s the only place in the house they won’t fill up with junk for some reason. Whenever I tell Mom she should sleep in there, she just shakes me off and says she’s saving the room in case I ever need to come back.
It takes several minutes and a couple of dry heaving moments until I pass by one of the bathrooms but I eventually make it to my bedroom. Once I push inside, I take a deep breath. Everything is just as I left it. Dad, that asshole, had been right. I needed to get away. I’d let Mom nurse me back to health after my extensive burns, but the moment I was healed, I left.
Gwen lies on the bed with her back to me. With a sigh, I crawl in beside her and hug her. “Don’t be mad, sis.”
She sniffles. “She’ll think we’re disgusting. How could you bring her here?”
Guilt shoots through me. “Violet’s different. She’s going to be a part of this family one day. I don’t want to start something with secrets. Everything is out in the open.”
She rolls onto her back and regards me with a tear-stained face that reminds me of when she was younger. “Does she know what’s in the chest?”
I frown. “There’s just stuff in there.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Nothing important,” I huff.
Her nostrils flare. “She must not be that important then.”
When Gwen gets upset, she goes on the offensive and says things that are meant to sting. Luckily, I’ve played these games a thousand times with her.
“Are you okay?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Mom just scared me,” she admits with a choked sob. “When she called me, she was disoriented.” A tear leaks out of her eye. “She’s been falling a lot lately but mostly she seems to be forgetting things.” Another tear races out. “People.”
“What do you mean?” I demand, worry creeping its way through me.
“She hasn’t recognized me a couple of times.”
I frown and look past
her out the dark window. “Gwen…”
“I know.”
“I’ll call tomorrow.”
She sniffles. “I’m not like her.”
Oh, baby sister, but you’re exactly the same.
“I know.” Lies.
“I’m just messy. Artists are messy,” she assures me. “I can clean it all up whenever I want.”
I smile. “Of course you can.”
Her eyes fall closed. “Maybe I should see Dr. Ward again.”
Hope blossoms in my chest. “She was one of the few people you liked.”
“But she made me angry,” she whispers, her eyes flying open.
I smirk at her. “I make you angry all the time and you don’t fire me.”
“I wish I could sometimes,” she teases, amusement flickering in her eyes.
“I’ll call Dr. Ward and set it up.” I lean forward and kiss her forehead. “Thank you.”
She nods and sniffles again. “I can’t face Violet right now, though.”
“It’s okay,” I assure her. “Can you look after Mom tonight for me? I’d like to go home and finish what I started with my girlfriend.” I waggle my eyebrows to tease her.
A groan escapes her. “Gross. And girlfriend?” Her eyebrow lifts playfully. “That was awfully quick.”
I shrug as I climb back off the bad. “Since when do I ever take my time with anything?”
“Since never.”
“Damn straight.”
“Are you sure?” I ask as I wrap one of my thick plush towels around Violet’s perfect body.
She laughs. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“I think I like you here at my place,” I tell her with a grin. “My bed is bigger anyway. More room to fuck you on.”
“Honestly, Gray!” she squeaks. “You’re always so crude.”
“You like it,” I argue as I saunter my naked ass out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I’m just pulling back the covers when I notice her stop in front of the chest.
“What’s in there?”
All happiness and playfulness fade away. “Nothing important.”
Her eyes narrow at me. “I care about unimportant things too.”
