Tears burned her eyes. Dammit, but he was right. She reached up to kiss his cheek, breathing in his spiced scent. Like cinnamon, sweet with a little burn. “I love you, Baehlon.”
“And I you, lass.”
When Taryn returned to her rooms, Darius was waiting for her. “Your Highness, I have a message from the empress. She wishes to dine alone with you tonight.”
“Darius, you’re a soldier now—you shouldn’t be made to carry messages.”
“Begging your pardon, the pages were all busy and I volunteered.”
Suddenly Taryn understood. His missive had nothing to do with her. “Thank you, Darius. Please, have some tea and cakes while I get ready.”
Ellie jumped to help, but Taryn ordered her to stay with Darius. Her other two maids rolled their eyes at Taryn’s obviousness, but she ignored them. If Darius went to the trouble of finding a reason to enter her rooms, he at least should be rewarded.
“Yes, Your Highness,” Ellie said with a shy smile.
Kaida just lolled her tongue at all of them. What was romance to a grierbas?
TARYN stood alone in her mother’s sitting room, fighting her nerves. Each time she’d been summoned to the lavish suite, it ended badly. Lliandra entered amid a flurry of feathers and ruffles. Jewels sparkled at her throat and wrists, more than Taryn had ever seen her wear at one time. She kissed Taryn on both cheeks before directing her to the dining room. When they were seated, their plates filled, Lliandra said, “You’ve been home several days and yet you do not come to see me. Have I upset you?”
Taryn almost choked on her food. “I sent several messages requesting a visit. Didn’t you get them?”
Lliandra frowned. “Apparently not. Never mind, we are here now. Tell me what happened with your father.” While they ate, Taryn told her mother a highly edited account of her visit with Valterys. Lliandra listened intently, asking questions as Taryn spoke. “And this Gian, how did you come to bring him to my palace?”
“He was imprisoned in Valterys’ dungeon and I rescued him. Because of his deformity, he wished to stay with me rather than return to the Narthvier. If his presence upsets you, we can stay at Paderau.”
“Of course not. You will stay here with your woodland rat. I do not want him crawling around unsupervised, mind you.” Lliandra stabbed at a piece of meat as if to underscore her irritation.
“I don’t understand why you dislike him. He’s a good man and very trustworthy.”
Lliandra sniffed. “Until I am certain he is not a spy for King Stephan or Valterys, I want him leashed. Do you understand?”
“He isn’t a spy, Mother, but I’ll keep him close to me if that is your wish.”
“I’m glad we could settle that. There is one other matter that concerns me. Your sister says you haven’t been to see her since your return.” Lliandra met Taryn’s stare with an even gaze. “Why have you been avoiding Marissa?”
Taryn’s wine burned clear to her stomach. “She told you I’m avoiding her?” She was more hurt than shocked to hear concern for her sister in her mother’s voice. “Did she by any chance mention what happened at Gaarendahl?” Taryn asked, keeping her tone level.
“No. In fact, she was most insistent she did not want to discuss anything that occurred there. Would you like to enlighten me?” Lliandra’s voice was like ice.
“Not really. I will tell you, though, that Marissa is giving Valterys far more information than you know. And, she was responsible for nearly killing Hayden at Ravenwood.”
“She mentioned you would tell me this. She claims to be innocent of the attack. What is your proof?”
Taryn stared at her mother. “Nothing except what I saw and what Ohlin’s sword told me. I have a feeling that won’t be enough for you.”
“Until you have clear proof, I wish to hear no more of this slander against your sister. You will go to her and apologize for your behavior.”
“I will do no such thing. You know, when you first told me who I was, I thought finally I’d have a mother who would love me. Someone I could look up to. I’ve done everything you asked—I’ve kept your secrets, put up with your tantrums and whims—but it was all for nothing. All I’ve ever been to you is,” she paused, trying to find the right word, “a weapon.
“Yes, that’s what I am to you, Mother. An incredibly powerful weapon to use against your enemies. But you’ve forgotten something. Underneath all the titles, the power, the Glamour—I’m just a girl. A scared and vulnerable girl who needs her mother to guide and nurture her. I see now that you’re incapable of being the mother I’ve always dreamt of having. You’re too selfish. Maybe you deserve to have Marissa use you and manipulate you as she does.”
“Watch your words, daughter. I am still the empress here. You will respect that. Your sister does not manipulate me. No one does.” Lliandra held her hands flat on the table, vibrations from her ShantiMari rattling the china. The mask she carefully constructed cracked at the edges.
“And you forget I am Darennsai. You will respect me. Leave me out of your intrigues, Mother. I don’t play games with people’s lives.” She curtseyed low before saying, “I hope you will come to see that I have only ever had your best interests at heart. I would give my life to protect you and all that the Lady of Light stands for. I don’t want your crown, if that’s what you’re thinking. I only want what’s best for Aelinae. Good night, Mother.”
“You have not been dismissed.” Lliandra stood to block Taryn’s path and the two women glared at each other in a stalemate. Lliandra’s power swirled with a constrained vengeance, slipping around Taryn’s body.
She waited until her mother’s Mari wrapped her fully and a look of triumph clouded her mother’s eyes. The blue threads tightened about her, clammy and smelling of rot. Taryn blew gently on the strands and they crumpled into blackened snarls and fell to the floor.
Lliandra gasped in horror at the sight of her power, visible and defeated at her feet. “How?” She choked. “How is this possible?”
“You told me yourself, I am the Eirielle. Within me is the trinity of power, but that’s not all I possess. The phantom touched my soul with his Black ShantiMari. Perhaps if you were young and robust, your skills would be enough to overpower me, but your fade weakens you, Mother.”
She scooped up the pile of ash and blew it into the air, where it became glittering motes of dust. “You really should control your anger. It isn’t becoming for an empress to be so disrespectful of her gifts.” With that, she pivoted on her heel and strode across the sitting room. When she reached the wall of crystal, she stopped.
Lliandra stood in the doorway of the dining room, eyes wide with disbelief.
“Never again use your ShantiMari against me. Are we agreed?”
Lliandra gave the slightest of nods and Taryn swept from the rooms, her legs trembling beneath her full skirt.
Her mother also had highly underestimated her.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The cavern was the same as when Taryn first entered through the portal. Time didn’t affect the crystals or sparkling expanse of water. She meandered through the forest of crystals, lost in thought. At the place where she and Brandt had fallen through the void, desperation tugged at her. Kaldaar dwelled beyond the jagged rock wall, between the worlds where he yearned for his freedom. She continued past the wall, careful not to touch it.
At the lake’s edge, she slipped off her boots, delighting in the warm water soothing her feet. The same crystals she’d been enamored of when Brandt opened her eyes to the new world glittered with powerful ShantiMari. All around her, multi-hued threads laced between the rocks and walls. She wondered if the power was what she’d felt on that first day. A lifetime ago, but in truth, it had been only one season.
Standing on the spot where Brandt died, she relived the pain of that moment. He’d not visited her in too long and she missed him. She sat on the ground with Ynyd Eirathnacht resting on her lap, while a season’s worth of sadness fell around her. By turns, s
he recounted the twists her life had taken since her first steps in the cavern.
Some memories brought smiles while others, tears. She’d fled her mother’s palace after their argument to find solitude, but also she sought answers. No, she’d come to remember who she was.
“The only problem with running away is, no matter where you run, there you are.” Nadra stood beside the water’s edge, her gown floating in a halo, stars blinking beneath her skin.
“I didn’t see you arrive,” Taryn said, rising to stand before the goddess.
“No, I do not suppose you did.” Nadra held out her arms and wrapped Taryn in a warm embrace. “You were far away in your thoughts.”
“Everything’s a mess. I was hoping Grandfather would be here to help me sort through some things.”
“He is always with you, young Taryn.” Nadra smiled. “You only have to ask.”
“I thought he’d gone for good.”
Brandt materialized and she stifled a cry. “I never left you. I kept my distance so that you could discover some truths on your own. You needed a chance to grow and learn without my interference.”
“But you’ve always been there to guide me. I feel so lost. I’ve missed you so much.” When he put his arms around her, he was solid. She inhaled his scent of aftershave and tobacco, feeling at once safe.
“And I you, my beautiful Taryn. You’ve done remarkably well considering all you’ve had to endure.” He gave her a sad little smile.
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
Nadra floated nearer, reaching out to touch her cheek. Taryn leaned into the light of Nadra’s caress. “Life is rather complicated for you right now. Is there anything you need from us?”
Taryn looked at her, surprised. “Are you allowed to help?”
“We can advise, yes.”
“Well, since you asked,” Taryn started. “Do you know who is behind the Shadow Assassin?”
“I assure you, if I did, I would break all covenants and tell you straightaway.” Brandt glanced at Nadra. “I raised her as my own—certainly that counts for something.”
Nadra gave him a disapproving look. “We do not know who controls the shadow soul. Whoever it is, they are very strong in the Black Arts to conceal themselves from us.”
“What are you saying? You don’t know everything that happens?” Taryn asked, stunned.
“No, darling. When we created this world, we decided it would be best to stay out of your affairs as much as possible. The best I can tell you is that we have an idea of what might happen,” Nadra explained.
“I can’t believe this. I mean, you’re a goddess. If anyone would know what the future holds, it would be you.”
“You must understand. Everyone has free will. The choices you make, they are yours alone. It would be irresponsible for me to predict the outcome of every single event. Think of it this way—for every decision someone makes, there are multiple choices. Now add to that the response of those affected by the decision. Compound this by how many living beings are on Aelinae. Why is it you think I should control every one of those choices and responses?” Nadra asked.
“You shouldn’t. It’s just…I guess I’ve always assumed you know what’s going to happen. Is that why Daknys was so cryptic with me? Because she doesn’t know either?”
“No one knows. It is for you to make your own future,” Brandt said softly.
“Good one, Baba. You and I both know that’s not true. My future was decided the moment I set foot in this cavern.”
“No, dear one, it wasn’t. Would you return to Earth?” Nadra asked. “Because if you choose that path, the doorway works both ways.”
Taryn gawked, openmouthed, at the goddess. “But Brandt made me promise. He said I could never go back.”
“I was frightened and doing what I thought was best for your safety.” He took her hand and led her to the unimposing wall. “The words you speak matter, my darling. Use intention. Know where it is you want to travel and command the void to do your bidding.”
Unease traveled along her spine. “But isn’t Kaldaar in there?”
“Kaldaar is elsewhere. What you sense in the void is his anguish,” Nadra explained.
Taryn frowned, not quite understanding.
“Would you like to return to London?” Brandt pressed his fingers against the rocky surface and mumbled the words he’d said in the cellar of the pub. An orange glow emanated from him to the wall, creating a doorway.
“No. Stop, Baba.” Taryn removed his hand from the stone. “Not yet. Someday, maybe, but there is too much left unfinished here.” Just having the option to return relieved a chunk of her stress.
“You’ve chosen wisely, child. There is much more to Aelinae than the three kingdoms you’ve visited. For you to bring balance to this world, you must discover the strengths and weaknesses within not only yourself, but all of the seven kingdoms as well.”
Taryn returned to the shore and sat heavily on the sand, sifting it through her fingers. “I don’t think I can do that while at the Crystal Palace, but Mother…” Taryn sighed. “Let’s just say, she wouldn’t support an extended trip unless I was her trained monkey and reported everything to her.”
Taryn glanced at Brandt. “She’s a peach, that one. I’ve done everything she’s asked and still she doesn’t love me. It kind of sucks.”
Nadra and Brandt settled on the sand near her. “Dearest, your mother loves you very much. There is something you must understand about Lliandra,” Nadra explained. “She was born to be an empress. It is all she knows. She had children as was her duty, but mothering does not come naturally to her.”
“Yeah, no kidding. She ignores me and then expects me to bow and scrape to Marissa, who treats her terribly. My sister is evil. Beyond evil.” Fresh rage welled inside her with an image of her smirking face beneath Rhoane’s. She shoved the image to the darkest, blackest region of her mind.
“Lliandra’s bond with Marissa is complex and one I do not wish to examine too closely. The only advice I can offer is that perhaps you ask too much of your mother. She cannot give you what she doesn’t realize is missing in your life. If a mother’s love is what you crave, you have but to look elsewhere and you will see you’ve had it all along,” Brandt said.
His energy embraced her as his hand stroked her hair.
“You have surpassed all that I’d dreamed of for you.”
“I’m glad you never told me who I was. I came here without any pretense or ego. I’ve learned as I grew. I think I’m better for it.”
A tendril of Nadra’s light touched Taryn’s cheek. “Your heart is great and will be tested yet again. When you think there is no hope, remember there is no Light without Dark and no darkness without light.” She gathered them in an embrace, lifting them above the cavern until Taryn looked down on the clear waters of the lake far below. Nadra’s light filled her soul. “Farewell, daughter.”
Brandt held her face close to his before the two of them drifted away, becoming nothing but a spark in the blackness beyond and then blinked out.
She lowered to the sand, sitting for a long time by the edge of the lake, letting their words flow over her until she felt weighed down by all the thoughts and emotions that roiled through her. On impulse, she stripped off her clothes and ran naked into the water. She dove beneath the surface, frightening the tiny creatures that dwelled there. Her long hair glowed with a pale iridescence and she felt a giddy weightlessness. The Glamour under her skin shimmered in every color of the rainbow as she stretched her limbs, swimming around the lake.
When she tired, she crawled on an island and made a fire with her ShantiMari. Her naked skin glistened in the firelight. She felt primal, one with the cavern and all the elements within it. Her hair fell around her in a damp mess, spreading on the soft sand when she lay back. With a fingertip, she traced the scar under her breast. When the poison inside her burned, she welcomed the pain as a reminder she was not omnipotent. The jagged welt was a caution to he
r frailty and humanity.
She pressed harder, to the core of her being where the phantom’s stain coiled and hissed. Daknys had once told her to embrace the gift. To nurture it. Taryn closed her eyes and coaxed the stain to open. She imagined her favorite flower in Paderau’s garden, a night blooming rose. Delicate petals of the purest white unfurled to reveal not what the phantom had given her, but what he’d known was inside her all along and unlocked.
Black ShantiMari.
Taryn shrieked and slammed both hands over her scar. She visualized the rose, still beautiful, but encased in a diamond shell, impenetrable. Fresh sobs wracked her body and she shook against the sand. She didn’t possess just the trinity, but all four powers. What did that mean for Aelinae? What did that mean for her?
Rhoane.
Did he know? Anger surged through the anguish. If any of them knew and didn’t tell her, there would be hell to pay. Her fingers dug into the sand as her breath blew out in huffs, making a little divot beneath her lips.
Embrace the phantom’s gift. Nurture it.
Daknys knew. All of the gods must know. Learn the words. Taryn traced symbols in the sand with her fingertips. “Embrace the phantom’s gift—yeah, right,” she whispered to the silent cavern. “Have you seen what a spaz I am with Dark Shanti? Baby steps, people.”
Flames from her fire cast shadows across her pale skin, its warmth lulling her to dream. She fell asleep, safe in the knowledge that the cavern would protect her. That night, she dreamt of flying in her dragon form, a great silver beast as weightless in the air as she’d been in the water.
She soared high above the mountains and out across the plains. A flutter of anxiety touched her dragon mind when she circled above the Temple of Ardyn. In its depths, she saw where Rykoto dwelled. He shrank from her when she roared a great flame into the air. She drifted above the Narthvier, her eyes drawn to the wall of ShantiMari. Her dragon heart raced as she neared it and for a moment the urge to break through overwhelmed her.
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