“That’s because I know it’s the truth.” Jane put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. “I have to go—Emily’s in the car, and obviously I need a shower—but if you need anything, just call me, okay?”
“Thanks, Jane.”
Her friend stood. “You know, Lila, you can talk to God about all this stuff. I mean, He’ll listen.”
Lila nodded and watched Jane leave. But in the quiet of the sanctuary, with its high ceilings and pictures of Jesus, she felt overwhelmed again at the idea of asking the air for help.
A deep breath in and Lila tried to find words—words that sounded worthy of a conversation with God—but she came up with nothing.
“I’m a mess,” she said out loud. The quiet suddenly comforted rather than taunted, and Lila found the strength to continue. “I’m a mess, God, but I guess You already know that.”
Lila tossed a look over her shoulder to make sure she really was alone.
“I don’t know what else to do, but I’m mad at Mama and I’m mad at Daddy and I’m mad at Charlotte and if I really thought about it, I’d be mad at Tom all over again.”
Her anger writhed inside her, balled up in a knot the way she’d been taught to carry it. Hidden away so no one could see. “Nobody wants to see the ugly side of you, Lila,” Mama had told her. “That’s the part you save for yourself unless you want to end up old and alone.”
Lila sat for a long moment and then finally stood. How ridiculous. What did she think—a booming voice would speak back to her? Why had she even come here? How did she expect to find answers in an empty building?
She rushed to the car, embarrassed. A paper tucked underneath the windshield wiper of her car flapped in the cold wind.
Lila pulled it out, got in the car.
She opened the folded sheet and saw Jane’s handwritten words scrawled on the page.
Lila, I thought of this when I got in the car. It’s helped me through so much. I thought it might do the same for you.
Love, Jane
Lila glanced underneath Jane’s note and saw a Bible verse written—no doubt from memory.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” —Colossians 13:12 –13
The words leapted off the page. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Lila shook her head. How could she forgive them? Any of them? Jane was a fool to think she ever could. Or maybe Lila was the fool. Maybe she’d fooled herself into believing she’d forgiven Tom, but maybe she hadn’t. Mama had managed to open old wounds, and Lila had to admit—his betrayal still hurt.
And discovering the truth about Mama, about her father, about Charlotte . . .
No, Lila didn’t want to forgive them. Any of them.
She read the verses again and as she did, her mind thought about the same part. It said the Lord forgave her, but what had she done? She’d never hurt anyone the way other people had hurt her.
As soon as the thought popped into her head, Lila remembered Patton Gallagher—the man who’d caught her eye when she thought she was getting divorced.
Not putting an end to his flirtation had surely caused Tom pain. And Suzanne—the friend she’d claimed to love. Rather than embracing her when she turned up pregnant at seventeen, Lila had turned her back on her. She’d never spoken to her again after that, and while she claimed to be hurt by Suzanne’s leaving, the truth was, Lila had been in shock that one of her friends had gotten pregnant when she was still in high school. She’d been so judgmental, so critical. Not just of Suzanne—of everyone. She’d been mean and unkind.
Had God forgiven her those sins?
She’d never asked.
Her mouth went dry and Lila forced herself to swallow. “I’m sorry,” she said to the empty car. “I’m so sorry.”
And for the first time in her life, she meant it.
And she wanted to be forgiven.
And she wanted to forgive. The only question was—how?
Adele
Adele rolled out the sugar cookie dough, and for the first time in as long as she could remember, she didn’t find any joy in it. She missed Henry already. She hadn’t seen him in a few days, and he’d made no attempt to reach her. Without thinking, Adele grabbed a kitchen towel and walked toward the blasted computer only to find out that, as she suspected, he hadn’t written.
It didn’t seem fair, really. Why should she find him after all these years only to lose him again?
But just because they couldn’t get married, did that mean they couldn’t still be friends? That’s all they’d been doing, really—keeping each other company. Adele didn’t see why that had to end simply because she refused to move to Grand Falls.
She returned to her cookie cutters, cutting out bells and stars and holly leaves one by one.
As she worked, she heard the front door open. She wasn’t expecting company.
“Hello?” Adele wiped her hands on her apron and walked into the entryway, where she found Henry standing there, looking a little surprised himself.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should’ve knocked.”
Adele’s breath caught in her throat. “What are you doing here?”
Henry closed the door, a chill whipping through the house. He stood for a moment, staring at her. “I went back to Grand Falls, to my house and my old friends, but . . .” He looked away.
“But . . .”
“I had to come back.” He met her eyes.
The oven beeped. “I’ve got to get my cookies.”
He nodded. “Of course.”
She didn’t want to leave, but the buzzer wouldn’t quit until she turned it off. “My grandkids are coming over later to decorate them with me.”
Henry followed her into the kitchen. She opened the oven, aware of how her heart raced. Why couldn’t this man leave her in peace? How many times would she have to let him go?
“These aren’t ready,” Adele sighed, sticking the cookies back in and resetting the timer. “They just need another minute.”
Henry stood across the room from her, holding his hat in front of him with both hands. His expression alternated between panic and sadness. It nearly broke Adele’s heart.
“I’ve been thinking. It wasn’t fair for me to ask you to move to Grand Falls and not to offer to move here.”
She met his eyes.
“I could sell my house.”
Adele shook her head. “What if you hate it here?”
He took a step closer.
“I won’t hate it here. How could I? I’ll be with you.”
She held his gaze for a long moment.
“Adele, we’re good together, you and me.”
“I know, but we’re old and set in our ways.”
“Yes, and you’re stubborn.”
She eyed him. “As are you.”
“But I’m handsome.” He grinned. “If you don’t have to leave Sweethaven, don’t you want to be with me?”
She did—more than anything—but she’d given up being impulsive years ago.
“I love you, Adele.”
Her heart warmed. Maybe she was that same girl from years ago.
“And I think you love me.”
She nodded.
“So let’s do this. Let’s get married.”
Adele took a deep breath, willing her wobbly stomach to settle down. “This is crazy.”
He grinned and pulled her closer to him. “This is love.”
Jane
Jane trudged out to her car in the grocery store parking lot, her body temperature still elevated from the gym, loving the way the cool air felt on her face. She put her groceries in the backseat, and as she glanced up, she noticed Graham’s car parked at the café. She loaded the groceries into the back of the van and walked across the street, but as she approached, she spotted her husband through the window�
��and he wasn’t alone.
Jane gasped when she realized Lori stood beside his table with a wide, flirty smile on her face. In spite of the cold, Lori’s shirt dipped down to reveal ample cleavage, and her jeans were tighter than shrink-wrap.
“Jane, I thought that was you.” Campbell’s cheerful voice pulled Jane’s attention, but her stomach turned. What was Graham doing talking to that woman?
Campbell frowned. “Are you okay? You look pale as a ghost.”
Jane shook her head. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Campbell peeked into the café window, then moved back out of sight. “Who is she?”
“My worst nightmare. She used to make fun of me when I was a kid. She’s the one who told me my butt was as big as the Empire State Building.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“I didn’t say she was smart.” She looked away. “But she is skinny. And pretty.”
“Don’t be too generous. There’s a difference between the two.”
“What do you mean?” Jane met her eyes.
“Just because someone’s skinny doesn’t mean she’s pretty. Especially when she’s ugly on the inside. If this woman is flirting with Graham, then she’s ugly.”
Jane sighed. “I appreciate the sentiment.” She remembered the way Lori had looked at Graham back at the church service. She’d probably been waiting for her chance to pounce on him ever since. In Lori’s mind, someone like Jane didn’t deserve someone like Graham.
And maybe she was right.
“Come with me,” Campbell said, linking her arm through Jane’s.
“Where?”
“Are you going to just stand out here, hiding around the corner? This isn’t high school, Jane. You’re the wife.”
Jane hadn’t thought of it that way. She rushed around the back with Campbell and they went into the café by way of the kitchen. Everyone waved hello to them as they passed through as if it were perfectly normal for them to be there.
“Why’d we come in this way?” Jane asked as they reached the door to the restaurant.
“Don’t you want to know what she’s saying?”
Jane’s heart kicked up. Maybe not. Worse, she didn’t know if she wanted to hear what Graham was saying. Her husband was the epitome of loyal, but he was still a man. And if a woman practically offered herself to him, how would he refuse? How would any man?
They peeked through the windows at the top of the swinging doors that separated the main floor from the kitchen. “I don’t know about this,” Jane said.
Campbell stared out the window. “What nerve.”
Jane glanced back just as Lori reached down and touched Graham’s shoulder. She waited for a split second as he said something to her. Before Lori could respond, Jane pushed open the door and marched toward the table where she stood between them, forcing Lori to take a few steps away.
“Lori, I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work.”
The woman tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jane.”
Jane narrowed her eyes and forced her voice to steady, reminding herself people could see her. “I’m talking about your thinking you can waltz in here in your tight jeans and your tiny shirt and flaunt yourself in front of my husband. I know what you are, Lori, a miserable woman who makes herself feel better by taking things from other people.”
Lori gasped.
Jane stayed calm. “And you do it in such a way that you can deny it later. It’s time to grow up and get a life of your own.”
Lori set her jaw and squared her shoulders. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Just stay away from my husband. In our world, marriage means something.”
It was harsh, and she’d have to repent for it, but it was a confrontation that was years in the making, and it had come out of a strong need to protect her marriage—she couldn’t apologize for being passionate about that. She’d almost lost Graham after Alex died. She swore she’d never put her marriage in jeopardy again.
Lori turned and stormed off, apparently dumbfounded, and Jane sat down across from her husband, suddenly embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she said.
Graham raised an eyebrow. “Bet that felt good.”
She leaned forward. “Better than it should’ve. I am a pastor’s wife.”
“So that means you can’t speak your mind?”
Another reason she loved him. He never put labels or stereotypes on her. “It wasn’t the most Christian thing to say.”
“Especially since she was talking to me about the coffee here.” He took a drink.
“Today it’s the coffee, tomorrow it’ll be how beautiful your eyes are and what strong hands you have.”
He smiled. “My eyes are beautiful?”
Jane laughed. “Everyone loves your eyes, Graham.”
“Yeah, well, my eyes love you, so you have nothing to worry about.”
Jane studied him.
“What is it?”
Jane could feel her cheeks heat. “I’m not as thin or as beautiful as Lori. I can’t help but think that if someone like that wants to be with you, then why on earth do you stay with me?” She stared at her folded hands.
When she looked up, she saw Graham staring at her with a knowing look and the hint of a smile on his lips. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Jane. If you think I would ever be interested in someone like Lori, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”
“But she’s so skinny. Her hair is all long and flowing.”
Graham laughed. “I didn’t even notice.”
She eyed him.
“I saw someone who was insecure and looking for validation from a married man. Before you burst in here, I was about to tell her that I was just leaving because I had to find my beautiful wife who I hadn’t seen yet this morning.” He took her hands. “Because I missed her and I’m still crazy in love with her after all these years.”
Jane swallowed the lump in her throat. “You were not.”
“I might’ve made it sound more manly than that, but yeah, I was.” He squeezed her hand. “You know I’ve learned all the ways to handle women like her.”
“Women who flirt.”
“Yes. And who are lonely and want the stability that you have. She’s jealous of you, hon.”
Jane scoffed. “Well, that’s a first.” She’d spent her whole life wishing she had the things Lori had.
“Jane, I promise you, I’ll never do anything to hurt you. I don’t care who else comes along. You’re the one I want.”
Jane met her husband’s eyes and saw no judgment there—only unconditional love—no matter how much she weighed or what her hair looked like.
“So, I’m not a disappointment to you?”
“You’re my best friend.” Graham stood. “Why don’t you let me take you home?”
She glanced up at him and knew exactly what ran through his mind. He was a man, after all. The kids were all gone at a church event for the day and they had the house to themselves. Her husband wanted to show her how much he loved her.
And she was inclined to let him.
Lila
After talking to the owner of the house, Tom had worked out a rental agreement until their closing was final. They’d set that date for January, so in the meantime, they could move in—they just couldn’t make any major changes until the house was officially theirs.
At this point, anything was better than living at the Whitmore. If she had any sense, Lila would’ve gone back to Macon, but something kept her in Sweethaven. The magic of the holidays, maybe. Or the promise of being with her best friends.
Or the nagging thought that somehow she had to help Charlotte.
Tom pulled into the driveway of their new home and turned off the engine. “It’s almost ours.”
Lila admired the simplicity of the home. After the snowfall, it looked even more beautiful, and the views of the lake were spectacular.
“I may never go back to Georgia,” Lila said.
Tom laughed. “This cold isn’t getting to you?”
“I’m getting used to it.”
Tom led the way up the front walk and stopped when he reached the porch. “I’m glad we’re doing this,” he said. “It’s the perfect way to start a new chapter.”
“Definitely.” Lila smiled. She needed a new chapter.
Later that night, after they’d somewhat settled in, Lila watched Tom pack for his trip. He’d taken a couple of weeks off and wanted another one at Christmas, so Lila understood he had to go, but that didn’t make his leaving any easier.
“Maybe you should go stay with Adele while I’m gone,” Tom said, zipping his small suitcase closed.
She studied him in his pilot’s uniform and smiled. “Are you worried about me, Captain?”
He met her eyes. “I just hate that I have to leave you right now.”
Lila waved him off. “Are you kidding? You’d just be in the way. I’m going to have this place redecorated by the time you get back.”
Tom sat on the bed beside her. “Lila, I know you, and I know that as soon as I walk out that door you’re going to start moving furniture and hanging curtains and removing wallpaper.”
“Well, not in that order.”
“I’m serious. You need to be careful. You’re under enough stress as it is.”
She forced a smile. The truth was she wanted something to occupy her mind more than anything else. She didn’t want to question whether or not that day was the day she’d finally find it in her heart to forgive her parents for their phony life.
“Can I at least put up the Christmas tree?”
Tom stared at her. “Will you get someone to help you?”
“You worry too much.”
He kissed her and said good-bye, leaving her alone with the waning sunlight.
Hours later, Lila had finally gotten the prickly tree she and Tom had picked out the night before to stand upright in the stand. She’d strung lights and added ornaments, most of them new purchases from the Gingerbread House. She had brought a few of her favorites with her from home. She removed them from their careful packaging one by one, each with its own story, memories attached like a price tag to a new dress.
A Sweethaven Christmas Page 22
