by Minton, Toby
The wall was just an extension of Michael’s will, he knew, but it was effective. It separated him from Nikki, kept his swelling presence contained. It also had the added benefit of letting him choose what thoughts crossed the divide. With the wall up, their thoughts were their own, for the most part, a side effect that had proved invaluable for maintaining Michael’s sanity, considering Nikki had no such restraint.
Michael held his tongue as long as he could, which wasn’t long. Feeling Nikki take a beating was no easier now that he was a captive audience than it had been when he was alive.
So he tried to help, even though he knew Nikki didn’t want it. When he saw an attack coming, he sent an image showing her how to defend against it. But that wasn’t enough. She wasn’t getting the message in time. He tried adding words—mental shouts, really—but that only made the situation worse. In his haste his suggestions came across too much like commands to be effective. Nikki’s threshold for pain far outweighed her tolerance for taking direction. Far, far outweighed.
So she suffered, and with every blow Nikki’s senses felt more like Michael’s own. He felt the sweat running down her forehead, the cool air on her cheeks. He smelled the blood from her tingling nose as she lay on the mat, dazed after Coop’s side kick. He even felt the pain.
Then Cole interrupted the session, and Michael felt something he’d not felt from Nikki in years, something he’d thought he’d never feel from her again. When Cole got in her face and tried to call her out, Elias came to her defense, which was a sure way to get on her bad side. Michael expected a spiky burst of outrage to flare up in response, or maybe the flash of instant fury she was so good at summoning. What he wasn’t expecting was the soft warmth that bloomed instead. She was…grateful. More than that, the unfamiliar warmth implied a budding affection for Elias, something deeper than what she felt for the rest of the team.
Michael firmed the barrier between them to try to hide his resulting thoughts, but there was little he could do to mask his emotional response. For reasons he couldn’t fathom, their emotions were more tightly connected than ever. He had yet to discover how to block what he felt from reaching Nikki, and vice versa. Nikki picked up on his flash of hope, and in true Nikki fashion, she tried to blame her temporary lapse into humanity on Michael.
Stop it, she thought.
Stop what? he replied, even though he knew arguing was pointless. When Nikki decided to project her feelings, she did it so well she convinced even herself.
She rolled her eyes.
How do you know that's not your feeling? Michael asked.
Because, she replied.
He waited, briefly entertaining the futile hope that she would admit to feeling something other than apathy for anyone but him. He didn’t have to wait long.
I don't feel that way about anybody, she said. Not anymore.
If will alone could stop feelings, that might have been the truth. But it couldn’t. Sooner or later—much later, knowing her—she was going to have to admit to the instinctive connection she felt to Elias, and then it would be time for the talk. If Elias didn’t tell her why she felt that kinship, Michael would. Nikki needed family—living, breathing family—and it was right under her nose.
Now wasn’t the time though. Michael felt Nikki’s apprehension swelling as Padre and Ace helped her shed most of the pads. By the time she squared off with Cole, Padre, and Coop, that apprehension was edging toward anger.
Michael shared the feeling. Cole was taunting Nikki, trying to get her upset. He was succeeding, more so than he knew thanks to Michael’s swelling emotions compounding Nikki’s.
A surge of energy pulsed through Nikki as Cole threw her to the mat. She didn’t feel it, of course. All she felt was the impact and her adrenaline. The energy flowed through her like it was searching for something, like it was trying in vain to find the body it used to flow into—Michael's body. Most of the energy gathered in useless pockets inside Nikki, unable to power her, eventually dispersing slowly as her adrenaline faded. But a trickle remembered where it used to go. A fraction of the power fed what was left of Michael, making Nikki’s senses come alive for him.
Michael felt everything like Nikki’s skin was his own as she squared off with the three men again. He also felt the distraction that would cost her the fight if she didn’t shake it off. She was so preoccupied with Coop and Padre, she didn’t sense Cole moving in.
Nikki, don’t— His shout was too late.
She hit the mat harder this time—they hit the mat harder.
Don’t what? Nikki asked.
Don’t forget about Cole, Michael said.
Nikki’s frustration answered more loudly than her words, and Michael’s answered in kind. Their emotions were feeding off each other, threatening to grow out of control for both of them.
Their frustration surged when Coop caught Nikki from behind. Michael tried to tell Nikki how to break the hold, but she couldn’t hear him. She was too caught up in the emotion. It wasn’t all frustration though. It couldn’t be. Nikki turned frustration into fury, and fury into finesse. That’s how she fought. That was her gift.
This was something else.
Their vision started going black as Coop tightened his hold. When the darkness started to fall, the hidden feeling surged above the frustration, and Michael cursed himself for not recognizing it sooner. It was the one thing that had haunted Nikki all her life, the one thing she tried so hard to keep locked safely in her subconscious, the one thing she let only Michael see.
Fear.
Their vision cleared with a rush as Cole pulled Nikki free and held her up over his head. Despite his age, Cole was massive, a scarred beast of a man with a look in his eyes that would shake the toughest soldier. But it wasn’t Cole Nikki was afraid of. Nor was it Coop, and definitely not Padre. She wasn’t afraid of anyone else. Nor was she afraid of the pain she was suffering. In truth the pain was nothing compared to what they’d endured countless times before. What she was afraid of was something inside of her.
Michael relaxed the barrier between their minds a second before they hit the mat flat on her back, the wind slamming out of them. In that vulnerable moment, he saw everything in her mind, everything she wanted to hide, and everything she wanted to hide from.
Nikki wasn’t just afraid. She was terrified. She was terrified she’d lost everything she’d once been, that she’d become weak, like Cole said, that she’d never be able to fight again. And that fear was crippling her.
Michael’s urge to protect his sister was suddenly overwhelming, a flood of raw energy to rival the power flowing into him from the blow. Michael grimaced and balled his fist to contain his rage. It worked, somewhat. He’d always been good at shifting that one emotion aside, unlike his sister.
Then he realized what he’d just done. It wasn’t his fist he’d tightened. It was Nikki’s.
If Nikki noticed, she didn’t let on. She was too busy climbing back to her feet, pulling the rage back around her in an attempt to smother the fear.
Michael started to firm the barrier between them, to pull back like he always did, but he stopped. He’d been helpless for so long, formless for so long, the urge to do something physical was too powerful to resist. He could help her. He could protect his sister, if she’d let him.
Cole got in her face again, pushing harder this time. When he poked her in the head and then the stomach, Michael knew his chance to talk Nikki into letting him help was gone. She was about to lose control. Once she did that, she wouldn’t listen to anything.
"What's your gut saying, girl?" Cole rumbled.
To punch you in the face, Nikki thought.
No, Michael snapped, knowing he was engaging in a pointless battle. That's what he wants, Nik. He's trying to rattle you.
Nikki didn’t respond, to Cole or to Michael. She just growled.
Don't, Nik, Michael pleaded, willing her to listen to him and restrain herself. Hold your ground. Keep your head and look for his weakness.
Then her fear spiked, and Michael relaxed the barrier between them instinctively. In a flash he understood what was causing her shock. She wanted to move. She was telling herself to move, but her body wasn’t responding. When Michael realized why, the shock doubled.
How are you doing that? she thought.
I'm not.
Tell me another one.
Not on purpose, Nikki, he sent back. I feel…stronger. He didn’t know how else to explain what he felt happening, not without frustrating her further. A glimmer of hope started, but it was short lived.
Cole’s fist slammed into Nikki’s stomach, knocking her off her feet.
Michael couldn’t stand it anymore. He couldn’t stand by, not if he could do something.
Nikki, I can help, if you'll let me, he said, his voice surprisingly calm despite the anxiety building around what he was about to do.
Yeah. Bang-up job so far, she thought, looking up to stare Cole down. No offense, but I'd like to survive this.
I don’t mean like this, Nik, Michael said. I mean— He stopped himself. How could he explain what he was thinking? How could he ask her to give up control?
Her sharp inhale, shuddering at the pain from the blow, gave him all the answer he needed.
You trust me, right? he sent. He wasn’t really looking for an answer. He knew how Nikki felt about him. They were inseparable. Always would be.
Nikki, he said, feeling the nervousness in his voice. Forgive me for this.
Then he dropped the wall completely and took control.
* * *
Michael stood and shifted Nikki’s body into a defensive posture, surprised at how natural it felt to be in control, and disturbed at how easy it was to take it.
Cole narrowed his eyes, adding even more crags to his creased face, and studied them in silence. Michael had the uneasy feeling Cole could tell something had changed with Nikki, as improbable as that was. More likely, he was just reacting to the cautious stance Michael had Nikki assume. Either way, Cole looked less than impressed. He shook his head with a grimace before he nodded to Coop and Padre. "Take her."
They closed in, and Michael responded, moving Nikki to intercept. He focused on the fight in front of him, purposely ignoring what he felt from Nikki. He couldn't deal with her reaction to what he’d done—not now.
Padre struck first, as expected.
Michael stepped into him and turned Padre's halfhearted strike aside, locking up his arm and sending him reeling toward Cole. He saw the surprise light Padre’s eyes, but he didn’t pause to enjoy it. He spun to meet Coop's punch and rotated with it, driving Nikki's hip into Coop's thigh and sending him rolling over her shoulder with a surprised shout.
He immediately dropped and rolled to the side, sensing Cole's charge, but using Nikki’s body wasn’t like using his own. Her upper body was weaker—he’d felt as much when he’d turned Padre aside. So he’d compensated when he dealt with Coop. But her legs were a different story. He pushed harder than normal when he came out of his roll, and Nikki’s legs and hips responded with an unexpected burst of power. She stumbled off balance, and Cole pounced.
Cole should have caught them. He moved with surprising grace, and his speed… But Nikki’s reflexes, coupled with Michael’s skill, were up to the task. Michael twisted outside Cole’s reach, pushing off the man's solid frame to gain a step of distance and put Nikki just outside striking distance of all three men.
A wave of satisfaction pulsed through Nikki’s body, a wave that would have spawned a cutting taunt had she been in control. As it was, Michael barely suppressed the laugh and couldn’t stop the smile as he rushed Padre.
Michael slipped into the flow of the fight, adjusting to Nikki’s body quickly. Even though they’d been as close to identical in size and strength as brother and sister could be, there were differences that required some adjustments. Some movements were awkward, weaker, but a surprising number of twists and strikes were even faster and easier in Nikki’s body. For the first time, Michael truly understood what Nikki meant when she said she was made to fight. The more aggressive and powerful the maneuver, the more natural it felt.
The two of them together—Michael’s mind and Nikki’s body—quickly turned the tide of the sparring session. Coop grew more frustrated with each failed attack, audibly so when Michael swept his legs and sent him crashing to the mat.
Padre, on the other hand, seemed to grow happier with Nikki’s apparent spike in skill and confidence. His attacks became harder and harder to counter and his subtle smile more evident.
Cole all but withdrew from the fight. He eased back toward the edge of the mat, seemingly content to let Coop and Padre struggle alone. In a way, Michael was a little disappointed. More than a little. He felt a worm of unease wriggle through Nikki’s stomach. It was Cole’s taunting and abuse that had pushed Michael to take control. He wanted a chance to put the man in his place.
He pushed that thought down as soon as it formed. It clearly wasn’t his own. Wishing for a fight wasn’t his way. It was Nikki’s. Only she would be disappointed to miss a chance to fight a mountain of a man like Cole.
Instead of tapering off, however, the unease grew into a tremor Michael had to focus to ignore as he barely turned aside two rapid strikes from Padre and sent Coop to the mat again. He firmed the wall between Nikki and him, even though he knew it wouldn't help.
Focus on the fight, he told himself, blocking out the rising anxiety he didn't understand.
Padre jumped over Coop and drove Michael back with strike after strike, his smile open now and his eyes practically laughing. Nikki's quick forearms turned every blow aside, until the last. Padre overextended, just slightly, on his fifth strike, and Michael took advantage. He lunged in, drove Nikki's hip into Padre's and pulled through the punch. Padre toppled over Nikki's leg, rolling to the mat for the first time.
Cheers broke out from Ace and even Coop, who was up on his knees watching. "About time," Coop crowed. "Sucks, don't it?"
Padre rolled back to his feet with a laugh and gave Nikki a nod over his shoulder, acknowledging his defeat. Michael's rush of satisfaction pushed the anxiety back, holding its ground for the moment.
You're really here this time, aren't you?
Michael answered with a quick laugh as he circled away from Cole. He needn't have bothered. The big man was slowly pacing along the edge of the mat, staring at Nikki with narrowed eyes, but he was making no move to attack.
Nik, of course I… Michael's response faltered.
The anxiety boiled up into Nikki's chest, no longer just hers alone. Michael knew that voice. He'd never forget that voice. But it wasn't Nikki's.
Coop hopped to his feet and charged. Michael saw him coming—he couldn't miss the attack, thanks to Coop's bellowed war cry—but he barely forced Nikki's body into motion in time to avoid it.
"Satisfied?" Elias asked.
Michael was too busy fending off Padre to look over, but he could hear the satisfaction in Elias's voice.
"Not even close."
Cole's rumbling response came from too close behind Nikki. Michael dropped into a forward roll, sensing a heavy swipe miss Nikki by a hair.
"Stop hiding, girl," Cole snapped. "Let it out."
Michael rolled Nikki to her feet, sweeping her gaze toward Cole. But when it crossed the doorway, it stopped dead.
Kate stood there, staring at Nikki. Staring at Michael.
It's really you, Kate's voice said in Nikki's head, not questioning at all.
I'm not crazy. You're really here. She blinked, her trembling lips turning toward the smile he'd wanted to see for too long, and the tears rolled from her eyes.
Michael's control crumbled. His awareness of Nikki surged. In the midst
of the flood of thought and emotion breaking around him, he saw that what he'd been feeling from her had nothing to do with the fight—it had to do with him. Losing control of her body had increased her terror tenfold.
He released his hold, leaving Nikki in control again, but shaken and vulnerable. Then he watched, helpless, as Cole chose that moment to attack.
"I said let it out!" Cole roared, launching himself across the mat in a sickeningly fast leap.
"Michael!" Kate screamed.
Cole's fist slammed into Nikki's chest, sending her flying.
Chapter 23
Nikki
Nikki lay on the mat, her eyes squeezed shut, her hands pressed to her head like they were the only things holding it together, but it wasn't pain she was fighting.
Voices battled around her, competing to be heard. Voices from outside and inside her overcrowded head.
Outside, Elias and Cole were trading shouts as Coop added his raised voice to the fray. Nearby, Gideon and Sam added to the general hubbub with more measured and controlled arguments.
Inside, Nikki had finally gone full-on wacko. Michael was falling over himself to apologize for trapping her in her own body, while Kate was chattering at both of them about how not crazy she was.
No matter how hard Nikki tried, she couldn't make any of the voices stop.
"Enough! Stop it!" Her shout was for all of them—the voices outside her head driving her crazy, and the two inside proving she was already there. "All of you. SHUT UP!"
Michael heeded the warning. He fell silent and pulled away from her. She felt a barrier go up between them, weak though it was, as Michael focused on keeping his distance. As she climbed to her feet, almost everyone else fell silent as well.
Cole did not. Instead, he called down the thunder.
"Attack her again," he growled at Sam and Coop, earning looks from everyone. "You want us to stop?" he said to Nikki, voice booming. "Then make us."
Nikki was only too happy to comply. She charged with a roar.
She rushed Sam, who fell back immediately, going on the defensive and looking like he was done with the fight. Fine with her—he wasn't her real target.
