“If no Lumpy means no Lumpkin,” said P.W., “that seems like a pretty good swap.”
“I guess,” said Leon. “But I really do want to know what happened.”
Just when it seemed as if the fate of Henry Lumpkin would never get revealed, Mr. Sparks came through yet again—this time with news of the discharged bully.
The update took place during the last lab of the year. Mr. Sparks rolled a heavy piece of equipment into class. “Get your mitts off my exhibit and take your seats,” he commanded. “We’ve got a lot of material to cover.”
“And uncover!” said P.W., eyeing the drop cloth that hid the wheeled contraption.
“How right you are!” said Mr. Sparks. And to prove the point (though not the way P.W. expected) he unbuttoned his shirt and exposed an Einstein T-shirt the fifth graders hadn’t seen. This one said E = MC2, and at the bottom, in teeny-tiny type, the famous formula was clarified:
EDUCATION = MUNCHING CHIPS, TOO!
“Cool!” said Thomas Warchowski.
“Sweet!” said Leon.
“Wicked,” said P.W.
“It is rather darling,” Antoinette Brede admitted.
“Glad you guys approve,” said Mr. Sparks, “because I had a bunch made—one for each of my champion chippers.” From under the tarp, he removed a shopping bag filled with T-shirts and handed one to each of the fifth graders.
P.W. was the last to get his. “Hey, there’s one left over,” he said, pulling the spare from the bottom of the bag. “And man oh man, it’s a monster!” He held up the T-shirt for the whole class to see.
“I could use that thing for a sleeping bag,” said Flossy Parmigiano.
“We all know who it’s for,” said Thomas Warchowski.
“Was for,” Antoinette Brede corrected.
“No,” said Mr. Sparks. “Thomas is right. I plan to mail Henry his extra-extra-large.”
“Where are you sending it?” Leon asked at once.
“To the—” Mr. Sparks stopped himself. “I was advised not to discuss the matter.”
“Come on,” P.W. pleaded. “Tell us!”
“Please, Mr. Sparks?” begged Lily-Matisse. “You can’t tease us like that. It isn’t fair. What happened to Henry Lumpkin?”
Mr. Sparks looked around. It was obvious his students were dying to know the destiny of their expelled classmate—and that three of his very favorite students were dying more than the rest.
“Well, I can tell you this much,” said Mr. Sparks. “That army jacket Henry loved so much? I’m pretty sure it will come in very handy.”
“Military school?” P.W. exclaimed.
“I will neither confirm nor deny that hypothesis,” said Mr. Sparks, saluting P.W. and adding a little wink.
As oohs spread through the room, Mr. Sparks glanced over at the potatoes. “Oh, my, look at the time. I better speed things up.”
Leon knew a hint when he heard one. “Does that gizmo under the tarp have something to do with cars?”
“It does indeed,” said Mr. Sparks. “Henry Lumpkin isn’t the only one who can end the year with a bang. Now, without further ado…”
He whipped off the drop cloth. “Behold the Chipmobile!” he proclaimed.
“What in the—” P.W. was so dazzled he couldn’t finish his thought.
“It looks like … like a go-cart with, with a fire extinguisher stuck on the back!” Thomas Warchowski stammered.
“You’re not far off the mark,” said Mr. Sparks. “However, that ‘extinguisher’ is actually a power pack of pressurized potato distillate.” He saw at once that his description confused the class.
“Think of it as a chemical mixture that’s halfway between rocket fuel and rubbing alcohol,” Mr. Sparks explained. “I had hoped to use the stuff during Parents’ Night—to explore the principles of combustion. But I never got the chance. After I saw all the wonderful potato chip exhibits at the science fair, I modified the application for use with the Chipmobile. Since I started the year with sparks, it seemed only logical to end the year the same way. Antoinette, would you kindly clear the flight path?”
“Excuse me?”
“Open the door,” said Mr. Sparks as he strapped a bicycle helmet onto his head and twisted two spongy earplugs into his ears. “Remember,” he shouted, “never try this kind of experiment without proper supervision!” He slipped a pair of safety goggles over his eyes and belted himself into the vehicle’s curved yellow seat.
The class closed in on the Chipmobile.
“Okay, you guys,” Mr. Sparks called out. “Back behind the benches. I’m not blasting off until the flight deck is safe!”
Once the class retreated, Mr. Sparks pulled a metal safety ring from the pressurized tank and gripped a handle duct-taped to the front of the Chipmobile. He gave the thumbs-up, which every student returned.
“And now for my science project,” he declared joyfully. “‘The Observation of Sparks in Motion’!”
He squeezed the handle.
All of a sudden, there was a giant whoosh!
The spud engine zipped past the potato clocks, past the foil bag kites, past the wrinkled gazes of Professor Spud (who now had more “eyes” than body). It zipped past the chip classification chart. Past the specimen case protecting the Golden Champion Chip Medal of Honor. Finally it whizzed through the doors of the science lab, leaving Leon, P.W., Lily-Matisse, and the rest of the cheering fifth graders in a haze that smelled of potato.
When Leon got home that afternoon, he knew something was up. Napoleon accompanied him into the lobby. Maria, Frau Haffenreffer, and Emma Zeisel were all lying in wait.
“You’re looking pretty darn chipper in that Einstein T-shirt, sweetie,” said Leon’s mom.
“Not as chipper as I was when I saw Mr. Sparks cruise out of class in his Chipmobile!” Leon described the extraordinary exit of his extraordinary teacher.
“That does sound pretty terrific,” Emma Zeisel admitted. “But I think we have something that will make you even chipperer.”
“I doubt it,” said Leon.
The three women and Napoleon started to laugh.
“Okay,” said Leon. “I’ll bite.”
“You certainly will,” said Emma Zeisel. “Once you open your package.”
“Package?” said Leon.
“Package,” his mother confirmed. “Follow me.” She marched her son past the lobby signboard, which now read:
Emma Zeisel ducked into the back office and returned with a giant carton.
Leon looked it over. “It’s from the ASPCA!” he exclaimed. “See? It’s got the official seal and motto stamped all across it.” He tore open the box and attacked the gift-wrapped package inside.
“Hold it,” his mother scolded mildly, pointing to an envelope taped to the wrapping paper. “Always read the note first, sweetie.”
“But—”
“Your mother is right, Leonito!” said Maria.
Napoleon nodded gravely.
“Ja,” said Frau Haffenreffer. “You heard your mother, you little stinker.”
Leon put the gift aside and read the card out loud:
“Now can I see what’s inside?”
“Go for it,” said Emma Zeisel.
Leon ripped through the gift wrap. “Rhode Island Monk Chips!” he exclaimed. “You know what this means? It means I’ve completed New England!”
“See,” said Emma Zeisel. “Now don’t you feel chipperer?”
“Nope,” said Leon. “I feel a lot better than that. I feel—” Leon stopped himself. “Hold on.” He whispered to Napoleon, who nodded and dashed through the lobby.
A moment later the cabby was back, with the item Leon had requested.
“Like I was saying,” said Leon. “I feel a whole lot better than chipper.” He held up his handmade moodometer and nudged the arrow on the dial from PINS AND NEEDLES to PRETTY GOOD to CHIPPER. He kept on nudging, pushing beyond CHIPPER to GREAT!, beyond GREAT! to PUMPED!, and beyond PUMPED! to the very highest re
ading on the cardboard dial: JAZZED!
About the Author
Allen Kurzweil is the author of LEON AND THE SPITTING IMAGE, as well as two novels for adult readers, A CASE OF CURIOSITIES and THE GRAND COMPLICATION. He lives with his wife and son in Providence, Rhode Island.
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Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locales are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used to advance the fictional narrative. All other characters, and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real.
Leon and the Champion Chip
Copyright © 2005 by Allen Kurzweil
Illustrations copyright © 2005 by Bret Bertholf
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub Edition © JANUARY 2011
ISBN: 978-0-062-03396-3
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kurzweil, Allen.
Leon and the champion chip / by Allen Kurzweil.
p. cm.
“Greenwillow Books.”
Summary: Employing scientific methods learned in Mr. Sparks’s class, fifth-grader Leon competes in a potato chip tasting contest and takes revenge against Lumpkin the bully.
ISBN: 978-0-06-053933-7 (trade)
ISBN: 978-0-06-053934-4 (lib. bdg.)
ISBN: 978-0-06-053935-1 (pbk.)
[1. Potato Chips—Fiction. 2. Bullies—Fiction. 3. Science—
Methodology—Fiction. 4. Teachers—Fiction. 5. Schools—Fiction. 6. Humorous stories.] I. Bertholf, Bret, ill. II. Title.
PZ7.K96288 Ldt 2005 2005000362
[Fic]—dc22
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