"I did not know it would take you so. I had hoped you knew-that you are thalan to Mertyn, as Mandor is to me... "
Thalan. Full sister's son. The closest kin except for mother and child were thalani. The Demon was tickling at my mind and finding nothing, as usual. I almost laughed. If I could not tell what I was thinking, how could he?
He said, "Do you often do this? This going blank and sitting staring at nothing?"
"Sometimes, " I admitted from a dry throat. It was true. Whenever things happened which were too complex, too much to bear, there was an empty interior space into which I could go, a place of vast quiet. I seldom had any recollection of it afterward. Perhaps it was not the kind of place one could remember, only a sort of featureless emptiness. I resented his question.
Perhaps the resentment showed, for he made a face.
"I can remember that feeling from my own youth, lad.
There is little enough we can do until our Talent manifests itself. Before that, there is always the fear that there will be no Talent at all. " I nodded, and he went on. "I remember it well. When we are impotent to do anything consequential, it seems better not to exist than to live in such turmoil. If I were not thalan to Mandor, if he were not dear to me as my own soul, I would pity you and let you go. But, I cannot. "
"What good will it do to keep me here?" I begged. "I have no power. You tell me lam the son of a Shapeshifter, a famous one at that, one whose name I know. You tell me this and I must believe you, but it does you no good. I have no such power, and if I had, what would it profit you?"
"Perhaps nothing. Perhaps it is no more than a mad idea born out of pain. I have said you will not be harmed, you will not. But Mandor has it in his head you can help him, or get help for him. It may be you can do nothing, and the whole matter will be forgotten, but for now I have done what he begged of me. I have brought you to Bannerwell where hospitality awaits you. Let
Mandor himself tell you more... "
I had to be satisfied with that. Mandor was not in the dining hall. He was not waiting for me in the room I was given, nor was he in the kitchens in the morning when the Demon and I took early meal together. The Demon asked me to call him Huld, and I did so with some reluctance. We went together up the River Banner to a horse breeder's farm to fetch two animals for the fortress stables, and Mandor was not with us. During all this ride, I longed for Yarrel and was as lonely as I have ever been in my life. Huld was garrulous, a little, trying to make me comfortable, to make me feel relaxed and kindly. I could not. The warmth came no nearer me than the length of his glance, covert and measuring. I did not feel him in my head that day, but I knew I could not prevent his Reading me when he chose. I thanked the
Gamelords I was a clumsy boy, a bobble-head, a dreamer with no Talent. If he found my dreams, I would hate it. It would be like being taken for sex, without consent, but he could hurt no one else with what I knew or dreamed, for I knew so little.
To realize that one knows nothing, that one is helpless, that one's highest hope is to be ravished alone without injury to others, that is a lonely feeling. Then even that hope was taken from me.
"I have long admired King Mertyn, " said Huld. "He would be sorry to know his mind betrayed you into a
Game against your will... "
So that was my value! That in my destruction, Mertyn might be wounded! I laughed, a sound like a bray, and
Huld turned his face to me, full of surprise and sudden offense. "No, lad. No, I swear. Such a thought had not occurred to me, nor to Mandor... "
I brayed again, and when we returned to the fortress I went to the room they had given me and curled on the bed, willing myself to silence. If it were possible, I would have willed myself to death. I felt the tickle in my head and paid it no attention. Let him seek my misery and find it. Let him feel it and know I did not believe him. I think I may have cried like a child. At last I slept.
And in the morning I saw Mandor again.
8
Hostage
He was in a tower room, a room not unlike the one
Mertyn had occupied in Schooltown, windowed and well lit. Mandor, however, was surrounded with a luxury which Mertyn would not have allowed: carpets of deep plush, couches and heavy draperies to shut out the evening cold. Mandor's familiar form was posed against the jeweled light of an eastern window. I saw his profile, more familiar to me than my own, the long lashes lying upon his silken cheek, mouth curved into that sensuous bow, his long, elegant hand stroking the silk of his gown. Huld spoke from behind me, "Peter is here,
Mandor. " No answer. It might have been a form of wax or marble which stood against the light. I waited to feel something and felt nothing.
Until he turned.
Then I thought there had been a masquerade, and they had put Dazzle into Mandor's clothes, for the face which looked at me was one I had seen before, hideous, a gap-faced monstrosity, a noseless, cheekless horror.
Vomit boiled into my throat, and I turned away, feeling the Demon's intrusion into my mind, hearing him say,
"He sees you, Mandor. " I heard a sob, as well, and knew it came from the Prince. '
"How?" The word was almost gargled, and my brain formed the unwelcome image of shattered teeth and tongue bending and probing to form articulate speech.
"How?"
"He doesn't know. " There was a silence during which
I swallowed and swallowed, staring at the stones of the wall, not thinking. "Truly, Mandor. He does not know.
He simply sees you, that's all. "
"Talen'. Bahr?"
"Not any Talent or Power he knows of. "
"I was some time among the Immutables, " I said, bitterly. "Perhaps I have caught it from them. "
"It is not unknown, " Huld said to Mandor. "There are some who cannot be beguiled. Or who can be beguiled for a time, but not thereafter. You know it is true. "
I turned to confront the horror, but he had turned away, and it was only that matchless profile which I saw.
The lips moved. "Nus helb... "
"I have told Peter he must help, Mandor. If he can. "
"I would help you if I could, " I choked. "I would help anyone like you, if I could. But there is nothing I can do.
I cannot see you as once I did, feel for you as once I did.
I have no Talent, no Power. I have learned from Huld that I am a Shapeshifter's son, but 1 do not know how that would help you. "
"Get her here!" The three words were perfectly clear, not at all garbled.
I laughed. "Get her here? Mavin? For my sake?
I've never seen her. I don't know her. If I did, what then?"
"Go out, boy, " said Huld, opening the door for me.
"Now that Mandor has seen you, and you him, we need to talk, we kindred. I'll come to you later. "
I brayed again, that meaningless laugh, that pawn's laugh at the foolishness and stupidity of the world, and I went out into the gardens of Bannerwell to lie beside a fountain and think of Tossa. I summoned her up out of nothing, her colt's grace and great sheaf of gold hair, her warm brown arms stretched wide against the sky. I dreamed her into reality, then I went with her into a world unlike our own and built a place there-built it, furnished it, plowed the soil of it and planted an orchard. I summoned Yarrel to live there, with horses and a bride for him, and Silkhands as well.
Only to have the world vanish when Huld came into the place and sat down beside me. "I will tell you what is in his mind, " he said, hoarsely. I did not reply, only begged earnestly for him to go away, to leave me alone.
He did not, only sighed deeply and began to talk.
"You have seen him. There were no Healers in
Schooltown at Festival time. None. It is unimaginable that it should have been the case, but it happened. We took him away, burned as he was. I sent men in all directions to find a Healer; they found one. He was drunk, incapable. All he did was make matters worse. There was no competent Healer to be found. Days passed. The tissues d
ied. When we found a good Healer at last, it was too late. He was as you see him...
"He would not believe. We have brought Healers from as far away as Morninghill, beside the Southern
Sea, summoned by relays of Elators and carried here by
Tragamors. None could help him appear as once he did without his Talent, his beguilement. That is still as powerful as ever. His people see him as they always have, except for a few of us, except for himself...
"After a time, he began to believe he could have a new body, a new face... "
"A new body?"
"He began to believe that, perhaps, a Healer could take another body, a healthy, unscarred body, and somehow place Mandor's mind within it. "
"That's impossible, "
"So they told him. Then he twisted that thought a little. He began to believe that his own body could be changed, into another form... "
"By a Shapeshifter? But, that's foolish. A
Shapeshifter can only change himself, into a fustigar, perhaps, of a nighthorse, or some other animal shape.
Shapeshifters cannot take human form other than their own. "
"Mavin is said to do so. "
"Said to do so. And, what difference, said or real?
Does he mean to have Mavin pretend to be Mandor?
Take Mandor's shape? Move about as Mandor while
Mandor stands in his Tower room and pulls the strings?"
"It was his intention to have me Read him, guide the
Shapeshifter in changing, guide one to take not only the form, but also the thought... "
"To have you what? Read Mandor and the 'shifter at the same time? To somehow impress one upon the other? That's evil nonsense. Where did he get such an idea?"
"Out of desperation, " said Huld. "Out of fury and pain and refusal to die or to live as he is. "
"And what would happen to Mavin, did she come?
Would she be one more Gamesman used up, lost in play? As I would have been lost in play?"
Huld flushed, only a little. "All of us are lost sooner or later. It has never been tried. Who is to say it would not work. "
I sneered. "If I were Mavin put to such a test, I would try my best to shift into the form of a waddle-hog. "
"She would not if she cared for you, or cared for
Mertyn. For, if she did, you would die, and Mertyn as well, and all others whom she might hold dear. " He was hard as metal. For the first time I realized that he was quite serious. He might not believe in it, but he intended to do what he could to make it happen. I turned from him, sickened. He went on as though he had not noticed. "Unfortunately, you do not know where Mavin is, or even whether she still lives. Which means we cannot use you to find her. However, it is probable that
Mertyn knows, and we do know where he is. "
I left him there, unable to bear any more of his talk, his quiet exposition of villainy, treachery, and evil. It was Talisman to King's Blood one if Mertyn did not love me, Talisman to King's Blood ten if he did. We were thalani, and I had never known it. Did he love me?
Since that was the condition which would lead to the most pain and confusion, undoubtedly he did. Had
Yarrel been with me, he would have accused me of cynicism. What I felt was utter despair, which was not lightened when I found a letter from Mandor on my bed. It was not long.
As Mertyn's love for you led him to protect you, so
was I turned into this monster. So, let his love for you be used to turn me back again...
You are not Gamesman, now or ever. You are pawn, mine, to throw into the Game as I will.
Mavin will come, or you will die...
I laughed until the tears ran down my face. So
Mandor had not thought such a treacherous thing, according to Huld. By the seven hells and the hundred devils, he had done. He had thought every wickedness, every pain which could be put upon me, and he was bound by his rakshasa to bind me with each one and every one until I was dead. Well, if I were dead, they could not put anything upon me. I left the room as silently as possible, creeping through the still halls to the twisting stair which led into the Tower. The stair went past Mandor's rooms and on, up onto the parapet, twenty manheights above the rocks at the river's edge. It was all I could think of which could be done swiftly, and I prayed that someone would know I had not killed myself out of dishonor.
At Mandor's door I paused. Huld's voice was raised within, almost shouting, and I could hear it clearly.
"And I tell you once more, Mandor, that he knows nothing of help to you, nothing. Do you think I would lie to you if there were any hope? Do you not dishonor yourself in this treacherous use of one who loved you?
You dishonor me!"
Ah, I thought, the Demon may do Mandor's will, but he gets no joy of it. I went on, up past the little spiraling windows, out through the low door onto the lead roof, covered with slates. I did not see the figure leaning upon the parapet until I had thrown my own leg over and was ready to leap out into waiting oblivion. By then it was too late. I was caught in huge arms and held tightly as eyes glittered at me through winds of paint. A Seer.
His shout went up. Armsmen of one kind and another came in answer. I was carried down the stairs to confront Huld where he stood just outside Mandor's door.
"That was foolish, lad, " he said sadly.
"I thought not, " I answered him. "Death is easier than this ugliness you do. "
The huge Seer behind me thrust past to kneel at
Mandor's feet. I could tell from the way he did it that he saw Mandor as Mandor had been. Strange. One who could see into the future could not see clearly in the present. "My Prince, " he said, "I have Seen this boy... "
There was an inarticulate shout from Mandor. The
Seer reacted as though he had heard it as a question.
"Yes, my Prince. I have Seen the boy in a form other than the one he now wears, Seen him crowned, as a
Prince... "
Huld turned a burning face on me, flushed red with a great surfeit of blood. Was he angry? I could not tell.
Some emotion burned there which I could not read even as I felt him digging in my head, deeply enough to hurt. I cried out and he withdrew.
"There is no knowledge of it in him... "
"There'ill ve, " Mandor said.
"Yes, my Prince. There will be, " agreed the Seer.
Mandor turned into his room, slamming the door behind him so that it raised echoes down the stair, sounds beating upon pur ears like the buffeting of bat wings.
Huld motioned the guards who were holding me, and they followed him down into the depths of Bannerwell, below the pleasant gardens, into the stone of the cliff itself to a place where they chained me in a room of stone.
I sat stupidly, staring at the chain.
Huld said, "You will not be able to harm yourself here. A guardsman outside the door will watch you always. This place is warm and dry and you will be well fed. You will not suffer. The Seer has Seen your future,
Seen you in the guise of the Prince. This means his hope is not false, not impossible. Somehow through Mavin or through your inheritance of her Talent, Mandor's hope will be brought to fruition. You understand?"
I did not say because I did not understand. It was all foolishness, stupidity.
"For your own good, I would suggest you focus your attention upon that Talent. For the good of others as well. Mandor is impatient. He will apply every encouragement he can. "
I will not weary myself with telling of the next days. I did not know What passage of time it was. There was only torchlight there, and no time except the changing of the guard and the bringing of food and the emptying of the bucket into which I emptied myself. There were quiet times during which I forgot who I was, where I was, why I was. There were terrible times when Mandor came, his face unveiled, and sat looking at me, simply looking at me for what seemed hours. There were times when he spoke and I could not understand him, and he was maddened by that. There were time
s when he struck me, enough. to cause pain, though not enough to wound me permanently.
Sheri Tepper - Shapeshifter 01 Page 12
